Question for the boys - to pay or not to pay?

Pinkmoon19

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Good for you and I am happy for you but it is not for me.
I would argue that while dating we are at our most judgemental anyway as we are trying to size up a persons whole life and personality in the space of a couple of hours which (you may agree) is virtually impossible.
I get turned off by materiality. Other people get turned off by other things. I won't wear clothes with labels on them for example (if I can help it). I am not meaning to be condescending, to each their own and all that. I am just expressing what turns me off.

That's your right and you're totally entitled to it. However my point is that you are in fact being as materialistic as the people you are turned off by. It's exactly the same mentality as someone saying "Right if he turns up in a cheap shirt from Penney's I'm off". But just in reverse. I would never judge someone on the clothes that that they wear on a date, I mean you can like their taste or not like their taste but it doesn't mean you know who they are as a person. I hope that makes sense.

Eh, I have an expensive handbag because the cheaper ones kept fcuking breaking. This one has lasted the abuse I give them a LOT longer
It also doesn't have massive branding on it. I doubt you'd know unless you knew the brand. Or I wouldn't anyway.

Anyway re: dates, pay half unless they really insist but prefer to just split

fits

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

The expensive ones usually have an ugly logo on them with Gucci, YSL or some other such branding written as large as possible so others will know at a distance that you spent ridiculous amounts of cash on a bag. I normally assume they are fakes until proven otherwise as I try to see the best in people :pac:

Logos aren't really in and some of the most expensive bags have no logo at all. Just so you know

This one will set you back a few grand.

Edit, not the knock off version obviously...

Alf Veedersane

I never made snap judgements based on material things a girl had.

The conversation will usually inform a decision on whether or not they have something because they are materialistic.

Unless they had made zero effort. Then perhaps.

That said, I judge people by the covers of the books they read. It's passed many a train journey.

Alf Veedersane

bluewolf wrote: »

Anyway re: dates, pay half unless they really insist but prefer to just split

Out the jacks window.

Bonnie and Clyde, wha'!

Malari

wolfen wrote: »

That's your right and you're totally entitled to it. However my point is that you are in fact being as materialistic as the people you are turned off by. It's exactly the same mentality as someone saying "Right if he turns up in a cheap shirt from Penney's I'm off". But just in reverse. I would never judge someone on the clothes that that they wear on a date, I mean you can like their taste or not like their taste but it doesn't mean you know who they are as a person. I hope that makes sense.

I'd agree with this. I appreciate Pawwed Rig's point about making snap judgements on first dates - most people will do this subconsciously anyway, and we can't help what we find attractive. This is slightly different than what was originally implied and I just don't think "designer bag = materialistic" is a fair presumption.

As bluewolf says, the better designs without doubt last longer than cheaper manufacturers and I know several friends have designer bags that were inherited from aunts and mothers and are decades old

mariaalice

A Primal Nut wrote: »

For the first couple of dates I would always ask to pay and expect to pay. Unless we go for an all-nighter drinking in which case I'd expect her to offer at some point (most girls will) but I won't really care if she doesn't.

I would say that to girls reading that you don't need to try hard to show you are independent by always letting him pay; at
least let him buy you a meal or a drink if he offers. Let him treat you - it's not a big deal and most guys like to. It's not a bad thing if you don't of course.

I would say to guys reading that if you get worked up about whether a girl offered to pay; you will miss out on a lot of great girls. There are more important things to focus on in the early dates. Just because a girl is letting you treat her doesn't reflect anything about her personality.

I think it's a shame that in general gender roles are sort of being phased out of relationships and it's all about equality these days. Of course that's a good thing when it comes to important things; but for little things it's fine to have the gender role traditions I think - can be a bit more fun.

There are very good points, however it is the EXPECTAION of being paid for that I think is odd. I have had dinner paid for lots of times its good grace and manners to let someone do but I would never ever have an expectation of being paid for. It does say something about the person if they have an expectation to be paid for the same way it says something about someone if they insist on 50/50 about every thing,

A man paying for dinner on a first date could mean..that's something they always do, or it could mean they are a bit showey and keen to impress, its not a test that shows they are generous.

