Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

Gremlinertia

Vegan, who else have you discussed all this with?. I mean like a friend or doc? I think you need a real person's perspective, it's a lot easier to see things that way.

freudiangirl

timecurve12 wrote: »

Feeling the same way myself. Like I've made so many mistakes that I can never rectify the situation. That I'm messed up and will always be that way to some degree. Just realise that miraculous things do happen, so you can never know for certain things won't improve. It's just one thought, but no necessarily the truth.

Being alone isn't the worst. You can be yourself, your true self, when alone. But anyhow, you won't necessarily be alone for the rest of your life. You found someone before who liked you enough to be with you for 11 years. Don't be ashamed of needing long term therapy, I have been told I will as well. But it will most likely help you a lot, and then you can be in a better position mentally to be in a relationship again.

I don't know tbh.
Me being alone is a dangerous prospect as when I am alone I engage in a lot of self harm behaviours. Some that were nearly fatal.

Maybe I will just become a recluse and just hide away.

Diamond Doll

FG it might sound weird, but this break-up might be the best thing ever for you.

I've been told constantly by the doctors and the counsellors that my partner had been enabling my self-destructive behaviour for a long time. I always argued that with them, saying that he was just doing his best to do the right thing by his partner and child. But in hindsight, I can see things from their perspective. He certainly never set out to damage me in any way, but his inaction perpetuated a cycle that was only getting worse. If only he'd taken action a LOT sooner, it would probably have been the kick up the arse I needed to start getting better. Not that I'd blame him in the slightest. Things got so bad in the end that he had to leave, but I guess it's just sad that our relationship and family might have been saved if he hadn't allowed things to deteriorate as badly as they did, before finally leaving me when I was at rock bottom.

And I guess the way I feel now is that - well, this is the low point of my life - things can only get better from here. His departure has given me a new positive outlook on life. Yeah I still get anxious and panicked and depressed, sometimes, but I'm no longer using him as an emotional crutch or as a metaphorical punching bag. I've no choice but to take control of my life again - it's basically sink or swim time, no one else is going to do it but me.

You might feel like you've been stuck in a downward spiral for a long time, with nothing changing - maybe try to see this as the opportunity to break out of that spiral and to change your usual behaviours and coping mechanisms? I know myself that sometimes learning to cope can feel like you're just going through the motions at times, but that's what I'm doing at the moment, and I'm starting to get glimpses of the old me coming back again.

Having met you, you seem like a really nice cool person with a lot going for you. Hope things get better for you soon xx

veganrun

I spoke to one of my sisters. She said to wait and see what happens around the travelling then decide what to do.

Anyway I've kind of stumbled across a new interest/hobby that I'm going to look into.

timecurve12

freudiangirl wrote: »

I don't know tbh.
Me being alone is a dangerous prospect as when I am alone I engage in a lot of self harm behaviours. Some that were nearly fatal.

Maybe I will just become a recluse and just hide away.

Can I ask why being alone triggers self harm? Honestly, I really empathise why you (I have BPD) but maybe this is something you need to face head on, with support, you don't have to feel afraid of being alone forever. Hiding away can be good in the short term but can be damaging in the long run, trust me I know.

Euphoria Intensifies

Sounds cool veganrun - what is the new hobby?

Freudiangirl - you are so strong to be still here fighting with all the pain you're in. Keep going, you can get through this xx

alaskayoung - any chance you could ask to swap to a different nurse? Maybe have a chat with the pdoc when they're back from hols about it. I hope things go okay until then.

Iseedeadpixels

Feck didn't get a internal job interview today due to other applicants being better suited......funny how I am the most experienced person in my office for a part of the role, ill have to join the clique and flirt with the bosses more.....gonna be tough to do that being a male :pac: Feel worthless now though, Ive had 3 roles in nearly 3 years and my stats are through the roof, I honestly hate the working culture here no rewards for hard work.

