Thank you cards-are they expected?

Midnight Sundance

Hi,
I've been a guest to many a wedding at this stage and to be honest I'm shocked at not getting a thank you card from the bride and groom at quite a few of these weddings.
I always thought it was customary to send a thank you card, especially when people go out of their way to perhaps take a day off work, travel to and from your wedding, pay for hotels and usually give a substantial gift.
Am I wrong in thinking that it's only a bit of manners to send a thank
You for that?
If someone was to come to my house for dinner or something I make it my business to at least text them and say thank you .
I dunno, I'm just feeling aggrieved that I've usually given up on 100pps as a gift at these weddings and haven't gotten as much as a thank you.
Also, what is the usual length of time a thank you card is sent? 3 months? A year?

bnagrrl

I haven't been to many weddings as an adult but those I have gone to I haven't received a thank you card or acknowledgement of the gift I gave. This is going back to 2007 so not sure it is a recent development.

I think it's rude but perhaps wedding etiquette has changed?

Big Cheese

My wife and I sent them 6months after. It was late but was sent. It is rude not too.

StripedBoxers

I've never received one either.

Myself and my partner were at a wedding afters in February and we gave the present before the wedding, no thank you card (yet).

We're going to a wedding in a few weeks, not expecting a thank you card, but it'd be nice to get one I think

Rackstar

5 weddings so far this year. Not a single thank you card. Absolute pig ignorance.

JillyQ

Its very rude not to send them. In my opinion shows a real lack of basic manners on the bride & grooms side.

Midnight Sundance

I dunno, I agree with you all that it's extremely rude.
Has etiquette changed or are people so obsessed with their big day that once it's over they can't be bothered to give a dam.
It just annoys me and it's getting to the stage that I'm really considering changing what I gift them. If the brides and grooms can't be bothered to send a little thank you, then I'm wondering if I should be worried about what I give them.

Dolbert

We sent them about a month after. Off the top of my head I can think of two other couples who have sent us one, out of many weddings.

bnagrrl

I've heard before that up to a year is acceptable to send a thank you card... But I went to a wedding in 2007 and have yet to receive even a text to say 'thanks for the gift.' :rolleyes:

Jogathon

I've always received a thank you card from every wedding except for one. But I do expect one there, just I know they are both up the walls right now! It is so rude not to send them.

Tarzana

Wow, I can't believe so many of ye haven't received thank you cards. :eek: I've always received them and would definitely send some out myself. OK, some people just cast them aside, but many like to receive one.

Midnight Sundance

Tarzana wrote: »

Wow, I can't believe so many of ye haven't received thank you cards. :eek: I've always received them and would definitely send some out myself. OK, some people just cast them aside, but many like to receive one.

The more I think on it the more I realise that it's been mainly famiky who haven't sent thank you's and friends/work colleagues who have.
Maybe it's my family who are rude!!!! Lol.

happypants

I've always got one from weddings I've been to, I didn't expect it so it was actually lovely to be acknowledged.

Slightly off topic but we had a baby two months ago, we got gifts from all over the place, neighbours of grandparents and people I really wasn't expecting! it was amazing and touching. I sent framed printed photos with messages on to close friends, some canvas' with baby to grandparents. I sent texts to most and made sure to meet and thank everyone personally but I'm considering when I have time to send off thank you cards to everyone. It's been two months but I've had my hands full! I really think it's a nice thing to do. Is it expected with the birth of a baby or am I giving myself more work?!

JillyQ

happypants wrote: »

I've always got one from weddings I've been to, I didn't expect it so it was actually lovely to be acknowledged.

Slightly off topic but we had a baby two months ago, we got gifts from all over the place, neighbours of grandparents and people I really wasn't expecting! it was amazing and touching. I sent framed printed photos with messages on to close friends, some canvas' with baby to grandparents. I sent texts to most and made sure to meet and thank everyone personally but I'm considering when I have time to send off thank you cards to everyone. It's been two months but I've had my hands full! I really think it's a nice thing to do. Is it expected with the birth of a baby or am I giving myself more work?!

