Separating but have no where to move

Samia12

I'm a non eu, have been living in ireland for an year. I'm married to an Irish man n had a baby last month through c section n i'm still recovering. I'm in an abusive relationship. So the other day i was sitting with my husband n he started talking about women that a song reminds him of them n he could be with them if he wanted, and thats the worst thing you can say to your partner to humiliate them, i was hurt n i asked so where does our relationship stand cos i have seen the signs of abuse n no affection towards me n my child. He started getting abusive n called me insecure bitch n told me to **** off. He was doing all this while holding my child i asked him to give me my baby, i was on his way at the door he pushed me. Then again when i asked him to give the baby to me he hit n scratched my arm. I kept warning him i'll call the guards. Before all this happened we were out it was raining i was wheeling the pram, n he pushed me n my baby aside to let some women pass from behind, n she laughed in a sarcastic way. Even in public he abused me.
When i was pregnant there were many times when i had a fight with him he would push me. I had a very bad back pain n he wont bring me to hospital he only did when his uncle told him to. He neglected me through out my pregnancy n gambled away most of his savings. Before i came to ireland he was betting n i just asked him when he is struggling financially why would he bet, he threatened divorce and his sister told me never to contact him n supported his gambling. He gambled away 10000 when i was pregnant i still stayed with him in fact i tried to make him feel better. Left me in labor told me he was going to sleep n gambled more. I had to beg him to come to me cos i have no one. So anyway this recent fight i had with him, when i told his sis she said i shouldnt be staying with him. I trusted her n there she was planning with my husband what to do with me if i report them. hmy son was in the pram n he picked him up just to annoy me cos he abuses me n i dont want an abuser around my child, i said nothing n went upstairs quitely. then he got a call from his sister left my baby crying n went in his car to talk to her about what to do with me so i wont know, when i saw my baby left there n crying i went out to ask him why did he leave him there as i was heading towards car holding my baby he was on phone with his sister n started the car, didnt even care about the baby i was holding i hit the door of his car, n he drove away. then his liar sister sent me msgs that i hit the car door n she was in park just infront of our house yet he was talking to her on call. the are comparing hitting the car door to him hitting n pushing me through out my pregnancy n even now. My husband brother also started txting me when i was trying to feed my baby. defending him even though i told them he pushed me, n twisted my arm. This morning when i went through his phone n found his sister msg that if i do anything or report him, they would take away my baby. I told her i have her msgs saved on txt n i'm going to show guards the threats n bullying so i found this txt she said to my husband she would show my msgs, just trying to attack me back. I told my husband i'm going to the guards with his phone as a proof how him n his family are planning things against me, he abused me again he got on top of me to get the phone he was standing on my feet, broke my footwear.
The other night he insulted me so much when he was on phone with his brother, and said he would take his brother side n his brother n him were saying things to me on the phone, he started swearing at me. I was bullied so bad n has affected my mental health so much that night i tried to suicide. My self esteem is crushed, now he gives me silent treatment cos he goes to his family n tell them to bully me. I kept asking him to apologize it might make me feel better cos it had affected myself esteem so bad. Next morning his sister started calling me again, when i told him he said "cos you abused her" n i just couldnt believe how cheap these people are.
I want to leave this house n move somewhere with my baby. I dont work, n i'm wondering would i get any sort if social welfare so i could rent a place n look after my baby. I have my belongings packed but have no where to go. They know it so they do anything to me. where should i go for help.

Penny Tration

Oh, you poor woman.

You DO have somewhere to go. Call Women's Aid. They will help you. You don't have to stay in an abusive relationship.

Samia12

green_screen wrote: »

Oh, you poor woman.

You DO have somewhere to go. Call Women's Aid. They will help you. You don't have to stay in an abusive relationship.

i called them, but i dont wanna live in women refugee with my baby. does anyone know if the government would provide me some kind of welfare or a house where i could move with my baby like many single mothers. my baby is too young n i want us to have a good life, refugee would only depress me more. i stayed in postnatal ward n was very depressed till a month even when i was out of there. so i know what it's like.
i'm sure there are better solutions for women in my situation, i have an irish child, have pps no. wont it help in anyway?

Neyite

Samia12 wrote: »

i called them, but i dont wanna live in women refugee with my baby. does anyone know if the government would provide me some kind of welfare or a house where i could move with my baby like many single mothers. my baby is too young n i want us to have a good life, refugee would only depress me more. i stayed in postnatal ward n was very depressed till a month even when i was out of there. so i know what it's like.
i'm sure there are better solutions for women in my situation, i have an irish child, have pps no. wont it help in anyway?

