Any advice?

Count Fines

I know this may be considered a shallow thread for this forum, but it is something I would like the good people of Boards to talk me into/out of, or give me any advice you might have!

So basically I'm a 16 yo guy, going into fifth year, in a Dublin secondary school. And, basically, I guess I'm a pretty normal 16 year old, although I'd think I'm a bit more mature/open to other peoples ways of thinking and opinions than most 16 year olds would be. I do sports, team and individual, I'm also musical, like video games etc, so I have a solid group of friends, so no real problems with people. But again, being a group of teenage lads and ladies, there's not really much room for me to discuss this stuff with them (pressure to be an I-don't-give-a-śhït kind of guy)
The thing is, for the last year I've really .. Well.. Fallen in love for this girl who is outside my regular group of mates. It's a really amazing feeling, like this is what life's all about, but at the same time it's extremely frustrating. I have no time making friends with most lads and girls because I have a lot of interests, but literally I've been in a year with this girl for the past 4 years and I must've only talked to her twice. To me she's the most beautiful girl I've probably ever seen, (and by a general consensus amongst my mates she's pretty fit!), and I often find myself thinking about her, but not even in a sexual way, more like just how amazing she looks, and how it would be incredible to just hold her hand...(you can probably see why this isn't the sort of thing I can talk about with my mates without the usual "gay" jokes..)

Anyway, although I really wouldn't consider myself an unattractive guy, and I don't think other people do either, it's like I have no confidence when I'm around her. She has her own group of friends, and, well, you know how impossible it is to talk to a pack of the womenfolk... She may as we'"ll be miles out of my league.. And the trouble also is that, at this stage, my year is very set in a system of cliques, of who talks to who etc. it's like I can never approach her. Even if I did, there's nothing I could really say. We were both sort of on the fringe until around third year where i think we really sort of matured, got more consistent friends, if you see what I mean. I even looked online for advice, but it seems to me like once we've seen each other every day at school without talking to each other, we've grown indifferent to each other's presence.

I'd love if people who were/are in similar situations to give me advice! I know there's know way to get a girl to like you, but I feel I can't even get to talk to her. I feel like this is a really important thing for me, I've never felt this way about anyone, and I don't want to let this pass by. I'd sincerely try anything.

Okay, I just looked back on what I've written and I realise there's not much you can say, but any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated!

Lou.m

I just want to say it's beautiful your post.

Anyways, what is she into? In your school do you have events or something she is into something that would mean you guys hung out together in?

Just start talking to her. She is human too!

This is not a problem...you know...this is normal..it is perfectly NORMAL to get nervous around people you like. It is the 'cool' people don't want to admit it ..but it is.

Start talking to her and her friends. Find out what her events for school are and try one. Find out what her interests are? You don't have to pretend to be totally into them but you could wow that's really fascinating i admire that and start talking.

Magicmatilda

That's a lovely post.

Oh to be in those first flushes of love. Enjoy it.

You sound quite mature for your age and women do like that.

Start saying Hi every time you see her. Do you do that already? If not start, then you can slowly build to a "how's it going."

Also you could friend request her on facebook or whatever. Worst that can happen is she says no and tells all her mates but so what - you tried.

Be brave, faint heart never won fair maiden and all that.

Best of luck with it.

chellyry

Send her a message on facebook. Something simple to begin with. Are you in any of the same classes? You could ask her how she's getting on with such and such a project/homework. Just chat for a few messages over and back and then ask her if she's going to an event that's happening locally. Surely there'll be a 16th/18th or something coming up. If she's going tell her you are too, if not ask her if she'd like to go. Or talk about a film that's in the cinema at the moment and if she's interested in it ask her if she'd like to go see it with you.

When I was your age the main way boys would get talking to the girls was to message them on facebook/bebo (back when bebo was popular ;P ) or by asking a friend of the girl's for her number.

Good Luck, you seem like a nice guy

Edit: Just realised it's summer holidays so you won't have any projects or homework. You say you're 16. Have you just done the JC? If so you could ask her if she's going to the results disco. If you've just finished 5th year maybe stick to the whole cinema thing or something similar.

alleystar

It would probably be easier for you to talk to her if you didn't put her on a pedestal. When you speak of her, the majority of what you say is gushing about how attractive she is ("To me she's the most beautiful girl I've probably ever seen, she's pretty fit!, how amazing she looks" etc.). She's just a regular 16 year old girl underneath it all. Also don't get carried away with yourself, you're probably not in love with her, you've only talked to her twice in four years. You don't mention anything about her personality.

If she has a Facebook, add her, look through her likes and see if you have anything in common, like a band she really loves or even something obscure that her other friends wouldn't like. She might be glad to have someone to discuss the subject with.

Also going back to her personality, how things go depend on if she's friendly/ nice etc. If she is then you'll be grand. If she's not then I'd think twice about messaging her through Facebook.