Inviting Work Colleagues

tempnam

I’m wondering what to do here…..

Getting married soon, and we’re having a small ceremony and meal with only immediate family and close friends attending. That night, we’re going to a larger venue to have a party where more guests will be coming (extended family, other friends etc.)

I’m wondering what to do about inviting work colleagues. I work in a large office with a lot of staff. I only started working here less than a year ago – so it’s not like I’ve built any ‘lifelong friendships’ with any of my colleagues. We are never in touch outside of work hours (apart from the occasional rare staff night out). There are 2 or 3 people who I spend most of my day working with and I’d like to invite them.

But where do you draw the line? There are some colleagues who I’d be friendly with, but some who I’d actually spend more time working and interacting with day to day - but purely on a professional basis (we probably wouldn’t get on in the outside world and would probably never speak if it wasn’t for work related matters).

So I’m not going to invite a whole load of people just for the sake of it, but if I invite the 2 or 3 that I want to I’m wondering if it will offend others?

I know….. I shouldn’t care what others think etc. But practically, I don’t want to come back into the office to an awkward atmosphere after my homeymoon!

Office politics….. I could think of better things to do with my time than worry about this s**t!

kkcatlou

Totally get you! I was in the same boat, although for us it was to the full thing, and our venue has a max capacity so we really needed to cut numbers down.

Like you, I get on with lots of people in work, but up til we got engaged there was only one I socialised with outside of work. I know my team in work were expecting to be invited, as it is the done thing where I work, so I just said it in passing at one team meeting, that numbers were really tight so we decided not to invite work people and they were totally fine about it.

Since then I've become really friendly with another girl and we socialise a lot outside of work, so I'm inviting her and her boyfriend.

When we were going through our numbers though, the way we cut people was to think in 20 years time when our kids are looking back on our wedding photos, we want to be able to still know everybody in the picture and hopefully our kids will know them too. We were considering dropping the younger cousins in favour of work people, but going with that argument made it easy to pick and choose!

if you explain to people upfront, you will be fine. It's waiting for the invites to come out and some people getting them and some not, without any understanding to your methodology, gets people talking and gossiping!

Good luck with it!

Dolbert

Just invite everyone to the afters, it's the easiest thing. The couple of colleagues who you're close to will understand that it's a small wedding. You could stick an afters invitation card up on the noticeboard if you have one.

kkcatlou

Dolbert wrote: »

Just invite everyone to the afters, it's the easiest thing. The couple of colleagues who you're close to will understand that it's a small wedding. You could stick an afters invitation card up on the noticeboard if you have one.

I don't think they were ever intending to invite any of them to the full thing - question is who to invite to the after party? And it sounds like they, understandably, only want friends and family a the after party not every Tom, Dick and Harry who reads the staff notice board!

Personally I would find putting a note up like that a bit crass and possibly desperate! And very impersonal! But then all work places are different I know.

lazygal

I'd only ask those who you want there. A lot of people won't bother coming to the afters anyway. I asked those from work who I'm friends with (i.e. we'd meet up outside of work and would be friends if we left the organization).

tempnam

lazygal wrote: »

I'd only ask those who you want there. A lot of people won't bother coming to the afters anyway. I asked those from work who I'm friends with (i.e. we'd meet up outside of work and would be friends if we left the organization).

See that's the problem. If I left tomorrow I doubt I'd stay friends with anyone here. But I'm in a separate area with a couple of colleagues and we chat throughout the day - and they do be asking how the plans are coming etc.

So If I didn't invite at least those couple of people it would be bad form I think.... not to mention awkward when I came back. Even if they don't want to come I'm OK with that, but at least I'll have asked them!

tempnam

kkcatlou wrote: »

I don't think they were ever intending to invite any of them to the full thing - question is who to invite to the after party? And it sounds like they, understandably, only want friends and family a the after party not every Tom, Dick and Harry who reads the staff notice board!

Personally I would find putting a note up like that a bit crass and possibly desperate! And very impersonal! But then all work places are different I know.

Exactly!

Dolbert

kkcatlou wrote: »

Personally I would find putting a note up like that a bit crass and possibly desperate! And very impersonal! But then all work places are different I know.

Colleagues of mine have done that and it was taken in the spirit intended, a nice gesture. Just goes to show that some people will find anything to moan about when it comes to weddings.

My suggestion was based on the fact that you're not going to get many going to afters in general, maybe a tenth of the colleagues you invite. Certainly not 'every Tom Dick and Harry'

But you seem to know already what you want to do.

stinkle

I only invited 2 from my job (and their partners, though neither partner could attend), and was concerned that I'd offend the others but I really didnt care all that much as I socialise with the people I did invite and consider them friends. The others would only have shown up out of politeness/possible nosiness I'm sure and I would have stressed about where to seat them etc, not to mention spent extra time fussing over them on the day.

Invite the people you want there, if you work more closely with certain people then ask them to the afters. I doubt anyone else would mind that they weren't asked. You dont have to explain yourself to anyone and try to remember that anyone who moans about your wedding isnt worth having there in the first place! Maybe just explain to the ones you do ask that you'd prefer them not to blab to the whole office?

Gatica

I think that people that you wouldn't call to have a coffee with at the weekend or go to the cinema outside of work, are not really your friends then and have no business being at a personal event like a wedding.
If you're friendly with a few that are worth having at the afters, then just give them private invites on the QT. No need for the whole office to be there if you don't feel like you're friends with them.
I didn't invite anyone from my office. I didn't see any of them outside of work. It was a small office of 14, but I'd only been there less than a year.
I know them better now, and if I was getting married now I'd have probably invited my team of 4.

tinkerbell

OP, forget you're having a wedding for a minute and ask yourself this - if you were having any other kind of party that is not a wedding, would you invite your work colleagues? If yes, then invite those to the afters. For those that you would not invite to a party or whatever, don't invite them. Simple as. I don't understand why just because it's a wedding that people automatically think they have a god given right to attend (even the afters) when they are not that close to the couple at all. If they get offended, big deal - those are the ones with the problem. Just because you work with them doesn't mean they have to be part of the most special day of your life.

detoxkid

Totally agree with the previous poster. If you wouldn't invite them to any other big party you are throwing them don't invite them to your wedding. I invited everyone to the afters and in hindsight I regret it. I am not close to them and I felt like I had to make an effort with them on the night. Nice of them to come and I know they had a good night but in hindsight I invited them cause I felt I should and wouldn't bother if I was doing it again.