Single life as a guy...

Piliger

Daisy78 wrote: »

I know you said "some" in your post as opposed to all but I think it reflects this myth that the media and in wider society that single women are living it up,

The 'media' is the very LAST place to find any semblance of accurate view of life for any group of people. They only care about hyperbole, shock value, exaggeration and sales.

beano345

Daisy78 wrote: »

I know you said "some" in your post as opposed to all but I think it reflects this myth that the media and in wider society that single women are living it up, postponing marriage and kids until the very last minute, when Prince Charming comes riding up on his horse to sweep her off her feet and has a well established career to show for her years of singledom. I have many single female friends in their early to mid thirties, all attractive, intelligent and kind individuals. I don't think a single one has actively lived their life with the intention of remaining single, in fact I'd say they have done everything possible to find meaningful relationships with men. Some were in long term relationships and got dumped, some just never had the opportunity to find love in the first place. When you spend too many disappointing weekends in row where you have put yourself out there hoping a nice guy might approach, or that the one who actually did approach and take your number would call (but never does) or that the nice guy at the bar might actually like to get to know you and not just want the leg over, well after a while you just stop expecting or hoping for anything. And then you pretty much forget about it and enjoy the life your blessed to have, you travel, see the world, make the most if the opportunities you have been given.

And then you read some guff about single women in their thirties delaying starting a family, putting their careers first, blahdy blah..

The thing is if I met a guy in the morning the very last thing I would want to do is get down to baby making business, to me that's absolutely mad. I would hope that a guy would see me for the person I am, the good and bad and that I might be somone worth spending time with. Not just a set of ovaries who have past their sell by date. I think people overthink scenarios way too much to be honest. You can say you want x, y , z and something (or somone) else comes along who doesn't meet those criteria and blows you away.

Could be half the problem right there,nothing in this day and age to stop a woman doing a bit of approaching I'm sure a lot of men would appreciate it too

Bafucin

beano345 wrote: »

Could be half the problem right there,nothing in this day and age to stop a woman doing a bit of approaching I'm sure a lot of men would appreciate it too

I think shy people (men or women) need the other person to approach. I can usually tell a shy girl and will do that part if needs be. Women should do the same if they are more outgoing.

But telling a shy person to do it is not useful and to be honest it's not helpful you need someone who compliments your natural personality. A shy woman needs a more outgoing guy. A shy guy needs a more outgoing woman. Two shy people is not going to go anywhere.

I do agree though that both men and women should be active socially.

paddy1990

ghogie91 wrote: »

Lads can be left and forgotten about, unfortunately the girls have more pull here that they can get a lad waaay easier than a lad can go and pull.

That has changed now imo with the likes of social media and tinder. Good looking lads find it incredibly easy to get women now. All it takes is setting up a tinder or pof and letting the matches/messages flood in. Plus I find that more and more foreign girls are increasingly on these sites and it seems, from my experience and observations, that foreign girls are easier (i say easier because i can't think of any other word - i mean they are more interested/willing) to meet up. It also seems, again from my experience/observations that Irish men are more likely to hook up with foreign girls as opposed to Irish women hooking up with foreign guys. So I guess things have opened up nicely for guys. Well, attractive guys I suppose. Although some of my lesser attractive mates have found good success with asian girls for some reasons I'm not too sure of but it seems that asian women like them. I have a few mates now who weren't really having much success with Irish girls(or any girls for that matter) and have got asian girlfriends.

Potatoeman

There is a certain amount of selective equality. Many woman still want the guy to do the approaching. Even if they are willing to send signals many will not want to directly approach. This is still true in online dating. There was a link on here in another thread to a datings site stats that backed this up.

paddy1990

Potatoeman wrote: »

There is a certain amount of selective equality. Many woman still want the guy to do the approaching. Even if they are willing to send signals many will not want to directly approach. This is still true in online dating. There was a link on here in another thread to a datings site stats that backed this up.

Online, women certainly actively approach guys. In real life it can happen as well. More often though, they will just give clear signals.

