How do I do it?

IR1SH RANG3R

Hi All,

Not sure if this is the correct place for this so feel free to move as needed!

Basically, I have a problem that has been getting to me a lot lately. I'm a 23 year old guy and have been single for over two years after a long term relationship. My problem is that I have no idea how to "chat up" girls (for want of a better term) on a night out.

I don't know if I am good looking or what girls would consider me (I don't think I'm very bad looking though). I just have no idea how to start a conversation with someone I don't know without looking like a creep or how to even get in a position to start a conversation.

I'm not only looking for a hookup either as I do find it quite lonely the last few months and would be interested in a relationship if things worked out. Most of the girls I've been with up to now I have gotten to know through friends etc. and have developed a relationship that way, which I think I'm quite good at as when I get to know someone I think I am likable enough. It's just trying to start talking to a stranger (especially in a smallish town) I have no confidence/don't have a clue where to start/fear the rejection.

Anyone have any advice/tips?

casper023

I was the same as you I was in a long term relationship with my ex for 5 years and tbh this might not sound like a good idea to you because I didn't think it was but it surprised me. Would you consider online dating? . Ders Irish websites called pof or tinder or tagged der is a few. I know this might sound bad to you but a lot of people actually use them now. I live in a small town where everyone has slept with everyone and I didnt want a boyfriend who has slept with everyone I know so I tried online dating and it worked for me we are together 15 months and hope to get married in the future. I think this would suit u because u dont feel comfortable to chat women up, Now im in no position to tell u how to chat girls up out at bars but I think u should give this a shot. If you go out to pubs and clubs the majority of people are looking for their hole and not for a relationship. POF worked so well for me and my boyfriend because we both wanted the exact same thing. You can make a profile and u dont even have to put ur pic up at the start if you dont feel comfortable, u could even send it to people privately if you got chatting and you liked them. Then you dont need to worry about chatting up girls cause u can just be urself and ask dem about themselves . You can look through peoples profiles and they will state what they are looking for, u can look at people just in ur area and the site will pick people according to you account info who they think you would be suited to. You should give it a go you would be surprised if u knew how many pple u know are on dem. Best of luck I hope this helps :-)

Flippyfloppy

Just talk to them. Big (nice) Smoking areas are great for randomly talking to people on nights out. Ask for a light if you smoke, you and a friend go up ask to help you choose from the cocktail menu, anything light and bright to start up a convo.

Don't approach girls clearly deep in a conversation! You won't get far!!

Avoid dancing with people randomly on dance floor. Rarely works due to lack of being able to hear eachother and being forced to make funny dancing faces at eachother.

Unfortunately my advice involves bars & nightclubs but there you go.

mylefttesticle

Demeanour is such a valuable thing in life and most people make the mistake of ignoring their own.

You are looking at women as a whole: first mistake, look at women as individuals as that is what they are.

It is a simple formula that many ignore.

BE smiley in life

Be friendly, say hello to people everyday it becomes a habit that you can use in any social situation, I constantly say hello to people on the street, where I live, in the shopping market, trains anywhere really and believe me people remember me and when they see me again they say hello back because basically it is becoming a forgotten art.


Have manners!

Learn how to compliment people not just women anyone really as again it becomes a habit and a very nice trait,

Don't be sleazy, to forthcoming and always just be relaxed no one and I repeat no one likes a looper!

Have good posture, nice shoes, clean clothes and be clean.

A bit of harmless slagging goes a long way, people like to laugh!


Don't be too eager and don't just go after someone for the sake of it, chemistry is an amazing thing even if it only last minutes!#


Don't be a b8llox but don't be a pushover either.

In short in order to be confident unless it comes naturally to you, you really have to build it up over time by doings things you are not comfortable with like things I mentioned above because above anything else people love a confident person and they react to a confident person.

IR1SH RANG3R

Cheers for all the advice guys and girls will definitely take it on board. I know there's no real "secret" to chatting people up it just frustrates me that I'm so bad at it.

@casper023, I actually do use tinder quite a bit, it really is perfect for me because I can be myself usually. This actually does bring up another issue that has me stumped. I chatted to 2 or 3 girls that were from near me on tinder the last few months and they chatted back with things seemingly going well. One in particular even gave me her number and we text back and forth for a few days having a laugh. Then out of nowhere the conversation stops and I get no reply. I took the hint but this really was a blow to my confidence as I cannot for the life of me figure out where I went wrong, I keep thinking they realised who I am and may know me from around and stop all communication Any thoughts?

kjl

Walk up to a girl you like and say

"Hi, my friend is really shy and he wants to know if you think I'm cute"

There is no secret to chatting up people, just initial the conversation and be nice. As a 23 year old guy the world is your oyster.

Lou.m

IR1SH RANG3R wrote: »

Hi All,

Not sure if this is the correct place for this so feel free to move as needed!

Basically, I have a problem that has been getting to me a lot lately. I'm a 23 year old guy and have been single for over two years after a long term relationship. My problem is that I have no idea how to "chat up" girls (for want of a better term) on a night out.

I don't know if I am good looking or what girls would consider me (I don't think I'm very bad looking though). I just have no idea how to start a conversation with someone I don't know without looking like a creep or how to even get in a position to start a conversation.

I'm not only looking for a hookup either as I do find it quite lonely the last few months and would be interested in a relationship if things worked out. Most of the girls I've been with up to now I have gotten to know through friends etc. and have developed a relationship that way, which I think I'm quite good at as when I get to know someone I think I am likable enough. It's just trying to start talking to a stranger (especially in a smallish town) I have no confidence/don't have a clue where to start/fear the rejection.

Anyone have any advice/tips?

You need to meet more friends who are women and get to know people that way.

Start a hobby or a course that has a good mix of different people.

Don't look to meet someone for a particular goal just look to meet people and get to know them.