All of my friends who have had babies have sent thank you notes for gifts. Its really nice recieve them & shows that you appreciate the thought of the gift.

Midnight Sundance

happypants wrote: »

I've always got one from weddings I've been to, I didn't expect it so it was actually lovely to be acknowledged.

Slightly off topic but we had a baby two months ago, we got gifts from all over the place, neighbours of grandparents and people I really wasn't expecting! it was amazing and touching. I sent framed printed photos with messages on to close friends, some canvas' with baby to grandparents. I sent texts to most and made sure to meet and thank everyone personally but I'm considering when I have time to send off thank you cards to everyone. It's been two months but I've had my hands full! I really think it's a nice thing to do. Is it expected with the birth of a baby or am I giving myself more work?!

I think all people ever expect is an acknowledgement that their gift was gratefully received. I think you have expressed your gratitude and most people will understand that you've more important things to worry about rather than writing cards.
Congrats on your new baby.

rainbowtrout

I've got a thank you card for every wedding I've been to in the last 10 years. i wouldn't be going to many weddings, maybe 1 per year, but I've always got a card. It is nice that the bride and groom acknowledge the gift.... and on a practical level that they actually got it, if it was left with a bridesmaid, member of the family, in a box with the hotel receptionist etc.

Toots

According to "wedding etiquette" you have up to 6 months after the wedding to give a gift, and the thank you cards should be sent before the first anniversary.

I sent mine about 2 weeks after we got back from honeymoon. IMO it's incredibly rude not to send a thank card, especially considering all the time and expense guests have put into attending and giving a gift. Out of all the weddings I've been to there's only been two where we haven't been given thank-you cards. One of my cousins got married in France a couple of years ago and sent the thank you cards almost 3 years after the wedding.

angeldelight

I also think it's the height of rudeness not to send a thank you card. We only got ours sent quite near to the year "deadline" but I wouldn't have ever considered not sending them

Sunny Dayz

It was something I had never really given much thought to before. Think we got thank you cards from all weddings we attended. Although now I'm thinking about it, I don't recall getting a thank you card from my hubby's cousin who got married the summer before us.

I know we kept a list of who gave us what, not meant in a crude way to see who gave a gift but to be able to say on the thank you card thanks for the saucepans, thanks for your generous gift when it was money.

Although I am a bit worried now did I not send out a thank you card to everyone, in particular some of those who attended in the evening.

mrsbyrne

I can't think of anything ruder than not acknowledging a gift.
My mother doesn't go to any weddings but always sends a generous cash gift. She always receives a handwritten thank you note and it is very much appreciated.

pwurple

I've gotten thank you cards for all except one wedding... And it's the one that sticks out!

We sent a good chunk of them with the Christmas cards (they were postcards so they fitted inside nicely) and then others about three months later.

My sister in law and husband never sent their thank you cards (they had them bought but never signed or sent). The families are a bit miffed over that!

The Peanut

Funnily enough, my wife and I were discussing this exact subject last night.

I think that a huge sense of entitlement has developed over the last number of years. I realise that a wedding is the couple's big day and all that but some people are blinded to the social responsibilities involved. Of course thank you cards should be sent out. It's part of accepted wedding behavior. Where people go to any effort - thought, financial, - they should be thanked.

I believe it's extremely rude not to do so. I'm been to so many weddings over the last few years and not received thank you cards. I also know of people still receiving gifts up to 12 months later; delays which are not financially related, so I guess the indifference is on both sides.

People make a gesture, thank them.