But you have to be good looking.

chrysagon

im alone...but aint lonely... love the single life.. void of the stress of worrying over others!

Dial Hard

paddy1990 wrote: »

Online, women certainly actively approach guys. In real life it can happen as well. More often though, they will just give clear signals.

But you have to be good looking.

To them. That's it.

Piliger

Potatoeman wrote: »

There is a certain amount of selective equality. Many woman still want the guy to do the approaching. Even if they are willing to send signals many will not want to directly approach. This is still true in online dating. There was a link on here in another thread to a datings site stats that backed this up.

"Many" ? how many is "many" 100 ? 1,000 ? 10% ? 50% ? Otherwise your statement is meaningless.

paddy1990

Dial Hard wrote: »

To them. That's it.

Of course.

Potatoeman

Piliger wrote: »

"Many" ? how many is "many" 100 ? 1,000 ? 10% ? 50% ? Otherwise your statement is meaningless.

I would say I do 90% of the approaching.

paddy1990

Potatoeman wrote: »

I would say I do 90% of the approaching.

Do you approach girls you're not attracted to?

astonaidan

paddy1990 wrote: »

Online, women certainly actively approach guys. In real life it can happen as well. More often though, they will just give clear signals.

But you have to be good looking.

Ah the aul clear signals, it seems to be a thing only friends notice and never tell you till the girl is gone,
Then again maybe its only my friends, now that I think of it I hate those guys :mad:

Had an example in Galway on Wednesday where I went in to watch the match and a bar girl kept coming up to the bar beside me, I thought I was getting in her way so moved up a few seats then she came up to my new seating place to give orders, so I moved back again. Was only when a lad who I didnt know said Dude she wants you to talk to her that I thought about it at all

Potatoeman

paddy1990 wrote: »

Do you approach girls you're not attracted to?

I mean even girls that are attracted to me. They will frequently stand close and try and make eye contact instead of coming up and saying hello.

Pug160

Maybe giving clearer signals is something women could work on actually, as it would be a good compromise. As women don't normally do the approaching, it means they're often very bad at it when they do. I was out a couple of Saturdays ago and a girl kept coming up to me asking if I was shy and it was rather awkward as there wasn't really any context to it. That sort of scenario happens every now and again when someone is interested. A lot of things just really suck in those environments. It's interesting how bad women are at approaching considering they're arguably (in general) more advanced socially than men. I guess one explanation is that the really assertive and socially confident women are less likely to be proactive in looking for a man in that environment. Those types are more likely to value those qualities in a man as well, so it makes sense. I'm assuming that if some of those women did start approaching men they fancied and the men didn't match up socially that there would be a fair bit of disappointment on the woman's part.

* Just realised that there is a slight contradiction in what I have written. The fact women don't approach very often shouldn't really make that much difference to how good they are at it - especially if they're outgoing and sociable.

Wibbs

Pug160 wrote: »

Maybe giving clearer signals is something women could work on actually, as it would be a good compromise.

Or maybe it's evolved that way outside of culture? That women only give subtle signals, even microsignals, because this is/was a way of selecting for men who were more socially aware and confident? And they do. A larger chunk of sexual interaction with the genders is women making the first move albeit subtly. That would make pretty good sense too. Like I say as a way of selecting for more socially observant men.

Pug160

Wibbs wrote: »

Or maybe it's evolved that way outside of culture? That women only give subtle signals, even microsignals, because this is/was a way of selecting for men who were more socially aware and confident? And they do. A larger chunk of sexual interaction with the genders is women making the first move albeit subtly. That would make pretty good sense too. Like I say as a way of selecting for more socially observant men.

That's a plausible explanation. But I have to say, even most men I've met who are really socially aware and confident say that the majority of signals are too subtle to read and that they just focus on talking to the women they like without looking for an implied invitation - especially on a night out. I guess it might come into play more outside of the bar/club setting though. I've had far more signals at work than I've had anywhere else, and it's only been over the last few months.

