Some advice needed

Orion2014

I'm at a cross roads in my life. I've been with my other half now for over 15 years and we have two beautiful children. We have been engaged now for about 8 years but havent got married due to financial commitments.

I never questioned my other half's feelings towards me until the start of the year when I caught her having an online affair with her ex. I just had a bad feeling that wouldnt go away and checked her phone, maybe ignorance is bliss but i had to know. She told me I was over reacting and it was harmless fun, she said she would stop but a couple of months later I found they had intensified their communications and he wanted to meet up. They were swapping semi nude picutes of each other and basically flirting all day long. I pulled her on what I found and threatened to leave and she pleaded with me to stay with her and we've been drifling along since.

I still however have a bad feeling and I've recently discovered she has condoms in her hand bag and she is taking a lot more attention in her appearance. I'm so torn up as to what to do, we have a house together and we all know the rights of unmarried fathers in Ireland.

All I have ever done is provide for her and try to make her happy, nice home, good lifestyle, nice car etc.

Should I just face the fact I should break up with her and settle for watching my children grow up from a far as I try to find someone who loves me again.

Tokyo

Orion2014 wrote: »

Should I just face the fact I should break up with her and settle for watching my children grow up from a far as I try to find someone who loves me again.

That's a question that nobody can really give you a yes or no answer to here. The biggest factors here by far is what do you want, and what does your partner want? Have you given up on the relationship or do you want to work at it? And, more importantly, have you spoken to your partner honestly and do you feel that she wants to work on your relationship, or do you think that things are too far gone at this stage?

15 years is a lot to walk away from, and at risk of waxing lyrical about seeing a professional, if you both have an interest in this working then you both really need to consider getting professional help with your relationship. If that is not to be however, then bear in mind that it's better fro your children to grow up with two parents that love them but live apart and have their own lives, than to live under the same roof as both parents who can't stand to be in the same room as each other.

Set some time aside, and talk to your partner about what you both want, and what you are both willing to invest into saving your relationship. That conversation may come with quite a few hurtful truths and you need to be prepared for that. And take it one day at a time from there.

Orion2014

Thanks for the replies.

I guess you knocked the nail on the head and yes the only reason I am still with her is for the sake of our children. I couldn't imaging life without immediate access to them so I have been masking my deep misery for the joy that they bring me.

This whole experience has destroyed my confidence and trust in the other sex. I don't think if I stay with her that I will ever trust her again fully, which is sad when I never was the jealous type in all our time together and did nothing but put her and the children first.

desbrook

I'm guessing your kids are primary school age . They won't be for long - soon they'll pick up on the dysfunctional relationship between you and your partner . WHEN (there's a massive chance you will ) you two do split it'll be much harder on them .

While they are still young and can adapt easier sort things out . It's the fairest on all .

curlzy

I'm so sorry you're in this situation OP, how heartbreaking. I really think you need to go to councelling with her or by yourself if she won't go.

Tefral

OP sorry to hear your predicament.

You are unmarried and as you haven't said I'll assume that your not down as the guardians of your kids.

Before you do anything make sure you do this. Have a look here http://www.courts.ie/Courts.ie/library3.nsf/pagecurrent/11B55178B0EBE941802577EA003FC000?opendocument