Breaking up

Eircom_Sucks

Hey in a pretty crap situation

In a relationship thats breaking up after 5 years together , we have 2 kids , so im looking to see how others managed when living with seeing your kids a few times a week ?

Im gutted as they are my life and this is their home , but me and the gf havnt been right for years , since our boy born in 2011 we had intamacy about 5 times and 1 of them she conceived our daughter , so romance has been dead etc . We're 2 diff people and truth be told i wouldnt be here only for kids , i have'nt cheated or anything , but realise i can't stay with a girl who makes me miserable just for the sake of the kids.

I'll have them alot but gutted as i never thought id be a single dad , always wanted marraige and kids with same woman etc

So how do u cope/manage breaking up when kids involved ?

Eircom_Sucks

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

So how do u cope/manage breaking up when kids involved ?

I guess both of you have a lot of hopes and dreams for the kids and your break up is going to make shreds of most of this.

I think the best thing you can do right now is bring something positive to the table. Decide what you want best for your kids - kids who will want to know and gain from their mother as much as their father - and write this all down on paper. Lots of people feel weird writing lists on paper but I recommend it.

And then sit down with the partner you are about to break up with and rather than argue over who is going to do what for the kids - instead - lay out the list you wrote down and say "Look this is what we want for our kids - and us being apart does not preclude ANY of this - so lets find a way together where we can DO this".

Just because your relationship with each other has fallen apart does not mean your relationship with the kids has to. Identify common goals you both have for your kids and work out ways you can work towards these together.

Eeden

The thing to keep in mind is to stay as involved as you can with your kids, and agree with your partner that neither of you will ever say anything negative about the other one. Ever. This is really, really important.

Also, get your legal status sorted out with regard to becoming their legal guardian.

Try to keep things as amicable or at least neutral with your ex - your kids are so much more important than any disagreements that you might have, however serious those disagreements might seem.

mylefttesticle

Its really difficult at the beginning but with routine comes stability, just stay calm, never discuss adult problems with the kids, remember that you are both the reason for two beautiful kids and learn to treat your children as children and not anything else, answer questions with honesty.

You will be fine better than fine and your kids will be happier in the long term, better to have two happy parents apart than two unhappy ones together, kids are tough and adopt.

Take care of yourself mentally and physically.