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Treat them mean and keep them keen
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steddyeddy wrote: »I have little sympathy because he's ballless and doesn't realise he's being used.
Well he's using her too, since he's going through the subterfuge of friendship while he executes his master plan of waiting around until she either caves in or has no other options. He mightn't realise that's what he's doing, but it amounts to that.
It's immaturity on both sides, but the reason it persists is because they're both gaining something from the transaction in the meantime. He gets hope and validation and she gets an ego boost.
Wonderful things happen people like this when they climb over the age of 25.
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Well he's using her too, since he's going through the subterfuge of friendship while he executes his master plan of waiting around until she either caves in or has no other options. He mightn't realise that's what he's doing, but it amounts to that.
It's immaturity on both sides, but the reason it persists is because they're both gaining something from the transaction in the meantime. He gets hope and validation and she gets an ego boost.
Wonderful things happen people like this when they climb over the age of 25.
That's true as well and it's not the first time he's done it.0 -
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They're called narcissists and they are to be avoided. IME they're a minority of about 2 outa 10, with another 1 or 2 having a tendency for this behaviour.(actual scientific figures). These days technology and social media makes it easier to spot them than in the past. A lot of trout pout selfies is often a dead giveaway.
Wibbs, I think you've just described nearly every woman I've been involved with since 2009
Never even considered the possibility of narcissistic tendencies in them, but they would have all had that satellite of men around them at various points and moods.
You're dead on about avoiding them, it can be fun though once you don't get too attached, as anything even resembling a normal relationship tended to burn out within a matter of weeks.
For the ones I'm still in contact with, I guess I've ended up as the lover character, might not hear from them for 6 months only to be meeting up with them after an evening of texting or other communication.
There were two others over the past few months who tried to have me as just the "friend" that they knew wanted more but thankfully due to a bit of experience,
it's pretty easy to see through it and realize they don't really "like you", they just like the attention you're giving them, at which point it's time to cut things off there.0 -
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Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,174 Mod ✭✭✭✭
Join Date:Posts: 59102
Exactly C. She's looking for and getting "likes" on her ego's facebook. Some guys will jump if she acknowledges them at all, others will require more pouting and for the more resistant it's out with the flesh and promise of same. The more you resist the more she'll promise up to a certain point. This type are like abusive men, they've an instinct for the range of people who will likely fall for their BS and target them. That's why though I like Ardle1's thinkingNo, she's getting the ego boost from two guys attention. it won't work because you're not a bastard. Chances are she'd never try this stuff with an actual player, or a guy she wants for the Boyfriend(tm) slot in her roster.
Classic self centered type. Easily missed when young, but you learn to read the signs. Some might be:
1) Constant need for attention. If she can't get it from one guy she'll build a roster. Facebook and the like help feed this type more than ever.
2) More drama than the Abbey. This feeds her need for attention. Guys who are helpful and want to fix things are a charm for victims. Thing is she'll never lose the drama. She enjoys it. If there's no actual drama in her life, she'll invent it. Now you can channel this into emotional excitement for her(if you want the ride), but it's tiring and you end up feeling like a clown at a childrens party trying to keep up. Never worth it.
3) It's always about her. Engagement or apparent empathy with others is just a detour back to attention on her. Again modern tech can be your guide here. If you get into a text back and forth with this type you'll spot it where you may not in normal conversation. Text her a problem in your life and watch how quickly she'll turn the subject back to herself.
4) They can't be alone. In relationships they go from one person to the next with no breaks. If a break is imposed they'll fill the void with the aforementioned roster. The roster will amp up because now she's single they'll think they have a chance. They don't.
5) They have bipolar levels of self esteem. They think they're both special and worthless depending on how this feeds into their need for attention.
6) Women can usually spot them a mile off and avoid them. Big indicator this one. They tend not to have women friends and if they do, they're either enablers of her self interest (the frumpy friend who is no competition), or they have a "new best friend" every week(women like her, but if competition comes along it's on to a newer best friend).
They're time and emotion leeches so as I say scrape her off. Don't give her more attention while doing so though. Just slowly ignore her over a week or two. Expect ramping up of "promise" during this period.Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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Exactly C. She's looking for and getting "likes" on her ego's facebook. Some guys will jump if she acknowledges them at all, others will require more pouting and for the more resistant it's out with the flesh and promise of same. The more you resist the more she'll promise up to a certain point. This type are like abusive men, they've an instinct for the range of people who will likely fall for their BS and target them. That's why though I like Ardle1's thinking it won't work because you're not a bastard. Chances are she'd never try this stuff with an actual player, or a guy she wants for the Boyfriend(tm) slot in her roster.
Classic self centered type. Easily missed when young, but you learn to read the signs. Some might be:
1) Constant need for attention. If she can't get it from one guy she'll build a roster. Facebook and the like help feed this type more than ever.
2) More drama than the Abbey. This feeds her need for attention. Guys who are helpful and want to fix things are a charm for victims. Thing is she'll never lose the drama. She enjoys it. If there's no actual drama in her life, she'll invent it. Now you can channel this into emotional excitement for her(if you want the ride), but it's tiring and you end up feeling like a clown at a childrens party trying to keep up. Never worth it.
3) It's always about her. Engagement or apparent empathy with others is just a detour back to attention on her. Again modern tech can be your guide here. If you get into a text back and forth with this type you'll spot it where you may not in normal conversation. Text her a problem in your life and watch how quickly she'll turn the subject back to herself.
4) They can't be alone. In relationships they go from one person to the next with no breaks. If a break is imposed they'll fill the void with the aforementioned roster. The roster will amp up because now she's single they'll think they have a chance. They don't.
5) They have bipolar levels of self esteem. They think they're both special and worthless depending on how this feeds into their need for attention.
6) Women can usually spot them a mile off and avoid them. Big indicator this one. They tend not to have women friends and if they do, they're either enablers of her self interest (the frumpy friend who is no competition), or they have a "new best friend" every week(women like her, but if competition comes along it's on to a newer best friend).
They're time and emotion leeches so as I say scrape her off. Don't give her more attention while doing so though. Just slowly ignore her over a week or two. Expect ramping up of "promise" during this period.
Great post, have to say I've noticed myself that women who don't have genuine female friends usually have issues of some form.0 -
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Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,174 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Join Date:Posts: 59102
I dunno RD. If there is a chain it's a long and flexible one and culture and environment makes the links.In the end, we are chained to our biology.
Take type 2 diabetes(bear with me...), it apparently has a large genetic component, it's also down to our evolutionary history. It's one of the biggest health problems facing modern humanity, yet non western civilisation folks almost never get it. Take depression. Large genetic component and again it's a real growing health problem facing modern humanity, yet some populations with the same genetics don't get it to nearly the same extent.
Just as lifestyle and environment is a major pressure for diabetes(and I would contend the same for depression), Narcissitic type behaviour is more selected for in the modern western world. The 20th century was the century of the self, the individual, the everyman. Common sense seemed to show that self esteem and feelings of individual specialness was the ultimate goal for self development. Sounds plausible but pretty much all of the evilest men in history had these features. The group, the culture bows to the individual(or appears to). Add in the 21st century with social media and the like and it is IMHO a major selective pressure in favour of narcissism. Everyone is "special". Special has been made universal, it has been democratised. Special has lost much of its meaning. Look at fame. Once you were famous for actually doing something, now people are famous just for being famous. All are special and all opinions are valid and often trump facts if enough share the opinion. A culture of public jockeying for likes "selfies". The name says it all. No wonder narcissism is growing.Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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