Asking a Girl out over Facebook Messenger?

Menomonom

Hi guys,
I have something that I would like to discuss with yous. Okay so a month ago, I started work in a hotel in Dublin. I met this girl working in reception who I really liked and I could tell was really infatuated with me. However, she was shy around me (by contrast to when she was around others) and it proved rather difficult to make proper conversation with her. Unfortunately then I broke my leg three weeks ago, which forced me to quit the job and return to my hometown in Wicklow. I had been meaning to ask the girl out because I really want something to happen between us until my employment was cut short rather abruptly. Now my only mode of communication with the girl is through Facebook Messenger. I have tried not to message her too much as I do not want to sound needy. What has been playing on my mind for a while now is whether it would be appropriate to ask her out over FB or would she think it a bit weird? Or on the other hand should I just bite the bullet and do it (YOLO and all that stuff)? I'm 22 and as pathetic as it may seem, the majority of my plans to ask girls out before have gone down the swanny and only awkwardised affairs...
I just need your honest opinions on the right thing to do in this situation...

Tokyo

IF you already have a dialogue going with this girl via facebook messenger, then I don't see any harm in askign her if she'd like to meet for a coffee or a drink sometime, now that your leg is healing up. I wouldn't go all out with a "do you want to go on a date" direct statement, but if you ask her out for coffee or a drink, then she has some control over whether she wants it to be a date, or just coffee with a friend, or just not go at all.

Chance The Rapper

If you're talking to get regularly on Facebook then suggest going for a coffee. If not, don't ask out of the blue.

Menomonom

Well I dont actually have regular dialogue going with her. I've tried to start a dialogue twice with her but it was difficult to keep it going because as I said, she's very shy around me, even on FB. And I don't want to be trying too often to talk to her either because that would be a bit too needy...

Flippyfloppy

Menomonom wrote: »

Well I dont actually have regular dialogue going with her. I've tried to start a dialogue twice with her but it was difficult to keep it going because as I said, she's very shy around me, even on FB. And I don't want to be trying too often to talk to her either because that would be a bit too needy...

You say she's infatuated with you....yet she's too shy to speak to you on the only form of communication you have left with her.

Are you sure there's any spark here at all??

Menomonom

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

You say she's infatuated with you....yet she's too shy to speak to you on the only form of communication you have left with her.

Are you sure there's any spark here at all??

Yes I knew I would get that response and yes I do believe she is infatuated with me. She would gaze at me for hours on end on some occasions, even when the room is full of people. She definitely told the other work colleagues that she fancies me because it came to a stage that whenever I would walk by, they would start smiling and looking at her while she stared at me. Even one day, I walked past reception and heard her muttering 'He is so hot'. The other receptionists started laughing and looked to see if I would react, but I just pretended I didn't hear. She would often get unusually flustered and shy when I am around and she would always take the chance to get a glimpse of me. Even her body language; they say she would always be facing her body towards me, especially her feet, when she fancies you and that was exactly it. Trust me, it puzzles me as much as it puzzles you.

Pablodreamsofnew

Ask her out for a coffee. What harm can it do if she is as into you as you say? Sometimes when shyness is involved a fb message is best just to break the ice.

Hope your leg is better. Best of luck.

Flippyfloppy

Menomonom wrote: »

Yes I knew I would get that response and yes I do believe she is infatuated with me. She would gaze at me for hours on end on some occasions, even when the room is full of people. She definitely told the other work colleagues that she fancies me because it came to a stage that whenever I would walk by, they would start smiling and looking at her while she stared at me. Even one day, I walked past reception and heard her muttering 'He is so hot'. The other receptionists started laughing and looked to see if I would react, but I just pretended I didn't hear. She would often get unusually flustered and shy when I am around and she would always take the chance to get a glimpse of me. Even her body language; they say she would always be facing her body towards me, especially her feet, when she fancies you and that was exactly it. Trust me, it puzzles me as much as it puzzles you.

If you're sure, it's just sometimes the mind believes what it wants.

If you only have her contact details on FB, you're gonna have to bite the bullet and just ask her out bluntly (if she won't talk to you)

You could be like 'hey maybe we could go out sometime , wanna give me your number' etc etc


Also- you give reasons on thread as to why she likes you....do you like her??

Menomonom

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

If you're sure, it's just sometimes the mind believes what it wants.

If you only have her contact details on FB, you're gonna have to bite the bullet and just ask her out bluntly (if she won't talk to you)

You could be like 'hey maybe we could go out sometime , wanna give me your number' etc etc


Also- you give reasons on thread as to why she likes you....do you like her??

Oh yeah I definitely fancy her. My only problem is that I am afraid to ask her out bluntly. In the past, I tried similar things with other girls and all it did was make things awkward. She thought it was weird and her and the girl her friends usually only ended up laughing at me. it would take a lot for me to do something like that again. I just don't want the same result.

Tokyo

Ask yourself this then - does sitting in limbo, not knowing if she's interested or not, and posting on the internet for help feel any better?

I'm guessing that it doesn't. Message her and ask her for a coffee. If she says yes, great! If she says no, then you stop worrying if she's interested or not and move on, because now you know. Sitting in limbo as you are is just avoiding the issue, and isn't doing you or her any good.

Menomonom

mike_ie wrote: »

Ask yourself this then - does sitting in limbo, not knowing if she's interested or not, and posting on the internet for help feel any better?

I'm guessing that it doesn't. Message her and ask her for a coffee. If she says yes, great! If she says no, then you stop worrying if she's interested or not and move on, because now you know. Sitting in limbo as you are is just avoiding the issue, and isn't doing you or her any good.

