Jealous of boyfriend looking at other girls

Dandelion515

Hi guys,

So my problem is this, whenever my boyfriend glances at another girl I get very upset. So upset that I withdraw and become angry at him. He says he can't help it and that he just loves me and I do know that this is true and he'd do anything for me. This plays on my mind so much however that its beginning to affect our relationship. It really is a harmless glance, yet it causes me so much pain. And then I start wondering about when I'm not there, does it turn into a stare? Why am I not good enough?

As I'm typing this, I'm aware I sound like a lunatic. But I would just like to see if anyone else has had similar experiences. I know my reaction is a little OTT, most likely because I am pretty insecure at the moment, but I can't seem to control it.

Anyone have any tips, advice or experience with this? If so please do share. I'd also appreciate if people avoided hurtful statements calling me possessive or whatever, I am aware I'm a little OTT with this as I've said but its something I have no control over and as such would love to discuss.

Thanks

Penny Tration

You're not a 'little' OTT with it. That's completely over the top, not just a little.

You say that you can't control it, but you can. Instead of blaming your boyfriend when he's doing nothing wrong, you can control how you react by speaking to a GP and asking for therapysspecifically to deal with your self esteem issues.

You're passing it off as 'out of your control' and 'a little' OTT, when both are untrue.

Time to pull up the big girl pants and take some responsibility for your issues and your actions.

Dandelion515

Really no need at all for such a condescending reply green_screen.

LegacyUser

Tbh OP I think it's one of those things you just have to deal with - not been harsh but men and women do it. Do you ever see a fit bloke and stare at him? Even if it's only for a second I'd be sure you do it too! Men look at women, it is what it is.That doesn't mean he's going to leave you for a random girl he sees walking down the street.

You can't force him to not look at women so I think maybe you need to learn to chill about it!

Is he actually like seriously ogling these women or are you just catching him looking on the sly? My fella does it, I do it and it's grand! He loves me, I love him - no problem!

Tasden

You cant control how things make you feel, but you can control how you deal with the emotions. Its not fair to take it out on your boyfriend when you're being irrationally angry.

Surely you look at other men? Even just a glance? Its natural.

strobe

I think the first thing you should do if you haven't done already is to let your boyfriend know that you accept that this is your problem not his, and that you are willing to try and fix it. This kind of thing can be really unpleasant to deal with from someone so it's important you let him know you know it's not very nice for him, you're sorry and that you're trying to stop it.

Penny Tration

Dandelion515 wrote: »

Really no need at all for such a condescending reply green_screen.

I'm not trying to be condescending at all, Dandelion.

I'm trying to point out that these things are in your control. Only you have the ability to change them.

At least by having control, you can choose to change things and seek help with your self esteem.

If you truly had no control, your relationship would end up failing because of this issue.

You have the ability to fix it.

Lou.m

Dandelion515 wrote: »

Hi guys,

So my problem is this, whenever my boyfriend glances at another girl I get very upset. So upset that I withdraw and become angry at him. He says he can't help it and that he just loves me and I do know that this is true and he'd do anything for me. This plays on my mind so much however that its beginning to affect our relationship. It really is a harmless glance, yet it causes me so much pain. And then I start wondering about when I'm not there, does it turn into a stare? Why am I not good enough?

As I'm typing this, I'm aware I sound like a lunatic. But I would just like to see if anyone else has had similar experiences. I know my reaction is a little OTT, most likely because I am pretty insecure at the moment, but I can't seem to control it.

Anyone have any tips, advice or experience with this? If so please do share. I'd also appreciate if people avoided hurtful statements calling me possessive or whatever, I am aware I'm a little OTT with this as I've said but its something I have no control over and as such would love to discuss.

Thanks

You do have control over it. It is more than a little over the top. Your last statement is slightly difficult. You want opinions but you want to tie peoples hands and stop them from telling you the truth. (nicely ) And you rush to belittle a quite sane and reasonable opinion. Greenscreen is not being condescending but actually quite rational.

The reaction tells me you have a need to control conversations and make sure people tell you what you want to hear.

I think you have compulsive obsessive thoughts. Why can't you stop obsessing over it?

It is abusive and unfair to him to withdraw in anger.

I don't think your boyfriend is prompting the questions about your self esteem. I think that is a prior issue.

I have never experienced what you are going through. But it will drive him away eventually.

OP you are going to have to STOP feeling this way. Or make sure you don't react to your boyfriend negatively and just not show it and get over it.

