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Single life as a guy...
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I understand but pictures are really important in the OD context, for me the right pictures have vastly increased my success on non-Tinder platforms. I can't tell on Tinder who likes me unless I match.
So I put a lot of effort and thought into selecting ones that help convey my personality properly. This has been the best way for me to approach it, YMMV
I dunno, I'm not on any online dating sites so maybe I'm oblivious to the thought processes involved but I would've thought pictures really just show people your face so that they can decide if you're attractive to them or not, that they don't necessarily require a lot of thought.
I'm thinking I'm wrong though! 0 -
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Deleted User wrote: »I would feel the opposite. When I was active on the sites none of my pics were of me made up and on nights out. That's because I don't wear much makeup anyway and would fall on my ass if I wore stilettos If I were looking for women it would be the girl lying on the couch eating crisps that would do it for me. That's because it would say to me "I don't give a fück. This is how I am".
There are many different levels. The ones who look like some curious cross between Barbie and a streetwalker are on one extreme of the spectrum, the "stuck in her stained PJs" slobs are at the other, but there's plenty in the middle. Some women manage to look classy wearing the shortest of dresses and heavy makeup, others will look tarty in an Armani suit; others manage to look extremely attractive in a tracksuit and bare face.
It's not a "one size fits all", it's all about her being conscious about what works for her and making good use of it, rather than "this is what I am and fcuck it!". I think you know exactly what I mean.Do. Not. Get. Me. Started…
Please please please...we all love "getting you started"!I'm selective hence I fail at a numbers game like OD. I did get one match though, super proud
I don't want 10 pictures of you in your best make up, I want pictures that tell me you are comfortable with and accept who you are as a person, I find that insanely attractive.
But that is part of who she is; If you don't like that, perfect, to each their own, but If she likes to dress up and putting make up on, that's her - it's not a "mask".The guys in pics thing, I'm referring to ones where it's clear the guy is an ex, the pic of them in a romantic embrace for example, I don't get it.
To be entirely honest, I did stumble across a few who apparently didn't understand what a dating app is for - the moment of the "would you like to meet for a drink or coffee sometimes?" arrived, and they went "oh but I have a boyfriend!" -
The only pictures i would have of myself are ones where I'm at an event (and made up) or somewhere out of the ordinary. I don't take everyday selfies/post on social media so i have no reason whatsoever to have random pictures of myself in my usual every day state. I would not be bothered taking a picture purely for the sake of posting it on an online site so I would use whatever photos I already had that I liked. I don't see that as not accepting who i am (in this hypothetical situation :pac: ).
/MODE RANT ON
Exactly; I find the insane amount of vitriol towards women who like to "pretty up" to be infuriating. Every day, I go to work in jeans and a shirt or a T-shirt; If I go out, say, for dinner however, I'd wear a jacket or even a suit if I feel so inclined. Because I like to do it, not because I want to "pose" as somebody else - and funnily enough, nobody accuses me of being "insecure" for wearing a suit to a dinner.
If a woman shows up with makeup and high heels then she's insecure, posing, "hiding", trying to be "someone else" - that's exactly what she is, somebody who likes to dress up a bit, just as I like being more elegant than the GAA-wearing menfolk out there.
/MODE RANT OFFData from some sites suggests that for men, topless pics, outdoor pics and pics with animals perform best.
What you may think is your best photo may not necessarily be true.
I've always thought the topless pic as crude and classless but I may test the hypothesis given I'm in decent shape these days. Will report back
Yeah, that's the central point. I actually ran a few tests...what people SAY they find "crude" and what they actually LIKE are often intersecting Venn diagrams 0 -
I want to elaborate on the make up pictures as I don't think I'm getting my view across very well
My issue isn't with women having pictures of themselves done up on nights out, my issue is with those being the ONLY type of pictures they have.
No woman spends all of her time on a night out, there's more to her personality and that's what I want to see too. A variety of picture showing your hobbies and life not just what you think are the ones of you looking your best.
I get that it's human to want to put your best foot forward and this leads to only uploading your "best" pictures but I personally want to see more of your life, more of your personality.
