Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

freudiangirl

I am in tv area now.... If I was at home I wouldn't be on my own in room..

I am just sitting out but still wide awake. I know I will cause myself more damage if I go into room in my current hyper alert state.
The nurses on tonight will not be sympathetic me if I 1) tell them I can't go into room
And 2) that I have self harmed again today and didn't talk to them.

Thing is I am not even drowsy after taking meds. This is 3rd/4th time this week I can't sleep.


I am in a I feel nothing but physical pain humour tbh.
Just know my mind will be I overdrive if I go to room.

Gremlinertia

All I can offer is to keep chatting here or via pm if you like.. I'll be with you barring any weird happenings at work..

freudiangirl

Gremlinertia wrote: »

All I can offer is to keep chatting here or via pm if you like.. I'll be with you barring any weird happenings at work..

Thanks just told nurse I can't go into my room. Her reply shut put on TV and stay out here for a while.

Surely sleep is a necessity

Gremlinertia

Maybe she mistook you for not being able to sleep as opposed to the room?. If that's the case hopefully she'll be around again in a while and see if she can get you something to help..

freudiangirl

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Maybe she mistook you for not being able to sleep as opposed to the room?. If that's the case hopefully she'll be around again in a while and see if she can get you something to help..

I told her the room is closing in on me. I corrected her when she asked "can't you sleep?"

I have taken my meds so doubt they will kick in this late. So sick of feeling this way, it's been like this since before bank holiday weekend, I asked to be moved to different room but my registrars were against it.
It's just the fact I keep self harming.

Gremlinertia

Damn it, was hoping it was crossed wires about the sleep thing. I suppose I can kinda see the reason for them preventing the room change, but it's so so horrible being left with your thoughts, doesn't mental illness sometimes seem like it the ultimate in self sabotage?. Ugh.

scrimshanker

Ugh, wide awake. So much for sleep hygiene

Gremlinertia

Ouch Scrim, since I try the same thing I know it can be fierce annoying when things go to plan but it still doesn't work.. Hope you catch up later.

carzony

Gremlinertia wrote: »

The social welfare have a medical referee system, it's a patchy service to say the least.

The social welfare themselves reccomended my neighbour to go on a disability payment because he has been an alcoholic for the past 15 years. He got forms signed by his gp saying he has a problem, a letter from the social welfare reccomending him and he was still rejected and currently on his last appeal. Just looking at him you can tell he has been a drinker most of his life.

Crazy system!!

I believe, back in the celtic tiger years they would request a letter from your doctor and you'd get your disability payment no bother :eek:.

Gremlinertia

My claim went forward twice in 02 and 03 as recommended by welfare but absolutely no go.. Seems more like a lottery than anything else..

veganrun

Had a bad spell this morning. Didn't sleep well, felt very stressed. Got to the train station and I was like "f*** this s***, I'm sick of this already".

Got on the train anyway and got off at the end and as I was walking to work I was like "ugh, I've had enough of this".

Felt very down. There other two jobs I was offered are now filled, and the place I preferred sounds like they won't be hiring for a while.

There's one more possible option but I don't know if that will come off.

I'm sitting here wondering what the hell is wrong with me and am I just too picky or spoilt or something.

Gremlinertia

Well done on making it there, not sure i could have left the house like that..

veganrun

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Well done on making it there, not sure i could have left the house like that..

Yeah I guess. I suppose the only good point I that I am still getting up and going to work.

Looks like they have changed my manager too so now its the guy who wants us to travel, he's aware of my reluctance as he is the one I was talking to last week about it.

I just never seem that happy these days, or for the past few years and I don't know why. I'm just a bit meh about a lot of things. I never feel like I fully relax and it doesn't take too long for me to start worrying about something else if i do feel a bit happy or relaxed.

I don't know if I'm just thinking too much or what. I'm always uncertain about everything and have zero confidence.

carzony

Must be a genetic thing..

My brother came down this morning shaking, getting sick and walking up and down like a caged animal. He said he was up all night with the feeling of 'terror' and 'panic' he is also suffering from anxiety it seems.