Tell your BF you know that it's you not him and that you know it is not normal. Show him you are trying to change.

Zen65

Dandelion515 wrote: »

I'd also appreciate if people avoided hurtful statements calling me possessive or whatever, I am aware I'm a little OTT with this as I've said but its something I have no control over and as such would love to discuss.

As others have said your post does paint a picture of you over-reacting by quite a degree, rather than simply being "a little OTT". You are also quite wrong to say that you cannot control it, and holding that belief is very damaging.

There are only two possibilities; either you change something about yourself or you persuade him to change something about him.

Asking him to change won't solve your problem, because even if he changes you'll torment yourself wondering whether he only changes his behaviour when you are around. In fact if he changes it could drive a wedge between you both since you'll now suspect he's being dishonest in your company.

Changing you is relatively easy. It may require help in the form of a counsellor to assist you in getting to the bottom of your anxiety. Perhaps there have been issues in other relationships where a b/f cheated on you, or broke up with you and entered a relationship with another woman who you decided might have been very good-looking?

No matter what is on my plate in a restaurant I will always look at the meals that others have chosen and admire (or not) the meal they have chosen. That does not mean I regret having chosen the meal I picked from the menu, it simply means I appreciate how artfully the meals are presented.

It is the same for people. I do notice other women (whether they are attractive or not) and I notice other men (and yes I do compare myself to them in a manner, but not in a way that causes me to feel bad about myself). I think almost everybody does the same (because most people have an opinion about the appearance of actors, celebrities, or those guys from 1 Direction, etc)

So, simple advice . . . find help in changing your outlook and your own happiness will increase in all sorts of ways.

Niamho!

Nobody particularly likes their other half checking out somebody else, but that's life. It's your problem, not his.
It's human nature to have a gander at the opposite sex and we all do it occasionally - some of us are just more subtle than others.

He's in a relationship with you and only you. I know when I see an attractive guy it's only a fleeting thought that leaves my mind as soon as it enters!

shalalala

It is a little OTT op but I will disagree with a lot of posters here. When i have been in a relationship obviously I looked at other men but i had the respect to do it either subtly or when he wasn't around. When he did it obviously right in front of me I found it hurtful because I felt that it was a lack of respect. I never reacted that badly though. I would tell him that he had pissed me off and then that would be it.

Tasden

shalalala wrote: »

It is a little OTT op but I will disagree with a lot of posters here. When i have been in a relationship obviously I looked at other men but i had the respect to do it either subtly or when he wasn't around. When he did it obviously right in front of me I found it hurtful because I felt that it was a lack of respect. I never reacted that badly though. I would tell him that he had pissed me off and then that would be it.

Some people could find doing it "on the sly" so to speak is more disrespectful. Myself and my partner will openly comment on how attractive a person is, I openly swoon over neymar if he takes his jersey off, he will point out attractive women in the crowd, nothing at all disrespectful about it. Now if I was creeping on footballers after he had told me it hurt his feelings of course that would be disrespectful but the looking/appreciating is not disrespectful in itself imo. Depends on the type of relationship/people you are. Its all just finding something aesthetically pleasing at the end of the day.

Obviously in this case the op has expressed her feelings on the issue but at the same time the guy can hardly wear blinkers just because she has insecurities either. I would think forcing him to pretend he never looks at other people is a bit unhealthy, but thats just my opinion. Whatever works.

bee06

shalalala wrote: »

It is a little OTT op but I will disagree with a lot of posters here. When i have been in a relationship obviously I looked at other men but i had the respect to do it either subtly or when he wasn't around. When he did it obviously right in front of me I found it hurtful because I felt that it was a lack of respect. I never reacted that badly though. I would tell him that he had pissed me off and then that would be it.

Hiding it from him is more respectful that being honest about what you're doing? I don't understand that.

OP, there was a thread on here recently called "looking at people" where the OP's relationship essentially broke down because his girlfriend was so insecure and used to react badly when she thought he was looking at other girls. It might be worth a read to get perspective on what potentially could happen as a result of your insecurity.

shalalala

Tasden wrote: »

Some people could find doing it "on the sly" so to speak is more disrespectful. Myself and my partner will openly comment on how attractive a person is, I openly swoon over neymar if he takes his jersey off, he will point out attractive women in the crowd, nothing at all disrespectful about it. Now if I was creeping on footballers after he had told me it hurt his feelings of course that would be disrespectful but the looking/appreciating is not disrespectful in itself imo. Depends on the type of relationship/people you are. Its all just finding something aesthetically pleasing at the end of the day.

