Online dating. Would you? Wouldn't you?

knucklehead6

Trebor176 wrote: »

Still going grand pour moi. Next step is to ask her out for a drink (assuming she is interested of course) After four days or so, I'm not sure if it would be too early or not.

The earlier the better. You don't want to end up a pen pal. And if she isn't interested it's also better to know early on too

Trebor176

Well, she is looking for a relationship. I guess I should also tell her that I'm interested in her and see how she reacts. She can only say she's interested, or that sorry, I'm a nice chap, but she just doesn't see me that way. You're right, though. I can't leave it long.

Wibbs

Me? I'd say you're also interested in a relationship, rather than tell her you're interested in her specifically. If she's not interested no harm done and she'll let you know, if she is interested in you she'll fill in the gaps for you.

Trebor176

Yep, I'm interested in a relationship too. At least that's what it says beside "looking for" So far, it's just been chats about general stuff, which is grand. I'll go for it anyway

Pawn

GuessWhoEh wrote: »

Would you go on a date with someone you've started to chat to online?

Online, shop, library... Whats the difference? I would, I have and I will again

Lenmeister

Daveysil15 wrote: »

They're not great friends then.

No they just don't want to be negative or make you feel stupid. That's why impartial advice from people who know nothing about you is better as they will tell you straight up if your profile is good or bad and what you should tweak. Friends would have a tendancy to say "ahh it's grand sure you're a great guy/girl".

Daveysil15

Lenmeister wrote: »

No they just don't want to be negative or make you feel stupid. That's why impartial advice from people who know nothing about you is better as they will tell you straight up if your profile is good or bad and what you should tweak. Friends would have a tendancy to say "ahh it's grand sure you're a great guy/girl".

How would you make them feel stupid? If my friends profile was lacking I'd simple suggest ways to improve it. Use better photos, add more info etc. I'd never say to a male friend, or anyone for that matter, that he was a great guy. It's kind of pointless advice for someone who wants to improve their profile.

OnTheCouch

Wibbs wrote: »

Just on a personal thang, I've a couple of years on yer man in the video. I've certainly met 20 year old women who were cool, but I couldn't see myself with them. I've been sorta there in the past, she was early 20's I was over 40 and she was cool. Very bright, funny and sexy with it and a good heart too, but for some reason I just couldn't be myself around her. I acted oddly around her, twatty even, I just wasn't myself and before and after meeting with her I'd be like WTF? Why am I not giving her me. I couldn't figure why at the time(no fool like an old fool is a truism). Now I see that I just wasn't comfortable and though I was acting like a twat at times, my (unconscious)reasons why were sound. She was a well cool young woman with a great future ahead of her and she really shouldn't have been bumpin uglies with a bloke from another generation. She needed a guy more her age, so they could explore/screw up/learn from all that together.

Yeah even though I'd generally be the type that would be fairly open-minded on age gaps, (although again like yourself Wibbs I'd be a hypocrite not to be!) and would generally consider that as long as they are both adults it's their and no one else's business, I wouldn't put too much money on the relationship in the video lasting.

In my experience and through what I've read, I would set the upper limit at 15 years between the couples for various different reasons. This could possibly be extended to 20 years in exceptional circumstances, but even if one ages incredibly well, you're already at that stage getting dangerously close to the embarrassing situation where you look like your date's mother/father.

The guy in the video is definitely in such a situation, plus he has the added cringeworthy factor thrown in that his daughter is actually older than the girl. Even if he is 'totally down with the kids' and her an old soul for 20, you wonder what exactly they can talk about and have in common with a 25-year difference. The cynic in me just assumes that after a while the relationship will start to become like a millstone round her neck and with all the thrown in advantages of being now an American citizen through marriage, she may well seek a divorce and a more suitable man. Plus he has already been divorced twice, so again making assumptions here, one can hazard a guess that he either is very hard to live with or keeps picking unsuitable women. But who knows really, stranger things have happened.

