Worried about son.

LegacyUser

My 11 year old is increasingly frustrating me, and I don't know what to do. He still wets the bed frequently, and I know he'll grow out of it, his dad did the same. I don't give out to him over that, but he, now, has started to soil his pants, just out of pure laziness. He has done this twice this week, which meant that time I had set aside to bring him and his brother off for the evening has been wasted. He won't go upstairs on his own, even in the daylight because he's scared. He's really doing my nut. I keep telling him the good things about himself, but to be honest, I just want to give him a slap and tell him to wise up. Obviously Im not going to do that, but I am unable to cope with his constant attention seeking . I have had him checked for a realm of medical and psychological issues, and he's perfectly healthy with no issues of concern.
Thanks.

Neyite

Stupid question, but do you clean up after him?

If so, stop, and he is the one that strips the bed, remakes it, puts the wash on, launders the sheets, scrubs his jocks etc. And not when its convenient for him. Switch off the xbox or pc and make him do it there and then, the more inconvenient for him, the better.

tenifan

what are his parents like? perfectionists? overbearing?
Not a pop at the op. it just doesn't sound like normal behaviour and quite often parents don't realise they can be part of the problem

Taltos

More appropriate here OP. For anyone who followed please read the local charter.

Thanks
Taltos

macplato

OP, it is not possible for an 11 year old to frequently wet his bed and soil his pants without some underlying medical or psychological issues, and from your post it's clear as day that we are dealing with psychological issues here. Having a degree in psychology myself, I can't imagine how any psychologist armed with this information could conclude that "he is perfectly healthy with no issues of concern". You need to get a second opinion.

For some reason your son doesn't feel safe in this world, and he needs to learn to deal with his fears. Trust me, he isn't wetting the bed to spite you or to get attention. I can see how after being told that there is nothing wrong with him, you'd be mightily frustrated and come to conclusion that he is doing it out of laziness, though.

Get a second opinion, and get your son into therapy, he needs help.

freesia1

What 11 year old would soil his pants for attention ? I am very worried that you said" he wont go up stairs on his own " This is not normal behaviour for an 11 year old . Talk to him again with patience and if you cant get to the bottom of it , bring him to a psychologist, not the same person you brought him to before. I am not experienced here, but this is sounding like a child that is deeply tormented in some way and needs professional help.

Greenmachine

It really does sound like something is really bothering him. While the vast majority of kids will have long outgrown wetting the bed long ago at this stage. The fact he is terrified to go upstairs by himself and that he is wetting himself during the day, should be of more concern. Most 11 years old will have a large degree of independence at this stage. Cooking their own lunch. Walking themselves to school. Articulating when something is bothering them at least on some level. Is there a chance he is being bullied in school, or anything. If he is suggestible maybe some of his peers have said something that makes him feel unsafe in his own home. I really hope you get to the bottom of this. I must be really distressing for all involved.

Oryx

You need to communicate with him in a non confrontational way. His behaviour is based on insecurity, not just to needle you. You say he is attention seeking. Think honestly - is he getting enough of your undivided attention? Are things in his life stressing him? Give him space to open up to you because you have to find out what is behind all this. Your frustration with him will only make him worse.

yaya*

Open university wrote: »

My 11 year old is increasingly frustrating me, and I don't know what to do. He still wets the bed frequently, and I know he'll grow out of it, his dad did the same. I don't give out to him over that, but he, now, has started to soil his pants, just out of pure laziness. He has done this twice this week, which meant that time I had set aside to bring him and his brother off for the evening has been wasted. He won't go upstairs on his own, even in the daylight because he's scared. He's really doing my nut. I keep telling him the good things about himself, but to be honest, I just want to give him a slap and tell him to wise up. Obviously Im not going to do that, but I am unable to cope with his constant attention seeking . I have had him checked for a realm of medical and psychological issues, and he's perfectly healthy with no issues of concern.
Thanks.

You said that he soiled himself when you were supposed to be bringing himself and his brother out for the evening-it sounds to me like he might have soiled himself out of fear or avoidance of that event. I'm making this assumption based on how you said he has some other fears.

It sounds to me like you need to make an appointment with your GP and have an honest chat with him about your son's issues. Ask him for a referral to a developmental psychologist.

Good luck.