Thank you cards-are they expected?

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Put it this way. I've been invited to a wedding (yes, now). I can't go for innumerable reasons. But to me, to be INVITED is enough. I think it's so kind to invite someone to something, why on earth would you then THANK them? Are they the 'hire a crowd' bunch?
I am genuinely so flattered to be invited to anything, that it would not occur to me that the host would need to thank me for attending! Honestly!

cactusgal

Uh, I think we're talking about thanking guests for the gifts that they've given you, which are often part and parcel of attending a wedding (dunno if you've read through the actual thread, I'm guessing not). Especially at Irish weddings, where people often give €100-€200 as a gift, I think it's classless not to send a proper thank you.

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cactusgal wrote: »

Uh, I think we're talking about thanking guests for the gifts that they've given you, which are often part and parcel of attending a wedding (dunno if you've read through the actual thread, I'm guessing not). Especially at Irish weddings, where people often give €100-€200 as a gift, I think it's classless not to send a proper thank you.

Oh, I thought it was 'thank you for attending!'
Gosh, thank you cards for gifts would be nice. Though again not necessary.
What are we going to write? 'You shouldn't have'?

cactusgal

Export wrote: »

What are we going to write?

"Thank you very much for your gift, we appreciate it."

I'm not trying to be smart, that really is about it.

Export

Oh - I suppose that's nice to hear

Tarzana

lukesmom wrote: »

I reckon your thanking them enough by inviting them to spend one of your most important day ever.

Errrr, no. The thank you cards are to acknowledge the cards and/or gifts given, and them taking time out of their lives to attend.

CaraMay

lukesmom wrote: »

I reckon your thanking them enough by inviting them to spend one of your most important day ever. By choosing them to share the celebration with.

The wedding is really only an important day for the wedding party. To most others it's an expensive hassle.

Arbiter of Good Taste

lukesmom wrote: »

I reckon your thanking them enough by inviting them to spend one of your most important day ever. By choosing them to share the celebration with. I personally thanked everybody on the day/night. Just because I didn't send thank you cards that doesn't mean I'm bad mannered. I had already thanked them all.

Yes, I suppose if you were, say, Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie, most people would be honoured just to be invited. Otherwise, if people go to the time and expense of getting a gift, a thank you card is the decent and mannerly thing to do.

Gatica

I reckon in a society where the vast majority do weddings in a rather traditional/typical manner (written invites, sit-down meal, etc...), then it makes sense to stick to this tradition of thank you cards, especially since it's one of the things that's considerate to your guests (apart from good food/plentiful wine..).

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

I'm not saying it doesn't take a lot of time. What I'm getting at are the people who justify not bothering on the basis that it's too much time and effort.

Sorry, misunderstood you.

D3PO

lukesmom wrote: »

I reckon your thanking them enough by inviting them to spend one of your most important day ever. By choosing them to share the celebration with. .

You really are full of self importance arent you.

Well Im glad you have been able to justify it yourself. Mark my words most of these lovely people that were so privliged to be invited to your "most important day ever" think your an ignorant scabby so and so.

lukesmom

D3PO wrote: »

You really are full of self importance arent you.

Well Im glad you have been able to justify it yourself. Mark my words most of these lovely people that were so privliged to be invited to your "most important day ever" think your an ignorant scabby so and so.

No need to reply so aggressively just because I don't share your opinion! It speaks volumes about your intelligence.

Export

your an ignorant scabby so and so.

You're ignorant.

Export

So this is thanking people for a gift! Absolutely.

D3PO

lukesmom wrote: »

No need to reply so aggressively just because I don't share your opinion! It speaks volumes about your intelligence.

Since when does having an opinion on something speaks volumes about a persons intelligence ?

Intelligence has many spheres one of which would be the intelligence of self awareness. Something that you dont seem to actually have any level of.

I guess you never needed to thank your parents for bringing you up either. I mean they had the pleasure of your company through childhood :rolleyes:

MsBubbles

We're chatting about Thank You Cards last night over dinner. We received 2 wedding presents this week, one I sent a text acknowledge the gift and saying thank you.

I will send an email to the other guest saying thank you.

We'll pick a photo of the wedding we like and use that as the front of our thank you cards.

Manners are very important to me and It's automatic for me to send a ty card.

danois

I didn't send thank you cards to anyone who was at the wedding because I made sure to speak to and thank each person there for coming and for their gifts. I had 2 family members send gifts that couldn't make the wedding and I sent them a thank you card.

I've only ever once gotten a thank you card after a wedding and that was from a inlaw I don't really like and he doesn't like me. He only sent the card as a way to basically say thanks but I didn't like your present lol so not sure the one card I got even counts!!

Princess Peach

Definitely good manners to send thank you cards for gifts. I sent mine off last week for engagement gifts we got.

What I worry about at weddings is you hand a card or gift with so many others, and they often are passed to a member of the bridal party. So getting a thank you makes me sure the gift didn't get lost along the way! I worry when I don't get an acknowledgement of it.

Was at a wedding earlier this month and got a text a few days later from the bride thanking us for our specific gift. Not sure if she will send out cards, would be nice but I'm happy enough with the text at least. I don't think thanking people for their attendance on the day is enough really.

lukesmom

D3PO wrote: »

Since when does having an opinion on something speaks volumes about a persons intelligence ?

Intelligence has many spheres one of which would be the intelligence of self awareness. Something that you dont seem to actually have any level of.