Hugo Stiglitz

Iseedeadpixels wrote: »

Feck didn't get a internal job interview today due to other applicants being better suited......funny how I am the most experienced person in my office for a part of the role, ill have to join the clique and flirt with the bosses more.....gonna be tough to do that being a male :pac: Feel worthless now though, Ive had 3 roles in nearly 3 years and my stats are through the roof, I honestly hate the working culture here no rewards for hard work.

Sorry to hear that ISDP. Sometimes it is all about the clique unfortunately.

alaskayoung

"You'll find that it will be necessary to let some things go, simply for the reason that they are heavy".

I like that.

Iseedeadpixels

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Sorry to hear that ISDP. Sometimes it is all about the clique unfortunately.

Thanks especially in this job!

Hugo Stiglitz

Iseedeadpixels wrote: »

Thanks especially in this job!

I know your pain all too well, brother!

masonchat

Hi all, i have been a lurker for awhile , hope everyone is feeling well.

My story , i had a bad breakdown in november which was followed by a long and very nasty Psychotic break.
I ended up being taken to hospital in handcuffs, i cant begin to describe how out of my mind i was, i was very ill indeed.

I spent the next few months in and out of hospital, i had post traumatic stress disorder after the psychotic break as well as the most severe anxiety and panic attacks you can imagine, my biggest fear is having another psychotic break .

Im not sure i will ever truely be the same person again.

I havent had a panic attack in months and the anxiety has come way down so i am improving , but it is slow going, and every day feels like a struggle.

My diagnosis is most likely BPD , which i think i have been suffering with on and off most of my life , i made such a mess of my life it is hard to see light and the end of the tunnel.

Roquentin

when people say BPD are they bipolar or borderline?

alaskayoung

Roquentin wrote: »

when people say BPD are they bipolar or borderline?

Borderline.

freudiangirl

Hey all
Thanks for replies.
Spent day in bed. Had some extra meds left over from weekend so took them during day so I could sleep.
Just feeling awful. Haven't eaten since Sunday properly.

I just keep on thinking I wish I had suceed last year. Then no more pain.

Diamond Doll

Does anyone else ever get panic attacks in the form of deja vu?

This used to happen me at least daily when I was on maternity leave, when my anxiety was at it's worst. It had stopped for well over a year, but now that I'm pretty bad again, it's happened me twice in the past week.

Both times, I wasn't particularly stressed or anxious, and nothing triggered it. It's literally like, I could be standing, sitting, doing anything. And suddenly my mind is swept away and flooded with memories. Even as it's happening, I'll stay walking or standing. Sometimes I'll walk somewhere else and sit down. The whole episode only lasts about 30 seconds, and the whole time my "real" self is telling my brain to try to remember what the memories are. But seconds after it ends, I've forgotten already. They don't seem to be traumatic memories, at all, but it's hard to say whether they are or not when I can't remember what they were even immediately afterwards. I tend to feel a bit woozy and disorientated for a couple of minutes afterwards, but then I'm grand. It's just scary how they come on out of nowhere.

I'm beginning to wonder are they panic attacks, or is there something actually wrong in my brain? I've a GP appointment tomorrow so I'll bring it up then, but it's so hard to describe them.

alaskayoung

masonchat wrote: »

Hi all, i have been a lurker for awhile , hope everyone is feeling well.

My story , i had a bad breakdown in november which was followed by a long and very nasty Psychotic break.
I ended up being taken to hospital in handcuffs, i cant begin to describe how out of my mind i was, i was very ill indeed.

I spent the next few months in and out of hospital, i had post traumatic stress disorder after the psychotic break as well as the most severe anxiety and panic attacks you can imagine, my biggest fear is having another psychotic break .

Im not sure i will ever truely be the same person again.

I havent had a panic attack in months and the anxiety has come way down so i am improving , but it is slow going, and every day feels like a struggle.

My diagnosis is most likely BPD , which i think i have been suffering with on and off most of my life , i made such a mess of my life it is hard to see light and the end of the tunnel.

