Gone quiet?

LegacyUser

So got chatting to a guy on Tinder (dont judge me!) about 6 weeks ago. Have been txting ever since, having craic, talking rubbish etc, general banter and some flirting.

We've both suggested dates but times didnt suit etc. Ive noticed since last Thursday hes gone quieter, and of course now im questioning everything.

I dont like this wondering thing as it drives me mad. We're both going to the races but dont think I can hold out till then.

What would you suggest I say to test if hes still interested or not? God I never realised I was this insecure...definitely once bitten twice shy kinda thing I suppose

Addle

Ask him out.

Well while a lot of people do get dates from Tinder, it's primarily a hook up site. When you say 'interested', if you mean a hook up, I'm sure he's still interested in hooking up regardless of whether he's quiet or not (he's probably in touch with other girls and wont always have the same amount of attention to give).

However if you mean something more than a hook up, you're more qualified to know what the situation is between the two of you than anyone here is.

To be honest, I think if he was that interested, you wouldn't have to look for something to say to test him.

dellas1979

sunflower27 wrote: »

I have no idea what tinder is (oh God, I am officially OLD!).

Its ok Sunflower. I had a moment recently when someone had to explain to me what snapchat was .

Tinder is an app (I think) that you can download on your phone. And then through that app you just trawl through pics of people (like online dating).

OP, both of you are indeed a reflection of modern society in meeting. Meet on tinder, yet too busy/inconvenient/important in own lives to meet up.

The old fashioned way (and it should still stand irrespective of how you meet) is if a person wants to meet someone, you'll simply meet them. If a person is interested in you, they'll contact you.

For me and what I read especially on here, all these apps etc are a bit like the fast food of the dating world. Instantly gratifying, but youre not really sure what you are actually eating. Much better to cook your own food.

What am trying to say is, if you are using these apps, be wary about the people you are meeting/talking to and their agenda.

miamee

For future reference, 6 weeks is far too long not to have met up regardless of how busy you both think you are. If you were really interested in each other, it would have happened by now, even just an hour for a coffee/drink. Essentially you are now 'text buddies'.

m'lady

miamee wrote: »

For future reference, 6 weeks is far too long not to have met up regardless of how busy you both think you are. If you were really interested in each other, it would have happened by now, even just an hour for a coffee/drink. Essentially you are now 'text buddies'.

That's not necessarily true, I met my other half on a ( non dating app), we spoke and text solidly for 8 weeks and now nearly 2 years on we are living together, very happy and have lots of plans for the near future. I do agree that you can invest too much time in someone and then be disappointed but it doesn't always happen like that!


OP - I would simply ask him out again and not over think the whole situation- he could be busy or could have met someone or whatever, my point being you won't know until you ask!

Merkin

All the talk of numerous attempts to meet up would suggest that he's not all that arsed. Tinder is a pick-up site so I'm not so sure it's the place to be looking for a boyfriend but anyyyyyyyway......

Text him once and say 'Do you still fancy meeting up and if so, when suits? Thursday and Saturday are both good for me '

You couldn't really be any more direct and you've nothing to lose, You'll soon have your answer. Any more abortive attempts at making arrangements and Id just delete him.

miamee

Great advice Merkin, a direct and to the point text will usually sort the wheat from the chaff as they say.

Just to clear something up for the OP; while Tinder may have started out as a hook-up type app and may still be used as such by some people it has actually become a lot more mainstream and used for general dating now too from what we hear from users in ODG (online dating group)

Merkin

Thanks for the clarification miamee, I am not down with the kids at all!

Tilly

Tinder is more a dating app. Two of my friends have met their BF's on Tinder and are both in very happy relationships

Text/message him OP and ask him out. If he's interested he'll make some arrangement to meet you.

LegacyUser

Thanks all for the replies

This whole modern day dating is a bit annoying alright...gone are the days when you met at a dance and then the following friday met at the GPO :P

When I said that we didnt get to meet, he suggested but I was away for the weekend or when I suggested he was. He lives in a different county you see.

I txt him last night and made light of the situation, then somewhat similar to what you said Merkin (good suggestion, really does show if they're interested or not!) he asked where and when suits. He works between here and the UK and is there now so I suggested this weekend but havent heard back yet...

I'll leave it till the end of the day and if no reply well then i'll chalk it down to experience and get back on Tinder for more ;-D

Dial Hard

I think people are getting Tinder and Blendr mixed up. Blendr is the hook-up site.

Anyway, my own experience, after 2+ years of online dating is that someone going quiet all of a sudden is a dead giveaway that they've lost interest. Sorry.

Lou.m

Hi OP.

I prefer romance to be in real life I have only really used social media for friends for the last few months. I found getting back to real life only dating really sped things up. But that is not to say it can't be useful I have heard some great stories.


Generally someone ignoring you on social media like FB, or dating sites or by text or whatever means a rejection.


If you ask him directly if he would like to meet you for a relaxed coffee or drink you will know what is going on. If he says no, you will know he is deffo not interested, if he says yes, enjoy!

It is what I would do.

kjl

I think this is actually the problem with modern dating. People spend too much time talking via text chat where they can ponder ever word they write. Then get all flustered about meeting up or talking on the phone.

Send him one last tinder and say, here is my phone number, give me a call if you want to have that date.