Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

Call Me Jimmy

One of the key traits of an asshole is they never even ask the question 'could I be in the wrong here?'.

Gongoozler

Sorry guys if it came across like I'm being defensive, not at all. Hard to get the right message across through text all the time.

I get ya Jimmy. Not too worried about the work mate. Tbh I care very little about what she thinks or what's going to happen. I might actually get some more work done if she didn't insist on taking to me every five minutes.

I just mean I have to work out is it everyone being defensive and just a series of bad experiences or more to do with how I say things to people. This is what I need help with.

Call Me Jimmy

Gongoozler wrote: »

Sorry guys of it came across like I'm being defensive, not at all. Hard to get the right message across through text all the time.

I get ya Jimmy. Not too worried about the work mate. Tbh I care very little about what she thinks or what's going to happen. I might actually get some more work done if she didn't insist on taking to me every five minutes.

I just mean I have to work out is it everyone being defensive and just a series of bad experiences or more to do with how I say things to people. This is what I need help with.

Is it possible that people are surprised, say you placate them early on, then they are met with confrontation on an issue, it might be unexpected. Do you lose your temper all of a sudden? Let things slide for ages that grate you in small ways, suffer little things from people, then get angry? The other person doesn't remember or see all the little things that have built up to it so it's like over the top anger to them out of the blue?

fiftythree

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Gongoozler it might not be as bad as you think with the workmate. Sure she might have gotten the hump this evening that doesn't mean she'll never speak to ye again. Just keep that in mind.

And as for that bollix ****ting in the sink, jesus he can have the sink. I'd be gone, maybe I'd ask the landlord to kick him out along with a picture of it at least but if landlord wasn't going to kick him out there'd be a me-shaped hole in the front door. I understand circumstances mightnt allow it but can you make it a priority to at least start the wheels in motion to move?

totally agree jimmy, but my situation is precarious
and i can't afford to be homeless again.not strong enough to take that now.
so where i am, i am, for now.
i am looking to build a way out of here slowly.
but in the name of god why does anyone s##te in a sink.
can't get my head around that one.

Gongoozler

I very much doubt it. I curse all day long at work so definitely not unexpected there. But at the same time another colleague had described me as calm. Which is weird. I suppose to some people I could seem generally quiet and calm.

I don't know that that's it though.

CZ 453

fiftythree wrote: »

totally agree jimmy, but my situation is precarious
and i can't afford to be homeless again.not strong enough to take that now.
so where i am, i am, for now.
i am looking to build a way out of here slowly.
but in the name of god why does anyone s##te in a sink.
can't get my head around that one.

What time period are you looking at before you can get out?

fiftythree

CZ 453 wrote: »

What time period are you looking at before you can get out?

rent due on 11th so hopefully by then.

cookie24

fiftythree wrote: »

rent due on 11th so hopefully by then.

Hopefully yo can get out by then. Theres only so much you can put up with and $hit in a sink is certainly that. Good luck, hopefully a move will be quick and easy.

In other news I'm starting my lithium today. That'll be some cocktail. Lithium, valium and anafril

cookie24

Here's a great quote from a so-so movie called Assassins. It kind of fits the theme ye were discussing last night:

Once upon a time, there was this little sparrow, who while flying south for the winter froze solid and fell to the ground. And then to make matters worse the cow crapped on him, but the manure was all warm and it defrosted him. So there he is, he's warm and he's happy to be alive and he starts to sing. A cat comes along and he clears off the manure and he looks at the little bird and then he eats him.

And the moral of the story is this: everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy, and everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend, and if you're warm and happy no matter where you are you should just keep your big mouth shut.

CZ 453

cookie24 wrote: »

Here's a great quote from a so-so movie called Assassins. It kind of fits the theme ye were discussing last night:

Once upon a time, there was this little sparrow, who while flying south for the winter froze solid and fell to the ground. And then to make matters worse the cow crapped on him, but the manure was all warm and it defrosted him. So there he is, he's warm and he's happy to be alive and he starts to sing. A cat comes along and he clears off the manure and he looks at the little bird and then he eats him.

And the moral of the story is this: everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy, and everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend, and if you're warm and happy no matter where you are you should just keep your big mouth shut.

Why did the sparrow set off to go south so late? Why didn't his feathers work at keeping him warm? Why did he not die having been frozen? Why did the cows crap not freeze also? Why didn't the cat and cow freeze also? Do cats often sift through poo? If you were a cat would you eat a sparrow covered in poo?

I'm not buying this story at all! There are too many questions that need to be answered. In the off chance that this actually played out the way it did then I think the cat should almost certainly be sentenced to death.

loveisdivine

I've been having a fairly good day. But then the fear starts talking "You don't love him" "You're just lying to yourself" "You'll never be happy till you run away"

Trying really hard to not listen and remember its just fear.

CZ 453

loveisdivine wrote: »

I've been having a fairly good day. But then the fear starts talking "You don't love him" "You're just lying to yourself" "You'll never be happy till you run away"

Trying really hard to not listen and remember its just fear.

Take a look at this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTcNtgA6gHs

guitarzero

cookie24 wrote: »

I looked into these but couldn't find any that were close to me and/or was for anxiety.
I'm slightly ashamed to admit it but for a while I was considering going to the local AA meetings just to get used to talking in front of people.

What was your experience like? How many people?

But I am on the look-out for something like public speaking coaching but for people with severe anxiety.

Any ideas?

My experience was pretty weird and disappointing. Went 3 times. About 6, 7 of us there around a table. We would use the 4 step model in dealing with an issue that we want to speak about, the issue had to be something trivial, nothing heavy. Each person would address how they coped with an issue using the 4 step model: 1 - what happened 2 - the feelings that arose 3 - how they reacted 4 - how they addressed it. When they told their story the rest of us had to commend them in how they dealt with the issue using a CBT type of language, nothing too personal or casual. Then tea and biscuits. Goes on for about an hour, hour and half.

