Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

Roquentin

Gongoozler wrote: »

I have a lazy eye, and it seems to have had an effect on my face, as in I look kinda like I've had a stroke. My eyes and eyebrows don't match, and it even extends down my face a little. I feel so ugly when I see pictures of myself. It really gets me down. I cannot see how anyone would think I look good. I've done some work on self esteem, but the bottom line is I just think I'm ugly, so I don't see how that's ever going to change.

I started on the lexapro on friday. Felt a little better today I think. My mood was just that little bit lighter. It's a hard thing to explain. While I feel really bad because I've just looked at pictures of myself, I don't feel as bad, as in catastrophic bad. It's so hard to explain but it's like they're two unconnected things.

How do you accept you're ugly, and just try move past it? Because that's pretty much my only option. Accept what you cannot change and all that....

if one measures their esteem in being desired, they will never be happy

Gremlinertia

Roquentin wrote: »

if one measures their esteem in being desired, they will never be happy

There's honest and brutally so, be gentle..

Gong, I will guess that you've felt this way for a considerable amount of time, in which case it will take plenty of time and work to learn to accept who you are, inside and out. I'm currently getting some therapy regarding self worth and it's taking a lot for me to not scream "I'm just not fcuking worth it" at them.. Hoping that immersing myself in it will help..

schoolsucksLC

Hi

I haven't been diagnosed with anything since I have never seen a doctor about my 'issues' so I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this. Sorry if it's not.

I'm going back to school next Tuesday and I would like some advice on how to handle everything lol. School has always been terrifying for me. I freak out whenever someone tries talking to me or when the teacher asks me a question in class. Being around so many people for so many hours everyday is unbearable. In addition, I don't really have any friends and that definitely doesn't help. I feel like everybody is judging me all the time. The huge mirrors in the bathroom don't help either.

Social interaction is something that has always been a struggle for me, not just in school. It's so much easier to avoid it during the holidays though.

Any advice is welcome and greatly appreciated.

Roquentin

folks if you are going out to impress the opposite sex or whatever sex, you are approaching life the wrong way. like i said, if your self worth and self respect is tied to being wanted by someone, you are wasting your time on earth. the way around it, which you see in poorer societies is to be grateful for just being alive. it is that simple and you wont listen to me and you will call me cynical.

i was once in the same boat as you. then i gradually started to realize how fortunate i am to be alive in this universe. furthermore when you think of the suffering in this world, isis, animals locked in cages, migrants drowning etc etc. i have it real good and i dont actually have a lot. but i have my happiness which is more than most people in western countries have.

you are going to be dead in a hundred years and it will fly by, so you may as well start being grateful for being alive. the chances of life in this universe are slim. the chances of intelligent life, are even slimmer. start being grateful for being alive. but you wont listen to me

schoolsucksLC

Roquentin wrote: »

folks if you are going out to impress the opposite sex or whatever sex, you are approaching life the wrong way. like i said, if your self worth and self respect is tied to being wanted by someone, you are wasting your time on earth. the way around it, which you see in poorer societies is to be grateful for just being alive. it is that simple and you wont listen to me and you will call me cynical.

i was once in the same boat as you. then i gradually started to realize how fortunate i am to be alive in this universe. furthermore when you think of the suffering in this world, isis, animals locked in cages, migrants drowning etc etc. i have it real good and i dont actually have a lot. but i have my happiness which is more than most people in western countries have.

you are going to be dead in a hundred years and it will fly by, so you may as well start being grateful for being alive. the chances of life in this universe are slim. the chances of intelligent life, are even slimmer. start being grateful for being alive. but you wont listen to me

Easier said than done. How does one become grateful for being alive when they don't even want to be alive in the first place?

Gremlinertia

Hey there Schoolsucks, have you a guidance counsellor in your school?. If so it would be worth dropping in.. Your own gp also as both are confidential so you don't have to worry about anyone finding out. You have genuine concerns so can be confident in approaching others for support. Also welcome to the thread..

Gongoozler

Roquentin wrote: »

if one measures their esteem in being desired, they will never be happy

It's not directly about being desired, it's just about feeling ugly. And I know it leads to the desire thing, just that it's not as simple as you make out. It is part of the way I measure myself. There are many other parts to me too, but yes I generally have poor self esteem. It's not fixable by your one sentence unfortunately. I didn't grow up in a happy house, with good loving parents. So I have nothing to base my esteem on. It's like starting from scratch, only starting from scratch, as if you do as a child would be easier.

But my question was how do you stop caring about being ugly. If I had generally good self esteem ( in other ways) I expect this would be easier.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

There's honest and brutally so, be gentle..