Wibbs

Sure I get you P, but I would say a lot of it is subconscious. That more socially aware men may not be able to quantify the micro signals, but they react to them and approach and then think it was all down to them because they made the first move.

smurgen

Gonna be single now for the first time in nearly a year and I'm dreading it.I'm a good enough looking guy and even get women approaching me but I just do not like being single.I just feel sleezy or something. The ending of my relationship is after being fairly bad too so the confidence when interacting with women is not good at the moment.I think I just have to keep my head down for the next few years and keep to myself and try and be happy alone.

Shakespeare's Sister

Being single makes you feel sleazy?

jobeenfitz

Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »

Being single makes you feel sleazy?

, especially when I'm peeping in the neighbours window at night.

ZeroThreat

smurgen wrote: »

Gonna be single now for the first time in nearly a year and I'm dreading it.I'm a good enough looking guy and even get women approaching me but I just do not like being single.I just feel sleezy or something. The ending of my relationship is after being fairly bad too so the confidence when interacting with women is not good at the moment.I think I just have to keep my head down for the next few years and keep to myself and try and be happy alone.

At least you have them approaching you though.
At 5' 7" I'm expect to be single for the rest of me days.

smurgen

Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »

Being single makes you feel sleazy?

Yeah,hard to explain how or why but I'll give it a go.I was just really happy to have a nice girlfriend and loved heading out with my friends and have a laugh and not think about anyone but my girlfriend. Now I feel like I'm on the lurk or something half the time.anytime I'm out with my friends I feel like a part of me is or at least should be on the pull.also I'm ****e at relating to half the youngoes my age so connections seem to be on a more superficial level.

smurgen

ZeroThreat wrote: »

At least you have them approaching you though.
At 5' 7" I'm expect to be single for the rest of me days.

There's lots of ways to make up for that.one of my friends is about your height and he's no shortage of female attention. He just emphasizes other aspects of his personality.he's also built like a tank too.You smaller guys seem to be well better at packing on the muscle.it's about making the best of what you have really.

Shakespeare's Sister

Why should you be on the pull? Can't you just go out and enjoy yourself as just you?

To the 5ft 7 guy: it's not that small. Where's this notion coming from that under 6ft is small for a man?
I'm 5ft 4, it's not hard to be taller than me or the same height when I'm in heels.

People can really inflict hardship on themselves via their own thought processes alone.

Bizarre.

smurgen

Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »

Why should you be on the pull? Can't you just go out and enjoy yourself as just you?

To the 5ft 7 guy: it's not that small. Where's this notion coming from that under 6ft is small for a man?
I'm 5ft 4, it's not hard to be taller than me or the same height when I'm in heels.

People can really inflict hardship on themselves via their own thought processes alone.

Bizarre.

How is it bizarre? It's unusual for people to feel unhappiness about some aspect of themselves from time to time?we're not living in a utopia and some people feel insecure in themselves.

LordNorbury

smurgen wrote: »

Gonna be single now for the first time in nearly a year and I'm dreading it.I'm a good enough looking guy and even get women approaching me but I just do not like being single.I just feel sleezy or something. The ending of my relationship is after being fairly bad too so the confidence when interacting with women is not good at the moment.I think I just have to keep my head down for the next few years and keep to myself and try and be happy alone.

This was me down to a nutshell around 5 years ago, I had major adjustment issues with single life after a really long term relationship. I know it is a horrible cliche but time is a great healer and even though you don't have your memory wiped clean, you can get to a place where you can be at peace and have a lot of fun as a single person.

Having made the transition, I have to say I would question ever getting into anything really serious again, certainly in the short term. Yeah I can do exclusivity, although I have chosen to not get into anything too serious in the last 2 years (for serious read more than 1 month), partially because I haven't found anyone who I would want to give a bigger commitment to, and also because even if I did, I reckon I would struggle with the expectation and confinement on freedom that comes with being in a LTR, such is the leisure and basically the lack of hassle that you can become accustomed to when single.

Welcome to the club, when you get used to it, you can have some laughs! :cool:

Shakespeare's Sister

But why on earth would someone feel like being single is a reflection on their character?

Feeling sad at the relationship ending, yeh of course! Surely that is far more of a concern than what people think of you being single?