Maguined

mariaalice wrote: »

There are very good points, however it is the EXPECTAION of being paid for that I think is odd. I have had dinner paid for lots of times its good grace and manners to let someone do but I would never ever have an expectation of being paid for. It does say something about the person if they have an expectation to be paid for the same way it says something about someone if they insist on 50/50 about every thing

I agree with this and it applies for nearly every aspect of a relationship.

Expectation versus appreciation. I think for most reasonable people if they feel appreciated they are willing to give more and more. However once you no longer feel appreciated if you get the slightest hint of expectation then you run a mile.

Stories like the glass waggling would be instant deal breakers for me. The more genuine the appreciation seems the more respect I have. I actually prefer dinner as a first date and vast majority of these date the ladies have been appreciative and made a genuine offer to split the bill. It has only been a very small number that I felt a sense of expectation.

Knex*

Everytime I envisage that glass wiggling, I simultaneously cringe and rage.

Eugh. :mad:

Pinkmoon19

Zulu wrote: »

When I was single, the way I just to work it was simple: if I ask you out on a date, I'm inviting you to join me. It's my invitation, so I'm paying. You can buy the first round after.

If you ask me, you're paying. I'll get the first round after.

If we (after a few dates) decide to get food, together, then it's 50/50.

This is the most straightforward explanation so far. I can totally equate to this. I would NEVER invite someone out for dinner and then expect them to pay. If I issue the invitation then I would expect to pay, for e.g. my younger sister's birthday. On the other hand if I make a plan with the girls that we are all going to meet for dinner then we would all split the bill. This is a really good rule of thumb, thanks Zulu.

Zulu

wolfen wrote: »

This is a really good rule of thumb, thanks Zulu.

I know! Keep it simple, right? I could never understand how this "issue" caused so much consternation.

Simplicity is the key to truth.

Alf Veedersane

Zulu wrote: »

I know! Keep it simple, right? I could never understand how this "issue" caused so much consternation.

Simplicity is the key to truth.

"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free".


The Bible has all sorts of useful stuff in it! How to turn water into wine for parties and also how to feed the part guests with a couple of loaves of bread and some fish.

Potatoeman

I offer to pay but most women offer to go dutch. After the first date I would consider it tight not to take a turn paying.
The guy paying is very traditional but most people are not traditional.

I went out with a Slovakian woman that never paid but would do other things. She was genuinely very traditional.

Zulu

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free".


The Bible has all sorts of useful stuff in it! How to turn water into wine for parties and also how to feed the part guests with a couple of loaves of bread and some fish.

That post is required over her --> Thread about wedding with no food.

jaymcg91

miamee wrote: »

I think that there is always room for both people in a couple to be generous, not just the man. How can you show your generosity if the other person insists on paying for everything in the first few dates? Then I just feel like some sort of scab or user for letting some guy pay for all these things and not letting me return the favour.
I wonder how same sex couples work this out without the traditional "I am the man, therefore I must pay" getting in the way? I'm sure whoever offers first just pays first time and they take turns or they split it - like any two people should in my opinion

As a gay guy, every date I've ever been on the bill has been split 50 / 50 down the middle. I wouldn't dream of assuming that someone was going to pay for my food, I can buy my own!

However once you're in a relationship it's different, like if my guy is a week away from payday and broke you get the meal, and vice versa etc.

Pawwed Rig

jaymcg91 wrote: »

As a gay guy, every date I've ever been on the bill has been split 50 / 50 down the middle. I wouldn't dream of assuming that someone was going to pay for my food, I can buy my own!

However once you're in a relationship it's different, like if my guy is a week away from payday and broke you get the meal, and vice versa etc.

I would imagine gay relationships are more equal in general as you do not have to deal with who 'should pay.
The issue is that if the person who issues the invitation should always pay then this causes an inequality as in my experience it is normally the man that is 'expected' to make the initial approach to ask a girl on the first date. Where I was in active dating mode that could be a huge expense over the course of a few months. Were women equally as likely to ask a guy out on a date I may agree but as is I would think it unfair to expect men to essentially finance every first date.

who_me

Funny all the little rituals and norms we have... For me, if I ask someone out I expect to pay. She'll more than likely offer to pay half. I'll politely reply that's not necessary. If she insists, I won't object, otherwise I'm perfectly happy to pay. It's all a bit random and arbitrary.. but if it doesn't happen like that I'd be a little miffed (i.e. if she makes no offer to pay whatsoever, or if she is angry/aggressive about me assuming that I'd pay).