There are waiting lists for housing. There are families who have been housed in hotels and hostels for months of a wait until something becomes available. While having a newborn might push you up the list, you wont know until you apply, and to do so, you need help by those organisations who know the system.

So my advice is to take what is offered for now - find out what Womens Aid can help you with in terms of welfare entitlements, filling out forms, and applications to the council for emergency housing. A womans refuge is NOT like a refugee hostel. Some of them are quite nice and have won awards.

Nobody can tell you on this thread about what your entitlements are as they will vary due to individual circumstances so you need to go to your local Department of Social Welfare to find out. They can tell you what you can and cannot claim for.

All the best.

curlzy

Hi OP,

You and your baby can't stay in that situation. I'm so sorry this is happening to you : ( it's awful. Please take Neyite's advice in the post above and contact Women's Aid http://www.womensaid.ie/?gclid=CM7dgaDZur8CFYJZ2wodOwkAdw tel: 1800341900. Contact them. If you aren't happy with what they advise you to do you don't have to do it but you should at least contact them.

Best of luck

mylefttesticle

Hi,

So sorry your in this situation.

Your priority must be your child and yourself, you must forget about all the rest for now.

We probably need some context first as it will better establish how to help you, you say you are non EU, are you legal in this country? by that I mean have you been issued a visa? or are you under some other status I hate to use this word but are you for instance under refugee status? as I think as far as I know social welfare is not the department to help you if this is the case but I could be mistaking.

I think if you feel your in a drastic situation and it is threatening to you your or your child you need to act fast and take whatever temporary accommodation is offered to you and go from there, some of the houses are offered by these charities are first class and offer a range of service to help people in these situations and they are mostly strictly run with great emphasis on women and children.

Social welfare will not do anything for you quickly as it takes time to register, fill out forms etc and because I am assuming you have no history in this country apart from maybe child birth it maybe difficult to reach something that gets you out of harm quickly.

Might it be better to go home to your own country for awhile that is assuming you have family there who could look after you in the short term?

Hi just read about the PPS number, have you worked here in Ireland?

Best of luck anyway.

Leogirl

Hi OP,

Firstly I am very sorry you are going through this right now. I hope you find the help you need to get yourself & your child out of this situation.

I'm not sure of social welfare situations but I thought this might be of use to you in the future. I came across this yesterday when researching some visa queries for a friend.

http://www.nascireland.org/know-your-rights/domestic-violence-and-immigration/

also

http://www.inis.gov.ie/en/INIS/Victims%20Of%20Domestic%20Violence%20-%20Note%20for%20Web.pdf/Files/Victims%20Of%20Domestic%20Violence%20-%20Note%20for%20Web.pdf

Just so that you know you do not need to stay with him or rely on him just to continue living here. There are procedures in place to help people in this situation.

Good luck OP & take care of yourself.

Samia12

I contacted women's aid before posting the thread here. I went to meet them yesterday, i told her about my situation again. He has insulted me so much n abused in every way that every morning i wake up, thinking about it makes me sick. My health has gone down. I never told anyone in the neighbourhood about them because everyone knows them, n i just want to get out of here quitely. but yesterday i met this old women n we started talking she told me she knows n most people here know what they are like n she kept saying " i cant believe how a good looking girl like you ended up here". i'm only 22 10 years younger than my husband and that's all i get here when i speak up, attacked by his family. I really don't want to know these people anymore, they are very narrow minded. and they only know how to abuse others.

I want to get out of here and go live with my family for a while. But i need my baby's passport for that and i need my husband's information for that. i feel i'm stuck in this situation. I went to women refuge and really i wouldnt like to live there with my baby. dont want to put him through this. they told me i cant get a house or welfare immediately n it would take very long. to stay in refuge i would need to pay 10 eur everyday. but i'm getting nothing off the government.

I'm so done with this continuous mental and emotional abuse which gets physical when i say something. my husband has his own insecurities which he throws on me n his family tells him he is right who are cheaters themselves. he cant get over things from past n brings them up. i never bring up things like this reminds me of my ex or some guy cos i'm over it n am very secure with my present but he has issues n he likes making me feel like ****. he thinks i have no right on anything n keeps gambling. but now his family is after me. i'm sure he would stalk me here n find this post.

ABajaninCork

OP - would you be able to get a passport for your baby from your own country?

Samia12

ABajaninCork wrote: »

OP - would you be able to get a passport for your baby from your own country?

He was born here. And I would like him to have Irish passport since its his right. I don't want to take away his right from him, i have a pakistani passport and i cant even go to my brother in germany n live there with him, if i had passport of some eu country i could. I would hate to see my son struggling like me and its not possible either to get pakistani passport for him. I have no one in my country. My family lives in Dubai.