Welcome to the forum masonchat Sounds like you've had a pretty rough few months, I'm sorry you've had to go through that. There are some really great and supportive people here if you ever need to talk. Quite a few of us with BPD here too so I'm sure we can all relate somewhat to eachother in what each of us are going through! Hope you stick around, even if none of us know what to say sometimes, we'll all be here to listen x

Diamond Doll

masonchat wrote: »

Hi all, i have been a lurker for awhile , hope everyone is feeling well.

My story , i had a bad breakdown in november which was followed by a long and very nasty Psychotic break.
I ended up being taken to hospital in handcuffs, i cant begin to describe how out of my mind i was, i was very ill indeed.

I spent the next few months in and out of hospital, i had post traumatic stress disorder after the psychotic break as well as the most severe anxiety and panic attacks you can imagine, my biggest fear is having another psychotic break .

Im not sure i will ever truely be the same person again.

I havent had a panic attack in months and the anxiety has come way down so i am improving , but it is slow going, and every day feels like a struggle.

My diagnosis is most likely BPD , which i think i have been suffering with on and off most of my life , i made such a mess of my life it is hard to see light and the end of the tunnel.

Your story sounds a lot like mine. I've never actually heard the phrase "psychotic break" before, but I can recognise a lot of me in what you've posted there.

I hope all goes well for you in the future. I really get how hard it is to look at the destruction I've left behind me and try to find a way to go forward. We'll all get there though ... hopefully.

veganrun

Euphoria Intensifies wrote: »

Sounds cool veganrun - what is the new hobby?

Tinkering with cars a wee bit or at least learning more about them.

Today turned out better, got a bit more involved in stuff at work which is good. Starting to think I might be able to cope with the travel possibly but I really have no idea. It's a bit weird the way I seem to swing from one extreme to the other.

mg1982

masonchat wrote: »

Hi all, i have been a lurker for awhile , hope everyone is feeling well.

My story , i had a bad breakdown in november which was followed by a long and very nasty Psychotic break.
I ended up being taken to hospital in handcuffs, i cant begin to describe how out of my mind i was, i was very ill indeed.

I spent the next few months in and out of hospital, i had post traumatic stress disorder after the psychotic break as well as the most severe anxiety and panic attacks you can imagine, my biggest fear is having another psychotic break .

Im not sure i will ever truely be the same person again.

I havent had a panic attack in months and the anxiety has come way down so i am improving , but it is slow going, and every day feels like a struggle.

My diagnosis is most likely BPD , which i think i have been suffering with on and off most of my life , i made such a mess of my life it is hard to see light and the end of the tunnel.

Welcome to the thread. Sounds like you been through a very tough experience but hopefully your on the other side of it now. Having a full psychotic break must be scary indeed. Hopefully you can get your life back on track.

pheasant tail

This little piggy wrote: »

Does anyone else ever get panic attacks in the form of deja vu?

This used to happen me at least daily when I was on maternity leave, when my anxiety was at it's worst. It had stopped for well over a year, but now that I'm pretty bad again, it's happened me twice in the past week.

Both times, I wasn't particularly stressed or anxious, and nothing triggered it. It's literally like, I could be standing, sitting, doing anything. And suddenly my mind is swept away and flooded with memories. Even as it's happening, I'll stay walking or standing. Sometimes I'll walk somewhere else and sit down. The whole episode only lasts about 30 seconds, and the whole time my "real" self is telling my brain to try to remember what the memories are. But seconds after it ends, I've forgotten already. They don't seem to be traumatic memories, at all, but it's hard to say whether they are or not when I can't remember what they were even immediately afterwards. I tend to feel a bit woozy and disorientated for a couple of minutes afterwards, but then I'm grand. It's just scary how they come on out of nowhere.

I'm beginning to wonder are they panic attacks, or is there something actually wrong in my brain? I've a GP appointment tomorrow so I'll bring it up then, but it's so hard to describe them.