It's not just an old-fashioned (or sexist) thing, it's also a bit of a personality trait. I always feel bad going to the bar without offering a drink to those I'm drinking with, yet I also feel bad if others feel obliged to buy me drink. So I inevitably end up buying more than my share. (Plus I hate being tied to others' drinking schedule! )

Not that I'd know.. last time I had a date I paid in sea-shells and shiny stones.

beks101

who_me wrote: »

Funny all the little rituals and norms we have... For me, if I ask someone out I expect to pay. She'll more than likely offer to pay half. I'll politely reply that's not necessary. If she insists, I won't object, otherwise I'm perfectly happy to pay. It's all a bit random and arbitrary.. but if it doesn't happen like that I'd be a little miffed (i.e. if she makes no offer to pay whatsoever, or if she is angry/aggressive about me assuming that I'd pay).

It's not just an old-fashioned (or sexist) thing, it's also a bit of a personality trait. I always feel bad going to the bar without offering a drink to those I'm drinking with, yet I also feel bad if others feel obliged to buy me drink. So I inevitably end up buying more than my share. (Plus I hate being tied to others' drinking schedule! )

Not that I'd know.. last time I had a date I paid in sea-shells and shiny stones.

This would be my approach too. That's the way I am with money when it comes to friends and family and it extends into relationships.

My boyfriend paid on our first date. He insisted, I insisted, he wouldn't hear of it and that was that. He's always trying to whip out his wallet because he's extremely generous and it's a trait that spans right across the board, he's that way with his mates and pretty much anyone he encounters too. Generally we tend to take it in turns in an informal sense, but there's times when I don't have cash on me or vice verse, or things like I book flights, he gets accommodation etc etc...it all comes out in the wash I find.

I don't think I would ever have ended up with someone who didn't have this approach towards money as I'd find a clinical or stiff tit-for-tat, score-keeping kind of approach extremely off-putting.

I've met guys like that though. I remember dating a guy in Canada, on our fifth or sixth date I didn't have any cash on me and the pub didn't take debit cards (which in itself was unusual and I never would've carried cash with me for that reason). We'd only had a few drinks anyway so the bill was pretty minor, but he sat there and let me walk about a mile up the street to withdraw my half of the bill instead of just settling and letting me get the next one, as I always would anyway. In that moment alone I just lost interest in the guy as it's just the opposite to how I operate when it comes to these things.

If the shoe was on the other foot I'd be absolutely horrified at the prospect of someone leaving and coming back just so they could drop a measly $20 on their side of the table, regardless of whether it was a friend or a date or a family member or whatever.

pwurple

Deleted User wrote: »

Or good with numbers. I normally know what the bill should come to in restaurants, supermarket and much more. So I often do not check a bill for the sole reason that when the waiting staff / cashier said the total it matched the expectation I already had.

Where are you eating that they SAY the total as they give you the bill? McDonalds?? You have to physically look at it to check, is this honestly so hard to understand? It's like I'm the only person who has ever been in a restaurant in here!!

I'm talking about the eejit who tosses a credit card on the bill without ever opening the leather sleeve it's in, or even glancing at the number on it.

eeeee

LordNorbury wrote: »

If you come at it from another direction, imagine you get asked out for dinner and the guy at the end of the evening starts stepping through the bill and adding up who had what on the iPhone or even if he just splits it in half and says, "right love, that's 50 Euro each", do you not think that that looks really scabby and downright mean?

If a girl insists on going 50-50 beforehand and insists that she feels strongly about this, I have to respect that, but I still have my own view that you do not ask a girl out to dinner and then hand her half the bill, that just isn't on in my view. I actually think that it is disrespectful and demeaning to go at a dinner date in that manner.