I didnt find it helpful in any sense and felt a bit horrible leaving the place, so strange. I gave it 3 attempts just to be sure, hate quitting early on things.

Give it a go, some ppl seem to find it helpful. My issue was that it seems this recovery model is really for folks who are probably very wide of the mark in how they react. An example would be "My friend was walking across the road and ignored me the other day so I thought she hated me" or "I lost my job and now I'm a failure". Ppl who make really drastically irrational conclusions would likely benefit the most.

Roquentin

Gongoozler

Am I the only one that gets irritated by people coming into threads like these just to lamp something that seems like it's meant to cure everyone of all their ails? I dunno.

CZ 453

Roquentin wrote: »

I will win the Lotto

CZ 453

Gongoozler wrote: »

Sorry guys if it came across like I'm being defensive, not at all. Hard to get the right message across through text all the time.

I get ya Jimmy. Not too worried about the work mate. Tbh I care very little about what she thinks or what's going to happen. I might actually get some more work done if she didn't insist on taking to me every five minutes.

I just mean I have to work out is it everyone being defensive and just a series of bad experiences or more to do with how I say things to people. This is what I need help with.

How did you get on with your co-worker today? All sorted?

CZ 453

fiftythree wrote: »

rent due on 11th so hopefully by then.

It can't come quick enough. Hope you had no more of those shenanigans today.

Roquentin

Gongoozler

CZ 453 wrote: »

How did you get on with your co-worker today? All sorted?

Not too bad. She's clearly pissed off with me, but she was civil and almost normal at some points. I don't actually care though, it was so much less stressful not having to talk to her all day long. I know I probably sound like a bitch, I like a chat here or there, but most of the time I'm too busy to keep talking as much as she wants, and yeah it was nice to have the break. Plus I'm quite the introvert, and I need to be left alone sometimes.

Feeling somewhat better, but tired. Didn't sleep for a good bit last night.

CZ 453

Gongoozler wrote: »

Not too bad. She's clearly pissed off with me, but she was civil and almost normal at some points. I don't actually care though, it was so much less stressful not having to talk to her all day long. I know I probably sound like a bitch, I like a chat here or there, but most of the time I'm too busy to keep talking as much as she wants, and yeah it was nice to have the break. Plus I'm quite the introvert, and I need to be left alone sometimes.

Feeling somewhat better, but tired. Didn't sleep for a good bit last night.

You got through it anyway. Fair play. A snooze tonight and you'll be laughing.

fr336

When you guys have extreme anxiety does it feel like you have these bursts of energy you just need to get out and can do through exercise or similar? All this built up stress?

Gongoozler

fr336 wrote: »

When you guys have extreme anxiety does it feel like you have these bursts of energy you just need to get out and can do through exercise or similar? All this built up stress?

I've been noticing late in the evenings I've had a lot more energy than usual. I didn't know what to attribute it to, possibly this. Hmmm. Never made the connection before. I've even been considering getting out at night for a cycle. But then I remember how lazy I truly am

fr336

Gongoozler wrote: »

I've been noticing late in the evenings I've had a lot more energy than usual. I didn't know what to attribute it to, possibly this. Hmmm. Never made the connection before. I've even been considering getting out at night for a cycle. But then I remember how lazy I truly am

What even is laziness? Is it about not doing things you don't really want to do - in the case of exercise you may want to do it, but it can hurt, be tiring etc? Yet if you wanted to do something and it didn't hurt, you'd probably do it. People seem to be called lazy when they simply don't want to do certain things...Laziness is a myth if you ask me.

End of rant

Call Me Jimmy

Nervous energy is energy all the same. Sometimes instead of trying to calm myself I go with energy. From smoking and lack of any exercise it at times feel like im made out of steel from the tension, not pleasant. It's getting to the point where it will force me to act

fr336

Well it's time we bloody got it together tbh Jimmy, some people don't have the choice to exercise or whatnot we've got to give this thing and ourselves a kick up the arse to get going.

Call Me Jimmy

too right. but not yet :P

[excuse] I need some basic things to come together. I'm only going to have one more proper go at things I think, and I'll know when I'm ready to commit. When I am it'll be 'fcuk or walk', until then I dont want to risk doing something half-heartedly, going back to the way I was and feeling bad about myself. If ye get me?

Gongoozler

fr336 wrote: »

What even is laziness? Is it about not doing things you don't really want to do - in the case of exercise you may want to do it, but it can hurt, be tiring etc? Yet if you wanted to do something and it didn't hurt, you'd probably do it. People seem to be called lazy when they simply don't want to do certain things...Laziness is a myth if you ask me.

End of rant

Well for me, with the getting out late at night, it's the cold. Often I'm too lazy to get out of bed to get chocolate. Sometimes I'll get it, obviously cause I really want it, others I won't. If that's not laziness then I don't know what is.

fr336

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

too right. but not yet :P

[excuse] I need some basic things to come together. I'm only going to have one more proper go at things I think, and I'll know when I'm ready to commit. When I am it'll be 'fcuk or walk', until then I dont want to risk doing something half-heartedly, going back to the way I was and feeling bad about myself. If ye get me?

Of course. But it really is about that cliche 'baby steps' Do lap 1, feel good enough to be motivated for lap 2. And so on. However tiny the step, do something.

fr336

Gongoozler wrote: »

Well for me, with the getting out late at night, it's the cold. Often I'm too lazy to get out of bed to get chocolate. Sometimes I'll get it, obviously cause I really want it, others I won't. If that's not laziness then I don't know what is.

Dunno, could be any number of things. Considering we're in a thread named depression, I think laziness is even more redundant.