I try to have variety on my pics too.0 -
I dunno, I'm not on any online dating sites so maybe I'm oblivious to the thought processes involved but I would've thought pictures really just show people your face so that they can decide if you're attractive to them or not, that they don't necessarily require a lot of thought.
I'm thinking I'm wrong though!
I get where you're coming from but, for me, attraction is part physical and part non-physical.
I've met women who I can recognise as being objectively physically beautiful but I wasn't attracted to them.
I've also met women who weren't considered 'good looking' but I've been very attracted to them.
A cute face isn't much good to me if I'm not attracted to your personality. Again this is entirely subjective 0 -
I want to elaborate on the make up pictures as I don't think I'm getting my view across very well
My issue isn't with women having pictures of themselves done up on nights out, my issue is with those being the ONLY type of pictures they have.
No woman spends all of her time on a night out, there's more to her personality and that's what I want to see too. A variety of picture showing your hobbies and life not just what you think are the ones of you looking your best.
I get that it's human to want to put your best foot forward and this leads to only uploading your "best" pictures but I personally want to see more of your life, more of your personality.
I try to have variety on my pics too.
But I don't spend my time taking photos of myself. My hobbies and my life are spent without a camera. If anything those "impromptu, natural, life" photos are actually anything but,they are just as much about putting your best foot forward because if you were truly all about your hobbies you wouldn't be wasting time taking photos,you'd be just living in the moment. Hence me not having photos of me going about my day in normal clothes- no need to be taking photos of it.0 -
I get where you're coming from but, for me, attraction is part physical and part non-physical.
I've met women who I can recognise as being objectively physically beautiful but I wasn't attracted to them.
I've also met women who weren't considered 'good looking' but I've been very attracted to them.
A cute face isn't much good to me if I'm not attracted to your personality. Again this is entirely subjective
But the photo tells very little about someone's personality. People don't use photos to judge people's personality, unless they are significantly telling, which most aren't. It may give a snapshot (ha) of the persons lifestyle/character but that's about it.0 -
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But the photo tells very little about someone's personality. People don't use photos to judge people's personality, unless they are significantly telling, which most aren't. It may give a snapshot (ha) of the persons lifestyle/character but that's about it.
That's quite true but that snapshot can give me an insight into your hobbies and interests and make me want to message/meet up with you to find out more
I'm not saying any of this is definitive, of course it's not, I'm saying for me it's about increasing the likelihood of wanting to get to know you more.0 -
H3llR4iser wrote: »There are many different levels. The ones who look like some curious cross between Barbie and a streetwalker are on one extreme of the spectrum, the "stuck in her stained PJs" slobs are at the other, but there's plenty in the middle. Some women manage to look classy wearing the shortest of dresses and heavy makeup, others will look tarty in an Armani suit; others manage to look extremely attractive in a tracksuit and bare face.
It's not a "one size fits all", it's all about her being conscious about what works for her and making good use of it, rather than "this is what I am and fcuck it!". I think you know exactly what I mean.
Please please please...we all love "getting you started"!
But that is part of who she is; If you don't like that, perfect, to each their own, but If she likes to dress up and putting make up on, that's her - it's not a "mask".
To be entirely honest, I did stumble across a few who apparently didn't understand what a dating app is for - the moment of the "would you like to meet for a drink or coffee sometimes?" arrived, and they went "oh but I have a boyfriend!" -
/MODE RANT ON
Exactly; I find the insane amount of vitriol towards women who like to "pretty up" to be infuriating. Every day, I go to work in jeans and a shirt or a T-shirt; If I go out, say, for dinner however, I'd wear a jacket or even a suit if I feel so inclined. Because I like to do it, not because I want to "pose" as somebody else - and funnily enough, nobody accuses me of being "insecure" for wearing a suit to a dinner.
If a woman shows up with makeup and high heels then she's insecure, posing, "hiding", trying to be "someone else" - that's exactly what she is, somebody who likes to dress up a bit, just as I like being more elegant than the GAA-wearing menfolk out there.
