Dating & Relationships for Single Moms

LegacyUser

I hope this is the right place for this. I've been single for the past 2 years and a 3 year old daughter.

I've gone on quite a few dates and had a casual thing with one guy for a while but there wasn't really anyone that I wanted anything more with. Until now that is, I've met someone who gives me butterflies and I think their might actually be something to it.

we've been on a couple of weekend dates, spent time just hanging out etc but the thing is I'm only free at the weekends. I work full time so I kind of use up all my babysitting favours with having my daughter collected from childminders when I'm working late or things like that. It does make things difficult, and because of stags/ hens / weddings that we both have in the next few weeks it's going to be 4 weeks before we are both free at the weekend to spend time together.

what do single parents do in these situations? Would it be ok to go for a coffee while my daughter is with us, I mean often do this with both male and female friends so I don't think she'd see anything strange about it. I suppose these things are going to keep coming up, I don't want to introduce this guy as someone significant to my daughter until I know that he will be. I also don't want to make this guy feel uncomfortable.

Any advice would be appreciated.

CaraMay

I think it's too early for all involved.

LegacyUser

CaraMay wrote: »

I think it's too early for all involved.

Care to elaborate? why/ based on what experience or reasoning?

Ann84

It's difficult alright...
Are there any teenagers in your areà that could babysit for a couple of hours so you could go to the cinema etc? One of my neighbours used to babysit for 6 Euro an hour and that was perfect...
They are on summer hols at the moment too so good timing!
I would give it a few months, until you guys are comfortable etc... Not so much for your daughter's sake... At three she isn't going to understand who he is anyway, but for you to get to know him yourself without being distracted too!

Best of luck

Merkin

You've only been on a couple of dates so introducing your daughter under any circumstances, regardless of how casual the context is, would be a mistake. I think it would make him feel uncomfortable and put undue (imagined or otherwise) pressure on you both at such an early stage.

I'd also look at paying a babysitter. Lots of secondary school kids have just finished their LCs and would be glad of a few quid so if you have a trusted neighbour or family friend that you could call on from time to time then this would be the best way to go.

Lou.m

Hi OP.

I am not a Mom just to say first off. I don't have your knowledge obviously. But I would worry about your daughter getting attached to anyone and it not working out. But also I mean you can't talk like that in front of her if you know what I mean. Also when you allow you child around someone you have to be REALLY 100% certain they are a good person.

And it might make him feel pressured and odd. And you too obviously you would be minding your daughter and not as relaxed.

I think a babysitter you trust is a good idea. Or a family member or whatever.

You would not be able to ahem be romantic ... or even talk as freely ...or he might not feel able to. There would be things you could not talk about.


And obviously he could not ignore the girl whilst she is there ...children have a way of becoming the centre of attention ...this would be him MEETING your daughter for the first time ...and spending time with her ...and talking to her etc. That is a bit of a big deal.

He is not a friend ...he has an added investment in you...so he will want to get on with her ...too much pressure
I would be very careful about who I let into her life as I am sure you are.
It is just my opinion though.

Obviously as time goes on if it went well you can of course bring her.

curlzy

I previously went out with a weekend dad. TBH if I dated another (I won't though) I would be seriously freaked and put off if he wanted me to meet and hang out with his child early on. It's alot of pressure.

ash23

OP I'm a single parent dating a single parent. He didn't meet my daughter until we'd been together about 6 months. I still haven't met his child (we're together 9 months now) but I'll probably meet her by the end of the year.

My child is older and I've always been single, her father isn't involved and she lives with me fulltime. Therefore it has been more appropriate for me to introduce her to my boyfriend a little earlier than me meeting his child who is younger, only sees him twice a week and has another parent involved.

People do things differently but after only a couple of dates I think it's really inappropriate to introduce him to your child. Even now OP there are occasions where I won't see my boyfriend for a week or two. It just is what it is. We deal with it.
At the beginning we could go 3 or 4 weeks without seeing each other because of the kids, work and life in general.
You can make it work if you both want to without getting the child involved this early.
A month of not seeing each other won't kill ye. Keep in regular contact and meet up when you can. Once you're a good few months into it you can introduce him to your child.

desbrook

Do you live on your own with your daughter OP? If so you might do what my gf used to do . She used to text me the kids were nearly asleep and I'd pop over... Quietly.. Very quietly. We'd watch tv at a low volume and grab a glass of wine. Bliss! After 7-8 months I met her kids and vice versa. We are together over two years now and we still fondly reminisce about the nights I'd silently sneak over with wine/cake/biscuits or flowers. It was very romantic!
Many opt to introduce someone as a friend at first. The downside of this is kids often feel cheated when they find out that the person is more than a friend. As your daughter is very young I don't think this is as big a concern as for a ten year old let's say. However try the "Wednesday sofa routine! "

CaraMay

desbrook wrote: »

Do you live on your own with your daughter OP? If so you might do what my gf used to do . She used to text me the kids were nearly asleep and I'd pop over... Quietly.. Very quietly. We'd watch tv at a low volume and grab a glass of wine. Bliss!

That's a great idea.

Floppybits

desbrook wrote: »

Do you live on your own with your daughter OP? If so you might do what my gf used to do . She used to text me the kids were nearly asleep and I'd pop over... Quietly.. Very quietly. We'd watch tv at a low volume and grab a glass of wine. Bliss! After 7-8 months I met her kids and vice versa.

I have dated a couple of single mum's in my time and this was something they all done. I would get a call or text saying the kid is asleep fancy coming over for a while.

The thing is you are going to have to find what works for you.