My partner delibrately excludes me even though I ask him not to.

Grace_31

Hi I am looking for some perspective please.
I am currently in a relationship with my partner of 5 years. I have a son of 9 from a previous relationship. My partner and I fight a lot. Its gotten to the point where I feel that im not sure if its even worth it anymore, but I would like to give it my all before I just give up. When things are good they are amazing but if its bad its really bad. There doesnt seem to be a happy medium between us.

Our problems started after a year of us being together. He told me that he wanted nothing to do with my son or me any more and that I was not the right person for him (later retracting this and apologising for hurting me when he was angry). As a result I started another relationship and I admit it was wrong at the time and looking back I would have done things differently.

We slowly got to talking and got back together but it has been just manic since then. I have no problem admitting my faults and I do have them but when it come to him he wont return the courtesy.

He makes these plans with friends for holidays and doesn’t discuss them with me as I do with him before hand. Then he will just tell me he’s going and im not to ask questions about his trip, who he is going with or anything. These holidays are sometimes for 5 nights or 2 weeks or even up to 5-6 weeks.

Im not the type of partner to begrudge him having a good time I don’t need to be with him 24/7 and I make plans with my friends to go on holidays too for no longer than a period of 1 week, which I always involve and discuss with my partner before any final plans are made. I think this is normal in relationships and respectful to my partner, even though my plans don’t include him at that time I try to get him involved all the same.

I only wish that this was the way he was also. It seems that its one rule for him and another completely different rule for me. I think we are old enough to not live by rules but a little decency and respect for each other after 5 years is not to much to expect I think.
When I try to talk to him about this, we always argue. I tell him how it makes me feel and he argues. He says im trying to control him which I wouldn’t dream of as I know he has his own life, as do I. He tries to turn it around back on me and blame me for everything, saying im complaining and ruining his holidays by asking questions and not being happy for him when he decides to go away, when all I would like is for my feelings to be considered.

I trust him 100% and know that he is not cheating on me or believe that he ever would.

Sometimes after he returns and we are fine, he will then admit it was wrong and he will try not to alienate me that its not fair to me, which I accept and hope for the best. But the same thing happens again and if I remind him of what he has said im accused of bringing past arguments into the present. Im at a loss!

Am I missing something? Or is to be respected enough by my partner to discuss things in a mature manner that unreasonable?

Spear

Try the relationship issues forum instead:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1174