And "should be on the prowl" or feeling like you're on the prowl just because you're single... wha? You are/doing what you are/doing, nothing else.

smurgen

LordNorbury wrote: »

This was me down to a nutshell around 5 years ago, I had major adjustment issues with single life after a really long term relationship. I know it is a horrible cliche but time is a great healer and even though you don't have your memory wiped clean, you can get to a place where you can be at peace and have a lot of fun as a single person.

Having made the transition, I have to say I would question ever getting into anything really serious again, certainly in the short term. Yeah I can do exclusivity, although I have chosen to not get into anything too serious in the last 2 years (for serious read more than 1 month), partially because I haven't found anyone who I would want to give a bigger commitment to, and also because even if I did, I reckon I would struggle with the expectation and confinement on freedom that comes with being in a LTR, such is the leisure and basically the lack of hassle that you can become accustomed to when single.

Welcome to the club, when you get used to it, you can have some laughs! :cool:

Well another problem is I was single for three years before this and afraid to get into another relationship before my now ex girlfriend came along.I took a chance again and it hasn't worked out.I think I'm just going to give up now.it's just not for me obviously.I just take rejection to heart to much and I'm sick of the fallout afterwards.

smurgen

Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »

But why on earth would someone feel like being single is a reflection on their character?

Feeling sad at the relationship ending, yeh of course! Surely that is far more of a concern than what people think of you being single?

And "should be on the prowl" or feeling like you're on the prowl just because you're single... wha? You are/doing what you are/doing, nothing else.

I dont like chatting to or chatting up women in the hope that it would lead to anything more.it makes me feel like a sleaze bag.when I was talking to women and I was hooked up with a gf this was never an issue because I would never cheat so I felt more comfortable.might not be normal but it's just the way I am.

Shakespeare's Sister

Sorry, I get you now.

I thought the mere state of being single in and of itself (and not actually doing anything) made you feel like a sleaze and that you were on the lurk even when you physically weren't.

Gael23

smurgen wrote: »

Well another problem is I was single for three years before this and afraid to get into another relationship before my now ex girlfriend came along.I took a chance again and it hasn't worked out.I think I'm just going to give up now.it's just not for me obviously.I just take rejection to heart to much and I'm sick of the fallout afterwards.

Things are raw right now and I sense you're the one that's gotten hurt most. Take some time out to rebuild your confidence and get yourself out there again.

tomthetank

smurgen wrote: »

Well another problem is I was single for three years before this and afraid to get into another relationship before my now ex girlfriend came along.I took a chance again and it hasn't worked out.I think I'm just going to give up now.it's just not for me obviously.I just take rejection to heart to much and I'm sick of the fallout afterwards.

Relationships end mate. Every single one of them. The era of 50-year marriages/partnerships seems to be dying out too, I'm 27 and in the last ten years even the couples that seemed to be made for each other have hit the rocks at some stage or another. People I thought would be engaged by now are on different sides of the world and even couples that got married young are separating

I get that it's heartbreak every time, but I think after you get the 'losing your first love' out of the way, it becomes a bit easier every time. Not pleasant and not without those dark moments, but I think you have the perspective that relationships are a roll of the dice ALWAYS and can end at any time. You just have to learn to see them in that way and not put your entire life/identity into them - otherwise you're just walking round in the dark y'know? A walking target for more pain and heartbreak.

smurgen

Tinned Sardines wrote: »

How about taking a look at what is causing you to be unsuccessful with women and fix it.

The last girl was going out with a guy who was 11 years her senior for 6 years before me and they were engaged. So he was 12 years older than myself and had his house paid for etc and settled down as such.she just viewed me as immature by comparison and we constantly had fights about me going out with friends and savings and not being mature in general.as a result I distanced myself from my friends and set up a savings account etc but in the end it wasn't good enough and she finished it saying were just not compatible and now I'm just scratching my head.

LordNorbury

smurgen wrote: »

Well another problem is I was single for three years before this and afraid to get into another relationship before my now ex girlfriend came along.I took a chance again and it hasn't worked out.I think I'm just going to give up now.it's just not for me obviously.I just take rejection to heart to much and I'm sick of the fallout afterwards.