Meauldsegosha

Could your brother send you some money to stay at the refuge?

SpaceTime

A birth cert is a public document.
Simply go to the registrar's office and see if you can get a new copy of it.

You should be then able to apply for your baby's passport via the passport office.

I think you should also get some legal advice immediately. If your family can help this would be very important.

Just get a solicitor who knows about family law.

You need to find out if you can apply for a visa in your own right and if you can apply for naturalisation.

Getting legal advice is very, very important.

If your family can help you to pay for a solicitor this would be extremely important.

Also, your husband will not be able to leave you high and dry financially. If he has assets and income, you'll be quite entitled to pursue him for maintenance in any separation or divorce proceedings.

Talk more to women's aid and try to get a solicitor straight away.

If you've no bank accounts, open some immediately too. You'll just need something to prove your address (bill, any document from a state body etc with your name and address on it)

I'm quite concerned about how our immigration laws are putting people in this kind of position.
Any person married to an Irish citizen and genuinely living in Ireland with obvious reasons to be here should be entitled to naturalisation.

I think if I were you I would also immediately contact http://www.immigrantcouncil.ie too.

You need immediate advice on your visa/residency/naturalisation options.

tara73

OP, there are some great organisations in Ireland, who are doing good things to people in an emergency situation like you are in.
one I know is called st. vincent de paul. you can contact them, you can even stay anonimous and if you tell them what's going on in your life I guess they are there to help. they would give you the money for the womens refuge.

I know they are from a catholic background and from your last post I guess you're not but I can't imagine they would turn your request down seeing the horrible situation you are in.

Maybe somebody knows more here whether they only support people with catholic beliefs?

you really, really need to get out of that situation, it doesn't sound as you're safe physically and mentally. please go to the women refuge place, it can't be worse than staying with a husband who beats you.

the idea to get in contact with your brother is a good one also. can't he send you money and can he fly over to Ireland??

SpaceTime

The main thing is to get yourself out of that situation a.s.a.p.

Also, remember that while Dublin's expensive for accommodation, there is lots of cheaper accommodation elsewhere. So, you could always move to some other part of Ireland if needs be for a while and live reasonably comfortably until you get everything sorted out.

1) Make sure you get your money sorted out - get help from your family if necessary.
2) Make sure you have somewhere to live. So, if that means contacting a women's shelter temporarily just do that. If you've any friends or anything like that in Ireland that you could stay with that might be a good option too?
3) Tell people what's going on. If you've friends or colleagues or whatever in Ireland, don't hide it. It's a bit embarrassing but I think most people in Ireland are very much going to be on your side when it comes to something that is basically domestic abuse. The more people that are aware of your situation, the safer you are too.
4) Talk to the various organisations that have help in this kind of situation. I would actually suggest that you start by calling the Immigrant Council of Ireland about your visa situation and any advice they might have (01) 674 0200

There seems to be a few different women's aid organisations.

Full list:
http://www.cosc.ie/EN/COSC/NS/Domestic+Violence+Services+for+Women/
(Click on your county/region)

http://www.womensaid.ie/ - 1800 341 900

Cork : http://www.osscork.ie - 1800 479 497 (Multi-agency One Stop Shop)

http://www.safeireland.ie/ 090 6479078

http://www.saoirsewomensrefuge.ie/

Any of those organisations will put you in touch with someone locally too. So, just call whichever one is closest or you're most comfortable with.

The main thing is to do something immediately and don't be worried about anything other than getting to somewhere safe.

Samia12

I'd rather live with my family than going to a refuge. He doesnt beat me really all the time, has pushed me few times n hit me to get his phone of me. there is more mental n emotional abuse plus bullying than physical. he has his family after me n they have all teamed up that's what scares me.

I have been on the links that people sent me here. Thanks so much for trying to help me.

SpaceTime

Samia12 wrote: »

I'd rather live with my family than going to a refuge. He doesnt beat me really all the time, has pushed me few times n hit me to get his phone of me. there is more mental n emotional abuse plus bullying than physical. he has his family after me n they have all teamed up that's what scares me.

I have been on the links that people sent me here. Thanks so much for trying to help me.

The thing is though, if he's beating you *at all* that's unacceptable and completely illegal in Ireland and mental / emotional abuse is totally unacceptable too.

At the very least talk to Women's Aid and discuss what to do next.
Also absolutely talk to your family and your friends about this. You need advice and support.

I think if I were in your position, the first thing I would do is seek legal advice from both an expert in Family Law and an expert in Immigration Law. That may be a little expensive, but you might be able to get access to that information through those organisations too.