Don't know if relationship will go anywhere.

LegacyUser

Hi folks,

So I'm 24 and I've been seeing a guy for 3 months, he's nearly 26. We both have busy work lives so we see each other once a week (used to be twice when we first started dating). We take turns staying at each other's place.

He told me at the beginning that he doesn't like texting....but I didn't realise how much of a disaster he would be. He can take hours to reply and he could easily go the whole day without texting. I've casually mentioned it to him but I don't want to appear needy...I feel that if he really cared about me that he would make more of an effort to text me and meet up.

Some of our dates don't last terribly long either. We went to Howth a few weeks ago, it was a gorgeous day and we only stayed for 2 hours as he had to get home and iron his shirt for work the next day. The date was going great so I was kinda gutted. Things are great when we are together and I think there's good physical and emotional attraction from both sides.

I really like him but I fear that I am more into the relationship than he is. The red light for me is the fact that he doesn't seem to want to spend as much time with me as I would expect or as I've been used to in other relationships
Any advice?

Tokyo

To be fair to the guy, he was honest with you from the beginning by saying that he doesn't like texting - it's only after the fact that you are realising how difficult it's actually making your situation. He doesn't sound like he's messing you around - it just sounds like you have different wants from the relationship. He wants a few hours a week with someone, plus the odd text. You want more contact, more time together...

Perhaps you're finding out that you are both too different for this relationship to continue?

The only way you are going to know for sure is by talking to him. Find out if you're both on the same page in terms of what you want from a relationship together, and if you find that the differences are too great, it may be worth considering going your separate ways so that you can find somebody who can fulfill your needs.

LegacyUser

That is possibly the worst excuse I have ever heard for cutting a date short and it doesn't suggest he's really that into you. If a date is going well and you want to be with someone, a 10 minute job that could be done the following morning wouldn't make you go home.

professore

Sounds a lot like the "washing my hair" excuse.

professore

Sounds a lot like the "washing my hair" excuse.

Idle Passerby

Seeing as he forewarned you he wasn't a texter, If I were you I would call him instead. If he's similarly disinterested in speaking to you over the phone or keeping in touch at all, then I'd be concerned.

The issue with the short dates, it would annoy me too if I was having a nice time with a guy on a day out and he cut it short to iron a shirt. Maybe try to suggest you spend the day together sometime, specify you'd like it to be more than an hour or two.

retro:electro

The texting thing wouldn't bother me much or lead me to believe he's not that into you, it's just not his thing. However the ironing excuse is ridiculous and actually quite insulting. I would be quite offended and let down if a guy I was on a date with cut the date short to go home and iron his shirt.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your reply Mike. Your post made a lot of sense to me.
I do want more contact, more together time so I will need to tell him how I feel. I just miss that closeness when we are apart and when I don't hear back from him. I think it's been a while since his last serious relationship so that may be a factor in all of this.

Merkin

He sounds distinctly meh about it. Either that or he just isn't a great communicator. The ironing the shirt excuse is really rubbish but he simply may not be worldly wise in social nuances and merely said it without thinking. Whatever the reason, I think it's time to have a very open and honest conversation with him. Better to establish now if you're singing off the same hymn sheet.

Also, don't use the term 'needy' when referring to yourself m'dear. You have your own basic hopes and expectations in a relationship and it is OK to be assertive when it comes to fulfilling your own happiness. If a guy likes you and you raised these concerns he'd take it on board and appreciate that you said it so don't compromise your own standards.