I suppose I don't understand how the guy is fundamentally more responsible (financially) for the date than the lady just because he did the asking out?
Caveat-I have made the first move in 100% of my relationships/dates so far in life, but still after the initial contact, he might suggest dinner or whatever. I just don't understand why he is more liable for the cost of it just because he suggested it?
When it's a date with another lady it's 50-50 always, as it is with the guys but some really insist on paying and i don't know why.
The only reason i can see for paying is if the other person is flat broke and you ask them out and pay coz of that-because you want to see them (and you can afford it. I'm crap for it at the moment it's really embarrassing ), but a date is a mutual agreement so why should one party bear the cost more than the other?
It's possible I'm just broken and don't get it. Especially about the 'she paid half she doesn't want yo see you again' thing. I genuinely never heard that before!

LordNorbury

gadetra wrote: »

I suppose I don't understand how the guy is fundamentally more responsible (financially) for the date than the lady just because he did the asking out?
Caveat-I have made the first move in 100% of my relationships/dates so far in life, but still after the initial contact, he might suggest dinner or whatever. I just don't understand why he is more liable for the cost of it just because he suggested it?
When it's a date with another lady it's 50-50 always, as it is with the guys but some really insist on paying and i don't know why.
The only reason i can see for paying is if the other person is flat broke and you ask them out and pay coz of that-because you want to see them (and you can afford it. I'm crap for it at the moment it's really embarrassing ), but a date is a mutual agreement so why should one party bear the cost more than the other?
It's possible I'm just broken and don't get it. Especially about the 'she paid half she doesn't want yo see you again' thing. I genuinely never heard that before!

I just think it's scabby, cheap & miserable to ask a girl out for dinner and then expect her to pay for her half of the meal. It's different with drinks, I've been on dates lately & it usually just falls into a rounds type situation, I genuinely don't know what it is about doing a dinner date that makes it different if I'm being honest with you lol?!?

Panthro

Don't think I'd ever go for dinner as a first date to be honest.
If after whatever length of time you say to yourself 'I'm not interested in this person'...you're basically stuck there until all the courses have been done and its' time to call it a night.
I reckon meeting up for a few drinks is the way to go. You get in the first few rounds, then if she's any sort a girl she'll buy you a few back.

But that's all just me thinking out loud.
Baaadoomm

eeeee

LordNorbury wrote: »

I just think it's scabby, cheap & miserable to ask a girl out for dinner and then expect her to pay for her half of the meal. It's different with drinks, I've been on dates lately & it usually just falls into a rounds type situation, I genuinely don't know what it is about doing a dinner date that makes it different if I'm being honest with you lol?!?

Ha ha ha exactly, it wouldn't be normal to pay for anything else but dinner seems to be a special case for no good reason. I don't think it's scabby in any way shape or form, the opposite makes zero sense to me at all.
I also know now I need to let them know I want to see them again or not before I pay my half in future!! :eek:

LordNorbury

Panthro wrote: »

Don't think I'd ever go for dinner as a first date to be honest.
If after whatever length of time you say to yourself 'I'm not interested in this person'...you're basically stuck there until all the courses have been done and its' time to call it a night.
I reckon meeting up for a few drinks is the way to go. You get in the first few rounds, then if she's any sort a girl she'll buy you a few back.

But that's all just me thinking out loud.
Baaadoomm

Most of the better dates I've had have been dinner dates for first dates but you have to be very careful and do your homework and have made a point of having gotten to know the other person and chatted to them on the phone a few times, so you know conversation will not be a problem. A lot of girls wouldn't do a dinner date for a first date as they would struggle with nerves, and that's the kind of girl I generally don't want to end up on a date with, the kind of girl who is good with conversation and has a bit of confidence about her and who is warm and chatty and personable, will usually have no problem doing a dinner date. The kind of girl who would reply to a dinner date request with, "no too soon, let's do a drink first", is just doing me a favour declining as it's not the kind of girl I'm looking for.

riveratom

LordNorbury wrote: »

Most of the better dates I've had have been dinner dates for first dates but you have to be very careful and do your homework and have made a point of having gotten to know the other person and chatted to them on the phone a few times, so you know conversation will not be a problem. A lot of girls wouldn't do a dinner date for a first date as they would struggle with nerves, and that's the kind of girl I generally don't want to end up on a date with, the kind of girl who is good with conversation and has a bit of confidence about her and who is warm and chatty and personable, will usually have no problem doing a dinner date. The kind of girl who would reply to a dinner date request with, "no too soon, let's do a drink first", is just doing me a favour declining as it's not the kind of girl I'm looking for.

