Help with 5 year old

Graciefacey

Hi all, I have recently moved up the country with my 5 year old. She was initially excited at the move but is starting to act up in the evenings. She is with a childminder 8-6 everyday and I understand that it was a huge move for her. She only wants Daddy to put her to bed, to do everything for her and I am feeling very left out. She is starting to push the boundaries, and my partner and I disagree on discipline, I am very tough when she misbehaves while my partner feels that because of the big move she will take a while to adapt but I think she needs to be disciplined straight away. She will only go to sleep with someone lying beside her, she is an only child and is still very babyish when she wants. I amin tears mmost nights I am very sensitive and feel so helpless

ariana`

We have 2 kids so we do alternate nights with each putting them to bed, they both always want me! With the 4.5yo we just explain that "daddy loves putting you to bed, he wants to read your stories for you, give you cuddles and hear how good you are saying your prayers...", and that mammy brought you last night and will bring you again tomorrow night etc...

Another option for you is for daddy to be out of the house some evenings so there's no choice but for you to bring her to bed.

Try to make some time out for mammy & daughter special time, get your nails done together or just buy polish yourself and spend time doing her nails for her.

If my 4.5yo asks me to stay with him to fall asleep sometimes too, i just explain i have a some specific thing to do (eg i need the toilet) and that i'll check on him after, i always follow-through with checking on him, he's usually asleep, if not i stay another few minutes tucking him in and repeat again until he's asleep.

Regards discipline in general at this time i would try to be very understanding but still keep consistent with the rules "i know it's been hard moving house but it's still not acceptable to hit/shout...".

Try get her to open up to you, for example while tidying her bedroom together "i bet you miss your old bedroom..."

LadyMayBelle

Graciefacey wrote: »

Hi all, I have recently moved up the country with my 5 year old. She was initially excited at the move but is starting to act up in the evenings. She is with a childminder 8-6 everyday and I understand that it was a huge move for her. She only wants Daddy to put her to bed, to do everything for her and I am feeling very left out. She is starting to push the boundaries, and my partner and I disagree on discipline, I am very tough when she misbehaves while my partner feels that because of the big move she will take a while to adapt but I think she needs to be disciplined straight away. She will only go to sleep with someone lying beside her, she is an only child and is still very babyish when she wants. I amin tears mmost nights I am very sensitive and feel so helpless

I would def try and set aside a specific designated special time for her with each of you 1:1 most evenings so she knows that in that time she will have your undivided attention and the focus is on her. she's 5, so is still making the transition from thinking about the world from one viewpoint (her own) to that of two (mummy and daddy). Let her choose what to do (in the 15minutes special time) and praise her for ending.

When she gets upset or bothered really come in with the empathy; it's massive to move to a new area, have a new childminder (i assume new?) for 10 hours a day. It's very likely she needs someone to reassure her and do some of those baby things with her, like lie beside her. She will sense the tension and upset parents experience (that's normal) but needs that reassure that its ok. Kids worries are very often the parents worries, so give yourself a break, youre doing ok.

Fly59

I would try ignore the bad behaviour (as much as is possible) and concentrate on praising the good behaviour. She may need you to make some allowances for bad behaviour considering the major turmoil of your recent move, and the impact it has had on all of you. I have one DD of the same age and she is extremely sensitive to our stresses, no matter how well we think we are hiding it. Your move would have had an impact on all of you and a new routine and child-minder is difficult to deal with, so there is a lot going on for her. Also we've found that we have to reach an agreement between us on discipline, you have to have a plan that you agree on, so you'll both need to compromise to reach an agreed approach together, otherwise there is no consistency. Maybe if you could just calmly tell her that what she has done is not allowed for example and then just let it go rather than imposing consequences etc, it might have a better impact. She may be acting up to get attention even if it is negative attention, so this might break that cycle. I'd say give her a break and give yourself a break, it ain't easy and I cannot imagine how difficult relocating with a child would be!

Graciefacey

Thank you all for your replies I truly appreciate it. She is at this transitional age where as much as I still think she is a baby she is very much a little girl! She is in a new city, far away from family who were her primary carers with only a few hours a day in playschool. We are trying to make a real effort with 'fun time' in the evenings which is hard when there's only about a 2 hour window between getting home, cooking dinner, bath time and all that. She is a very sensitive soul (like her mum!) And I think this bad behavior is her way of dealing with all the upheaval. I will definitely put all your suggestions into practice, she is definitely attention seeking so I think ill focus on rewarding her good behavior and not being overly hard on her when she's whingy but will let her learn that the better behaviour the more likelihood of a picnic in the park the next day etc. Thanks all x can I add the behaviour is drastically better than last week. Slowly but surely