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Can I cancel a maintenance order??

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  • 27-07-2014 7:49pm
    #1
    Supermumzy
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭


    So basically i filed a maintenance order against my ex who wants nothing to do with my little girl.... I done it while i was upset and i guess after coming through with a clear mind ive realised if he doesnt want to be in my little girls life its his loss and i will just rare her myself. I dont want to go to court. Whats the point for the sake of 50e per week?

    Id rather just move on like he has done and forget he existed.

    Anyways i only put the order through 2weeks ago and im wondering can i go back in and cancel the order?? The court date isnt until the middle of september anyways?

    Any help appreicated, thanks.
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    #2
    V.W.L 11
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,586 ✭✭✭V.W.L 11


    Supermumzy wrote: »
    So basically i filed a maintenance order against my ex who wants nothing to do with my little girl.... I done it while i was upset and i guess after coming through with a clear mind ive realised if he doesnt want to be in my little girls life its his loss and i will just rare her myself. I dont want to go to court. Whats the point for the sake of 50e per week?

    Id rather just move on like he has done and forget he existed.

    Anyways i only put the order through 2weeks ago and im wondering can i go back in and cancel the order?? The court date isnt until the middle of september anyways?

    Any help appreicated, thanks.
    Yes you can withdraw it,just tell the judge you want to withdraw it!!!


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    #3
    Supermumzy
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭Supermumzy


    Yeah but i dont want to go in on the day? Is there anyway i can go to the court office and cancel before hand??

    Like i dont want to waste the judges or my solicitors time...


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    #4
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    If the father wants nothing to do with his child? That's fine. But I think you'd be making a mistake by cancelling the court action for maintenance. That money would be to help rear his CHILD. Whether he likes it or not. If he didn't want a child, then he should be smart enough to take precautions.

    If you don't feel you need the money, then why not open up an account for the child, and tell him to pay the money into it? That could pay for school trips, treats, anything you like. But whatever you do, DO NOT let him off the hook for maintenance. It is the father's obligation to maintain his children.

    That money is not 'yours' or 'his'. It's for the baby and I think it would be wrong to deprive her of it.


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    #5
    V.W.L 11
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,586 ✭✭✭V.W.L 11


    Supermumzy wrote: »
    Yeah but i dont want to go in on the day? Is there anyway i can go to the court office and cancel before hand??

    Like i dont want to waste the judges or my solicitors time...
    just write a letter to the could and hand it into the court office perhaps?have you a solicitor engaged already?


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    #6
    Supermumzy
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭Supermumzy


    Yeah ive been in with my solicitor already even she said is it worth it... And the more i think about it the more its just not. I cant force him to want to see his child unfortunately...

    Do you think could she cancel it through the court office?


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    #7
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    Did you file the maintenance order to try to get the father to see the child? Or do you need financial help in raising her?


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    #8
    Supermumzy
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭Supermumzy


    ABajaninCork wrote: »
    If the father wants nothing to do with his child? That's fine. But I think you'd be making a mistake by cancelling the court action for maintenance. That money would be to help rear his CHILD. Whether he likes it or not. If he didn't want a child, then he should be smart enough to take precautions.

    If you don't feel you need the money, then why not open up an account for the child, and tell him to pay the money into it? That could pay for school trips, treats, anything you like. But whatever you do, DO NOT let him off the hook for maintenance. It is the father's obligation to maintain his children.

    That money is not 'yours' or 'his'. It's for the baby and I think it would be wrong to deprive her of it.

    I totally get what your saying and i agree he should have to pay thats why i was putting the order in but i know from friends who have been through it that dads can walk out and still not pay and then your back to court again and again.... I dont want to go through that its not worth the stress..

    Im already nervous about even seen him again and its not til september... He hasnt even text to see how she is in a month. I know the money is for her but cant help but feel we would be more at peace and better off without.


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    #9
    V.W.L 11
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,586 ✭✭✭V.W.L 11


    Supermumzy wrote: »
    I totally get what your saying and i agree he should have to pay thats why i was putting the order in but i know from friends who have been through it that dads can walk out and still not pay and then your back to court again and again.... I dont want to go through that its not worth the stress..

    Im already nervous about even seen him again and its not til september... He hasnt even text to see how she is in a month. I know the money is for her but cant help but feel we would be more at peace and better off without.
    i know plenty of mothers in your position,i am being hounded through the courts myself for my son,i pay yet i don't see him even though i want to,story for another day,but his mother is a sponger nothing else,the money is funding her lifestyle not the childs,but if it guarantees you peace from the childs dad then it may be worth it,but you must decide the interests of your child here no matter how difficult it may be.