My experience also when going out with younger girlfriends was that my female friends were a lot less happy about it than my male ones. I had some guy mates object, but they tended to be the conservative/Puritan type who would be very concerned about doing XYZ at this stage of life, plus constantly worried about what family/social entourage would think of them. But yeah, from my female friends it was pretty much disapproval across the board, even though some were more outspoken than others. It's interesting to observe different reactions in different people.

Lenmeister wrote: »

No they just don't want to be negative or make you feel stupid. That's why impartial advice from people who know nothing about you is better as they will tell you straight up if your profile is good or bad and what you should tweak. Friends would have a tendancy to say "ahh it's grand sure you're a great guy/girl".

Yeah as Lenmeister says, most friends, especially taken out of drunken and/or group situations will generally not want to say anything that offends you in any way. You can perhaps be quite direct or come at the question from a different, perhaps less harsh angle eg: 'do you prefer my profile like this or like that?' but getting people whom you know to be brutally honest is often a lot harder than you might think.

kissmequick

Do ya have to have an Iphone to get Tinder?

Trebor176

Well, that was short lived. . .perhaps!

Things had been going well the last few days, and plenty of messages were exchanged. Then, there hasn't been anything for the last couple of days. I fear that wondering if she'd like to go out for a drink at some point may have put her off. It could be for any number of reasons really, but just annoying that things seem to have just halted. I know it does happen, and has happened to plenty of others many times. It's a pain in the a**e, and makes me wonder why someone would reply to an original message, have a good conversation, and then just stop replying. Maybe giving my number could have been an idea too.

Anyway, apologies for bumping this again, seeming as it has been rather quiet the last few days. I guess I just needed to vent a bit

GuessWhoEh

Feedbacks here is mentle!

I joined tinder and stayed on it for a bit. The novelty wore off after a while.

A day after deleting the app, I went to the pub and got chatting to a guy, went on a few dates and we're still talking now.

I think it just depends on luck.

In saying that, I wouldn't say no to online dating BUT at the same time, I think I would prefer to meet someone in a pub or through mutual friends etc. I know it wouldn't really make a difference because at the end of the day you're still talking to them and finding out things.

I think it's more of a comfort factor rather than the whole stigma of online dating.

WilyCoyote

A Greedy Algorithm wrote: »

Its a latest resort really.

FYP.
Met in 2004 on-line, married in 2007 and still going strong.

freelife2014

Meet someone ,then just be good friend

Daveysil15

Trebor176 wrote: »

Well, that was short lived. . .perhaps!

Things had been going well the last few days, and plenty of messages were exchanged. Then, there hasn't been anything for the last couple of days. I fear that wondering if she'd like to go out for a drink at some point may have put her off. It could be for any number of reasons really, but just annoying that things seem to have just halted. I know it does happen, and has happened to plenty of others many times. It's a pain in the a**e, and makes me wonder why someone would reply to an original message, have a good conversation, and then just stop replying. Maybe giving my number could have been an idea too.

Anyway, apologies for bumping this again, seeming as it has been rather quiet the last few days. I guess I just needed to vent a bit

That has happened to me a few times alright. I'd be chatting away to someone for a few days and then the mere mention of a date and they go into hibernation. Or I'd give them my number and they don't bother to text. I think it comes back to the window shopping mentality. A lot of people just seem to be dipping their toes and are very reluctant to actually meet anyone.

siblers

Trebor176 wrote: »

Well, that was short lived. . .perhaps!

Things had been going well the last few days, and plenty of messages were exchanged. Then, there hasn't been anything for the last couple of days. I fear that wondering if she'd like to go out for a drink at some point may have put her off. It could be for any number of reasons really, but just annoying that things seem to have just halted. I know it does happen, and has happened to plenty of others many times. It's a pain in the a**e, and makes me wonder why someone would reply to an original message, have a good conversation, and then just stop replying. Maybe giving my number could have been an idea too.