Obviously in this case the op has expressed her feelings on the issue but at the same time the guy can hardly wear blinkers just because she has insecurities either. I would think forcing him to pretend he never looks at other people is a bit unhealthy, but thats just my opinion. Whatever works.

TV is a bit different to openly looking at someone in the street. But that is my opinion.
i just think the OP needs to look at what makes her react so badly. She needs to work out if she feels insecure or if this is just her reacting to a greater problem in herself or in the relationship. A lot of the time an intense reaction like this about something relatively small would indicate that there is something deeper wrong in the relationship.

op you need to communicate better. Take a few deep breaths and think about WHY you feel this way. Annoyance might be normal but not that amount if ange

Tasden

shalalala wrote: »

TV is a bit different to openly looking at someone in the street. But that is my opinion.

Same goes for people on the street tbh, was just giving examples, but fair enough.
I agree with you though, the op needs to figure out why it hurts her so much because it is all just finding something/someone nice to look at, its not an indication of his feelings for op or anything.

Barely There

I think it totally depends on whether the OP's bf is doing a full-on pervy lustful ogle or just an appreciative glance.

The former is pretty disrespectful imo.

The latter is normal.

Kev2Dee

I used to be like this bit then my friend told me something...being jealous, is like worrying about leaving your house, and thinking you're gonna hit by a bus....you cant worry about things that might not ever happen...its gonna hurt you, and the relationship. Your boyfriend will always go home with you, not a random girl he looked at Yano?

stargazer 68

Barely There wrote: »

I think it totally depends on whether the OP's bf is doing a full-on pervy lustful ogle or just an appreciative glance.

.

Op has said its just a passing glance. Op Im afraid this is just something only you can control. As someone said it is very unattractive in a partner. There have been several threads on here from men and women complaining about their partners jealousy and how its causing them to rethink whether they want to be in that relationship or not!

milli milli

OP ALL guys look, it's in their nature. Even Brad Pitt looks at other women.
Women do too but I think men do it more so. (I know with myself, if I'm crazy about a guy, I don't look, because I'm so into the guy - but that's just me!)

You need to accept this, or else whoever you go out with is going to hurt you by women-gazing.

Also the fact that this guy is just making passing glances is great. An ex of mine used to do full on stares. I was very insecure in the past and his behaviour was very hurtful and I used to get upset by it.

The problem lies in your self-esteem. If you feel more secure in yourself, then the glances won't bother you.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I didn't read all the replies so apologies if it's already been said but would you go to counselling? I've been to counselling at 3 separate periods of my life and I have to say it's very beneficial and can help you to be much happier. I can't imagine you could be very happy if one glance by your boyfriend can upset you that much. Also you WILL lose him if this keeps up. If my boyfriend was sulking and getting angry whenever I glanced at a guy you wouldn't see me for dust. What's you're doing at present is abuse, you need to stop that. Get into counselling, they'll teach you how to deal with these emotions and help you to learn to feel more happy in yourself in general.

Honestly OP, counselling can sound scary but it's really just going for a chat with someone who has years of training in how you help you be happier and healthier in your head. Either way it's worth a try don't you think? Better than being abusive and losing someone you love ultimately.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I am going to go against the grain here. When I am with someone I notice nobody else. I dont look at the opposite sex and think it is disrespectful to do so.

Its like "you are mine, I am yours but hey.... but that looks interesting". Not something I would ever do to the person I am supposed to care about.

Thats just my personal take on it.

Meauldsegosha

typo30 wrote: »

I am going to go against the grain here. When I am with someone I notice nobody else. I dont look at the opposite sex and think it is disrespectful to do so.

Its like "you are mine, I am yours but hey.... but that looks interesting". Not something I would ever do to the person I am supposed to care about.

Thats just my personal take on it.

So you don't watch television/movies/DVDs or read newspapers/magazines while in a relationship. How odd!!

Big Bag of Chips

I don't think you have to go looking at others when you are in a relationship.... BUT... Unless you walk around looking at your shoes you are going to notice other people.

I'm a married woman.... I notice gorgeous girls/women all the time. I'm not naive enough to think that my husband doesn't also notice these gorgeous people! I notice good looking fellas too. I'm not necessarily "looking" or staring at them, but I am noticing them. Same way as I might notice someone with greasy hair, or a nice top!

There are very attractive people in the world (damn them!) Noticing them doesn't mean you have any desire to be with them more than your partner.

