Expectations of God Parents

Yer Aul One

I wanted to get opinions on what parents expect from uncles/godfathers. I am uncle and godfather to a 4 year old. If I am being honest, I have been doing a pretty poor job. I give a bit of cash at xmas and birthdays but have never really bonded with the child.

Is this the norm or should I be making more of an effort? It does make me feel guilty but not enough to change things. Interested to get some parent's thoughts.

Sadderday

I'm the exact same as you. Godchild is 12, xmas and birthdays only really... maybe when shes a teenager i'll be more involved, shes at that annoying age atm.

A couple I know expect the godparents of their child to visit every week, to buy more expensive gifts than everyone else, to be available and want to babysit ... and they give out stink if one or any of these things don't happen.

Godparent is a load of bull, its lovely to be asked and its nice to be involved but I don't get where the expectations come from its all so OTT !

I feel guilty sometimes for not giving more money or buying a better gift because I'm the 'godmother'

I really don't think thats what its all supposed to be about !

Zubeneschamali

Yer Aul One wrote: »

Is this the norm or should I be making more of an effort?

Quite normal, it's an honorary position. I'm 50, and completely forgot who my godparents were while growing up.

eviltwin

Think it should be about what feels right for all involved rather than anything forced. I don't have much of a relationship with my nieces and nephews but I don't really have much of a relationship with their parents so popping around would feel really fake. I see them at family events and so on but that is about it.

amie91

Yer Aul One wrote: »

I wanted to get opinions on what parents expect from uncles/godfathers. I am uncle and godfather to a 4 year old. If I am being honest, I have been doing a pretty poor job. I give a bit of cash at xmas and birthdays but have never really bonded with the child.

Is this the norm or should I be making more of an effort? It does make me feel guilty but not enough to change things. Interested to get some parent's thoughts.

I am a godmother to two little boys, I take them very regularly for a day out, swimming, sleepover etc. After all if anything did happen the Parents god firbid you are the caretaker. Pull up them socks and get at it Cant go wrong with the Cinema

brooke 2

Sadderday wrote: »

I'm the exact same as you. Godchild is 12, xmas and birthdays only really... maybe when shes a teenager i'll be more involved, shes at that annoying age atm.

A couple I know expect the godparents of their child to visit every week, to buy more expensive gifts than everyone else, to be available and want to babysit ... and they give out stink if one or any of these things don't happen.

Godparent is a load of bull, its lovely to be asked and its nice to be involved but I don't get where the expectations come from its all so OTT !

I feel guilty sometimes for not giving more money or buying a better gift because I'm the 'godmother'

I really don't think thats what its all supposed to be about !

For some parents (mostly mothers!) Godparents are all about the money and
presents! One little relation of mine told me one Xmas that 'in this house we
have ordinary presents and godparent presents' ie, godparent was expected
to give two presents to the godchild!!

eviltwin

amie91 wrote: »

I am a godmother to two little boys, I take them very regularly for a day out, swimming, sleepover etc. After all if anything did happen the Parents god firbid you are the caretaker. Pull up them socks and get at it Cant go wrong with the Cinema

no you are not the caretaker, its a spiritual role, it has no legal standing

amie91

brooke 2 wrote: »

For some parents (mostly mothers!) Godparents are all about the money and
presents! One little relation of mine told me one Xmas that 'in this house we
have ordinary presents and godparent presents' ie, godparent was expected
to give two presents to the godchild!!

It costs nothing to bring a child to the park .. If your not willing to make an effort with the child don't take the role of being a godparent. A gift wont break the bank either why not buy tickets for something that you can have bonding time with the godchild. I just cant understand it

Sadderday

If a family have three children and you are godparent to one,

it's hardly fair to treat one different is it?, and its expensive nowadays to be splashing out for three children....

I think family is different... you just do what an aunt/uncle would normally do

I've heard loads of stories about friends asking friends to be godparent and then drift apart.

My brother is my godfather.... it's no different to the relationship I have with my other brothers... never was either.

January

Whatever about being a godfather, as an uncle you should definitely be making an effort to bond with the child.

miamee

I am godmother to my best friend's daughter. She also has a little sister. I probably make more of an effort with birthday presents for my god daughter than her sister but at Christmas, they are both treated the same presents-wise, I'd feel awful giving more to one and not the other. I have had them both for sleepovers but not very regularly and it is not feasible where I live now but I do visit every 2-3 weeks to see them or they come to see me.

Regarding if anything ever happened to her parents...the two girls would obviously stay together and would most likely live with either set of grandparents or one of their aunties (my friends sisters). Nothing to do with godparents.

Sadderday

January wrote: »

Whatever about being a godfather, as an uncle you should definitely be making an effort to bond with the child.

Yeah but different people have different idea's about what bonding is...