I suffered on an insane level when I was first single with crucifying myself, hated the idea of being with someone else, felt like I was cheating if I was out and about and got chatting to a girl, even though I was doing nothing to feel guilty about, just as you've described, the utter pointless of it all was to the very front in my mind.

I remember I was seeing this girl very casually for a week, we went out together for a drink one night and I happened to run into a few mates of mien in the pub who we joined for drinks. When the time came to introduce this girl to my friends, I couldn't for the life of me remember her name, such little of a fúck did I give about anything at the time.

There is that period in between breaking up with someone and finding a bit of peace with being single, where just speaking for myself anyway, my head was very very far up my arse somewhere, I hadn't a clue what I was at or what direction I was going in.

In the summer of 2013, I finally found some peace (a number of years after being single I might add), I remember being out on a date with a seriously sexy girl who thought I was the bee's knee's and I thought to myself, "you know what, you aren't hurting anyone now and nobody is hurting you"...

And that is how I've lived my life since then, still single, have not an intention really of changing that anytime soon I think, not in a major way anyway, and happy days!

smurgen

LordNorbury wrote: »

I suffered on an insane level when I was first single with crucifying myself, hated the idea of being with someone else, felt like I was cheating if I was out and about and got chatting to a girl, even though I was doing nothing to feel guilty about, just as you've described, the utter pointless of it all was to the very front in my mind.

I remember I was seeing this girl very casually for a week, we went out together for a drink one night and I happened to run into a few mates of mien in the pub who we joined for drinks. When the time came to introduce this girl to my friends, I couldn't for the life of me remember her name, such little of a fúck did I give about anything at the time.

There is that period in between breaking up with someone and finding a bit of peace with being single, where just speaking for myself anyway, my head was very very far up my arse somewhere, I hadn't a clue what I was at or what direction I was going in.

In the summer of 2013, I finally found some peace (a number of years after being single I might add), I remember being out on a date with a seriously sexy girl who thought I was the bee's knee's and I thought to myself, "you know what, you aren't hurting anyone now and nobody is hurting you"...

And that is how I've lived my life since then, still single, have not an intention really of changing that anytime soon I think, not in a major way anyway, and happy days!

Well thanks for that. Nice to get someone else's perspective on things. It's just very,very disheartening right now and I hate thinking I won't be able to find someone to rely on because I would think of myself as being loyal in the extreme, even to the detriment of myself.someday maybe.

LordNorbury

smurgen wrote: »

Well thanks for that. Nice to get someone else's perspective on things. It's just very,very disheartening right now and I hate thinking I won't be able to find someone to rely on because I would think of myself as being loyal in the extreme, even to the detriment of myself.someday maybe.

I think you are in for an eye opener when you get back into dating, as you've been in a long term thing for some time and a lot has changed in my opinion since you were last single.

If you are loyal (I was extremely loyal as was my last long term partner), but as a single guy, the casual nature of single life these days might alarm you I think. I've adjusted to it so it isn't a problem for me but I reckon you will think "WTF" when you eventually put your toe back into the water...

EDIT: I think you may come to understand that the only person you can really rely on these days is yourself and if you have one, your dog, because everyone else is going to let you down at some stage, and some of those closest to you will let you down catastrophically, as appears to be the case here. That profound and hear wrenching sense of disappointment is actually the hardest part of getting over a LTR I think...

smurgen

LordNorbury wrote: »

I think you are in for an eye opener when you get back into dating, as you've been in a long term thing for some time and a lot has changed in my opinion since you were last single.

If you are loyal (I was extremely loyal as was my last long term partner), but as a single guy, the casual nature of single life these days might alarm you I think. I've adjusted to it so it isn't a problem for me but I reckon you will think "WTF" when you eventually put your toe back into the water...