Gong, I will guess that you've felt this way for a considerable amount of time, in which case it will take plenty of time and work to learn to accept who you are, inside and out. I'm currently getting some therapy regarding self worth and it's taking a lot for me to not scream "I'm just not fcuking worth it" at them.. Hoping that immersing myself in it will help..

I have felt this way about my looks for a while. General self esteem has been an undercurrent problem for a while.

I have done some bits on self affirmations, and positive self statements, but it's like a very very slow drip drip drip process. It's taken 6 years to get to the point I'm at now, and tbh I'm not sure it's better than then. I'm much more self aware now, as in I'm aware of the problems I have, but I'm not a whole lot closer to fixing them. I've seen, as far as I remember, 6 counsellors/ psychologists, and been on anti depressants 6 times. And I don't really feel much better off than 6 years ago. If anything maybe more miserable for the fact that I now realise how fcuked up my brain is and how increasingly impossible it seems to fix.

schoolsucksLC

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hey there Schoolsucks, have you a guidance counsellor in your school?. If so it would be worth dropping in.. Your own gp also as both are confidential so you don't have to worry about anyone finding out. You have genuine concerns so can be confident in approaching others for support. Also welcome to the thread..

Thank you.

Unfortunately it's not completely confidential since I'm underage. Apparently they are required to inform your parents.

Gremlinertia

Gong I know it seems hopeless at the minute but stay with us here, I think it's eighteen years since a concern was first raised about my mental health, took me a further ten or so before I admitted anything to myself.. Point being that there is no schedule or timeline to any of this.. I've become fairly ok with the fact that this is a maintenance illness like diabetes as opposed to a set one like a broken bone.. Keep talking.

SS, sorry didn't realise you were under age. For some reason I thought confidentiality extended to over sixteens, I'll have a look into it.. Have you an Aware group near you? A trusted friend/adult or someone to express yourself to?.

Whenever I think I'm doing better, something always seems to knock me down again. Had two hard days in work (today and Friday) and by the end of today I was so frustrated that I almost snapped!

Gremlinertia

Hey there Karsini, hope it picks up for you. Do something nice for yourself tonight. Hope the week improves for you.

alaskayoung

greenfrogs wrote: »

I find sometimes that when I am in a crowd I feel that people are looking and talking about me and saying I've a fat @ss and I'm ugly. I feel like I can't breathe and just want to leave and feel so down. It can take hours to calm down. It happened last night. It puts me off gong out.

I get the same.. Sometimes when I'm walking alone on the street or in shops it's like this wave of anxiety washes over me and I become hyperaware of everyone around me. It's weird. In one way I feel like every person I pass or glances at me is thinking how stupid I am and fat and ugly and in another I feel completely separate from every single person around, like I don't exist, almost invisible and they're all so solid and interacting and just.. different I guess. It's like we're part of two separate worlds. The more I look around and think these things the more overwhelmed I get and I just want to run away, hide myself and cry. I've gotten so panicked by the sensation before I've started crying in the middle of shops

Gongoozler wrote: »

I have a lazy eye, and it seems to have had an effect on my face, as in I look kinda like I've had a stroke. My eyes and eyebrows don't match, and it even extends down my face a little. I feel so ugly when I see pictures of myself. It really gets me down. I cannot see how anyone would think I look good. I've done some work on self esteem, but the bottom line is I just think I'm ugly, so I don't see how that's ever going to change.

I started on the lexapro on friday. Felt a little better today I think. My mood was just that little bit lighter. It's a hard thing to explain. While I feel really bad because I've just looked at pictures of myself, I don't feel as bad, as in catastrophic bad. It's so hard to explain but it's like they're two unconnected things.

How do you accept you're ugly, and just try move past it? Because that's pretty much my only option. Accept what you cannot change and all that....

The last day in DBT we were discussing quite a bit about the disaccord that can exist between what we believe to be true and what is actually true. Sometimes we are reacting to things we believe rather than actual fact. It's true that you might believe you are ugly but that doesn't mean anyone else thinks that either. We are our own worst critics. I don't think you have to accept that you are ugly, because I really doubt it's true, but you do have to accept that you are the way you are because unfortunately for all of us that's what we're stuck with. Maybe instead when you look in the mirror, instead of hyperfocusing on all of your features that you do not like, try to pick out a few that you do. I know it's a lot easier said than done but if you keep swapping your negative thoughts for positive ones maybe one day they'll be your automatic ones instead.