Hand on my heart I can say since I started going out with my husband the thought of wanting to be with anyone else has never crossed my mind.......

But... I walk around looking ahead of me. And I see people. All sorts of people. Some of them happen to be gorgeous.

Do you think it would be ok when your bf is out in public to glance at old men, women, groups of teens, lads his age, girls who are less pretty than average, but when a good looking girl walks past he should look at the ground?

LegacyUser

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

So you don't watch television/movies/DVDs or read newspapers/magazines while in a relationship. How odd!!

I don't think that's fair because I don't think that post is about movies or magazines. That WOULD be odd, yes.

I agree with that poster because I have a very similar problem with my boyfriend atm. I don't think it's ok for him to look at pretty women in front of me. I saw him do that once and it made me feel like ****. Like I'm not enough. Granted, it was a pretty girl he has history with, and granted, my bf likes to stir the pot around jealousy issues generally, but I just wanted to say that I wholeheartedly agree with some posters that, depending on anything from the level of intensity of the look, via the partner's form for such and similar things, to its social perception in general, it may or may not warrant being discussed in a reasonable manner.

Penny Tration

shshshshsh wrote: »

I don't think that's fair because I don't think that post is about movies or magazines. That WOULD be odd, yes.

I agree with that poster because I have a very similar problem with my boyfriend atm. I don't think it's ok for him to look at pretty women in front of me. I saw him do that once and it made me feel like ****. Like I'm not enough. Granted, it was a pretty girl he has history with, and granted, my bf likes to stir the pot around jealousy issues generally, but I just wanted to say that I wholeheartedly agree with some posters that, depending on anything from the level of intensity of the look, via the partner's form for such and similar things, to its social perception in general, it may or may not warrant being discussed in a reasonable manner.

Tbh, your situation with your boyfriend sounds very different. I'd be very unhappy with my boyfriend staring at some woman he had a history with. As for stirring things with regards jealousy, he shouldn't do that. If your jealousy is an issue for him, he should be discussing it with you. What the OP described, however, sounds like him simply noticing an attractive girl.

We don't turn blind when we're in relationships.
I love my boyfriend and to me, he's the most attractive guy I've met. But that doesn't mean I don't notice other guys. If I see a particularly hot guy, I naturally glance at him. Same with girls, and I'm straight. You don't turn blind when you date someone. The vast majority of people will look at other people, it's natural. I don't think 'oh, I'd love to be with him.' I just think 'whoa, he's hot.' Similarly, my boyfriend does the same. We even point out people we think the other will find attractive!

If you're secure in your relationship, there is no reason why you should be jealous if your partner notices a pretty woman/hot man.

mrsbyrne

OP I just want to confirm what others have said.
You need to get some professional help for your self esteem and confidence issues.
Dissolving into tears when you imagine your bf has glanced at another girl is totally unacceptable, unless your 14.
Your relationship will end soon if you keep it up and that would be a shame because the fact that he puts up with your histrionics so far would tell me he really likes you.
People want to have fun and relax on nights out and dates, not spend every night having to comfort their companion and justify themselves when they've done nothing wrong.
It will soon get boring and tedious and your worst nightmare will come true because he will look around and find someone who DOESNT need constant reassuring and is fun relaxed company to be with.
Ask yourGP to refer you to a counsellor/ psychologist. Best money you ever spent.

Meauldsegosha

shshshshsh wrote: »

I don't think that's fair because I don't think that post is about movies or magazines. That WOULD be odd, yes.

I agree with that poster because I have a very similar problem with my boyfriend atm. I don't think it's ok for him to look at pretty women in front of me. I saw him do that once and it made me feel like ****. Like I'm not enough. Granted, it was a pretty girl he has history with, and granted, my bf likes to stir the pot around jealousy issues generally, but I just wanted to say that I wholeheartedly agree with some posters that, depending on anything from the level of intensity of the look, via the partner's form for such and similar things, to its social perception in general, it may or may not warrant being discussed in a reasonable manner.

typo30 said "When I am with someone I notice nobody else" so unless (s)he walks around his/her eyes closed it is impossible not to notice other people whether in real life or on TV etc.

As other posters have said just because you are in a relationship it doesn't mean you can't appreciate others looks. The OPs boyfriend is not the one with a problem, she is. She needs to recognise this and get some help.

As for your own situation, your boyfriend knows you have jealousy issues but "likes to stir the pot". That is very childish and disrespectful. Why would you want to be with someone like that?