I guess you never needed to thank your parents for bringing you up either. I mean they had the pleasure of your company through childhood :rolleyes:[/

I said that the way you argue so aggressively would lead me to think you are lacking in intelligence.

Vojera

We were dreadfully late sending our thank you cards. We only just made it inside the year. The worst thing is that we'd had the cards in the house for a few months before we wrote them. I kept telling my wife that we needed to sit down and do them and that she'd write them to her side and I'd write them to my side (my side is bigger, before you think I was fobbing off the work!). But after weeks and weeks of "I'm not really in the mood right now", I bit the bullet and wrote them all myself over a few evenings. I had made a list of who gave us what so it was easy enough to thank people with a personal note for their gifts. I felt bad about being so late with them, but I figured better to send them late than not at all.

From the other side, though, I don't think I've ever gotten a thank you card from a wedding I attended and gave a gift at. There was always an acknowledgement in person, though, so I know the presents didn't get lost.

LadyBetty

Really splitting hairs now, but those who say they thanked guests on the day in person - that's fine as they have obviously attended, but do you just assume they have given a gift, or how do you thank them for that specifically? Only because guests don't usually hand cards or gifts to the bride & groom, rather to the best man or another member of the bridal party. Or maybe they did in this case?

On our wedding day no-one handed us cards or presents directly, it was only after the event we could sit down, go through them all and do a list to thank people individually & specifically for their gift.

Yes agree with earlier poster that it's also reassuring to get a TY card as you know your gift didn't go astray on the day!

Toots

Lads, it's only cards. Can we lay off the personal insults please?

lukesmom

I'm not ignorant, scabby or full of self -importance as another poster said. I just don't think thank you cards are as important as others believe they are.

CaraMay

lukesmom wrote: »

. I just don't think thank you cards are as important as others believe they are.

Just like weddings.

lukesmom

CaraMay wrote: »

Just like weddings.

Nobody puts a gun to your head to make you attend a wedding. And of course nobody will find it as important a day as the bride and groom will. But you can't possibly compare the importance of a wedding to sending and receiving thank you cards.

pwurple

Yes, some people think good manners are important, and others clearly don't.

I'm in the first camp.

Tarzana

lukesmom wrote: »

But you can't possibly compare the importance of a wedding to sending and receiving thank you cards.

No, but you'll just have to accept that some of your wedding guests will have considered you ill-mannered for not sending out TY cards. That's just how it is!

lukesmom

Tarzana wrote: »

No, but you'll just have to accept that some of your wedding guests will have considered you ill-mannered for not sending out TY cards. That's just how it is!

I seriously doubt it! I have been to lots of weddings and got one thank you card. Couldn't even tell you who it was off. It may have been a cousin but I'm not sure. I would certainly have looked at it and said 'oh that's nice' and then thrown it out and forgotten who sent it.

Arbiter of Good Taste

lukesmom wrote: »

I seriously doubt it! I have been to lots of weddings and got one thank you card. Couldn't even tell you who it was off. It may have been a cousin but I'm not sure. I would certainly have looked at it and said 'oh that's nice' and then thrown it out and forgotten who sent it.

That makes sense as you have already said that you don't think thank you cards are particularly important.

The fact is, that most people who have posted, do think they are important - not the cards per se, but their significance in terms of manners and social graces. So, the likelihood is that many people will remember who and who did not send cards or at least make an effort to say thank you.

whatdoicare

I know my cousin didn't send a Thank you card, never noticed myself as it doesn't matter to me but my Aunts and Mam noticed and weren't impressed at all. It's expected and of course, it's the thoughtful thing to do.

It's not expensive to fire up a few cards on vistaprint or get a few packs from the pound shop if you really need to and it's really only time and the price of a few stamps but it means alot to people to be acknowledged for their time and gift and like others said, that the gift actually made it to the couple.

If nothing else, you should send a card to those who travelled from abroad or long distance but sure, it's better of course, to thank everyone. It's only polite.

lukesmom

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

That makes sense as you have already said that you don't think thank you cards are particularly important.

The fact is, that most people who have posted, do think they are important - not the cards per se, but their significance in terms of manners and social graces. So, the likelihood is that many people will remember who and who did not send cards or at least make an effort to say thank you.

Well that's fair enough each to their own.

super_furry

Just think it's a lack of manners and basic decency not to send them out. Having put people to what is often big expense and the cost of annual leave, a thank you card is the least the couple could do to show their appreciation for the effort everyone made in going to their wedding.

Tarzana

lukesmom wrote: »

I seriously doubt it!

Alrighty then!

Midnight Sundance

lukesmom wrote: »

Nobody puts a gun to your head to make you attend a wedding. And of course nobody will find it as important a day as the bride and groom will. But you can't possibly compare the importance of a wedding to sending and receiving thank you cards.

To be honest I have to disagree to a certain extent with you. I know that if I did not attend some of the weddings I was invited to that there'd be a big strain in some friendships, so while technically there was no gun, figuratively there was .

I don't care what a thank you card looks like and to be honest id be happy with an email or a text but I do think it's extremely rude not to say thank you for a generous gift!! It's only everyday manners, I thank the shop keeper when finishing a sale so I'd at the very least expect a thank you when I give someone a gift.

CaraMay

lukesmom wrote: »

Nobody puts a gun to your head to make you attend a wedding. And of course nobody will find it as important a day as the bride and groom will. But you can't possibly compare the importance of a wedding to sending and receiving thank you cards.

It's very hard to say no to a wedding in most cases