Hi Little Piggy. I can really relate to what your feeling there, I would have never referred to it as been a panic attack for me. It use to happen me very rarely, like the flood gates of bad thoughts just open for no reason, I could never really remember what was going through my mind but when I'd come around I'd be totally stuck to the spot. Mine use to be brought on if I thought I may be exposed to some danger or fear as far as I know. I don't think there's anything wrong with your brain, I think it may be related to traumatic experiences and how our brain stores and is continuously processing these thoughts and reactions. It use to happen me all the time during EMDR, and I use to be amazed at all the thoughts I use to be telling my therapist I was having during the process but could never remember it afterwards. The brain is an amazing but unfortunately very complicated thing

pheasant tail

freudiangirl wrote: »

Hey all
Thanks for replies.
Spent day in bed. Had some extra meds left over from weekend so took them during day so I could sleep.
Just feeling awful. Haven't eaten since Sunday properly.

I just keep on thinking I wish I had suceed last year. Then no more pain.

Sorry to hear things are still so rough FG, whenever I pop into the thread I'm hoping you may be seeing some light somewhere. Having you tried using Distress tolerance from your DBT when your feeling the urges to self harm? I'm assuming your doctor knows about all this, tell them you don't feel safe where you are, perhaps suggest to them to move you down to the special care unit? It may seem like a step backwards but you may feel safer down there and even if you want to self harm you wont be able too. Wean yourself of it as such...

freudiangirl

pheasant tail wrote: »

Sorry to hear things are still so rough FG, whenever I pop into the thread I'm hoping you may be seeing some light somewhere. Having you tried using Distress tolerance from your DBT when your feeling the urges to self harm? I'm assuming your doctor knows about all this, tell them you don't feel safe where you are, perhaps suggest to them to move you down to the special care unit? It may seem like a step backwards but you may feel safer down there and even if you want to self harm you wont be able too. Wean yourself of it as such...

I have asked to be moved but they won't move me.

veganrun

They brought up the travel thing again today and are talking about what dates we want to go.

Ugh, I really don't want to go. Should have known having two good days in a row was too much to ask for.

Iseedeadpixels

veganrun wrote: »

They brought up the travel thing again today and are talking about what dates we want to go.

Ugh, I really don't want to go. Should have known having two good days in a row was too much to ask for.

Can you tell them that you don't want to go ?

veganrun

Iseedeadpixels wrote: »

Can you tell them that you don't want to go ?

My manager already knows. Although I will probably need to go tell him again that this isn't an option. I don't really want to have to go into details about why eg anxiety/low mood/depression etc.

Although its leaving me feeling quite uncomfortable, like I'm being awkward or something.

Iseedeadpixels

veganrun wrote: »

My manager already knows. Although I will probably need to go tell him again that this isn't an option. I don't really want to have to go into details about why eg anxiety/low mood/depression etc.

Although its leaving me feeling quite uncomfortable, like I'm being awkward or something.

Im like that in work now but my manager was the one who told me to go seek help as his own Brother went through the same, I suppose I got lucky but still feel awkward asking for a favour if I have a bad episode.

is mise spartacus

Got my LC results, devastated is not even the word. Have slim to no chance of going to college and my depression is at the lowest low. I don't know what to do. All my friends are out celebrating but I've achieved nothing so I'm at home.
Why do I even try?

Roquentin

is mise spartacus wrote: »

Got my LC results, devastated is not even the word. Have slim to no chance of going to college and my depression is at the lowest low. I don't know what to do. All my friends are out celebrating but I've achieved nothing so I'm at home.
Why do I even try?

results arent everything

scrimshanker

is mise spartacus wrote: »

Got my LC results, devastated is not even the word. Have slim to no chance of going to college and my depression is at the lowest low. I don't know what to do. All my friends are out celebrating but I've achieved nothing so I'm at home.
Why do I even try?

The results might just be a blessing in disguise. Do you know what you want to do? Take a year to work on your mental health, consider repeating or finding another path into what you want to do. It's funny, I was just talking with my mum today about how cruel teachers are to make it out as such a big deal. It's hard to have perspective on it right now but please believe that the leaving cert really is not as big a deal as it's made out to be. Consider going out with your friends as a distraction.