EDIT: I think you may come to understand that the only person you can really rely on these days is yourself and if you have one, your dog, because everyone else is going to let you down at some stage, and some of those closest to you will let you down catastrophically, as appears to be the case here. That profound and hear wrenching sense of disappointment is actually the hardest part of getting over a LTR I think...

it hasn't really,it's been less than a year but I had gotten to the point where I did love her and told her that. Don't get me wrong either , I'm no shrinking violet. I've have a fair few flings and probably upset women myself but I'm just not into any of that anymore.I thought I'd evolved beyond it.I think the key for me now is to try be happy on my own.if I have to go for counselling or whatever to try and achieve that then so be it.but I cannot take going through another break up. I'm exhausted by it.Sick of the overthinking and sick of feeling sorry for myself.just want to be okay effortlessly.

LordNorbury

smurgen wrote: »

it hasn't really,it's been less than a year but I had gotten to the point where I did love her and told her that. Don't get me wrong either , I'm no shrinking violet. I've have a fair few flings and probably upset women myself but I'm just not into any of that anymore.I thought I'd evolved beyond it.I think the key for me now is to try be happy on my own.if I have to go for counselling or whatever to try and achieve that then so be it.but I cannot take going through another break up. I'm exhausted by it.Sick of the overthinking and sick of feeling sorry for myself.just want to be okay effortlessly.

Same here, I had a vision of my life that involved marriage, kids, basically an interwoven life that would be about stability and commitment and where I would be one part of a bigger picture.

Fast forward a few years and my life is about none of those things, it is now about going on dates, fúckbuddies, socialising with friends, work, doing my own thing, remaining optimistic for the future with respect to maybe finding a decent romance again. I'm like you I think, only a few years ahead of you, I certainly don't have any of the answers that I wish I had, would love to be going home this evening to a girl I was in love with but I won't be and if I found her at this stage, I'd probably fúck it up royally as I've just adapted too much to single life...

smurgen

LordNorbury wrote: »

Same here, I had a vision of my life that involved marriage, kids, basically an interwoven life that would be about stability and commitment and where I would be one part of a bigger picture.

Fast forward a few years and my life is about none of those things, it is now about going on dates, fúckbuddies, socialising with friends, work, doing my own thing, remaining optimistic for the future with respect to maybe finding a decent romance again. I'm like you I think, only a few years ahead of you, I certainly don't have any of the answers that I wish I had, would love to be going home this evening to a girl I was in love with but I won't be and if I found her at this stage, I'd probably fúck it up royally as I've just adapted too much to single life...

Well thanks for that. You summed it all up pretty well.suppose it's just best to keep the chin up and keep motoring on. Anyway best of luck,I'm off to grace the jungle that is cork nightlife.

LordNorbury

smurgen wrote: »

Well thanks for that. You summed it all up pretty well.suppose it's just best to keep the chin up and keep motoring on. Anyway best of luck,I'm off to grace the jungle that is cork nightlife.

I love Cork, all the best women are down there!

Emme

smurgen wrote: »

Gonna be single now for the first time in nearly a year and I'm dreading it.I'm a good enough looking guy and even get women approaching me but I just do not like being single.I just feel sleezy or something. The ending of my relationship is after being fairly bad too so the confidence when interacting with women is not good at the moment.I think I just have to keep my head down for the next few years and keep to myself and try and be happy alone.

I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out but there's no reason to feel bad about being single. As you said, girls approach you so being single is entirely your choice. Maybe it's better to stay single for a while so you can discover for yourself what you really want.

If you were a woman over 35 and didn't like being single you might have good reason to complain but otherwise it's no hassle, you'll find someone when you're good and ready.

LordNorbury

Emme wrote: »

I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out but there's no reason to feel bad about being single. As you said, girls approach you so being single is entirely your choice. Maybe it's better to stay single for a while so you can discover for yourself what you really want.

If you were a woman over 35 and didn't like being single you might have good reason to complain but otherwise it's no hassle, you'll find someone when you're good and ready.

Where does his gender come into it???

ancapailldorcha

LordNorbury wrote: »

Where does his gender come into it???