Mozzeltoff

OP I was a little bit like you once. Getting on the high ones because my boyfriend at the time happened to glance at another girl. I wanted to blame him for looking at other girls but I realised the problem was my own and I had to sort it. When I look back on it, I feel so stupid for getting so upset with him because it's only human nature to look.

You have some self esteem issues OP and you need to get them sorted. Your boyfriend isn't to blame at all.

RossFixxxed

The human brain is wired that way. He's just glancing, it's a HUMAN response, not even a male one. That's just how we are. If he's not oogling, and not perving then I'm afraid OP is the one who needs to address this. Nearly every time I have encountered this the relationship has ended and the person has had very low self esteem and gets more and more jelous over the most ridiculous things.

Sorry but that's been my experience time and time again personally and friends in similar situations.

Dandelion515

Dandelion515 wrote: »

most likely because I am pretty insecure at the moment, but I can't seem to control it.

It sounds from this like your upset at his looking at girls is not the problem - but a symptom of the actual problem.

Perhaps you need to elaborate on - either here with us, with him, or at least with yourself - what you mean by "insecure at the moment" and address these issues instead.

Then perhaps the issue the thread is about will sort itself out.

Treat the underlying cause - not the individual symptoms.

LegacyUser

People jumping down the OP's throat, stop and have a look at yourselves.

There are two sides to every story, if he knows she is so upset by it, he shouldn't keep doing it.

And no, it is not a 'human response that you can't help'. We all have control of our actions and relationships are about give and take. If one action is upsetting the other you need to moderate it, relationships are about caring about the other person, and if needed: adapting a behaviour that upsets them.

I notice good looking men, however I would find it downright disrespectful on my part to openly stare at them in front of my boyfriend.

She needs to adjust her behaviour a little bit, and so does he. Give and take.

mrsbyrne

Opiscorrect wrote: »

People jumping down the OP's throat, stop and have a look at yourselves.

There are two sides to every story, if he knows she is so upset by it, he shouldn't keep doing it.

And no, it is not a 'human response that you can't help'. We all have control of our actions and relationships are about give and take. If one action is upsetting the other you need to moderate it, relationships are about caring about the other person, and if needed: adapting a behaviour that upsets them.

I notice good looking men, however I would find it downright disrespectful on my part to openly stare at them in front of my boyfriend.

She needs to adjust her behaviour a little bit, and so does he. Give and take.

But hes not openly staring at them. she admits that if he glances in the direction of another female, then that's enough to set her off. Unless your suggesting that he sit for the night staring at her, and that she accompany him to the toilet door etc. then the problem is entirely hers. she has issues and she needs to address them for her own good. that's all anybody has said.

Teyla Emmagan

Opiscorrect wrote: »

People jumping down the OP's throat, stop and have a look at yourselves.

There are two sides to every story, if he knows she is so upset by it, he shouldn't keep doing it.

And no, it is not a 'human response that you can't help'. We all have control of our actions and relationships are about give and take. If one action is upsetting the other you need to moderate it, relationships are about caring about the other person, and if needed: adapting a behaviour that upsets them.

I notice good looking men, however I would find it downright disrespectful on my part to openly stare at them in front of my boyfriend.

She needs to adjust her behaviour a little bit, and so does he. Give and take.

It's not your boyfriend's behaviour that is the issue OP, it's yours. Modify your behaviour or you will drive him away. You're he one who needs to change.

Dandelion515

Thank you all so much for your replies on this. I haven't had a chance to get back to the thread but I've read all the replies and really appreciate people taking the time to voice their opinion on this.

To be honest, I'm glad I put this question out there because if I say it to a friend I know they won't give me the direct answers that I need, whereas on here I got some very blunt but truthful responses. In my head it seems completely acceptable that I react in such a way, but as so many of you have confirmed, this is most definitely my problem and not his, and strangely, there is a huge sense of relief in that.

I have recently started therapy (I was in it before but took a break for a year when I could no longer afford it and became very depressed) so I am hopeful this will help me, so thank you to those of you who suggested getting professional help. Thank you also to those who were understanding that it is extremely difficult to suffer with insecurity and depression and this can make even the most trivial matters become blown out of proportion in a relationship. But especially, thank you also to those of you who gave me the blunt directive answers I needed to make me realise I was out of line, because it genuinely has made a difference!

Lou.m

Dandelion515 wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your replies on this. I haven't had a chance to get back to the thread but I've read all the replies and really appreciate people taking the time to voice their opinion on this.