I think it depends on your definition of 'dinner date'. If it's a proper sit down restaurant thing then I don't think it's a great idea - I think a few drinks is a much better option. If it's just a fairly casual sit down grab a bite type thing, then that's grand.

I don't think you can judge a girl on the basis of whether she will go for a dinner date or not! Jaypers you'd want to be making a call on more than just that like!

LordNorbury

riveratom wrote: »

I think it depends on your definition of 'dinner date'. If it's a proper sit down restaurant thing then I don't think it's a great idea - I think a few drinks is a much better option. If it's just a fairly casual sit down grab a bite type thing, then that's grand.

I don't think you can judge a girl on the basis of whether she will go for a dinner date or not! Jaypers you'd want to be making a call on more than just that like!

It depends what you are looking for, where this all is initiated through internet dating, you will find yourself categorising people like this. For example I'll never do a coffee date as it is too informal, I'd rather make a bit more of an effort and I appreciate the sense of occasion that comes with a proper dinner date. Coffee dates are (for me) too casual and lack any sense of occasion, a few drinks can be ok, I do them the odd time, but then you have the whole drunken mish mash thrown in as well after 2-3 hours of drinking where the chemistry you are experiencing can be the alcohol... It's a matter of choice really I think but if you are single and dating regularly, you will find yourself gravitating towards something that works for you and dinner dates work for me. I have mates who wouldn't dream of meeting a girl for a dinner date sober, it wouldn't be within their vocabulary, because the only way they know how to meet women is drunk in pubs and clubs. If you read many of the profiles on dating sites today, it is this very experience that women in general are trying to avoid, the drunken conversation in a pub or club.

pwurple

pwurple wrote: »

Where are you eating that they SAY the total as they give you the bill? McDonalds?? You have to physically look at it to check, is this honestly so hard to understand?

Something is clearly hard to understand and I am not sure this lies on my side. By "check" the bill I mean not going through it to make sure the items are right, priced correctly, totalled correctly, or broken down correctly, or with the correct VAT applied.

I am not referring to a cursory look at the total.

And yes many places I have eaten in do vocally say the total as they hand it over. Many do not. There is no hard and fast rule.

pwurple wrote: »

It's like I'm the only person who has ever been in a restaurant in here!!

It is more like you are extrapolating your personal restaurant experiences into a global generalisation of what all restaurants are like. Which is generally never a good approach.

pwurple wrote: »

I'm talking about the eejit who tosses a credit card on the bill without ever opening the leather sleeve it's in, or even glancing at the number on it.

Again one can be good with numbers and do this. Because at some point you either have to SIGN something or PIN CODE something - and in both of these cases you also have the chance to glance at the total and make sure it conforms with your initial expectations.

You appear to assume that just tossing the card on means you never check anything. The checking merely happens slightly later in the process - as I said - before authorising the payment. The "check" not happening when you personally expect it does not mean it never happens at all. Your own expectations are tripping you up and causing you to write posts where you think the only one understanding anything is you - when in fact the only one NOT is you.

Definite life lesson - when one notices one appears to be the ONLY one in a group "getting it" - one should question whether one is the only one in the group actually NOT getting it.

Maguined

LordNorbury wrote: »

I just think it's scabby, cheap & miserable to ask a girl out for dinner and then expect her to pay for her half of the meal. It's different with drinks, I've been on dates lately & it usually just falls into a rounds type situation, I genuinely don't know what it is about doing a dinner date that makes it different if I'm being honest with you lol?!?

What if a woman asks you out to dinner? You believe if you ask a woman to dinner because you have done the asking it is your responsibility to pay. Does the inverse apply that if a woman asked you to dinner she should be expected to pay since she asked you?

Zulu

Maguined wrote: »

What if a woman asks you out to dinner? You believe if you ask a woman to dinner because you have done the asking it is your responsibility to pay. Does the inverse apply that if a woman asked you to dinner she should be expected to pay since she asked you?

Naturally.