I think that's the issue

January

Sadderday wrote: »

Yeah but different people have different idea's about what bonding is...

I think that's the issue

Do you think so?

There's a huge difference between sending a present/card at birthdays and Christmas and actually spending time with the child (whether you spend money taking them out or just bring them to the park or visit them, do what is within your limits).

Yer Aul One

January wrote: »

Whatever about being a godfather, as an uncle you should definitely be making an effort to bond with the child.

Growing up I never had my uncles or aunties taking me out. But I see your point, especially because I don't have kids to worry about myself.

A zoo date will be scheduled!

wandatowell

My godchild/niece lives in England, but I'd see her 4-6 times a year.

Im crazy about her and always make an extra effort to spend time with her when I can.

As for spending extra money on her just because she is my godchild then no. I'd feel guilty that I wasn't being fair to my other niece.

As for parents using god parents as part time childminders, not my cuppa tea.

pwurple

Yup, just that the child knows them is all I would expect.

I'm godmother and i try to make sure they know who I am. Two live in another country, so that makes it tricky. We have skype chats.

Yer Aul One

pwurple wrote: »

Yup, just that the child knows them is all I would expect.

I'm godmother and i try to make sure they know who I am. Two live in another country, so that makes it tricky. We have skype chats.

For what purpose do you mind me asking?

pwurple

Yer Aul One wrote: »

For what purpose do you mind me asking?

What do you mean? Like I said, so they know me, and I know them.

Just a chat to keep up contact, like with any other person I maintain a relationship with, friends, family etc.

meeeeh

I'm not a god parent. I have two kids though and the only thing I expect of their god parents is to be there at christening. I wouldn't overly like it if one of them would be treated differently by their god parent. Especially because my oh and I have only one sibling each and they are closer to both kids than the other two godparents.

diveout

The only point to godparents is to witness the baptism. Otherwise, there is no other strict assignments to the role.

Pawwed Rig

We would like the Godparents of our lad to try to have more of a relationship with him than other people would. This will probably happen anyway which is the reason why they were chosen. Other than that we have no expectations. They will probably receive a small gift at Christmas from their God son but I wouldn't be 'expecting' presents/babysitting etc. Presence and guidance is more important than material items.

Mink

As others have said above, we chose our fella's godparents as we want them to be a bit more involved with him and in all honesty we would trust them to mind him if we popped our clogs, but most likely he'd go to his granny!

Both godparents are very busy and live over an hour away. One is a brother and the other is a good friend so we try to meet up anyways aside from birthdays and Christmas time.

So I guess the expectation is slightly more than a regular auntie/uncle, couple extra visits above birthdays etc. We wouldn't expect them to babysit or spend more money (if any) than others.

clint_silver

I got asked to be a godfather last year to a friends son. They know Im not religious in any way but I said yeah sure, why not. We buy each others kids xmas pressies and that about it.

got cornered by his mother at a party couple months ago to say she was very very hurt that I didnt buy the godson something special for his first birthday.

I reminded her that I thought being a godfather was a notional thing and really didnt place any importance on it but she said it was important to her so I said fair enough I'll try to remember next year.

I deliberately didn't bother to ask her was it as important as her weekend alcohol habit from which her hangovers prevented her kids from attending any of my kids birthday parties over the previous 5 years despite an invite for every one of them.

Or maybe she thought their own godfathers should be bringing them round at the weekend. why is it only the money things? some people huh?

pwurple

Cheeky mare. I would NEVER demand a present from anyone. Makes you feel like a meal ticket! Ludicrous behaviour.

Yer Aul One

clint_silver wrote: »

got cornered by his mother at a party couple months ago to say she was very very hurt that I didnt buy the godson something special for his first birthday

Was she drinking?

clint_silver

Yer Aul One wrote: »

Was she drinking?

Yeah, it was Obviously on her mind for a while and was eating away at her. Some perspective missing there.

BabysCoffee

amie91 wrote: »

After all if anything did happen the Parents god firbid you are the caretaker. Pull up them socks and get at it

Why would the Godparent be the caretaker?:eek:

Sligo1

BabysCoffee wrote: »

Why would the Godparent be the caretaker?:eek:

No not legally.

amdublin

I think some parents out there mix godparent up with guardian.

So strange.

Shannonsider

Forgive my ignorance but I had thought the 'official' godparent role was to witness the christening and to guide the child from a religious point of view? Interesting to hear little/nothing in this thread about the spiritual side of the role. Is there a spiritual side to the role or is it purely a token gesture?

Not being very religious my thoughts were that the role is purely token and up to the god parent to decide how much influence to have over the role.

sari

Funny shannonsider I was thinking the exact same thing. Seems no one knows what a godparent is actually meant to do.Why bother with the christening and godparents if you seem to have no idea what they are actually about, oh yeah big day out, photos, pretty dress, money, present.