First time dad

Snake

36 weeks... Only 4 to go.. And honestly I'm pretty scared now.. I was fine all the way through, never any real worries but now I feel sick everyday, i can't eat, I'm just terrified... I'm probably more afraid that I'll do something wrong, screw up like my parents did with me and my brother.. How hard is it, they say, maybe not hard for the first while but I'm afraid of the future I suppose.. Is this normal? To feel sick from fear of a new baby? My.. Baby?

bodhi085

I became a father for the first time 3 half years ago now and like you I was terrified as it got closer. I was worried about all the little things like holding her,changing vests,feeding. But just like the mother does the same happens to the father in that naturally it just happens that you ease into the little things. Cherish the moments as before you know it you've blinked and they are no longer the tiny baby they was. I doubt you would screw up like you're patents did as you say..if anything you will do the opposite and be the best dad you can be. Good luck your future will be fine.

eviltwin

Pretty normal fears really, raising a child is a huge responsibility and you can be forgiven for being scared but the fact you are even posting shows that you are a good parent, a bad parent wouldn't care. As someone who grew up in an abusive home and had some of the same fears myself before my first just remember that you are not your parents, you are not destined to repeat their mistakes, in fact it might give you more of an incentive to be the best you can be. Talk to your partner about your feelings, don't try and be strong, she'll want to know, remember you are not in this alone and you can each take up the slack when the other is having a bad day. Early on all a child needs is food, warmth and love, by the time they have grown out of the newborn stage and need more emotional input you'll be grand. My eldest just turned 17 and I'm still figuring it out. You don't have to be perfect, you just need to be good enough. Good luck x

nikpmup

First off - the fact that you are so scared of messing up already shows that you are a committed, caring father. You don't have to know how to do it all, you'll learn as you go, and you can take with you the lessons from your past, just like every parent does. You'll be fine

Pawwed Rig

If they are crying feed them, wind them, put them to sleep, make them warmer or belch them. If you are worried about anything don't be afraid to ask for help. Read books, keep an eye on this forum, trust yourself and the mother to be. It is terrifying but you will love it

Best wishes for the next few weeks. Not to worry you more but our lad (first) came a month early;)

Citizenpain

Perfectly normal ! Don't worry though , when junior comes along you won't have time to be scared ... It'll be one day at a time and as much sleep as you can grab initially ! Main bit of advise .. Kids go through the different stages very quickly . Don't wish them away and cherish every minute ..

Some one said to me at some stage about how crazy it was that the most normal thing in life is also the most terrifying .

Very true . Pat yourself on the back . You are acting like a responsible dad already

Dravokivich

It can be quite nervous breaking out into the great unknown. It's a real shock to the system and can be quite bewildering at times. But honestly, (I know it seems easier to say than do) you shouldn't use the past experiences of your parents between your brother and yourself in anticipation that you are going to do wrong by your kid. Put all that stuff on a "not to do list."

Focus on what you want to do for your kid. Keep doing the basics as mentioned by Pawwed Rig above. Although that being said, the basics need to be done quite a lot throughout the day.

cbyrd

Just take one hour at a time.. before you know it s/he will be heading off for college... putting the stress of years on yourself now is not going to help you at all. So stop, enjoy every day for what it is.. the present, no-one can say what the future will bring and no-one has the answer to your question, all you can do is your best. Even with that, as parents we will mess up sometimes, thats being human.

Enjoy it, it really does pass too quickly.

Mink

You baby is lucky to have you as a daddy!

uck51js9zml2yt

Congrats on the new baby.
Its perfectly normal to feel how you're feeling. Its a huge responsibility but just take it a day at a time.

If its crying, it either has a dirty nappy, is hungry or has wind generally checked in that order unless you know its due a feed.

Your biggest challenge will be deciphering the cries....they don't tell you whats wrong ..and battling lack of sleep.

The 2 of you will need to get sleep when you can. If baby sleeps use the time to catch up and leave the ironing for another day.
The baby will just sleep....unless its crying...and there's always a reason. And if the baby is sleeping don't wake it..feeding and filling nappies is exhausting work.:D

If in doubt, there's enough parents on here to be able to help you along.

Snake

Thanks everyone, really. I actually feel much better (was feeling really sick) but I'm not as worried, still a wee bit but sure what can you do!

nikpmup

GrayFox208 wrote: »

Thanks everyone, really. I actually feel much better (was feeling really sick) but I'm not as worried, still a wee bit but sure what can you do!

I'd be more concerned if you weren't worried!

Since becoming a parent, I have never been so worried. I worried that I couldn't breastfeed. I worried that formula is synthetic muck that wouldn't sustain him. I worried he was sleeping too much. I worried he was sleeping too little. I worry that I'm doing it all wrong. I worry that I'm not stimulating him enough. I worry that I'll be rubbish at the older child stages. I worry that the world is harsh, and that my little man is growing up in an environment that I can't control. I worry about how I'll handle the teenage years. I worry about what kind of man he'll grow up to be.

I worry a lot!!

Bottom line : at first; it's day-by-day - in fact, it's hour by hour. After that, you gain confidence and relax a little. You learn as you go along, and as each stage develops, you develop too. All you need to do is your best, and ALWAYS put your child first, in everything you do.