Yes but the thing I am worried about is if she would consider weird it for me to ask her out over Messenger. I mean who's to say I won't cross paths with her in future, making it very awkward... Uhh why can't life just be simple!!!

kippy

Menomonom wrote: »

Yes but the thing I am worried about is if she would consider weird it for me to ask her out over Messenger. I mean who's to say I won't cross paths with her in future, making it very awkward... Uhh why can't life just be simple!!!

There are many times in life when you have to take a risk and in the whole scheme of things the risk here is very small.....so what if things are 'awkward'. You might not see her again if you dont ask her or she may move on.

iMac_Hunt

Menomonom wrote: »

Yes but the thing I am worried about is if she would consider weird it for me to ask her out over Messenger. I mean who's to say I won't cross paths with her in future, making it very awkward... Uhh why can't life just be simple!!!

If she fancies you as much as you say she does, she will be delighted you have asked her out. If she says no and thinks you're 'weird', the chances of you ever bumping into her again are slim. If you do happen to bump into her in the future, you may have matured and won't care!

Lou.m

I think you are over estimating her feelings a little. Be careful because even if she says yes she is not going to be able to live up to that.

Sure ask her see what she says :-)

I rthink the worst she will do is politely say no. From what you have said as you already know her outside of FB etc and she likes you that there is a good chance she will say yes.

The longer you leave it the less chance there is of her saying yes. Just bite the bullet and message her saying 'hey no pressure or anything but would you like to meet me for coffee sometime and see if we click?'.

I know it is hard to ask people out. But at least you will know :-)

Good luck OP!

Lou.m

Chance The Rapper wrote: »

If you're talking to get regularly on Facebook then suggest going for a coffee. If not, don't ask out of the blue.

Yeah, start up chatting with her a bit if you haven't already rather than throw it at her like a brick.

Interact with her. But if you have already I say just ask her for coffee to see if you get on etc.

Dellnum

Could you send her a private message on FB rather than asking her a direct question on Messenger and having to wait for an answer. Then she has time to think about the reply and there is no awkwardness.

njs030

Dellnum wrote: »

Could you send her a private message on FB rather than asking her a direct question on Messenger and having to wait for an answer. Then she has time to think about the reply and there is no awkwardness.

Isn't that the same thing?

Dellnum

A private message can be replied to after a few hours or days, but a Messenger message is something you reply to there and then, like in a conversation.

njs030

Dellnum wrote: »

A private message can be replied to after a few hours or days, but a Messenger message is something you reply to there and then, like in a conversation.

You're referring to the full site on a desktop? Messenger on a phone is the same as private messages where all messages go to the inbox.
Which are you using op because if it's messenger as dellnum thinks it is (instant messaging) then it would be too much pressure for someone shy who knows you are waiting.

Just ask her, worst thing that could happen is that she says no!

franglan

Ask her out for coffee, drinks etc. and don't worry about it. You think she's interested in you, sure you're on to a winner there?! If she is interested in you and it sounds like she is she'll be delighted with the invite! Don't over analysis it, have a bit of confidence in yourself -it'll be grand.

TimeToShine

Menomonom wrote: »

Yes I knew I would get that response and yes I do believe she is infatuated with me. She would gaze at me for hours on end on some occasions, even when the room is full of people. She definitely told the other work colleagues that she fancies me because it came to a stage that whenever I would walk by, they would start smiling and looking at her while she stared at me. Even one day, I walked past reception and heard her muttering 'He is so hot'. The other receptionists started laughing and looked to see if I would react, but I just pretended I didn't hear. She would often get unusually flustered and shy when I am around and she would always take the chance to get a glimpse of me. Even her body language; they say she would always be facing her body towards me, especially her feet, when she fancies you and that was exactly it. Trust me, it puzzles me as much as it puzzles you.

I don't know what to make of this. How much evidence do you need? It looks like you could throw her a paper aeroplane and it would get you a date.

Get a little dialogue going on FB and ask her to accompany you to the cinema.

ShaShaBear

My partner asked me out over Facebook. Took him 6 years of us chatting back and forth to do it. Now were engaged, living together and have a 3 week old daughter. You got nothing to lose!

Chance The Rapper

TimeToShine wrote: »

I don't know what to make of this. How much evidence do you need? It looks like you could throw her a paper aeroplane and it would get you a date.

Get a little dialogue going on FB and ask her to accompany you to the cinema.

Do NOT ask her to the cinema for your first date

dar100

Ask her for her number first, if she gives it, you know she's interested

desbrook

If you don't ask the answer will always be no - is that what you want??

Mickeroo

Just do it. Asking people out through the Internet is perfectly normal these days.

Chattastrophe!

I think it's a bit mad that she has the confident to supposedly make her "infatuation" with you quite clear in public, going so far as to comment on you being hot within your earshot, and yet is too shy to chat with you privately on Facebook?

Anyways my advice would be ask her out. I'd see asking her out via Facebook as no different to asking her via text or e-mail or whatever. By the sounds of it, you don't really have any other option anyways, do you, if you don't have her number to call her? Just ask her, you've nothing to lose. If she says yes, great, if she says no, well at least you know where you stand. I certainly can't imagine she'd be in any way put out that you asked her through Facebook rather than any other method of communication ...

TimeToShine

Chance The Rapper wrote: »

Do NOT ask her to the cinema for your first date

Judging by the level of infatuation she is displaying it'll be a miracle if she can last 5 minutes with him before tearing his clothes off so I wouldn't worry about where to take her.