Becoming exclusive

Birdy123

I met a guy online just over a month ago, everything is going well, I really like him and we see each other once or twice a week. I have no interest in dating anyone else, I'm just wondering is it too soon to bring up "the talk" on exclusivity? He is still actively online on the dating website as well so this has me thinking maybe he isn't that into me? Just looking for a bit of advice.
Thanks

Tokyo

If you've been seeing him regularly for a month and feel that you would like the relationship to go somewhere, then I don't think it's too early to talk to him about it, and see if he's on the same page or not in terms of wanting a relationship. If he is, then you can talk about exclusivity.

Birdy123

mike_ie wrote: »

If you've been seeing him regularly for a month and feel that you would like the relationship to go somewhere, then I don't think it's too early to talk to him about it, and see if he's on the same page or not in terms of wanting a relationship. If he is, then you can talk about exclusivity.

Thanks mike

But should I be the one to bring it up though? Does it speak volumes that he is not the one initiating this talk?

Tokyo

It's obviously something that is pressing on your mind. So bring it up with him. And see where the conversation goes. Sitting back and playing guessing games as to who should bring it up first and what it means is going to get you nowhere.

Hidalgo

Birdy123 wrote: »

Thanks mike

But should I be the one to bring it up though? Does it speak volumes that he is not the one initiating this talk?

Why would it speak volumes that he hasn't brought it up?
If he did would it speak volumes that you haven't broached the subject?
If ye are seeing each other regularly I wouldn't see the problem in having the exclusivity talk.

Saipanne

Bring it up. Take the initiative.

Birdy123

Thanks everyone.
It's just I was in a relationship for over 10 years so I have never tried online dating before, so to see him still actively online has me questioning "why is he still looking? Is he not happy with me? I know it's very early days, I think I'm just a bit out of touch with this whole dating thing :-)

Saipanne

Birdy123 wrote: »

Thanks everyone.
It's just I was in a relationship for over 10 years so I have never tried online dating before, so to see him still actively online has me questioning "why is he still looking? Is he not happy with me? I know it's very early days, I think I'm just a bit out of touch with this whole dating thing :-)

No, you're not out of touch. In my experience, online dating is rather fickle. Its like you are just one dish in a massive buffet! I met my current girlfriend through a common friend, after trying online dating for a while.

If you want to meet new people with no pressure, I would recommend Meetup.com. there are lots of groups on there, such as sports, hiking, movies, etc. Its really friendly, and you can get to know people more slowly.

Anyway, best of luck.

stargazer 68

Birdy123 wrote: »

"why is he still looking? Is he not happy with me? I know it's very early days, I think I'm just a bit out of touch with this whole dating thing :-)

Op how do you know he is not thinking the same about you? You must be online too to know that he is! You have nothing to lose by having the conversation.

Birdy123

Dovies wrote: »

Op how do you know he is not thinking the same about you? You must be online too to know that he is! You have nothing to lose by having the conversation.

Your right, at least I'll know what page he is on and if he's not on the same one as me, I can move on. . .even though I really like him :-( but it has to be done.

macplato

Don't you have to be active, too, to see the other person's status? If that's the case, then both of you may be wondering the same thing...

I did some online dating a few years ago. I met someone I liked, and after a few weeks I deactivated my account, because I wanted to see where things were going between us. A couple of days later he said he couldn't find my profile, and asked if it was because of him, so I said that yeah, I liked him enough not to want to see other people for now, and this indeed was the reason I deactivated it. He said "OK, great, I will deactivate mine too, then". And that was our exclusivity talk

It doesn't have to be a big, scary conversation, OP. The next time you see him, just ask him if he is seeing other women apart from you. If he says "yes", maybe ask him if he wouldn't want to focus on just one woman to see how it goes and tell him that this is what you are doing. If he says he isn't seeing anyone else, ask him if he is still active on the dating site, and see what he says - at the end of this conversation you should be able to figure out where you stand.

Birdy123

macplato wrote: »

Don't you have to be active, too, to see the other person's status? If that's the case, then both of you may be wondering the same thing...

I did some online dating a few years ago. I met someone I liked, and after a few weeks I deactivated my account, because I wanted to see where things were going between us. A couple of days later he said he couldn't find my profile, and asked if it was because of him, so I said that yeah, I liked him enough not to want to see other people for now, and this indeed was the reason I deactivated it. He said "OK, great, I will deactivate mine too, then". And that was our exclusivity talk

It doesn't have to be a big, scary conversation, OP. The next time you see him, just ask him if he is seeing other women apart from you. If he says "yes", maybe ask him if he wouldn't want to focus on just one woman to see how it goes and tell him that this is what you are doing. If he says he isn't seeing anyone else, ask him if he is still active on the dating site, and see what he says - at the end of this conversation you should be able to figure out where you stand.

Yeah, that's what I am doing, I am focusing on him only, to see where it goes. But I logged on during last week because ( I admit it) I was curious to see if he was still active on it and he was online when I logged in.

I want to take down my profile, I have no interest in dating anyone else, so I might just do that. :-)
Thanks

Zirconia

Saipanne wrote: »

If you want to meet new people with no pressure, I would recommend Meetup.com. there are lots of groups on there, such as sports, hiking, movies, etc. Its really friendly, and you can get to know people more slowly.

+1

I've been on a couple of dating sites too and would also recommend this approach instead. I went on a few first dates and realised I had build up a quite a different version of the person in my head, while chatting online to the person I met on the date, which was slightly uncomfortable. The Meetup.com groups allow you to meet people in a similar situation and get to know them without any pressure and while having an enjoyable time.

Bafucin

Move the entire relationship OFFLINE now.

People can either write emails and chat where they talk about feelings and have real discussions or worry about what the other is thinking.

If you guys cannot communicate online move it offline.

shalalala

I brought the conversation up with both of my exes and we were dating for 2 and 3 years. I would prefer a man to do it to be honest but if it is weighing on me I just have to say it! Do it OP, the worst that can happen is that he can say no.

fergie24

Bafucin wrote: »

Move the entire relationship OFFLINE now.

People can either write emails and chat where they talk about feelings and have real discussions or worry about what the other is thinking.

If you guys cannot communicate online move it offline.

x2

texting/emailing can be the worst form of communicating at the start of a new relationship. It leaves too many un-knowns and hidden messages. If i liked a girl and had a been on a few dates a few times then i would just ring her and i wouldnt be long finding out how she felt by her tone/reaction when i spoke to her.

Pick up the phone and ring, if there is no answer or no return call, well then there is your answer.

Lou.m

Just ask him out for a coffee and tell him how you feel.

Tell him there is no pressure to give a certain response he only has to say how he feels. The two of you can realize what is going on for you guys.

Tell him how you feel about it all and ask him not for anything that you want but just what he wants. Allowing space for what he might feel is important.

Let him open up to you.