traumatic death o my mum

caddylamb

i went to stay with my mum and dad to look after my terminally ill mum we were very close and i loved her so much. i was her main carer looking after her for 9 months doing all her carer including personal care. we actually bonded so much during this time and i am so glad i was able to do this for her. she pass away in march

when she went in to hospital at the end it was the most traumatic thing i have ever witnessed i thought her death would be like you see on tv that she would just close her eyes and sign her last breath but it wasn't like that at all. she had a rare leukemia and her last hours are haunting me she was choking as she couldn't swallow her saliva she was also gasping for breath her face looked like the picture the scream it was just unbelievable terrible i had a panic attack when it dawned on me she was actually dying and seeing her this way was just so very terrible now i just can't get the image from my head all the time i see her like this i cry so much for her loss before she was ill we would talk on the phone every day sometimes twice a day as i lived a thousand miles away. i miss not being able to speak to her so much it hurts, we would also skype i would tell her all that was going on in my life we would laugh together but now all i see is her gasping and her face at the end i see it every minute of the day i can't cope with this it is tearing me apart i look at photos of her smiling and remember our outings we used to go on when i lived near her but it doesn't block out the last moments of her life i just see it all the time i just can't cope

Lou.m

caddylamb wrote: »

i went to stay with my mum and dad to look after my terminally ill mum we were very close and i loved her so much. i was her main carer looking after her for 9 months doing all her carer including personal care. we actually bonded so much during this time and i am so glad i was able to do this for her. she pass away in march

when she went in to hospital at the end it was the most traumatic thing i have ever witnessed i thought her death would be like you see on tv that she would just close her eyes and sign her last breath but it wasn't like that at all. she had a rare leukemia and her last hours are haunting me she was choking as she couldn't swallow her saliva she was also gasping for breath her face looked like the picture the scream it was just unbelievable terrible i had a panic attack when it dawned on me she was actually dying and seeing her this way was just so very terrible now i just can't get the image from my head all the time i see her like this i cry so much for her loss before she was ill we would talk on the phone every day sometimes twice a day as i lived a thousand miles away. i miss not being able to speak to her so much it hurts, we would also skype i would tell her all that was going on in my life we would laugh together but now all i see is her gasping and her face at the end i see it every minute of the day i can't cope with this it is tearing me apart i look at photos of her smiling and remember our outings we used to go on when i lived near her but it doesn't block out the last moments of her life i just see it all the time i just can't cope

You poured your heart out to her and gave her your all. It is no wonder you feel tired and overwhelmed.

Reach out and ask for help. I know how tough it is to see a parent in pain. People think you are so strong and just going on. But inside you feel like falling.

You sound justifiably traumatized. And maybe you feel no one shares in it. Can you talk to family?

Hugs OP. Your post really got to me.

http://www.bereavementireland.com/

Maybe these people can help.
xx

CaraMay

Hugs op I'm so sorry you saw that.

My sibling died in quite traumatic circumstances but thankfully I didn't see it. I did see where it happened though and even that traumatized me. Have you tried bereavement counselling.

Sorry for your loss and well done for being there for your mum xx

Maphisto

So sorry for your loss OP.

There are some organisations at the beginning of this thread.

Do please get in touch with someone.

<HUGS>