Be interesting to see what the counseller and gp says about it later...

alaskayoung

Rang my psych nurse this morning to tell her what happened over the weekend but it turns out my pdoc is on leave for the next 2 weeks. She spoke to the other pdoc covering her job who said that he couldn't see how it was the medication that caused it and that this might have happened me anyway. He was suggesting that I was bipolar and that he wouldn't change anything med wise until my my own pdoc came back. She just started asking me then if I hadn't done my breathing exercises and if I was sure I hadn't been drinking. She was acting like she didn't really believe me and that I was being melodramatic even though my pdoc told me when she put me on it to contact her immediately of this showed signs of happening and I was completely manic.
She was so patronising, told me I wouldn't be getting anymore Valium off them and if I wanted to ignore her advice and come off Cymbalta that was up to me. I asked her if she's expecting me to just wait around for the next 2 weeks like this and she just said if it keeps up I'm free to go back to the gp and get Valium off him but that they wouldn't be prescribing me any. She was treating me like I was doing something wrong by taking it even though I've just been following the instructions of the Dr I saw yesterday. I am so done with meeting her. She made me feel so stupid like I was just being a drama queen over being a little over anxious even though this whole weekend has been a nightmare and I don't even suffer from anxiety. The pdoc doesn't even know me or didn't have my file so was just making that decision from what she decided to tell him. I am so done with her. I get absolutely nothing from our meetings. She already made me feel like sh*t last week about my eating disorder and just treats me like a clueless incompetent child. She said she might meet me during the week but I'm gonna tell her I have no intention of going. I see enough different people, I don't need her. She does nothing for me, just makes me feel bad about myself. I'm so upset about it and don't know what to do now until my pdoc comes back. I might just come off it myself because I'm pretty sure that's what she'd tell me to do.

veganrun

Nice depressing listen on the radio this evening by these financial advisors saying how by your 30 or early thirties you really should be a home owner, settled with a partner etc.

How f*****g lucky for them that everything works out so perfectly.

Diamond Doll

Vacillate; now there's a great word.

These days I am vacillating between moments of bright optimistic hope for the future, interspersed with the time spent staring into the giant yawning chasm of despair and uncertainty and instability.

I'm just trying to focus on the short-term goal of packing up my life and finding somewhere to live and moving on. Moving on physically, even if I'm not yet there emotionally.

I miss my little family.

Roquentin

veganrun wrote: »

Nice depressing listen on the radio this evening by these financial advisors saying how by your 30 or early thirties you really should be a home owner, settled with a partner etc.

How f*****g lucky for them that everything works out so perfectly.

this is a source of distress for lots of people. they have their lives planned out: they will be married at a certain age and have a good career. the problem is that when they fail to accomplish these things they get distressed.

i see this a lot in real life and on this thread. people are trying to live this dream life and when they dont or cant, they become depressed.

and the solution is so simple. dont measure your worth by your ability to meet the constraints of this game. be happy to be alive. its that simple

Hugo Stiglitz

This little piggy wrote: »

Vacillate; now there's a great word.

These days I am vacillating between moments of bright optimistic hope for the future, interspersed with the time spent staring into the giant yawning chasm of despair and uncertainty and instability.

I'm just trying to focus on the short-term goal of packing up my life and finding somewhere to live and moving on. Moving on physically, even if I'm not yet there emotionally.

I miss my little family.

I'm sorry to hear that you're missing them M. *hugs*

freudiangirl

Today was crap. ...They won't move me from my bedroom and I had a grilling in dbt class . Fairly fed up now, I want to go to sleep and not wake up. I have some of my extra meds my prn since last weekend and tempted to take them as well as usual meds. Just need to get away from it all.

Just feeling awful physically and mentally.
My arm is still awfully sore and I am just totally fed up.

Gremlinertia

Bad day all round it seems here.. I'm blaming Mondayitis because basically I can't fathom why it all goes to sh1t on us sometimes. I hope that you all can cope with the barriers that have come up.. I'm on a bender of mood swings since being attacked by two friends Friday.. I have been telling myself it will pass for three solid days even when I don't believe it.. Totally exhausting to keep at it.. Hugs to you all.

alaskayoung

I know the whole "1 in 4 people experience a mental health problem in their lives" thing is supposed to make you feel better but to be honest when people tell me that it just makes me feel like crap because if this is so common why am I the only one in such a state. I must be just weak and crap at dealing with stuff if the other 1 in 4 people can keep it under control. I don't think we should all be lumped together like that. If they want to go ahead and say 1 in 4 people experience mild depression or anxiety or whatever that's fine but it kind of trivializes more severe cases in the eyes of other people. Okay I'm probably being petty but I just can't stand when that's repeated back to me.

mg1982

alaskayoung wrote: »

I know the whole "1 in 4 people experience a mental health problem in their lives" thing is supposed to make you feel better but to be honest when people tell me that it just makes me feel like crap because if this is so common why am I the only one in such a state. I must be just weak and crap at dealing with stuff if the other 1 in 4 people can keep it under control. I don't think we should all be lumped together like that. If they want to go ahead and say 1 in 4 people experience mild depression or anxiety or whatever that's fine but it kind of trivializes more severe cases in the eyes of other people. Okay I'm probably being petty but I just can't stand when that's repeated back to me.