In relation to having lazy eye, I can guarantee you that no one else will ever notice that half as much you do, if at all. A few weeks ago I noticed that I had a tiny mole in the middle of my forehead. I don't know if it's always been there but I suddenly became aware of it and every time I looked in the mirror, I swear it grew and grew and grew. After awhile every time I caught sight of the reflection of myself it's all I saw. It might as well have covered my entire face. I started imagining that everyone could see it, that they all that I was hideous because of it, that it was taking over my face. Humiliated, I mentioned it to someone a few days ago about how self conscious I was of it and they looked genuinely absolutely bewildered. This is a person that saw me on a daily basis and they never ever even noticed it was there, never saw it before I pointed it out. I had focused on it so much that I created something really distressing that didn't really exist in the first place. Okay maybe a stupid little comparison but I'm just trying to point out that our anxiety can tell us lies, make us paranoid and believe things that aren't actually true.

Now, I totally believe that all this is true but I also know how difficult it is to change the way you think. Like I say all this but I'm a person with major body image issues and body dysmorphia but at least if you do believe the theory, you can reassure yourself a little that this could really be something you've made up in your head.

alaskayoung

schoolsucksLC wrote: »

Thank you.

Unfortunately it's not completely confidential since I'm underage. Apparently they are required to inform your parents.

Hi schoolsucksLC (yes it does), welcome to the thread

That's not true at all, don't worry! I accessed some services a year ago when I was underage and was terrified they would contact my parents but was told that they are only obliged to do that if they feel you are in immediate danger to yourself, otherwise everything you say to them is completely confidential.

There are really so many free and confidential services available for people our age if you look, regardless of what issues your facing. I don't know if you've heard of it before but the first place I ever went, absolutely (and unnecessarily) petrified I might add, was a Jigsaw in my area. They are an absolutely amazing organisation and have a walk in service for 12-25 year olds. I don't know if there's one where you live but I can guarantee you that they'll keep everything you say to themselves regardless of your age if you do decide to visit one. Now I don't know where you are in the country but there are services and people almost everywhere you can turn to if you look. I'd really encourage you to seek help as soon as you can, I know it's really scary but the longer you leave it, things can potentially just get worse and worse. It really is such a relief to finally speak to someone after keeping things to yourself for such a long time

Hugo Stiglitz

I was looking up a HSE publication on personality disorders recently. It looks like a match for a lot of my issues. As I was saying here recently, my shift would most likely would make regular attendance at HSE programmes impossible. As DBT has been mentioned both on here and in that HSE publication, I decided to look into DBT books. I came across two on Amazon that came highly rated, so I took the plunge and bought them. The books are:

Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life: How Dialectical Behavior Therapy Can Put You in Control.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bipolar Disorder: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, ... Tolerance.

Will let ye know how I get on with them.

greenfrogs

Gongoozler wrote: »

I have a lazy eye, and it seems to have had an effect on my face, as in I look kinda like I've had a stroke. My eyes and eyebrows don't match, and it even extends down my face a little. I feel so ugly when I see pictures of myself. It really gets me down. I cannot see how anyone would think I look good. I've done some work on self esteem, but the bottom line is I just think I'm ugly, so I don't see how that's ever going to change.

How do you accept you're ugly, and just try move past it? Because that's pretty much my only option. Accept what you cannot change and all that....

You have my sympathy because feeling ugly is a horrible feeling. I used think I was incredibly ugly and wanted to avoid going outside because I didn't want anyone to see me. I no longer focus so much on my looks. I am confident that I am not ugly. I used think like you, I would have to accept that I was ugly. However I have just accepted the way I look. I think my confidence in how I looked increased when my general self esteem increased. That increased when I focused on working on my social anxiety.

alaskayoung wrote: »

I get the same.. Sometimes when I'm walking alone on the street or in shops it's like this wave of anxiety washes over me and I become hyperaware of everyone around me. It's weird. In one way I feel like every person I pass or glances at me is thinking how stupid I am and fat and ugly and in another I feel completely separate from every single person around, like I don't exist, almost invisible and they're all so solid and interacting and just.. different I guess. It's like we're part of two separate worlds. The more I look around and think these things the more overwhelmed I get and I just want to run away, hide myself and cry. I've gotten so panicked by the sensation before I've started crying in the middle of shops

In relation to having lazy eye, I can guarantee you that no one else will ever notice that half as much you do, if at all. A few weeks ago I noticed that I had a tiny mole in the middle of my forehead. I don't know if it's always been there but I suddenly became aware of it and every time I looked in the mirror, I swear it grew and grew and grew. After awhile every time I caught sight of the reflection of myself it's all I saw. It might as well have covered my entire face. I started imagining that everyone could see it, that they all that I was hideous because of it, that it was taking over my face. Humiliated, I mentioned it to someone a few days ago about how self conscious I was of it and they looked genuinely absolutely bewildered. This is a person that saw me on a daily basis and they never ever even noticed it was there, never saw it before I pointed it out. I had focused on it so much that I created something really distressing that didn't really exist in the first place. Okay maybe a stupid little comparison but I'm just trying to point out that our anxiety can tell us lies, make us paranoid and believe things that aren't actually true.