DanDublin1982

Can't honestly remember if I've gotten one or not. I wouldn't rank them as highly important myself.

pc7

I didn't receive a thank you card from two weddings. One I was worried they didn't get the card (it was a cash gift). Next wedding I made sure to give the card (with cash) to the groom the next day, no thank you card. It is so rude, there is no excuse. The second wedding couple went on to have a baby and I sent a present by post and didn't even receive a thank you text or even an email, so I reckon they just don't have manners.

beertons

Out of 5 weddings in our gang, I was the only one who sent thank you cards. I was the first to get married. The last groom even asked me about last minute things, first thing I said to him was the cards. Must be different priorities these days.

al22

I do not like getting a Thank You cards. :-)

brassbutterfly

I have gotten thank you cards for most weddings I have attended however There are a few I haven't received a thank you card from and I do think it is extremely rude. Also, on that note, I think it is rude not to receive a thank you after an engagement present. Not necessarily a card but some sort of a message is appropriate. Some ppl have no manners.

Teyla Emmagan

One of my friends handed me a thank you card a year and a half after the wedding. It was lovely to get, but marred somewhat by the fact it had sat in a drawer for a year because she was too mean to pay for a stamp!!

I have been to several weddings and not received a thank you card afterwards. I really think it's eye wateringly ignorant not to send them out. I think it's generally people being so obsessed with themselves that good manners go out the window. Or they just couldn't be bothered. No problem planning a massive day and having you there at your own cost with the most expensive gift you can afford, but writing up a small card afterwards? Nah, too much effort.

I'm going to hold my hands up and admit that I didn't send out any when I got married 7 years ago- and I look back now and hugely regret it. It is the only thing I would change about the wedding, I do feel bad that I didn't acknowledge people's generosity. And I'm not going to make any excuses for it, however I am older and wiser now and any dinner invitation/ birthday present/ act of kindness will never go unacknowledged

matrim

I've gotten very few thank you cards over the years. Probably in about 25% of cases I've gotten cards, about the same I've gotten emails and after that it was in person the next time I met them.

Tarzana

DanDublin1982 wrote: »

Can't honestly remember if I've gotten one or not. I wouldn't rank them as highly important myself.

Not everyone who attends weddings cares about them, but a lot do. So those who don't care about them can just toss them aside, no harm done.

Ice Storm

I haven't received thank you cards from a couple of weddings I attended and it does bother me.

In one case, I would've liked an acknowledgement that my gift was received as I handed the card to a bridesmaid. Sometimes I wonder if it was mislaid and they think I was rude not to give a gift!

Another friend thanked me verbally and a number of times mentioned that she must get around to sending out thank you cards. That was a few years ago and no sign of any card.

Now fair enough, she thanked me, I've no issues with that. What irks me about it though is that in the run up to her wedding she discussed many minute details of the wedding with me (I have very little interest in wedding planning!), down to asking my advice on the layout / font of the invitations. Then she meticulously added decorations to the invites by hand and was super excited when sending them out.

She bought thank you cards at the same time she got the invites but it seems like she ran out of steam once the wedding was over and just couldn't be arsed!

jlm29

happypants wrote: »

I've always got one from weddings I've been to, I didn't expect it so it was actually lovely to be acknowledged.

Slightly off topic but we had a baby two months ago, we got gifts from all over the place, neighbours of grandparents and people I really wasn't expecting! it was amazing and touching. I sent framed printed photos with messages on to close friends, some canvas' with baby to grandparents. I sent texts to most and made sure to meet and thank everyone personally but I'm considering when I have time to send off thank you cards to everyone. It's been two months but I've had my hands full! I really think it's a nice thing to do. Is it expected with the birth of a baby or am I giving myself more work?!

I would send cards. It's nice for people to get an acknowledgement of their generosity. If you can get the ones printed with a baby photo on the front, then you can get a message printed inside so you literally only have to address the envelopes!

secondrowgal

Ice Storm wrote: »

I haven't received thank you cards from a couple of weddings I attended and it does bother me.

In one case, I would've liked an acknowledgement that my gift was received as I handed the card to a bridesmaid. Sometimes I wonder if it was mislaid and they think I was rude not to give a gift!