Anyway, apologies for bumping this again, seeming as it has been rather quiet the last few days. I guess I just needed to vent a bit

Wouldn't give a girl your numbe unless they asked for it, seems a bit need/pushy (depending on how you give it). Just send her another message again but try make it fun, don't just send something like "hi, how are you" just try make fun of her not replying/you waiting for a reply. No shame in double messaging :cool:

Trebor176

Daveysil15 wrote: »

That has happened to me a few times alright. I'd be chatting away to someone for a few days and then the mere mention of a date and they go into hibernation. Or I'd give them my number and they don't bother to text. I think it comes back to the window shopping mentality. A lot of people just seem to be dipping their toes and are very reluctant to actually meet anyone.

That's exactly it. It wouldn't be the first time that it's happened to me, but I'd be peeved that I wasted time in messaging them only to get that sort of treatment. I don't often get replies, but when I do, I probably get my hopes up a little, especially if things seem to go well.

I don't know if there are cases of meeting a girl in person, i.e. on a night out or whatever, numbers are exchanged, a few messages are exchanged, but she stops replying, or maybe visa versa. I'm sure it does. I guess it's better than being stood up.

siblers wrote: »

Wouldn't give a girl your numbe unless they asked for it, seems a bit need/pushy (depending on how you give it). Just send her another message again but try make it fun, don't just send something like "hi, how are you" just try make fun of her not replying/you waiting for a reply. No shame in double messaging :cool:

Hmmm, there's been different opinions on the number part. Some may say to give it after a few messages, while other might say don't bother unless asked, etc. (as said above). I did message wondering if me suggesting meeting put her off (maybe that bit should have been avoided), but yes, I did wonder about exchanging numbers and chatting on the phone, or maybe getting in touch on Facebook.

I kept it lighthearted, but tried not to come across as pushy/needy (not a good look), but I fear I may have. The only messages before that (after she last messages) were just to reply to her, and a day or two later just to ask how she is, followed by the above. It's probably best to leave it there for obvious reasons.

siblers

I'd usually get a number before suggesting meeting up, least if you get a number you know she is interested enough to take it further. Some people ask directly to meet up on dating sites but I think in most cases it's too direct. Plus it's best to get them off the site and talking to you on on one, if you're talking to them while on the app, they will spend more time interacting with other people on it.

Carson10

Most girls ive seen on any of these dating sites or app's are, are single mothers with a hate against men, overweight, or barbie dolls stuck up their own a*rse..

FullblownRose

Trebor176 wrote: »

I kept it lighthearted, but tried not to come across as pushy/needy (not a good look), but I fear I may have. The only messages before that (after she last messages) were just to reply to her, and a day or two later just to ask how she is, followed by the above. It's probably best to leave it there for obvious reasons.

Do people really sit there going..'' hmm..second message in a row, that's bit pushy'', or ''a bit needy'' e.t.c ?
It sounds like people read an awful lot into very little.
How do people manage not to become paralysed by the fear of saying the wrong thing?

tomwaterford

FullblownRose wrote: »

Do people really sit there going..'' hmm..second message in a row, that's bit pushy'', or ''a bit needy'' e.t.c ?
It sounds like people read an awful lot into very little.
How do people manage not to become paralysed by the fear of saying the wrong thing?

the joys of online dating/texting :cool:

Trebor176

siblers wrote: »

I'd usually get a number before suggesting meeting up, least if you get a number you know she is interested enough to take it further. Some people ask directly to meet up on dating sites but I think in most cases it's too direct. Plus it's best to get them off the site and talking to you on on one, if you're talking to them while on the app, they will spend more time interacting with other people on it.

Hmm, I guess that's where the problem lies. I have to admit, I pondered over how to approach the subject of meeting up or seeing if she wanted to get in touch offline. I went for the former, and looking on it now, I'm sorry I did. The number option would have been the more sensible option, perhaps. But, I think she just stopped messaging anyway. Like, she asked in conversation a few nights ago if I was up to anything much. I replied, but that was it. And, that was before I said anything about meeting up, getting a number, etc. I do agree with you, though. It was never my intention to be too forward. That's if I did seem that way.

