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An example of my writing
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Had a quick read there. There's a few syntax/grammatical issues I'd have a look at before adjusting any content. Bolded some of the ones I noticed. Some aren't important, just my opinion.
Hi there. Thanks for that. I went back through the piece and have made a note of all the changes pointed out. Will leave all that to the editing once the story is finished.0 -
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Hot Of The Presses!
Just completed Chapter 2:
Camping Chaos (The Tent Collapse)
Chapter II: (Andrea's Plan) (Version #1)
The following morning after breakfast, Andrea began planning as to how she was going to deal with Julie and the other girls. She knew that, whatever she came up with would need to have a way of instilling a lot of humility in them so that they would then, hopefully, show a lot more respect towards her and her teaching colleagues in the future.
("What on earth could I possibly do that would solve my problem here?! I know! Maybe shrinking them down to a few inches might just be the answer! Now where is my magic book?!")
She walked into the living room and stood in front of the grandfather clock. Gently moving it to one side, which then revealed a hidden cupboard, Andrea opened the cupboard. She took out an old and extremely dusty covered book of spells.
She took it into the kitchen where she sat down and began reading it.
After a while or so, she eventually found the very spell that she was looking for.
("Ahha! THAT's what I need! The "containment and restriction" spell! Lovely!")
She knew that she would probably have to test this spell before using it as she hadn't really used it for an extremely long time.
As for the problem in regard to shrinking the girls? Well this was no problem as Andrea knew that she could make a potion that would enable her to do this without anyone ever noticing.
With that, she immediately started working on her plan.
The following Monday morning as Andrea arrived in the school for her day's teaching, on entering the school building, she immediately spotted her first two victims, two girls named Barbara and Sinead. They were in the same academic year as the four girls, though not in the same class.
The first few classes went pretty smoothly.
At 11am, the school bell rang to indicate the start of another twenty-minute break. Andrea came out of the staffroom. She made her way down to the school library.
As she entered, Barbara and Sinead were sitting over on the far right in the study area.
"Could I have a word with both of you for a second, please?" she asked rather politely.
"What is, Miss?" asked Barbara as she looked up from her book.
"I wonder if you two could help me out in some way?"
"How so?" Sinead asked somewhat curiously.
"Well, I'd like you both to have a taste of this new drink I bought only this morning. " Andrea said, showing both girls a plastic bottle of the "new drink" that she was holding.
"Oh! That's that new energy drink, isn't it?!" Sinead asked rather excitedly.
"I think so!" replied Miss O'Brien, trying to sound confused.
Without another word, Sinead immediately took the bottle from Miss O'Brien and took a swig of it. She then handed it to Barbara.
"Come on Barbara! It's great stuff that!" she exclaimed.
"Okay!....But I really DON'T know about this!" Barbara exclaimed somewhat hesitantly.
As she watched the two girls, that same wicked smile gradually spread across Miss O'Brien's face.
("These two poor fools! They've no IDEA what they've just done! They'll be insects within the next hour!")
"Okay that's enough for now!" she said taking the bottle back from both girls.
"There you go Miss. " replied Sinead. "Is that all you need?"
Andrea nodded, quite contentedly.
"Yes! That's absolutely perfect! You two better get back to your study!"
Both girls nodded in agreement.
After Miss O'Brien had left the library, Barbara suddenly winced.
"Ohh!" she moaned. "I don't feel too well!"
"Neither do I! Ohh! Excuse me!" Sinead exclaimed as she belched rather suddenly.
At 1pm, the school bell rang again to indicate the start of the usual lunchbreak. This lasted for half an hour. As all the students began filing into the school canteen, it seemed that everything appeared to be as usual. But it wasn't. Down just outside the school art room, the teacher, Miss Niamh O'Connor had made a startling discovery. Hers was to be the first class after the lunchbreak. Everything seemed to be in order but for some, unknown reason, she had found two abandoned girls school uniforms, lying around the legs of two of the seats down the back. This really puzzled her but what really confused her was the state these two uniforms appeared to be in.
The shirts were stilled buttoned up and everything seemed to b okay apart from the fact that Barbara and Sinead were nowhere to be seen. Well she just simply couldn't understand what on earth was going on.