You poor thing. I haven't gotten upset in public in a long time but I have been there plenty of times.

I have experienced the mole thing as well. I have a mole on my face. I am convinced that it is the first thing people see. Even looking at photos it was the thing that caught my eye. I was convinced that I would get it removed. I mentioned it to my gp and she mentioned that she hadn't noticed it and surgery would leave a scar. I have since (kinda) forgotten about it. I know it's there and I wish it wasn't but I know I have built it up in my head to something bigger than it actually is.

Gongoozler I have spent hours looking at my reflection in the mirror. I was convinced that one side of my face looked terrible as my eyebrow was sagging and there was a massive bump on my nose. I thought my face was completely unsymmetrical and everyone could see this. As Alaskayoung mentioned try to focus less on the negatives and more on your positive features. I doubt no one notices your eye as much as you do.

Hugo Stiglitz

As I'm said here before, I'm very aware of my own physical flaws. I just can't get into the mindset of accepting that this is who I am, and being content with it.

alaskayoung

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I was looking up a HSE publication on personality disorders recently. It looks like a match for a lot of my issues. As I was saying here recently, my shift would most likely would make regular attendance at HSE programmes impossible. As DBT has been mentioned both on here and in that HSE publication, I decided to look into DBT books. I came across two on Amazon that came highly rated, so I took the plunge and bought them. The books are:

Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life: How Dialectical Behavior Therapy Can Put You in Control.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bipolar Disorder: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, ... Tolerance.

Will let ye know how I get on with them.

I have the first one and find it excellent! I have yet to put the skill into practice though :P

Hugo Stiglitz

alaskayoung wrote: »

I have the first one and find it excellent! I have yet to put the skill into practice though :P

So now I have a personal approval of the book!

freudiangirl

It's really hard to accept yourself sometimes. I hate how I look as well.

Gremlinertia

Hugs to you guys.. I too have image issues, they come in and out, one of the things that gets to me badly is my teeth. I stayed out of photos for years which I regret so much now, friends that have passed away and no photos of us..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hugs to you guys.. I too have image issues, they come in and out, one of the things that gets to me badly is my teeth. I stayed out of photos for years which I regret so much now, friends that have passed away and no photos of us..

Jaysus, that's rough Grem. *hugs*

greenfrogs

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hugs to you guys.. I too have image issues, they come in and out, one of the things that gets to me badly is my teeth. I stayed out of photos for years which I regret so much now, friends that have passed away and no photos of us..

I hate getting my photo taken as well. I avoided it for years. Now I just smile and bear it. That is a shame about the photos but I am sure you have memories of them in your head. Try and focus on them. And take lots of photos now

Gremlinertia

Oh it's no more or less than anyone else here.. Regrets, I've had a few... :pac:

freudiangirl

Gongoozler wrote: »

I cannot see how anyone would think I look good. I've done some work on self esteem, but the bottom line is I just think I'm ugly, so I don't see how that's ever going to change.



How do you accept you're ugly, and just try move past it? Because that's pretty much my only option. Accept what you cannot change and all that....

I think our own self criticism is the worst form.
You are perfectly fine looking.

I am applying radical acceptance to my current situation and it's hard.
You can accept it but not.like it.

Also , people don't notice you half a much as you think they do.

Hugo Stiglitz

I tend to make a lot of fat jokes about myself. I'm not sure if it helps or not though.

mg1982

A good saying i heard is, What other people think of you is none of your business. Wish i could put it into practice though. I also hate getting m photo taken as i look awful in them. People tell me i look better in real life so it must be true.

Hugo Stiglitz

mg1982 wrote: »

A good saying i heard is, What other people think of you is none of your business. Wish i could put it into practice though.

True. It's when they let you know is the problem.

mg1982

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

True. It's when they let you know is the problem.

Its a problem then allright and i hate confrontation so its not good.

Gremlinertia

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I tend to make a lot of fat jokes about myself. I'm not sure if it helps or not though.

I too have always been a fan of taking the piss out of myself before anyone else gets the digs in.. Problem I've lately realised is that I'm very very harsh and like an anti-affirmation, if said enough times you can end up believing it.. So I've all that to unravel. Work in progress I am....

Hugo Stiglitz

mg1982 wrote: »

Its a problem then allright and i hate confrontation so its not good.

Yeah. It's never a nice experience, especially if they let you know in the form of mocking. Phuck 'em anyway!

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I too have always been a fan of taking the piss out of myself before anyone else gets the digs in.. Problem I've lately realised is that I'm very very harsh and like an anti-affirmation, if said enough times you can end up believing it.. So I've all that to unravel. Work in progress I am....

You'll get there, Grem. You come across as a strong individual, someone who has been through it all and, although scratched, has come out the other side.