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    #10
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    You don't have to get worked up about it. It's not about you or him. It's what's best for the baby. I'd let the court proceedings go through. Perhaps you don't have to be present for it? Ask your solicitor.

    Perhaps he might be one of those fathers who'll just pay what he's ordered to and not bother about access? Trying to give the father the benefit of the doubt here. More likely, he WON'T pay. In which case, you'll still have the order in place and can enforce it if you need to. If you're claiming benefits, you might need to prove you've made every possible effort to have the father pay maintenance. I'd check that though if it applies to you - I read something in the papers a while back, and not sure if this has been brought into effect yet.


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    #11
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    €50 p/w, by 52 weeks of the year, by 18 years is €46,800.
    Save it for your daughter's future.


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    #12
    Supermumzy
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭Supermumzy


    God i wish my little girls dad was like that... He begged me for her in our 3yr relationship and now has decided Na feck that i want the single life and is already seen someone new. I dont mind any of that i just wanted him to have a relationship with her and even that is too much to ask... I feel stupid fightin with him to try get him to see her so thats when i filed the order and he has gotten the summons and not even a txt to see how she is and its her birthday in 3wks....

    Anyways ive just come to the decision that he will regret it one day and for the sake of 50e is it worth goin in and out of court? Probably not and hes not worth it.


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    #13
    Supermumzy
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭Supermumzy


    Addle wrote: »
    €50 p/w, by 52 weeks of the year, by 18 years is €46,800.
    Save it for your daughter's future.

    I wish i could save it but there is no guarantee he will pay it... So anytime he didnt its back into court again and again. Ive watched it happen a friend of mine.

    He has already made it very clear he wants nothin to do with either of us even changed his number which says it all god forbid anythin ever happened to her...

    Its just terrible and i think it would just be better to cancel the order and move on with my life with her on my own.


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    #14
    Supermumzy
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭Supermumzy


    ABajaninCork wrote: »
    You don't have to get worked up about it. It's not about you or him. It's what's best for the baby. I'd let the court proceedings go through. Perhaps you don't have to be present for it? Ask your solicitor.

    Perhaps he might be one of those fathers who'll just pay what he's ordered to and not bother about access? Trying to give the father the benefit of the doubt here. More likely, he WON'T pay. In which case, you'll still have the order in place and can enforce it if you need to. If you're claiming benefits, you might need to prove you've made every possible effort to have the father pay maintenance. I'd check that though if it applies to you - I read something in the papers a while back, and not sure if this has been brought into effect yet.

    Yeah to be honest i think thats what he might do pay the 50e and not bother with access... I guess i just dont want to see him and i feel like im forcing something on him that he simply doesnt want and it just makes me feel stupid.

    I definitely wont be going back to court over and over. 50e isnt worth the heartache of that.


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    #15
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    No - you're not stupid for trying to get the sperm donor to be a father. But I do get the feeling you filed the support order to get his attention. You've done everything right - except for getting him to help financially. You're feeling raw and that's natural. Forget the birthday, and the not texting to see how she is. His loss. Forget the fact he now seems to have someone else. Your sloppy seconds - her problem.

    But now? Try to take emotion out of the situation. You didn't make the baby - it took two. And he should be financially supporting the baby. You can't do this alone.

    Take whatever money he sends and put it away for the baby. It's her money. And it's her right to have it. Kick that loser to the kerb, hope he never gets sick and has to ask your child to bring him water and move on. BUT GET THE BABY'S MONEY!!


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    #16
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Supermumzy wrote: »
    God i wish my little girls dad was like that... He begged me for her in our 3yr relationship and now has decided Na feck that i want the single life and is already seen someone new. I dont mind any of that i just wanted him to have a relationship with her and even that is too much to ask... I feel stupid fightin with him to try get him to see her so thats when i filed the order and he has gotten the summons and not even a txt to see how she is and its her birthday in 3wks....

    Anyways ive just come to the decision that he will regret it one day and for the sake of 50e is it worth goin in and out of court? Probably not and hes not worth it.

    Him having a relationship with your daughter is separate to him contributing financially. I understand you wanted him to see her and you initiated the maintenance order out of that frustration but honestly I think you were doing the right thing by ensuring he faces at least his financial responsibility towards her even if he doesn't want a relationship with her. He has an obligation to contribute financially.

    Its a little easier to fight for 50 euro you don't particularly need than it will be in a few years time if you're really stuck financially and decided you need him to contribute towards the child, it will be alot more frustrating/hassle if its something you actually need. Fight now and save it for when you may need it.