She invited me.

If I invite you to dinner in my house: I don't expect you to half the grocery bill, or do half the cooking. You were invited ergo, you are a guest.

LordNorbury

Maguined wrote: »

What if a woman asks you out to dinner? You believe if you ask a woman to dinner because you have done the asking it is your responsibility to pay. Does the inverse apply that if a woman asked you to dinner she should be expected to pay since she asked you?

Well the convention is usually that men ask women out & not the other way around I think. It has happened me a few times where a girl asked me out to dinner but on those occasions it was for my birthday & she insisted on paying, which I was fine with. In the context of internet dating or dating while single, I've never once had a girl asking me out to dinner. I've had girls proposing we go for a coffee date, which I usually try to upgrade that request into some other type of a date as I hate coffee dates, they are pointless in my experience, also had girls proposing me meet for drinks, which is ok as we'd generally do rounds in that situation.

I genuinely don't know what it is about a dinner date, that make the rules & norms regarding payment thereof, different than any other type of date, (for me anyway)... As I've said before, the idea of asking a girl to dinner, having a really good date, and then asking her at the end of the night for half the bill, it just makes me shudder & cringe and the thoughts of appearing so mean & petty.

Penny Tration

With regards to who asked who and paying -

If I invite a man for dinner, I expect to pay because I've asked. If he insists on splitting, I'll tell him to just get the next one. If he insists on paying, I'll buy drinks.

If a man asks me to dinner, I won't offer to pay the lot, but will happily pay my share. Again, should he insist on ppaying the lot, I'll buy drinks or tell him I'm paying next time.

I have a friend who, before she met her partner, went on dates with nothing but her bus fare home. That kind of attitude shocks me.

Maguined

LordNorbury wrote: »

Well the convention is usually that men ask women out & not the other way around I think. It has happened me a few times where a girl asked me out to dinner but on those occasions it was for my birthday & she insisted on paying, which I was fine with. In the context of internet dating or dating while single, I've never once had a girl asking me out to dinner. I've had girls proposing we go for a coffee date, which I usually try to upgrade that request into some other type of a date as I hate coffee dates, they are pointless in my experience, also had girls proposing me meet for drinks, which is ok as we'd generally do rounds in that situation.

I genuinely don't know what it is about a dinner date, that make the rules & norms regarding payment thereof, different than any other type of date, (for me anyway)... As I've said before, the idea of asking a girl to dinner, having a really good date, and then asking her at the end of the night for half the bill, it just makes me shudder & cringe and the thoughts of appearing so mean & petty.

Okay fair enough it hasn't happened but how do you think you would react if it did? Let's say you met an intelligent, charming and beautiful woman. She ticks all your boxes, has a high paid job so earns at least if not more than you do and then she is the one that asks you out to dinner.

Would you be fine in letting her pay the full bill? Even if you offer to split the bill she insists that as she asked you out she feels she wants to pay the full bill.

pwurple

Deleted User wrote: »

It is more like you are extrapolating your personal restaurant experiences into a global generalisation of what all restaurants are like. Which is generally never a good approach.

I think with the volume of restaurants I've been in over the course of my life, and the few I've worked in when I was younger, I can very easily generalise what the experience is going to be like regarding the bill. New and exciting billing experiences await me I'm sure though!

Again one can be good with numbers and do this. Because at some point you either have to SIGN something or PIN CODE something - and in both of these cases you also have the chance to glance at the total and make sure it conforms with your initial expectations.

And what exactly have you done at that point, when there is a mistake? Take the card away and ask for the bill back again, like a chump?

eviltwin

If I ask someone out I'll pay, I wouldn't risk a potential date turning me down because they are short on cash. If they want to contribute something then I'll accept but I wouldn't expect it or think less of them on the first date. If it becomes a pattern then that's different.

Potatoeman

LordNorbury wrote: »

Well the convention is usually that men ask women out & not the other way around I think. It has happened me a few times where a girl asked me out to dinner but on those occasions it was for my birthday & she insisted on paying, which I was fine with. In the context of internet dating or dating while single, I've never once had a girl asking me out to dinner. I've had girls proposing we go for a coffee date, which I usually try to upgrade that request into some other type of a date as I hate coffee dates, they are pointless in my experience, also had girls proposing me meet for drinks, which is ok as we'd generally do rounds in that situation.