A man over 35 will have a much easier time of it than a woman of the same demographic. I don't quite understand it myself but it makes sense. A lot of women prefer older men for one thing. Another is childbearing capacity. Women are judged on their appearance a lot more than men.

My 2 cents.

LordNorbury

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

A man over 35 will have a much easier time of it than a woman of the same demographic. I don't quite understand it myself but it makes sense. A lot of women prefer older men for one thing. Another is childbearing capacity. Women are judged on their appearance a lot more than men.

My 2 cents.

I kind of asked in the full knowledge that this was body clock related. The biggest urban myth I think that is out there these days, is that single men are somehow operating under a different set of constraints than a single woman would be at the same age. That is an urban myth that simply isn't true I think. I can't count at this stage now many times I have had it said to me in recent years, "sure you're grand, you can have kids with a 32 year old when you're 50 or 60!"...

It is seriously insulting I think to say that to a guy these days. Just think about the silliness of it for a second. When is the last time you saw a 60 year old guy dating a 30 year old or a 20 something year old???

ancapailldorcha

LordNorbury wrote: »

I kind of asked in the full knowledge that this was body clock related. The biggest urban myth I think that is out there these days, is that single men are somehow operating under a different set of constraints than a single woman would be at the same age. That is an urban myth that simply isn't true I think. I can't count at this stage now many times I have had it said to me in recent years, "sure you're grand, you can have kids with a 32 year old when you're 50 or 60!"...

It is seriously insulting I think to say that to a guy these days. Just think about the silliness of it for a second. When is the last time you saw a 60 year old guy dating a 30 year old or a 20 something year old???

I wouldn't go anywhere near as far as calling it "seriously insulting". It's physiologically possible so long as you can clear the hurdle of attracting a woman that much younger than you.

LordNorbury

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I wouldn't go anywhere near as far as calling it "seriously insulting". It's physiologically possible so long as you can clear the hurdle of attracting a woman that much younger than you.

Ok seriously insulting might be a tad overkill, it is like one of those stupid comments that gets directed at single people, that is thought to be harmless as it is spoken, but can be hurtful to hear. I'm in my mid 30's, would have loved to have kids but it didn't happen, the whole thing basically passed me by, due mainly to circumstances over the last number of recent years.

For someone to say to me that I have no grounds for concern about this right now, apparently on the basis that because I am male, I can technically father children up until I am 80 years of age, is in my opinion an offensive remark to make... I'm not saying that you meant offence on thread but people when they say this to single guys at my age can often not realise that it can be a touchy subject.

ancapailldorcha

LordNorbury wrote: »

Ok seriously insulting might be a tad overkill, it is like one of those stupid comments that gets directed at single people, that is thought to be harmless as it is spoken, but can be hurtful to hear. I'm in my mid 30's, would have loved to have kids but it didn't happen, the whole thing basically passed me by, due mainly to circumstances over the last number of recent years.

For someone to say to me that I have no grounds for concern about this right now, apparently on the basis that because I am male, I can technically father children up until I am 80 years of age, is in my opinion an offensive remark to make... I'm not saying that you meant offence on thread but people when they say this to single guys at my age can often not realise that it can be a touchy subject.

I'm not 100% sure what the problem is. Mid-thirties would be the perfect age to start a family I would have thought. You're old enough that you know what you want, you're presumably settled in one general area. A lot of girls prefer men to be older than them, for maturity I presume. My Da started his family with me when he was roughly your age with my Ma who was 10 years younger than him. There is the obvious difficulty of attracting a like-minded lady and going the distance but barring that there should be no worries!

micar

Well, I'm pissed off being single.

Been single for about 6.5 years.

Was knocked back by the last girl I like even though I was convinced she like me.

I'm on a dating site but have no interest in the girls I've met.

ancapailldorcha

micar wrote: »

Well, I'm pissed off being single.

Been single for about 6.5 years.

Was knocked back by the last girl I like even though I was convinced she like me.

I'm on a dating site but have no interest in the girls I've met.

There is a forum dedicated to online dating. You can PM knucklehead6 or miamee for access.

I've been single for my entire adult life which can get a bit lonely from time to time alright.