    It may not lead to fighting/being in and out of court, he may accept it and pay without so much as a peep and you'll have that money there for your child's future.

    Give it some thought- as an issue separate to his access/relationship with the child, but his obligations towards her and the benefits to yourself and your child long term.


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    #17
    Supermumzy
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭Supermumzy


    ABajaninCork wrote: »
    No - you're not stupid for trying to get the sperm donor to be a father. But I do get the feeling you filed the support order to get his attention. You've done everything right - except for getting him to help financially. You're feeling raw and that's natural. Forget the birthday, and the not texting to see how she is. His loss. Forget the fact he now seems to have someone else. Your sloppy seconds - her problem.

    But now? Try to take emotion out of the situation. You didn't make the baby - it took two. And he should be financially supporting the baby. You can't do this alone.

    Take whatever money he sends and put it away for the baby. It's her money. And it's her right to have it. Kick that loser to the kerb, hope he never gets sick and has to ask your child to bring him water and move on. BUT GET THE BABY'S MONEY!!

    Hes a bully and i filed it out of principal so he knew i wasnt afraid of him... i agree completely i shouldnt have to pay for her alone but i guess sometimes other things are more important like her knowin she has a mam who loves her and will support her without her deadbeat dad.

    Just when i thought clearly i felt like ye know what we dont need him or his money and i dont want to give him the satisfaction of thinkin like you said that im doin this for his attention which im not at all.


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    #18
    Michael Weston
    Registered Users Posts: 979 ✭✭✭Michael Weston


    Not to be prying but what other source of income do you have? Are you in receipt of lone parents allowance?


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    #19
    Supermumzy
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭Supermumzy


    Michael Weston wrote: »
    Not to be prying but what other source of income do you have? Are you in receipt of lone parents allowance?

    Job seekers allowance as i usually work full time... Its not easy at the moment but i will get another job and i will sort things myself. I just feel like i dont want to fight through the courts with him, im not a fighter and if he doesnt want to be a decent dad then ill let him go.


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    #20
    projectgtr
    Registered Users Posts: 2,462 ✭✭✭projectgtr


    Yes you can just cancel it but put your own feelings aside ,just have nothing to do with him and like others said put the money by for your child it will help with their future, use it for good.


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    #21
    Supermumzy
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭Supermumzy


    I know i wish it was that simple as one visit and i was guaranteed he would pay but its not...

    Im tired of fightin with him i feel like its just one fight that id rather walk away from and i know my little will be ok with or without his money...

    Thanks for all the responses im going to call my solicitor tomorrow and see what she can do


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    #22
    Michael Weston
    Registered Users Posts: 979 ✭✭✭Michael Weston


    Supermumzy wrote: »
    Job seekers allowance as i usually work full time... Its not easy at the moment but i will get another job and i will sort things myself. I just feel like i dont want to fight through the courts with him, im not a fighter and if he doesnt want to be a decent dad then ill let him go.

    In that case you are obliged to seek maintenance and he is legally obliged to pay it, maintenance is assessed as means when receiving social welfare. It is not the states job to pay for his child. You are paying your way why should he not. He has a monetary duty of care to that child regardless of emotional attachment. Go to court get a maintenance order and that will be a legal requirement, after that it is his duty to pay to avoid a custodial sentence, so don't worry about hassle. The onus will always be on the him and not you.


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    #23
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Supermumzy wrote: »
    Job seekers allowance as i usually work full time... Its not easy at the moment but i will get another job and i will sort things myself. I just feel like i dont want to fight through the courts with him, im not a fighter and if he doesnt want to be a decent dad then ill let him go.

    Honestly, I know how you feel, I really do, and from experience you'd rather just say **** him I'll do it alone and won't give him the satisfaction of begging for money. Been there done that. But you know what its not an issue of pride or whats easier or anything else, you need to think logically about your child's future, and can you honestly say that you'll definitely be able to get a well paying job and keep it for however many years your child depends on you? You can't guarantee that and I think if you have at least 50 euro regularly coming in for the next however many years then its worth the hassle of court.

    I personally cant file an order and I'd give anything to have that financial help, principles don't come in to it, its 50 euro extra so that if she needs new runners you don't have to save for three weeks in order to buy them. Doesn't matter if daddys not there and doesn't mean you love her less because you didn't buy them yourself. Just means you fought for her dad to financially support her as he should.