I genuinely don't know what it is about a dinner date, that make the rules & norms regarding payment thereof, different than any other type of date, (for me anyway)... As I've said before, the idea of asking a girl to dinner, having a really good date, and then asking her at the end of the night for half the bill, it just makes me shudder & cringe and the thoughts of appearing so mean & petty.

I would pay for the first but they should pay for the second. I wouldnt be too impressed with a woman that expected me to pay for everything. Its very traditional but most people are not traditional. I have come across a few women with an a la carte attitude to tradition which is not attractive.

K-9

Some people spend €1,000's on a watch, I don't see the problem with a €600 handbag, well I think it's silly paying that much but each to their own!

As has already been said, if I ask I pay, I've never been on a date when it was an issue tbh. Date would offer 50/50, I'd say thanks but pay for it, she'd thank me, end of!

I wouldn't be too hung up on the 50/50 thing, I've probably paid for more meals than gf's because I don't mind, and often I'd have earned more. The last 2 gf's would make a point of bringing me out and paying if I'd paid for the last 2 or 3 dinners, quite enjoyed that myself, nice thank you.

Drinks and that type of stuff would be by round, if I was paying for 3 or 4 rounds in a row and there wasn't a good reason that would be the end of the date.

Just an aside, but I went away with a couple once, 3 of us to watch a Liverpool match. The friends partner ended up just sitting there with me and him buying rounds. They never seemed to see a problem with this, they'd be very traditional, but I'm nearly sure she was working at the time and had her own independent income! Bloody cheek.

PS. The idea of splitting everything annoys me, probably because I work in accountancy and see enough of that in my work!

LordNorbury

Maguined wrote: »

Okay fair enough it hasn't happened but how do you think you would react if it did? Let's say you met an intelligent, charming and beautiful woman. She ticks all your boxes, has a high paid job so earns at least if not more than you do and then she is the one that asks you out to dinner.

Would you be fine in letting her pay the full bill? Even if you offer to split the bill she insists that as she asked you out she feels she wants to pay the full bill.

Yeah I guess I would let her pay, I certainly wouldn't expect her to though. To my mind, the same convention/tradition that says a guy pays to bring a girl out to dinner, also says that the guy asks a girl to join him for dinner in the first place, which probably explains why I've gone on loads of dinner dates over the years but have never been asked out to dinner by a girl. The same convention is in place on dating sites when it comes to who sends the first mail, although you can clearly see that you have both viewed each other's profiles, strangely women very rarely initiate contact, (this is actually starting to change I must point out), it is generally left to the men, although women in their 30's now are generally being a lot more proactive when it comes to online dating, they will send the first mail, they will move the conversation from chatting to "let's meet for a drink", whereas until recently, all this was left to the guy...

LordNorbury

pwurple wrote: »

I think with the volume of restaurants I've been in over the course of my life, and the few I've worked in when I was younger, I can very easily generalise what the experience is going to be like regarding the bill. New and exciting billing experiences await me I'm sure though!



And what exactly have you done at that point, when there is a mistake? Take the card away and ask for the bill back again, like a chump?

In fairness to the poster making the point about checking the bill, I've been for meals where a second (unordered) bottle of wine has mysteriously appeared on the bill, it's not a bad habit to get into, to throw your eye over the bill before paying it, as mistakes can & do happen regularly.

jackofalltrades

LordNorbury wrote: »

The same convention is in place on dating sites when it comes to who sends the first mail, although you can clearly see that you have both viewed each other's profiles, strangely women very rarely initiate contact...

I think this is mainly down to supply and demand.
If you have a popular profile, whether you are a man or a woman, you're more likely to get messages.
Therefore you have less of a need for being as proactive as people who get less messages.

bilbot79

It's fine the first time. I did it for my girl, to show I like her

Galwayguy35

One girl I asked out I paid for the first date (and had no problem with that) and after that it was split 50/50.