/MODE RANT OFF
Yeah, that's the central point. I actually ran a few tests...what people SAY they find "crude" and what they actually LIKE are often intersecting Venn diagrams
On my phone so it's easier to quote your whole post.
Don't presume to think that I know exactly what you mean. 0 -
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I get where you're coming from but, for me, attraction is part physical and part non-physical.
I've met women who I can recognise as being objectively physically beautiful but I wasn't attracted to them.
I've also met women who weren't considered 'good looking' but I've been very attracted to them.
A cute face isn't much good to me if I'm not attracted to your personality. Again this is entirely subjective
Same, a woman who to many would be a beauty but has a slightly vacant look or diffident attitude sends me running, where someone much plainer with a keen sense of humour and a glint of mischief in her eye can be hugely attractive.0 -
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Same, a woman who to many would be a beauty but has a slightly vacant look or diffident attitude sends me running, where someone much plainer with a keen sense of humour and a glint of mischief in her eye can be hugely attractive.
Or even the way a woman says something can make me more or less attracted to her. It's something I've learned recently about myself.
My last relationship ended a few months back after six years, and within four weeks she was in another relationship, which initially hurt like hell, but I realised that is what I'd been doing all my life, relationship hopping, to mask the serious self-esteem issues I had developed over the years.
If someone wants to be in a relationship with me then it must mean I'm worthy, validated.
In person, you'd think I was the most confident guy in the room, I've never been unable to collect phone numbers or attention.
This time, I wanted to break the pattern and try some serious introspection before even thinking of starting a new relationship.
I've realised a few uncomfortable truths about myself and my approach to relationships which I think may eventually break the pattern and lead me to somewhere resembling happiness and contentment.
My ex and I weren't compatible on so many levels but we were both broken people emotionally, I think that's what brought us and kept us together as if the broken child in me saw the broken child in her and they bonded over a shared fear of being alone in the world, unloved and unwanted.
I think there was something resembling love in that entanglement but I'm really not sure. Some form of love perhaps, an unhealthy kind, a dependence?
I'm a long way yet from happiness but getting there by learning about and accepting myself 0 -
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PaddyWilliams wrote: »I find that pics of me in my mankini generally attract the women the most. Try it, it works. Seriously.
Doesn't surprise me. It means you're mad/ the jester/ outgoing/ confident/ funny/ entertaining, you know, the stuff that really matters in a partner. In a less cynical tone; there is a big difference in being good in a relationship and being good at getting into a relationship. It's a form of peacocking and it appears to be very important- the more outgoing or whatever, that you are, the more valuable you are as a potential partner.There's plenty of girls who want a casual hook up. Why wouldn't you believe him? When I was on tinder I got a message one Saturday or Sunday morning from a girl asking if I wanted to call over to f*ck the hangover out of her. I didn't, but I could have.
I have to agree. I haven't used POF or OKC this time around but when I was last using them, I literally once remember reading a profile years ago on POF where a 'normal', down to earth lady very eloquently declared she was looking for someone 'decent and respectful for casual sex'. I thought it was very refreshing and wondered why more people didn't do this. I don't know if this has become more common since but it definitely stuck out at the time.
IME, there are two ways that women on OD seem to seek casual sex- by creating profiles that appear to be missing a 1550 number or by purporting to seek a relationship/ looking for a relationship but would accept casual under the right circumstances.Or even the way a woman says something can make me more or less attracted to her. It's something I've learned recently about myself.
My last relationship ended a few months back after six years, and within four weeks she was in another relationship, which initially hurt like hell, but I realised that is what I'd been doing all my life, relationship hopping, to mask the serious self-esteem issues I had developed over the years.
If someone wants to be in a relationship with me then it must mean I'm worthy, validated.
In person, you'd think I was the most confident guy in the room, I've never been unable to collect phone numbers or attention.
This time, I wanted to break the pattern and try some serious introspection before even thinking of starting a new relationship.
I've realised a few uncomfortable truths about myself and my approach to relationships which I think may eventually break the pattern and lead me to somewhere resembling happiness and contentment.
