Daughter finds it hard to mix with others

lulu1

My daughter starts collage in Sept and I am just sick with worry. She would find it hard to make friends and is quiet with people she wouldnt know well. We have booked a shared room on campus for the simple reason that she will be forced to pass the time of day with her room mate. They tell me at collage she will make loads of friends and people say you would have to go out off your way not too. I am dreading the day I have to drive her there and leave. Having said all that she is looking forward to going so at least that is something

thelad95

Colleges seem like intimidating places for the first few weeks when everyone's on the lash and trying to act 'cool'. However, the dust eventually settles and it will be easier for your daughter to mix. Colleges are such massive, diverse places that everyone can find their niche. Get your daughter to join some clubs and societies as it can be easy to make friends with people who have common interests.

LadyMayBelle

One of the best things you can do, is contain some of your own anxieties when around her; she needs to see that you have confidence in her headding off to college. I assume it's her first time away from home?

I dont know from your post, but maybe she is someone quite happy with a small amount of friend-contact, as opposed to the big group? She will find her own way in college, plenty are in the same boat as her, and colleges always have intro weeks where students can meet each other and societies and events they can attend.

If she is expressing anxities to you, however, listen to her and help equip her with some tools, like things she could say to people if she is stuck, people she can ask for help from. Let her see your belief and confidence in her; if she sees how worried and anxious you are about leaving her there, they will compound her own feelings about moving out 'of the nest'.

Never easy, best of luck.

muckety

I was in the same boat as you this time last year, but it has turned out so well for my son - he has made a lot of friends and is much more comfortable in college than he was in secondary school. I agree with the suggestion to join up with lots of societies etc, and encourage her to go on any class-arranged social outings. Good luck!

Day Lewin

Having crowds of friends may look conventional, but it is not compulsory for living. I was like that in college, too...
Having good self-esteem, being able to enjoy her own company, and having interests and hobbies, etc. are all more important for lasting content, and they are also the first step for good relationships!

College is a very different atmosphere from the hothouse conformity of a school. If there are people who share her interests and her style, they will eventually find each other, I think. Don't fret!

maireadH

Ease of making friends depends on a number of factors. If the course has a small number of students, then it's hard not to get to know people. However, on a large course (e.g., arts), it can be quite difficult to make friends. It's actually shocking the number of final year students who don't know their classmates on some of the larger courses.

If she is on a large course, she needs to proactively make an effort. Sharing a room is a good start as she will need to interact. There are loads of clubs and societies in most of the colleges so there will be at least one or two that she is interested in. I would encourage her to join whichever clubs or societies she's interested in as that is the best way to meet like minded people.

livinsane

All you need is one good friend and the rest will follow. Don't worry too much. And everyone feels lonely when the first move out of home to college- even the seemingly popular ones. I was extremely shy and quiet when I left home for college and discovered that like minded people actually gravitate towards you because you are more approachable than some one with extraverted confidence.