Another friend thanked me verbally and a number of times mentioned that she must get around to sending out thank you cards. That was a few years ago and no sign of any card.

Now fair enough, she thanked me, I've no issues with that. What irks me about it though is that in the run up to her wedding she discussed many minute details of the wedding with me (I have very little interest in wedding planning!), down to asking my advice on the layout / font of the invitations. Then she meticulously added decorations to the invites by hand and was super excited when sending them out.

She bought thank you cards at the same time she got the invites but it seems like she ran out of steam once the wedding was over and just couldn't be arsed!

This is exactly why I think that anyone who gets a gift sends a card, but particularly wedding gifts as it's quite common not to hand it to the intended recipients, often given to Best Man, Bridesmaids, etc., and often cash. So it's good to know it got there!

TGalwayGal

Thank you cards are a must. I know from my own experiences and from speaking to others, that it doesn't go unnoticed when couples don't bother to send them. I think it's lazy and makes the couples look ungrateful. People spend a lot of money going to weddings these days, often up to €1,000 + per couple if both were were to attend stag / hen or stay over night at the venue etc. given this, i think the least the couple could do is send a thank you card, note, email etc.

JillyQ

TGalwayGal wrote: »

Thank you cards are a must. I know from my own experiences and from speaking to others, that it doesn't go unnoticed when couples don't bother to send them. I think it's lazy and makes the couples look ungrateful. People spend a lot of money going to weddings these days, often up to €1,000 + per couple if both were were to attend stag / hen or stay over night at the venue etc. given this, i think the least the couple could do is send a thank you card, note, email etc.

The last wedding I was at was a family wedding over Christmas there was five from my family at it between us all it cost about €2500 between accommodation gifts etc I actually handed the gifts to family member who was getting married not so much as one word of thanks. I was dumbfounded to say the least.

tayto lover

JillyQ wrote: »

Its very rude not to send them. In my opinion shows a real lack of basic manners on the bride & grooms side.

I want my money back too.

Addle

secondrowgal wrote: »

This is exactly why I think that anyone who gets a gift sends a card, but particularly wedding gifts as it's quite common not to hand it to the intended recipients, often given to Best Man, Bridesmaids, etc., and often cash. So it's good to know it got there!

I do wonder in a couple of instances whether the bride and groom ever got my card.

I've got a couple of thank you for attending/help cards from friends when I hadn't even given them a gift yet!

To not send a thank you card is very disrespectful to your guests IMO.

amdublin

They are an absolute must.

I've never gone to a wedding/given a gift and not got one :eek:

seamus

Yeah, we sent ours and afaik we've received one for every wedding we went to.

We got married in the September and sent ours out with the Xmas cards, and we thought we were late until we found out that my brother who had gotten married in May sent their thank-yous out with their Xmas cards...

ABajaninCork

I think it's a general malaise these days. It's amazing how many people can stand there with their hands out (be it birthdays, weddings, christenings and new babies), but the words 'Thank You' do not appear to be part of their vocabulary.

I think it's beyond rude not to even acknowledge that the gift was received! I remember a cousin of mine got married in Barbados. We sent a very generous cash gift. We know the money was received as we sent it Western Union, and got word it was picked up (toute suite of course!!), but no Thank You. My mother was so mad, she called my aunt and gave her a dressing down!! I got a card from the wife along with some photos to give my mother within the week!

My next door neighbour's daughter had a baby. We went over with some vouchers as a gift. The Mum sent us a lovely photocard of the baby thanking us for the gift, which was a very nice touch and very unexpected.

We sent ours out about six weeks after we married. What we did was to make of list of who gave what, so that we could make reference to it in the card, and try to personalise it a bit. One of our guests even sent us a Thank You card thanking us for inviting him and telling us he had a lovely time. I kept that card.