To be honest, I'm glad I put this question out there because if I say it to a friend I know they won't give me the direct answers that I need, whereas on here I got some very blunt but truthful responses. In my head it seems completely acceptable that I react in such a way, but as so many of you have confirmed, this is most definitely my problem and not his, and strangely, there is a huge sense of relief in that.

I have recently started therapy (I was in it before but took a break for a year when I could no longer afford it and became very depressed) so I am hopeful this will help me, so thank you to those of you who suggested getting professional help. Thank you also to those who were understanding that it is extremely difficult to suffer with insecurity and depression and this can make even the most trivial matters become blown out of proportion in a relationship. But especially, thank you also to those of you who gave me the blunt directive answers I needed to make me realise I was out of line, because it genuinely has made a difference!

That is a VERY BRAVE and COURAGEOUS step OP. Well done. Kudos.

Penny Tration

What a great, proactive response.

Best of luck with the therapy, and I hope it helps.

Tasden

Fair play OP, best of luck!

professore

Opiscorrect wrote: »

People jumping down the OP's throat, stop and have a look at yourselves.

There are two sides to every story, if he knows she is so upset by it, he shouldn't keep doing it.

And no, it is not a 'human response that you can't help'. We all have control of our actions and relationships are about give and take. If one action is upsetting the other you need to moderate it, relationships are about caring about the other person, and if needed: adapting a behaviour that upsets them.

I notice good looking men, however I would find it downright disrespectful on my part to openly stare at them in front of my boyfriend.

She needs to adjust her behaviour a little bit, and so does he. Give and take.

You're wrong.

professore

Dandelion515 wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your replies on this. I haven't had a chaise to get back to the thread but I've read all the replies and really appreciate people taking the time to voice their opinion on this.

To be honest, I'm glad I put this question out there because if I say it to a friend I know they won't give me the direct answers that I need, whereas on here I got some very blunt but truthful responses. In my head it seems completely acceptable that I react in such a way, but as so many of you have confirmed, this is most definitely my problem and not his, and strangely, there is a huge sense of relief in that.

I have recently started therapy (I was in it before but took a break for a year when I could no longer afford it and became very depressed) so I am hopeful this will help me, so thank you to those of you who suggested getting professional help. Thank you also to those who were understanding that it is extremely difficult to suffer with insecurity and depression and this can make even the most trivial matters become blown out of proportion in a relationship. But especially, thank you also to those of you who gave me the blunt directive answers I needed to make me realise I was out of line, because it genuinely has made a difference!

Bravo ! Well done ... Best of luck with it. On a side note, telling people what they want to hear is the worst thing for them.

midlandsmissus

professore wrote: »

You're wrong.

I'm not wrong. I haven't gone out with a guy who does this in front of me, and I wouldn't like it either.

There's no blanket response for : she's wrong or he's wrong.

We all have different boundaries and expectations of what is acceptable in a relationship and we are entitled to hold those opinions.

ManOfMystery

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I'm not wrong. I haven't gone out with a guy who does this in front of me, and I wouldn't like it either.

There's no blanket response for : she's wrong or he's wrong.

We all have different boundaries and expectations of what is acceptable in a relationship and we are entitled to hold those opinions.

By that reasoning, you are almost suggesting that people can behave as they like in a relationship and get away with it. Life doesn't work that way.

We all may have different boundaries and expectations of what is acceptable, but for a relationship to work these boundaries/expectations have to be reasonable. And the vast majority would agree (as has been shown in this thread) - for example - that controlling, selfish or possessive behaviour in a relationship is not acceptable. Time and time again these traits have proven to be damaging to any relationship.

Being slightly miffed because your partner stares longingly at other females? That's understandable.

Getting jealous, angry and withdrawn if your partner so much as glances in the direction of any other member of the opposite sex? That is the other end of the spectrum, and not reasonable behaviour. I can't understand how you would think it is.

professore

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I'm not wrong. I haven't gone out with a guy who does this in front of me, and I wouldn't like it either.

There's no blanket response for : she's wrong or he's wrong.

We all have different boundaries and expectations of what is acceptable in a relationship and we are entitled to hold those opinions.

Yes there is in many cases. Maybe one partner likes beating up the other one - or mentally torturing them. Are they both entitled to their opinions? Sometimes one partner IS 100% in the wrong.

Big Bag of Chips

And on that note.....

OP has come back to update/end her thread so we will leave it at that.