I dont believe 1 in 4 people will suffer from chronic long term mental health conditions so that can be misleading. Of course many people will go through stages in there lives where they are in distress so its true in that sense. I know exactly what you mean when you say it trivialises it, Its like saying if your having a bad day go for a walk or be mindfull. That stuff drives me mad and i get a lot of it from the mental health services. I often wonder do they actually know what there dealing with.

freudiangirl

Just been told reassured ly that this is as bad as it can get.
I honestly don't know how much more s**t life can throw at me.

It's raining on me and doesn't seem to stop.

freudiangirl

Yet again I have self harmed on top of already self harmed areas.
I.jsut can't stop ...only 5 days of dbt left then that's it. No hope tbh.

timecurve12

mg1982 wrote: »

I dont believe 1 in 4 people will suffer from chronic long term mental health conditions so that can be misleading. Of course many people will go through stages in there lives where they are in distress so its true in that sense. I know exactly what you mean when you say it trivialises it, Its like saying if your having a bad day go for a walk or be mindfull. That stuff drives me mad and i get a lot of it from the mental health services. I often wonder do they actually know what there dealing with.

I've had similar from mh services... it's like - here's the answer to your problems, away with you. And if you don't improve with this, they say it's your own fault. They also arrogantly assume that we've never heard of these techniques before? Like I've studied mindfulness, meditation, spirituality, good diet etc, but I still have mental illnesses. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they're using mindfullness and meditation in modern western medicine but I think the key thing is empathy. I know it's hard to manufacture empathy especially when dealing with lots of patients, pressure and so on, but places like Pieta House seem to be able to manage it.

I also agree with alaska and mg that that there is a difference between having a bit of anxiety and depression (which can be normal responses or transitory) and having serious MH problems (I hate that term by the way). I wouldn't say my anxiety is severe but it has affected my life hugely, career wise, socially, education, everything. I wouldn't consider myself a weak person, just more affected by things than normal (I guess the definition of weakness, but I have other unique positive attributes too)

timecurve12

freudiangirl wrote: »

Just been told reassured ly that this is as bad as it can get.
I honestly don't know how much more s**t life can throw at me.

It's raining on me and doesn't seem to stop.

I'm really sorry for your pain fg, I don't know what to say but I relate to your posts a lot. It's really tough and it's made much harder when you feel so alone and like no one understands or empathises.

freudiangirl

timecurve12 wrote: »

I'm really sorry for your pain fg, I don't know what to say but I relate to your posts a lot. It's really tough and it's made much harder when you feel so alone and like no one understands or empathises.

It's been a while since I have felt this way tbh.
Just feeling quite low and know that nothing major is going to improve. I am now single after 11 years and need to start all over again.

For what?
The chance to be alone for rest of my life. I don't think anyone needs someone as messed up as me in their life. It will take year of therapy before I will be somewhat normal.

timecurve12

freudiangirl wrote: »

It's been a while since I have felt this way tbh.
Just feeling quite low and know that nothing major is going to improve. I am now single after 11 years and need to start all over again.

For what?
The chance to be alone for rest of my life. I don't think anyone needs someone as messed up as me in their life. It will take year of therapy before I will be somewhat normal.

Feeling the same way myself. Like I've made so many mistakes that I can never rectify the situation. That I'm messed up and will always be that way to some degree. Just realise that miraculous things do happen, so you can never know for certain things won't improve. It's just one thought, but no necessarily the truth.

Being alone isn't the worst. You can be yourself, your true self, when alone. But anyhow, you won't necessarily be alone for the rest of your life. You found someone before who liked you enough to be with you for 11 years. Don't be ashamed of needing long term therapy, I have been told I will as well. But it will most likely help you a lot, and then you can be in a better position mentally to be in a relationship again.

veganrun

I haven't been sleeping well for the past week, apart from Fri and Sat nights, no surprises why. I wake about 4 and just seem to toss and turn until its time to get up. I felt so stressed this morning I was almost doubled over. Party of me feels like I'm overreacting but when I get like this, I have to do something to alleviate the stress, make a decision etc as going on indefinitely is not an option.

I feel lost, don't know what to do. Even if I do change jobs, am I just going to feel the same way or worse somewhere else if something unexpected happens that I don't like?