FullblownRose wrote: »

Do people really sit there going..'' hmm..second message in a row, that's bit pushy'', or ''a bit needy'' e.t.c ?
It sounds like people read an awful lot into very little.
How do people manage not to become paralysed by the fear of saying the wrong thing?

Well, some can become a bit uneasy, apparently, if they receive a few messages in a row. Such things can "push" them away, if they think whoever is messaging may seem overeager by sending messages with no reply. This is something I was told about some time ago. It's along those lines anyway. It's stupid, but I've had to rewrite messages in the past or just think bloody long and hard about what to say. In the end, it never really comes out right :P I guess if there's no reply after two or three messages, the hint must be taken, and that's to eff off!

C.K Dexter Haven

The Cunning Linguist wrote: »

Would you buy clothes online? Book a flight? Download a song?

If so, then why not date someone you met online?

That's a cunning list

FullblownRose

Trebor176 wrote: »

Well, some can become a bit uneasy, apparently, if they receive a few messages in a row. Such things can "push" them away, if they think whoever is messaging may seem overeager by sending messages with no reply. This is something I was told about some time ago. It's along those lines anyway. It's stupid, but I've had to rewrite messages in the past or just think bloody long and hard about what to say. In the end, it never really comes out right :P I guess if there's no reply after two or three messages, the hint must be taken, and that's to eff off!

Ah, yes. When you put it that way.. So complicated

Wasn't there a book called ''the Rules'' that explained all of these (supposed) do's and don'ts of dating..* I ust checked and there's a new one for the ''online generation''. You can preview it on Amazon but I think my head would break open so I'm not going to :O

tomwaterford

FullblownRose wrote: »

Ah, yes. When you put it that way.. So complicated

Wasn't there a book called ''the Rules'' that explained all of these (supposed) do's and don'ts of dating..

wheres the fun stress in that!!!:pac::pac:

FullblownRose

tomwaterford wrote: »

wheres the fun stress in that!!!:pac::pac:

It sounds awful..:( It's enough to make a person join a convent. Maybe there is some sense in it but the idea that there's a whole book dedicated to telling people what they should do is just..meh

tomwaterford

FullblownRose wrote: »

It sounds awful..:( It's enough to make a person join a convent

it actually is...espially when you send a message and messaging away grand and then all sudden...they don't message back (there busy or whatever...like it happens:p) and as someone who normally doesn't overthink these things :cool:...youd be looking at the message and wondering what are they after getting tick over...sure theres worse things and they've replied!!!

the absolute joys of it....jesus the worrying I see some people doing over messages....its not a convent they should be in:pac::pac:

Trebor176

Yeah, it can be complicated alright, as I have found I think there was such a book, yes, but I still wouldn't be familiar with it. I think people have different ideas of do's and don'ts of dating, and will approach things in different ways to others, if that makes sense. I mean, some may see things in the do's list as don'ts or visa versa. And, these rules could be followed rigidly and still not get a person anywhere with a love interest. Believe me, I have tried various approaches in person and online, and I haven't yet got anywhere. There has always been a slip up somewhere. And, the odd time, it's been hard to know where the slip up would have occurred.

FullblownRose

I joined one a while back, out of curiosity. I'm trying to write a book and I thought i might gain some kind of insight/learn something. Since I started following this thread, my Yahoo inbox is full of notifications from the other website Even though I made it clear that I'm there out of curiosity, and had no details filled in, I have had a couple of persistent messages.
I put a photograh up now. That'll deter the feckers

GuessWhoEh

louisenf2014 wrote: »

I downloaded Tinder (with reservation) just to see what all the fuss was about. To be honest, it's a bit weird, you end up with about 30 matches and maybe 5 actual conversations so you have to stop swiping. I've planned a drink for this weekend and am understandably nervous but no doubt I'll live to tell the tail. We all have to leave our comfort zones now and again

Please keep me updated!