Arbiter of Good Taste

It astounds me the pig ignorance of some people who don't bother sending out thank you cards. It's not uncommon unfortunately. Go into any of the known wedding websites and this question comes up again and again on the discussion boards.

The night after our wedding we made a list of gifts and sent a personalised note with each thank you card. A couple of people didn't give/haven't yet given a gift. They got a note thanking them for coming, etc.

I really don't see why there is any question over this.

CaraMay

Only once we haven't received a thank you card and that sticks in my craw. The couple have a 4000sq ft house on a golf course and held their wedding there. They just had family for food which was fine but because the girl was a good friend I got them a very substantial voucher and got not a word of thanks. Very rude.

er1983

Midnight Sundance wrote: »

Hi,
I've been a guest to many a wedding at this stage and to be honest I'm shocked at not getting a thank you card from the bride and groom at quite a few of these weddings.
I always thought it was customary to send a thank you card, especially when people go out of their way to perhaps take a day off work, travel to and from your wedding, pay for hotels and usually give a substantial gift.
Am I wrong in thinking that it's only a bit of manners to send a thank
You for that?
If someone was to come to my house for dinner or something I make it my business to at least text them and say thank you .
I dunno, I'm just feeling aggrieved that I've usually given up on 100pps as a gift at these weddings and haven't gotten as much as a thank you.
Also, what is the usual length of time a thank you card is sent? 3 months? A year?

Me & my husband sent them out. I think it's very very rude not to. People go out if there way to take a day off work, possibly spend money on new outfit hair makeup plus giving you a very very generous gift. How people in their right mind think it's ok to not send them is beyond me, very rude & ignorant

LynnGrace

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I think it's a general malaise these days. It's amazing how many people can stand there with their hands out (be it birthdays, weddings, christenings and new babies), but the words 'Thank You' do not appear to be part of their vocabulary.

I think it's beyond rude not to even acknowledge that the gift was received! I remember a cousin of mine got married in Barbados. We sent a very generous cash gift. We know the money was received as we sent it Western Union, and got word it was picked up (toute suite of course!!), but no Thank You. My mother was so mad, she called my aunt and gave her a dressing down!! I got a card from the wife along with some photos to give my mother within the week!

My next door neighbour's daughter had a baby. We went over with some vouchers as a gift. The Mum sent us a lovely photocard of the baby thanking us for the gift, which was a very nice touch and very unexpected.

We sent ours out about six weeks after we married. What we did was to make of list of who gave what, so that we could make reference to it in the card, and try to personalise it a bit. One of our guests even sent us a Thank You card thanking us for inviting him and telling us he had a lovely time. I kept that card.

Agreed. It's such a small thing to do, to send a card, and it means a lot.

When it comes to birthday gifts etc, when you haven't seen the recipient, a simple text would be nice, to acknowledge that the gift has been received, and appreciated.

Milly33

All weddings I went to did send them but then I wouldn't be too fussed if I didn't get one either.. It is nice and we will be sending them as tis the thing to do but I wouldn't be put out if I didn't get one

ABajaninCork

The weddings I've been to, I have to say I've always got Thank You cards. TBH - I was surprised to read that some people don't get them. But when it comes to birthdays, christenings and the like, people seem to forget their manners...

That's why I no longer send birthday gifts to my nephews and nieces. Not one of them had the manners to thank me. Two of them when younger used to call me to thank me and one niece used to write Thank You notes. Now that the mothers aren't looking over their shoulders, they seem to think they needn't bother!!

Milly33

haha oh it would be nice wouldn't it if kids did send thank yous. I was laughing at my two nephews the last time I gave them a gift when I went to see them, Little fella didn't talk to me for the day when I was leaving until he piped up asking did I really get them the gift and if so could I maybe think of getting this one next time..haha scutt

lolly28

I think its nice to receive a thank you especially for wedding's when a lot of money is spent. I know that my parents really appreciate it as they usually give a generous gift.

Sala

I think they are a good idea as I'm always worried our card got lost (or robbed!)