My ex and I weren't compatible on so many levels but we were both broken people emotionally, I think that's what brought us and kept us together as if the broken child in me saw the broken child in her and they bonded over a shared fear of being alone in the world, unloved and unwanted.
I think there was something resembling love in that entanglement but I'm really not sure. Some form of love perhaps, an unhealthy kind, a dependence?
I'm a long way yet from happiness but getting there by learning about and accepting myself
It sounds like your journey if well underway. I'm sure you'll get where you need to be. Best of luck.0 -
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PaddyWilliams wrote: »I was only messing about the mankini, cantdecide. Wouldn't be caught dead in one of them. But I get your point!
And there goes the only reason I was subscribed to the thread 0 -
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Yup thats it, Tinder has many flaws but if a guy/girl wants to get some action its pretty much the easiest way. Me personally Id rather well flirt with a girl Ive met somewhere and get with her that way, but Ive been bored and gone the tinder route plenty of times. Its the first thing I would tell a person going through a dry spell to use
Are you serious!? I am not on Tinder any more but every second profile on it would say 'not looking for a one night stand / something casual'. How exactly do you figure out if a girl is looking for that unless you straight up ask (even after several messages or whatever).
I guess that's the only way! That said, I'd fancy few girls I match with anyway (I'd just swipe right to mostly everyone as it's quicker). If anyone is critical of that, I don't care 0 -
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My two cents.
I'm 39 years old now, and have had a grand total of four girlfriends in my life (My idea of a girlfriend is perhaps more serious than most). I was incredibly shy in my teens, and inept in my 20's. I found the speed seduction crowd in my early 30's and figured after a few seminars that it wasn't for me. I've never been interested in sex for its own sake. Ten minutes after sex i'm hard pressed to remember what it actually felt like beyond the visual memories.. so.. what's the big deal? Still, I followed the SS crowd, took what I liked, and moved further into a more NLP/Body language position.
Now, I'm 6ft 3 in tall, a chest like a surfboard, and arms like.. well... i sometimes wonder where the muscles are supposed to go. I also have essential tremor (the shakes throughout my body), and a high metabolism.
In Ireland, I got nothing. Simply put Irish women didn't like me, or just wanted to be my friends. And honestly, beyond the occassional physical crush, I couldn't stand Irish girls attitudes and looks.
Then I left ireland, went to the continent and everything changed. Suddenly I was cute. Not handsome. Cute. And oddly enough, charming. And I got plenty of attention.
Next I moved east through Russia, Japan, and other asian countries, finally ending up in China, where I've been living for the last 7 years. And I have no problems with dating. I work in a university mostly for girls, and while I don't date my students, I do come into contact with the richer, educated and more sophisticated women... and I hold my own against the younger more handsome guys. Why? Because I don't care about getting laid. Its really that simple. I'm more interested in finding a partner and that works for me.
I'm still single but only because I have trust issues and my own tastes are far too high, but I don't mind waiting. Being alone when I'm older holds no fear for me, because, lets face it, most of my life i was alone already. It would be nice to experience another type of life such as marriage and having kids, but if it doesn't happen, I won't cry about it.
My advice to anyone having any issues is to get out of ireland for a while. IMO, Women here have an absurd opinion of themselves, and aren't really worth the effort involved. Go online and do some searches for the speed seduction stuff, and read it until you get to the point of actually understanding what drives women... and then simply grow up. Stop thinking about sex, and starting thinking of finding a girl (or group of girls) worthy of you.
Nowdays I just do friends with benefits ranging from age 20-32. Sometimes i go with the relationship setup but... they rarely last longer than three months for me. Oh, and don't cheat. it's self-destructive and reputations stay with you. Be honest. be a gentleman, but be a man. Tell them you're dating other women, and will do so until, you find a girl capable of fullfilling your needs. If she wants to be that girl, great. If not, move on. There's plenty more wanting to know you. Sounds arrogant I know... but do you really think that attractive women don't think that way too? 0 -
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