Am I over reacting?

Overreacting?

Hi guys I am hoping for a little advice. I'm with my boyfriend a year, we're both in our mid 20s, and since a recent trip with his family things seem to have gone downhill and I'm not sure what to do! His family were organising a trip to the uk and asked me to go along, originally I said no as I couldn't get the time off work, but then they changed the dates to the weekend of our 1st anniversary, which I had already booked off, so I ended up agreeing.

For the beginning it wasn't great, my bf and his mother picked me up from work after a 12hr shift, to drive to dublin, stay overnight and catch a flight at 6am. From when I got in the car it was awkward, his mother alternated between giving me the spainish inquisition (during which I accidentally insulted her cousin), criticising my bf's driving, and making smart comments and inappropriate comments about our relationship, it was the worse car journey ever! Finally got there, had 2 1/2 hours sleep then got the flight. the day consisted of more smart comments from the mother, including hurtful comments about my fitness level ( this really annoyed me because at this stage we had been walking for 6hrs, only had 2 1/2 hrs sleep, and I recently had an accident and injured my leg and am still in pain when walking, which she knows). At every opportunity she dragged my bf off with her, and sulked and got annoyed if we wandered off on our own and made remarks if we showed each other any affection etc. we had agreed to spend time alone the day of our anniversary, just to have dinner together and meet the others afterwards, that didn't happen.

Since we got back things haven't been great, he still lives at home and there always seems to be obstacles to us seeing each other. Whether it is family drama and arguments, so he feels he can't leave the house, to his mother refusing to let him use her car ( his is in the garage at the moment) to come and meet me. So basically We've gone from seeing each other, 2-3 times a week and texting/ calling every night to I've only seen him once in 2 weeks and gotten a handful of texts and not a single call, the other night he said his "brain was too fried from family crap and was too tired from work" to talk. I've tried to approach the subject with him but he says I'm over reacting,that nothing has changed etc he's just busy at the moment. I'm just confused as to what to do, should I wait it out and see if things go back to normal or not? And also any advice on how to deal with his mom? Thanks in advance for any advice

Idle Passerby

What age are you and your boyfriend? Were you invited by your boyfriend or by his mother/parents? Is it possible they didn't really want you there? Your boyfriend sounds like he might be under his mothers thumb or maybe a bit of a pushover. Did he stand up for you at all? That would the thing Id be more annoyed about if I was you.

Other than that you don't need to spend time with someone who is rude and insulting. I just wouldn't bother with her in future, be civil, but avoid being around her.

Overreacting?

Hi, I'm 26, my bf is 23. He asked me to go but I did ask if his mom was ok with it and he said she had told him to ask me. His sisters boyfriend also went. About your under the thumb comment,he is very laid back and hates conflict but I think his mom has too much of an influence over him, for example I overheard her giving out to him about the shoes he was wearing, when we got back to the hotel he promptly changed them and did not wear the first pair for the rest of the holiday. With regards to standing up for me, he didn't, he said that it was just his moms sense of humour and she didn't mean anything by the comments

Idle Passerby

To him its just his mothers sense of humour but he's had a life to build up a thick skin to her barbed comments. He should be sympathetic to your feelings on the matter. (And she does sound difficult). It sounds like he may be somewhat of a mammy's boy. If his mother has taken a dislike to you would it be plausible to assume that he's being distant with you now because he doesn't like going against the "mum knows best" mentality?

It may not solve your problem in the long run but people who are rude like that are just not worth wasting time. If he is content to let his mother be such a big influence on his life, maybe the relationship doesn't have much of a future?

tantan10

I was with a guy for five nearly sox years and our relationship was the same. His mother was horrible to me always had smart comments and opinion about me. It all started in the first year and no matter what we did she would Butt In. She did the same pretty much stopped him from seening me. Theart straw was when she called me a tart and texted me awfully messages. We moved in together as we thought this would be the only way and althought I felt bad that maybe that would mean him been away from.his family we still.did it abd I always felt I was making an effort and forgiving her Everytime and she still wasn't happy. We spent the next five years together but eventually ended. I.could imagine having kids or marriage as she still enter gave me a change. My parents started to hate them as I was so upset over it and that made me think we would never be a happy family. It was very hard decision to make. I don't think you are over reacting, you need to sit down and talk to him.tosee where this is.going to go, she ccan't treat u like that, but keep in mind it is his motherand he probably under a lot.of stress from.her. Good luck!

tantan10

I was with a guy for five nearly sox years and our relationship was the same. His mother was horrible to me always had smart comments and opinion about me. It all started in the first year and no matter what we did she would Butt In. She did the same pretty much stopped him from seening me. Theart straw was when she called me a tart and texted me awfully messages. We moved in together as we thought this would be the only way and althought I felt bad that maybe that would mean him been away from.his family we still.did it abd I always felt I was making an effort and forgiving her Everytime and she still wasn't happy. We spent the next five years together but eventually ended. I.could imagine having kids or marriage as she still enter gave me a change. My parents started to hate them as I was so upset over it and that made me think we would never be a happy family. It was very hard decision to make. I don't think you are over reacting, you need to sit down and talk to him.tosee where this is.going to go, she ccan't treat u like that, but keep in mind it is his motherand he probably under a lot.of stress from.her. Good luck!

tantan10

I was with a guy for five nearly sox years and our relationship was the same. His mother was horrible to me always had smart comments and opinion about me. It all started in the first year and no matter what we did she would Butt In. She did the same pretty much stopped him from seening me. Theart straw was when she called me a tart and texted me awfully messages. We moved in together as we thought this would be the only way and althought I felt bad that maybe that would mean him been away from.his family we still.did it abd I always felt I was making an effort and forgiving her Everytime and she still wasn't happy. We spent the next five years together but eventually ended. I.could imagine having kids or marriage as she still enter gave me a change. My parents started to hate them as I was so upset over it and that made me think we would never be a happy family. It was very hard decision to make. I don't think you are over reacting, you need to sit down and talk to him.tosee where this is.going to go, she ccan't treat u like that, but keep in mind it is his motherand he probably under a lot.of stress from.her. Good luck!