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    #24
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    Supermumzy wrote: »
    Job seekers allowance as i usually work full time... Its not easy at the moment but i will get another job and i will sort things myself. I just feel like i dont want to fight through the courts with him, im not a fighter and if he doesnt want to be a decent dad then ill let him go.

    Not being funny, but the fact you're on Welfare says financially you'll be finding it very hard to cope. Pride is getting in the way of logic and common sense here. Sorry to be so blunt.
    ABajaninCork wrote: »
    If you're claiming benefits, you might need to prove you've made every possible effort to have the father pay maintenance. I'd check that though if it applies to you - I read something in the papers a while back, and not sure if this has been brought into effect yet.

    Check with Citizen's Info. I'm pretty sure this is what Welfare have in mind, but do not know if this has been/will be in effect as yet. The decision might very well be taken out of your hands anyway.


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    #25
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    As far as I'm aware its only with OPFP that they use maintenance recovery unit. Maintenance is assessed as means but I don't think they get involved unless its a opfp claim.


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    #26
    Supermumzy
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭Supermumzy


    Yeah its not pride... Im afraid to be honest... He wasnt exactly boyfriend of the year...

    I could really do with the extra 50e and i know what your all saying. It just makes me nervous and im not sure if its best to just leave it for my own sanity.


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    #27
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    Tasden wrote: »
    As far as I'm aware its only with OPFP that they use maintenance recovery unit. Maintenance is assessed as means but I don't think they get involved unless its a opfp claim.

    I've assumed that the OP is either claiming or will be claiming Lone Parent's. Certainly she cannot feed or clothe the baby on JSA and Child Benefit. Therefore she WILL need to be seen as attempting to obtain maintenance which will be means tested. That's why I think the court proceedings will be out of her hands.

    She'll need to check with the Citizen's Advice though. I wouldn't approach Welfare just yet until I was certain of my facts.


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    #28
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    ABajaninCork wrote: »
    I've assumed that the OP is either claiming or will be claiming Lone Parent's. Certainly she cannot feed or clothe the baby on JSA and Child Benefit. Therefore she WILL need to be seen as attempting to obtain maintenance which will be means tested. That's why I think the court proceedings will be out of her hands.

    She'll need to check with the Citizen's Advice though. I wouldn't approach Welfare just yet until I was certain of my facts.

    JSA is same amount as opfp roughly. She is on JSA while looking for work. They only ask if you receive maintenance for JSA in order to assess your means, they don't seek proof of attempts to seek maintenance or refer it to maintenance recovery unit afaik, they do with opfp as the payment is based on the lack of partner etc.


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    #29
    Little CuChulainn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,624 ✭✭✭Little CuChulainn


    Whoever told you you have to "fight" for maintenance is wrong. The courts do most of the fighting. All you have to do is bring the odd application to the court and show up on the day. There's no arguing required. It's not about you and him, it's about the kid. It can be tedious and might take a while to get the cash from him but it's not a difficult process, especially if you have a solicitor handle it.


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    #30
    mrsbyrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,228 ✭✭✭mrsbyrne


    If you are claiming JSA have you applied for your child to be considered your Dependent?
    If you have then I presume you have a childminder lined up while you look for work?
    You really need to apply for OPFP. You can earn €90 per week and still keep €217 OPFP. If you work 19 hours a week you can also get FIS.
    Being frank with you, you are not doing the right thing here, either by your baby or yourself. You are not going it alone, you are apparently entirely dependent on the state, and the State has to make your baby's other parent financially responsible for his child.
    The maintenance recovery unit will persue him for whatever amount they think he can contribute.
    His paying maintenance would have nothing to do with him having guardianship or access to his child.
    But if he seeks guardianship/access then ask yourself this.
    Is it the best thing for my daughter that she sees her dad?
    Everything from now on for you should be centred around what's best for your child. You have to put aside any animosity or bitterness you feel towards him now and for 18 years. Its very hard, but you want the best for her.
    If he doesn't want anything to do with her, or he's in some way a criminal then so be it, no daddy , but other then that, its not really your call to make....


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    #31
    obplayer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,190 ✭✭✭obplayer


    Supermumzy wrote: »
    Yeah ive been in with my solicitor already even she said is it worth it... And the more i think about it the more its just not. I cant force him to want to see his child unfortunately...

    Do you think could she cancel it through the court office?

    You are asking Boardsies for affirmation of your decision I feel. If you want to know how to stop the proceedings then you already have a solicitor, ask her. As for whether you think pursuing maintenance is the right decision or not that is your decision. For how that might affect your future welfare claims I say again, ask your solicitor.


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