Another girl I was on a few dates with paid for nothing even though her job paid a lot more than mine, in fact she told me that she felt it was the mans job to pay for a night out.

pwurple

pwurple wrote: »

I think with the volume of restaurants I've been in over the course of my life, and the few I've worked in when I was younger, I can very easily generalise what the experience is going to be like regarding the bill.

And yet given said experience does not - in many cases - match the one I describe - clearly the extrapolation is not as useful as your faith in it decrees.

pwurple wrote: »

New and exciting billing experiences await me I'm sure though!

Whatever floats your boat I guess

pwurple wrote: »

And what exactly have you done at that point, when there is a mistake? Take the card away and ask for the bill back again, like a chump?

Thus far an issue has never come up. I have a figure in my head - give or take a few euro - that I expect the bill to be. Thus far every time I have come to authorise the total the figure has conformed to my expecations. Simples.

_Kaiser_

Can't say it would bother me really - I'd probably expect to pay the first time though

I'm not the type to go keeping score anyway. As long as it wasn't all one way then that's fine or we split the cost of a night - eg: I get the cinema tickets, she gets the food/drinks, or I might get dinner tonight and she'll get it next time etc

In the long run (if it gets that far!) it all evens out. Plus 2 people might not have the same amount of disposable cash anyway but as long as an effort is made all the same then that's fine with me.

Aidric

I've no issues with paying on the first date once the girl offers to pay. If she just turns her nose up in an expectant manner there won't be a second date.

Pawwed Rig

I get my wife to pay for everything when we are out and about. We have a joint account so it is no burden really but it is always interesting to see the reactions, especially in restaurants, when I hand the bill over to her.

Aidric

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

We have a joint account

Bafucin

I would have issues with it. Besides the fact I can't afford it I think I would. Maybe not so much for coffee but in general yes.

Galwayguy35

Bafucin wrote: »

I would have issues with it. Besides the fact I can't afford it I think I would. Maybe not so much for coffee but in general yes.

What have you issues with, thatr a woman should pay halves?

realgirl

LordNorbury wrote: »

No you're actually on the ball, most women would find it endearing, I just happened to be on a date with a paranoid twat who had her head filled with cynicism on loads of different fronts...

Couldn't bypass this and not post. I think if a guy offered to have a drink waiting for me when I arrived I would find that endearing... but if I hadn't met him before, I would prefer to get my own drink or be there when he's getting it. I've been spiked, it wasn't fun. Luckily I wasn't attacked or anything but I did take a trip to A&E by ambulance, which wasn't exactly what I'd had planned for a fun night out. I'd prefer this never happened again, and I will take whatever precautions seem reasonable to me to prevent that. If a guy doesn't respect that, or it upsets his ego, that's not as important to me as my own safety. End of.
More on topic, I think if someone issues an invitation to dinner, cinema, whatever, they should pay. If there is coffee/drinks after etc then the other person should pay. I'm pretty 50/50 on most things so the idea of the man should always pay seems crazy to me. Still for a first date I'd appreciate a show of generosity by a guy. In general a woman will have spent a lot more in advance of the date on outfit, makeup, possibly nails and hair etc - most guys just
shower, shave and show up!

Potatoeman

realgirl wrote: »

Couldn't bypass this and not post. I think if a guy offered to have a drink waiting for me when I arrived I would find that endearing... but if I hadn't met him before, I would prefer to get my own drink or be there when he's getting it. I've been spiked, it wasn't fun. Luckily I wasn't attacked or anything but I did take a trip to A&E by ambulance, which wasn't exactly what I'd had planned for a fun night out. I'd prefer this never happened again, and I will take whatever precautions seem reasonable to me to prevent that. If a guy doesn't respect that, or it upsets his ego, that's not as important to me as my own safety. End of.
More on topic, I think if someone issues an invitation to dinner, cinema, whatever, they should pay. If there is coffee/drinks after etc then the other person should pay. I'm pretty 50/50 on most things so the idea of the man should always pay seems crazy to me. Still for a first date I'd appreciate a show of generosity by a guy. In general a woman will have spent a lot more in advance of the date on outfit, makeup, possibly nails and hair etc - most guys just
shower, shave and show up!

I think the guy should pay for the first date, sure but then the girl should pay for the second.
I never understand the attitude that the guy should pay because the woman spends money on beauty products.