Trebor176

Maybe I spoke to soon about things not lasting with the one I had been chatting with, and had stopped replying. After wondering what the story was a couple of days ago, and hoping I hadn't scared her off by saying about meeting up, rather than actually suggest chatting on the phone first, etc. I got a reply. Just about having a new job, being busy, etc. All plausible, and maybe now messages will be slow, but I won't lose hope just yet Though, I was told she's new to this, and apologised if she doesn't seem to be the best at checking messages. I know from before, where messages having been exchanged, and perhaps there's nothing then, the other person may come online at some point, but not necessarily reply to the message, or may say they're not the best at checking them. Possibly an excuse to say there's no interest there. As I said before, though, things have seemed to be going well this time, so I don't know.

Nomis21

I used one about 20 years ago in Manchester UK.

I met the manageress of Sheffield job centre. She used to describe parts of Sheffield as "The land of a thousand dole cheques".

We had an intimate relationship for a few months but it got boring and I got out.


I think online dating is for people who don't meet people through work or are too busy for a social life.


Nowadays I'm an Ambassador for Couchsurfing so I can get laid any time I like.

tomwaterford

Nomis21 wrote: »

I used one about 20 years ago in Manchester UK.

I met the manageress of Sheffield job centre. She used to describe parts of Sheffield as "The land of a thousand dole cheques".

We had an intimate relationship for a few months but it got boring and I got out.


I think online dating is for people who don't meet people through work or are too busy for a social life.


Nowadays I'm an Ambassador for Couchsurfing so I can get laid any time I like.

wtf???

conorh91

I tried the online dating thing and all I can say is

*please look like your pictures*

What's the point in taking pictures that barely resemble you. Instagram is a fcuker for this. Everyone looks better in hefe, but real-life color tones are less flattering.

Also, if you're a bit overweight, at least be sensible enough to make the other person aware of that. Taking misleading pictures that give the completely wrong impression of your size is never going to get you anywhere, except a possibly pissed off first-date who possibly can't wait to get out of there because all he keeps thinking is "you look nothing like your pictures".

I'm using the male pronoun there, but it works both ways. I'm sure guys are guilty of it too.

Nomis21

What are you confused about?

Couchsurfing is NOT a dating site. That means people don't go on Couchsurfing to get laid. Which means they feel very relaxed about meeting you. This usually results in being able to spend lots of private time together in the privacy of your own home. Which often leads to intimacy.

Less confused now?

Nomis21

tomwaterford wrote: »

wtf???

What are you confused about?

Couchsurfing is NOT a dating site. That means people don't go on Couchsurfing to get laid. Which means they feel very relaxed about meeting you. This usually results in being able to spend lots of private time together in the privacy of your own home. Which often leads to intimacy.

Less confused now?

tomwaterford

Nomis21 wrote: »

What are you confused about?

Couchsurfing is NOT a dating site. That means people don't go on Couchsurfing to get laid. Which means they feel very relaxed about meeting you. This usually results in being able to spend lots of private time together in the privacy of your own home. Which often leads to intimacy.

Less confused now?

whats couchsurfing....google is just like effort at the min

Tilly

Nomis21 wrote: »

What are you confused about?

Couchsurfing is NOT a dating site. That means people don't go on Couchsurfing to get laid. Which means they feel very relaxed about meeting you. This usually results in being able to spend lots of private time together in the privacy of your own home. Which often leads to intimacy.

Less confused now?

You are creepy as fúck!!!!

Daveysil15

conorh91 wrote: »

I tried the online dating thing and all I can say is

*please look like your pictures*

What's the point in taking pictures that barely resemble you. Instagram is a fcuker for this. Everyone looks better in hefe, but real-life color tones are less flattering.

Also, if you're a bit overweight, at least be sensible enough to make the other person aware of that. Taking misleading pictures that give the completely wrong impression of your size is never going to get you anywhere, except a possibly pissed off first-date who possibly can't wait to get out of there because all he keeps thinking is "you look nothing like your pictures".

I'm using the male pronoun there, but it works both ways. I'm sure guys are guilty of it too.

