Where is this heading

LegacyUser

In a relationship for 8 years now, married with 2 kids, (boys 1 & 3). The problem is with my partners temper, when the kids are naughty or not doing as asked my partner will smack them (having lost temper) or in arguments with me, will throw things at me such as remote controls, books, phones, etc, whatever is to hand.

We tried counselling before but reverted to type soon after.

Is this normal? Should I put up with it? Will me or the kids get hurt seriously? It our marriage destined for failure?

I dont know whether to leave or not, I think I should stay for the kids sake.

Merkin

You said 'we' tried counselling before but your spouse very clearly needs to address their own serious anger management issues. Are they prepared to do that?

LegacyUser

Raising the 'anger management' issue is like red rag to a bull unfortunately, tried the counselling on this before, but again reverted to type.

bee06

It is not normal for your partner to hit the children because they can't control their anger or throw things at you. As merkin said they have to be willing to deal with the anger management issue and recognise that there is a problem otherwise counselling won't work. If they are not willing to work on it you have to ask yourself if you want your children growing up like this and thinking this behaviour is normal? Because if they do they will likely continue their parents behaviour into adulthood and treat future partners and children the same.

retro:electro

You think you should stay for the sake of the kids? The same kids that your spouse hits and beats? Seriously op you are doing them NO favours by staying with this person and letting his abusive behaviour continue. Do not stay with them in the hope that by doing so you are doing your kids a favour; you are doing them more harm than good by exposing them to this type of behaviour and the idea that this is how married couples treat each other. Get out now.

Oryx

anna080 wrote: »

You think you should stay for the sake of the kids? The same kids that he hits and beats? Seriously op you are doing them NO favours by staying with him and letting his abusive behaviour continue. Do not stay with him in the hope that by doing so you are doing your kids a favour; you are doing them more harm than good by exposing them to this type of behaviour and thinking that this is how daddys treat mammys. Get out now.

I just wanted to point out that the op has not implied the gender of the partner.

December2012

It's not normal to behave that way.

The anger and violence needs to stop. This can happen two ways;

1- you break up with your partner and they don't see your kids (unlikely),

Or

2- Your partner needs to stop the violence and anger. Maybe you can stay together. Maybe.

You need to get professional help to deal with this problem.