Giving space/time in a relationship

accabooks

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GreeBo

Has there been any contact at all?

She could equally be waiting for you to initiate it.
I think after 3 weeks I would be making contact to see where she is at.

CaraMay

It's not looking good. What's 3 weeks going to change if you gave some basic incompatibility issues (assuming that's your view on it).

I can never understand 'breaks'. It's just plain weird to take a deliberate holiday from a relationship if you truly love them.

What changes if you get back together?

bee06

accabooks wrote: »

Hi GreeBo, thanks for reply.

Nah there's been zero contact. The reason I haven't made a move is because I told her to take her time and get in touch when she's ready. She appreciated that and said that she doesn't know if it will be a short or long time, just to stay positive and that she loves me.

I'm conscious that if I call/text her now that it could be perceived as pressuring her and possibly drive her away.

So I'm caught in two minds at the moment!

I think because ye specifically said that she would be the one to get in touch you kinda have to just wait for her. A horrible wait I can imagine but that's what ye agreed.

stargazer 68

Sorry op but this just smacks of someone wanting their cake and eating it! She gets to decide on this whole relationship and if and when you get back together. How long are you supposed to wait or are willing to wait? Another 3 weeks, a month, 6 months?

LegacyUser

Hey OP

I posted here before about similar problems I was having with my bf. I asked the land of boards if they thought a break would be a good idea and the replies were unanimous. All basically said that it's not going to help our situation. I have to say I am glad I did take their advice, and I had a big long chat with my bf to sort out things. What you have described above is my idea of hell. I could not deal with 3 whole weeks of no contact I dont know how you've done it. Fair enough maybe breaks can work for some but me personally, I think they would be too hard for me to cope with. I can barely go 2 days without talking to my bf never mind 3 weeks!

I'm not really sure what advice to give you because I would be as confused as you are in this situation. But I know for one thing, I would definitely have cracked by now and phoned my bf by now.

Blingy

You have a lot more will power than most. There is no way I could have ever done three weeks with no contact. I think if you get no response to the txt (which if it was me I really wouldn't be impressed with) give her a call over the weekend and try to meet up for a coffee. Then take it from there. This hanging on waiting and waiting smacks of a power trip on her behalf (IMO).
Make sure you know what you want and what you see for your future together.

Blingy

accabooks wrote: »

Thanks Blingy. At least I know that I'm doing well to have lasted for 3 weeks!

I'll wait and see if I get a reply to the text (would be disappointed if I dont) but after that I'm not sure where I'll go with it.

There's a personal event on over the weekend that could and should force her hand in to making some sort of contact with me so I think ill wait and see if she does that. If not then I have to make a move, for my own sanity if nothing else!! I cant be a complete door mat here?!

Definitely if no reply to the txt by Saturday afternoon I would be ringing her and inviting her to meet for a coffee. Good luck.

b_mac2

Is her not replying, a reply in itself? If it was me, I would leave it. Easier said than done I know but all that one way chasing, IMO, is cringe territory.

tara73

tbh, I would tell her how you feel, what you described here to us, tell her. you are suffering by now, it's not fair and healthy to be so in limbo.

it could be she's already made her mind up and don't want to be together with you anymore at all and is just too cowardish to let you know.

tbh, from my point of view it sounds like it, zero contact for 3 weeks isn't a good sign.

CaraMay

accabooks wrote: »

I'm a bit worried that the longer it goes on and even more so now if she ignores my text that I'll start to resent the whole situation and eventually hate her aswell for leaving me out in the cold like this.

I've done well to last this long so a bit of assertive action may be needed in the next few days I think!

In any even it's been good to get some of the frustration out of my system by posting on here and getting some feedback

You resent her??!?!??? You suggested it!!!! I'm sure she resents the fact you suggested it and is giving you a good taste of your own medicine. V childish behaviour.

b_mac2

accabooks wrote: »

Nah she'll have to reply/get in touch one way or the other. Nobody just ends a 3 year relationship by simply not contacting the other person and hoping they'll go away. At least not the girl that I fell in love with (I hope!)

I thought that too man... Hope it doesn't happen to you, but just try keep some of your dignity through all this and be prepared for the worst.

Virgil°

It sounds to me OP like she has wanted to break up and you kinda gave her an out.

Thinking back on it truthfully OP, who was picking these fights? Who was escalating them?
I hope I'm wrong for your sake but I think she was too spineless to break up with you, jumped at the chance of a "space/time" interlude and is now either fully ignoring you while experiencing her new found freedom or building up to telling you that she ain't coming back(or both).

Just my two cents.

December2012

accabooks wrote: »

Even though we both willingly entered in to this 'break' I'm definitely the one that's been in limbo the whole way waiting for her to get in touch.

That's unfair - how can you compare your experience to hers? You don't know what it has been like for her. Assuming you've had it worse sounds like point scoring and game playing. You sound like you're taking on a hard done by victim role.

I feel like she knows me well enough at this stage and if she wants me then here I am. Take it or leave it. Feeling a bit hard done being left to suffer like this!

And you should know her well enough - yet you suggested time apart? Why does she have to know you better than you know her? Again, you seem like you're fishing for sympathy and seeing yourself as the victim.

LegacyUser

I think that for your own sanity, you need to re-negotiate this "break".

As we all know, everyone's idea of a break is different. Do you get to see other people? Does it go on indefinitely or until one or other or both of you decide that the break (or the relationship) is over? Who decides?

You're in limbo, and that's not fair. Contact your partner, tell her you're not able to go on this way, and make a decision one way or another.

Neyite

Closing as OP has edited their PI