("So! Do I tell someone about this or not? No! They'd never believe me! I wonder if Andrea would know? I'll aske her later!")
Later on when school had finished for the day, Andrea was making her way back up towards the staff entrance when she saw Emma and Eva.
"Well. Have you three started organising yourselves for our little camping trip?" she asked.
"Not quite Miss." replied Emma.
"I have Miss! I can't wait to go on it!" Eva exclaimed.
"Okay but remember we ARE going on Wednesday afternoon so make sure that you're both ready!" Miss O'Brien told them.
"Don't worry Miss. We will." replied Eva.
"Okay then. See you both tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow Miss." Eva answered.
With that, they all headed for their respective homes.
As Andrea left the school, she smiled to herself. Her plan had gone smoothly and most importantly of all, her shrinking potion had worked brilliantly.
("That worked better than I could haved hoped! Those four poor fools have absolutely NO IDEA what they're in for but just let them wait! Just let them wait!") 0 -
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Oh right. Sorry about that. My mistake. The question is what would a random teacher do then having discovered two abandoned uniforms in their classroom? Do they tell someone or do they keep it to themselves?
I'm basically trying to get inside a teacher's head here.
*Dunno why message didn't quote properly, apologies
As a teacher, I'd probably have asked any students that might have been hanging around if they knew why there were uniforms abandoned, and I might or might not have mentioned it in the staff room during the next break. I wouldn't immediately assume there was something big happening - weird stuff goes down in schools every day, so I don't think it'd seem like a big deal!0 -
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As a teacher, I'd probably have asked any students that might have been hanging around if they knew why there were uniforms abandoned, and I might or might not have mentioned it in the staff room during the next break. I wouldn't immediately assume there was something big happening - weird stuff goes down in schools every day, so I don't think it'd seem like a big deal![/QUOTE]
Really? I would have thought (or maybe its just me!) that the discovery of two abandoned (in this case) girls' school uniforms down the back of a classroom would be very unusual.
If you did mention it to a fellow colleague in the staffroom, how would you tell them?0 -
WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »
As a teacher, I'd probably have asked any students that might have been hanging around if they knew why there were uniforms abandoned, and I might or might not have mentioned it in the staff room during the next break. I wouldn't immediately assume there was something big happening - weird stuff goes down in schools every day, so I don't think it'd seem like a big deal!
Really? I would have thought (or maybe its just me!) that the discovery of two abandoned (in this case) girls' school uniforms down the back of a classroom would be very unusual.
If you did mention it to a fellow colleague in the staffroom, how would you tell them?[/QUOTE]
I'd probably just ask if they'd heard anything about a prank involving uniform, or seen students going around without uniform. If I really thought something was a bit off I might go to the office and compare morning and afternoon rolls to see if anyone was AWOL.
As I say, unusual happening aren't that unusual in a building full of teenagers!0 -
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WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »Right then! I'm putting Andrea into tailored clothes. Has it happened to yourself by the way?
It may have. 0 -
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It may have.
Okay then. Here is Andrea's "revised outfit" (from head to toe):
black cashmere coat.
Tailored White Blouse
Long black tight-fitting pencil skirt.
A pair of fish-net tights.
Black leather street shoes.
She also wears a white hairband in her hair. I should also point out that the burst-out at the feet and works its way upwards destroying all clothing in the process.
(P.S.: can you think or suggest any other words for either "zipper" (as in skirt zipper) or "button" (as in shirt buttons)
let me know your thoughts!0 -
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As a teacher, I'd probably have asked any students that might have been hanging around if they knew why there were uniforms abandoned, and I might or might not have mentioned it in the staff room during the next break. I wouldn't immediately assume there was something big happening - weird stuff goes down in schools every day, so I don't think it'd seem like a big #
deal![/QUOTE]
Really? So then, what you would appear to be saying is that students messing around with their school uniforms isn't unusual in any way? The reason why I'm ask.ing is that this is in relation to another story (a novel in fact) where there is an incident in the local secondary school where two young female students mysteriously go missing while on their way from one class to another and their school uniforms are founded abandoned in one of the girls' toilets. At least that was the general idea.
By the way what exactly do school prefects actually do? was never really clear on this even when i was in secondary school!0 -
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