The photos are a tricky one alright. Some women have photos which are very flattering. They may be mostly head shots which don't show their real size. But the opposite can happen too; some girls are decent looking but they have terrible photos. You don't want to be misleading but at the same time you should put up a few good photos, maybe even a couple of professional ones. It can get a bit awkward though when a girl only has 2 photos up and she looks great in one photo but terrible in the other.

It can be a case that the person just isn't photogenic and looks more attractive in person. That has been the case with a few women I met online.

Nomis21

Tilly wrote: »

You are creepy as fúck!!!!

What is creepy about two people meeting up, falling in love and getting intimate?

Tilly

Nomis21 wrote: »

What is creepy about two people meeting up, falling in love and getting intimate?

Women come stay on your couch thinking they're not going to get hit on. And you hit on them. Yeah that's not creepy at all....

tomwaterford

Tilly wrote: »

Women come stay on your couch thinking they're not going to get hit on. And you hit on them. Yeah that's not creepy at all....

it is a bit strange as I would imaginme couch surfing is aimed at early to mid 20s and this chap is at minimum mid to late 30s...going by he used internet sites 20 years ago

I've never used online dating sites/tinder/etc. Not for me. I've never even kissed a stranger :pac: Anyone that I have gone out with I have known for months beforehand.

Works for some people though I guess.

Nomis21

Tilly wrote: »

Women come stay on your couch thinking they're not going to get hit on. And you hit on them. Yeah that's not creepy at all....

I do not "Hit" on anyone. Never have done.

If people meet on a dating site is one of them "Hitting" on the other?

Nomis21

tomwaterford wrote: »

it is a bit strange as I would imaginme couch surfing is aimed at early to mid 20s and this chap is at minimum mid to late 30s...going by he used internet sites 20 years ago

Couchsurfing is not aimed at any age group.

Tilly

Nomis21 wrote: »

I do not "Hit" on anyone. Never have done.

If people meet on a dating site is one of them "Hitting" on the other?

You don't remember what you said 3 posts ago? Couch surfers = you getting laid. Creepy Mc Creeperson.

tomwaterford

Nomis21 wrote: »

Couchsurfing is not aimed at any age group.

but you surly will accept the general principle that is mainly young people that will be doing it...as older people would tend to have money to afford to stay somewhere descent...hotel/hostel...not some creepy old lad whos trying on with them....when they have nowhere else to stay???

Nomis21

Tilly wrote: »

You don't remember what you said 3 posts ago? Couch surfers = you getting laid. Creepy Mc Creeperson.

OK I hold my hands up. That comment was inappropriate.

But I think its always important to comment on the post, not the poster.

Nomis21

tomwaterford wrote: »

but you surly will accept the general principle that is mainly young people that will be doing it...as older people would tend to have money to afford to stay somewhere descent...hotel/hostel...not some creepy old lad whos trying on with them....when they have nowhere else to stay???

Ok yes, it is mainly used by people in their twenties. But not exclusively. There are parameters that can be set to receive couchsurfers over a certain age. I have had many people stay with me in their 40's and 50's, the oldest was 64, but lets not get carried away here...

The point of my post is that dating sites are not the best place to meet people. Better to meet in a social setting like a sailing club or couchsurfing or judo or whatever. There have been many marriages that came about from people that met on couchsurfing.

I have over 300 positive reviews by guests, over 200 from females. I didn't get them from 'hitting' on them.

Nomis21

tomwaterford wrote: »

but you surly will accept the general principle that is mainly young people that will be doing it...as older people would tend to have money to afford to stay somewhere descent...hotel/hostel...not some creepy old lad whos trying on with them....when they have nowhere else to stay???

Also, couchsurfing is not about saving money It's about cultural exchange.

So what if we ended up in bed together sometimes? It was always consensual.

tomwaterford

Nomis21 wrote: »

Also, couchsurfing is not about saving money It's about cultural exchange.

So what if we ended up in bed together sometimes? It was always consenting.

ive not said it wasn't consentual...its walking a very tight rope between feeling forced into it is all.....not something id comfortable with TBH
*no kind letting strangers stay in me gaff:pac: