Daughter going to college

jake66

Our daughter got her leaving results yesterday. She did well but is going to be short of points for her first choice course.
All of her courses are for NUI Galway and GMIT.
She wouldn,t have enough for NUI Galway.
My problem is that as we are in Kildare with plenty of colleges around us, should she be going to Galway?? This will cost about 12 grand per year for 4 years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with GMIT but she could go to Carlow IT or one of the Dublin IT,s which would save us about 2-3 grand a year.
We are lucky as we are both working and have some money "boxed off" and will find enough for her to get through.
I know she is going to Galway for the college life and the craic and I don,t want to begrudge her that.
I have said nothing to my wife about this or my daughter as I didn,t want to spoil her day, but should I suggest that she do a PLC or get some sort of employment for a year and reapply next year for somewhere closer to home..
I know I sound like a real tight arse here but we are working class people and this girl thinks we are loaded and she doesn,t have much regard for money.
Any suggestions please...

ComputerKing

jake66 wrote: »

Our daughter got her leaving results yesterday. She did well but is going to be short of points for her first choice course.
All of her courses are for NUI Galway and GMIT.
She wouldn,t have enough for NUI Galway.
My problem is that as we are in Kildare with plenty of colleges around us, should she be going to Galway?? This will cost about 12 grand per year for 4 years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with GMIT but she could go to Carlow IT or one of the Dublin IT,s which would save us about 2-3 grand a year.
We are lucky as we are both working and have some money "boxed off" and will find enough for her to get through.
I know she is going to Galway for the college life and the craic and I don,t want to begrudge her that.
I have said nothing to my wife about this or my daughter as I didn,t want to spoil her day, but should I suggest that she do a PLC or get some sort of employment for a year and reapply next year for somewhere closer to home..
I know I sound like a real tight arse here but we are working class people and this girl thinks we are loaded and she doesn,t have much regard for money.
Any suggestions please...

Just pay for her to go to college will you.

Last_Minute

Your money, your choice.

suicide_circus

Send her down the mines!

ScumLord

jake66 wrote: »

I know I sound like a real tight arse here but we are working class people and this girl thinks we are loaded and she doesn,t have much regard for money.
Any suggestions please...

There's nothing wrong with getting her to cover at least some of her costs, she is supposed to be an adult now. Unless she's planning on being a kept woman relying on a man to pay her bills (which makes collage pointless) then it's time she start looking after at least part of her own expenses. I'd say you're being a better parent making her pay.

iwantmydinner

jake66 wrote: »

Our daughter got her leaving results yesterday. She did well but is going to be short of points for her first choice course.
All of her courses are for NUI Galway and GMIT.
She wouldn,t have enough for NUI Galway.
My problem is that as we are in Kildare with plenty of colleges around us, should she be going to Galway?? This will cost about 12 grand per year for 4 years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with GMIT but she could go to Carlow IT or one of the Dublin IT,s which would save us about 2-3 grand a year.
We are lucky as we are both working and have some money "boxed off" and will find enough for her to get through.
I know she is going to Galway for the college life and the craic and I don,t want to begrudge her that.
I have said nothing to my wife about this or my daughter as I didn,t want to spoil her day, but should I suggest that she do a PLC or get some sort of employment for a year and reapply next year for somewhere closer to home..
I know I sound like a real tight arse here but we are working class people and this girl thinks we are loaded and she doesn,t have much regard for money.
Any suggestions please...

Just tell her to get a part time job if you're worried about money. If she wanted to do a PLC and/or to a college closer to home then that's what she would have picked.

super_furry

Is she planning to get a job when in Galway? Any support you give her should be conditional on her at least making an effort to support herself.

Cantremember

Teach her to have some regard: don't pay everything in Galway for her. Leave her to make up the balance by getting work.

Pro Hoc Vice

jake66 wrote: »

Our daughter got her leaving results yesterday. She did well but is going to be short of points for her first choice course.
All of her courses are for NUI Galway and GMIT.
She wouldn,t have enough for NUI Galway.
My problem is that as we are in Kildare with plenty of colleges around us, should she be going to Galway?? This will cost about 12 grand per year for 4 years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with GMIT but she could go to Carlow IT or one of the Dublin IT,s which would save us about 2-3 grand a year.
We are lucky as we are both working and have some money "boxed off" and will find enough for her to get through.
I know she is going to Galway for the college life and the craic and I don,t want to begrudge her that.
I have said nothing to my wife about this or my daughter as I didn,t want to spoil her day, but should I suggest that she do a PLC or get some sort of employment for a year and reapply next year for somewhere closer to home..
I know I sound like a real tight arse here but we are working class people and this girl thinks we are loaded and she doesn,t have much regard for money.
Any suggestions please...

Why now a few days before CAO offers are you asking these questions the time to have had this discussion with your daughter was this time last year, why did you not set out the family budget, work in any possible grants etc., and set out what the family could afford per year and the cost estimates for each college.

ben.schlomo

jake66 wrote: »

Our daughter got her leaving results yesterday. She did well but is going to be short of points for her first choice course.
All of her courses are for NUI Galway and GMIT.
She wouldn,t have enough for NUI Galway.
My problem is that as we are in Kildare with plenty of colleges around us, should she be going to Galway?? This will cost about 12 grand per year for 4 years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with GMIT but she could go to Carlow IT or one of the Dublin IT,s which would save us about 2-3 grand a year.
We are lucky as we are both working and have some money "boxed off" and will find enough for her to get through.
I know she is going to Galway for the college life and the craic and I don,t want to begrudge her that.
I have said nothing to my wife about this or my daughter as I didn,t want to spoil her day, but should I suggest that she do a PLC or get some sort of employment for a year and reapply next year for somewhere closer to home..
I know I sound like a real tight arse here but we are working class people and this girl thinks we are loaded and she doesn,t have much regard for money.
Any suggestions please...

Youre really going to get some super helpful answers to this genuine problem in AH!!

BeerWolf

If you're financially strained, you can always opt to pay for it and have her pay you back some, or all, of it through a part time job throughout the course.

monflat

Is that what a year in college costs now? My god that's shocking money
Can you break down the12 grand into segments.
Fees accommodation etc etc

sblythe

Wait, is your daughter actually expecting you to pay 12 GRAND a year for her to go to college, just because she wants to, as you say, college life and the craic?

Its your money. Ultimately, you make the decision.

SureYWouldntYa

Why are you talking to AH when you should be talking to your daughter about this ?

smileyj1987

Give her 3 fiddy and tell her to pay the rest herself .

Holsten

Paying for her to party away at college is stupid.

If she wants to go she can get a job to pay for rent/drinking money.

Egginacup

Cantremember wrote: »

Teach her to have some regard: don't pay everything in Galway for her. Leave her to make up the balance by getting work.

When I went to college in Dublin I was lucky enough to be able to live at home so there was no added expense for my mother. She paid my fees, but each summer I worked and paid her back what I could. My fees were £1500 per year and my monthly bus ticket was I think about £60. I took sandwiches most days so it was not too bad.
12k a year is a lot and if she insists on going to Galway then you're going to have to level with her and state outright that you just don't have the money whether she believes you or not. Tell her you can pay her fees and half her rent and that's all. Tell her you can't pay her drinking fees or her bus home every weekend.
12k is too much...you pay all that and there is NO way she's going to get a summer job. She'll be expecting you to stump up for her interrail ticket and her after exam junket to Shagaluf.

The_Valeyard

I'm honestly surprised AH has not made an ' sure I'll be riding her soon' joke.


Op reach a deal. Pay for rent or certain allowance each month but expect her to gain part time employment.

ted1

jake66 wrote: »

Our daughter got her leaving results yesterday. She did well but is going to be short of points for her first choice course.
All of her courses are for NUI Galway and GMIT.
She wouldn,t have enough for NUI Galway.
My problem is that as we are in Kildare with plenty of colleges around us, should she be going to Galway?? This will cost about 12 grand per year for 4 years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with GMIT but she could go to Carlow IT or one of the Dublin IT,s which would save us about 2-3 grand a year.
We are lucky as we are both working and have some money "boxed off" and will find enough for her to get through.
I know she is going to Galway for the college life and the craic and I don,t want to begrudge her that.
I have said nothing to my wife about this or my daughter as I didn,t want to spoil her day, but should I suggest that she do a PLC or get some sort of employment for a year and reapply next year for somewhere closer to home..
I know I sound like a real tight arse here but we are working class people and this girl thinks we are loaded and she doesn,t have much regard for money.
Any suggestions please...

i would question your figures.

2750 registration = 2750
350 a month rent (9 months) = 3150
100 a month bills elec and heat= 900
food 60 a week *36 = 2160

that's only 8960.

Barely There

jake66 wrote: »

I know I sound like a real tight arse here but we are working class people and this girl thinks we are loaded and she doesn,t have much regard for money.
...

Well, that'd be your fault.

tobsey

ted1 wrote: »

i would question your figures.

2750 registration = 2750
350 a month rent (9 months) = 3150
100 a month bills elec and heat= 900
food 60 a week *36 = 2160

that's only 8960.

Ah well in that case sure it's only a pittance

PizzamanIRL

Sounds like you're a softie. She wants to go to Galway for college life and the craic? And you're ok with paying 12k for that? I would aye. Give her a reality check and let her know the value of money

MagicMarker

ted1 wrote: »

i would question your figures.

2750 registration = 2750
350 a month rent (9 months) = 3150
100 a month bills elec and heat= 900
food 60 a week *36 = 2160

that's only 8960.

The rest goes on contraception.

Riskymove

ted1 wrote: »

i350 a month rent (9 months) = 3150
.

does rent work like that if you want a place for 4 years?

monflat

ted1 wrote: »

i would question your figures.

2750 registration = 2750
350 a month rent (9 months) = 3150
100 a month bills elec and heat= 900
food 60 a week *36 = 2160

that's only 8960.

I'd be making her pay bills and half of food. At least and her travel expenses she'd have to come up with herself.

Of she ain't goin to get a little job now with pocket money she ain't goin to work once out of college.

Working class people maybe but your daughter may be thinkin of living the high life in.Galway

Berserker

I was lucky when it came to 3rd level studies, I was able to live at home for my undergrad and I got a scholarship to fund my postgrad studies. If your daughter wishes to go to NUIG, I would part fund her studies and give her the responsibility of working part time and making ends meet. Have you discussed this with her, at all?

MS.ing

its people like you that give joe duffy their living

"joe I bought a house I couldnt afford joe, it was a loan like they never want all the money back would they? my daughters education I couldnt afford"

good luck with that. and remember houses are only for christmas, no bother, send the keys back to the bank. be grand.

oldyouth

Let her choose the course that best suits her. The location and cost are secondary considerations. All part of the territory

JonKelleher

jake66 wrote: »

Our daughter got her leaving results yesterday. She did well but is going to be short of points for her first choice course.
All of her courses are for NUI Galway and GMIT.
She wouldn,t have enough for NUI Galway.
My problem is that as we are in Kildare with plenty of colleges around us, should she be going to Galway?? This will cost about 12 grand per year for 4 years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with GMIT but she could go to Carlow IT or one of the Dublin IT,s which would save us about 2-3 grand a year.
We are lucky as we are both working and have some money "boxed off" and will find enough for her to get through.
I know she is going to Galway for the college life and the craic and I don,t want to begrudge her that.
I have said nothing to my wife about this or my daughter as I didn,t want to spoil her day, but should I suggest that she do a PLC or get some sort of employment for a year and reapply next year for somewhere closer to home..
I know I sound like a real tight arse here but we are working class people and this girl thinks we are loaded and she doesn,t have much regard for money.
Any suggestions please...

Realistically, she shouldn't go to any IT. Unless you go to a university, and a top one at that, most top level graduate programmes and jobs will be out of her reach. I would recommend repeating and trying to get higher points.

Could I suggest you compromise. Explain your financial status to her. She's old enough to face facts. Let her have one year in Galway - IF she's accepted for a course. She will struggle to find a part time job, but suggest she tries, either in Galway or nearer home. After the academic year ends, review things. Then decide where to go for the rest of her academic life. Treat her like an adult and hopefully she'll respond like one. Every student should have at least one year of student life!

Specialun

is she hot?

monflat

Also you say she does not have much regard for money?

Why is that?

Did she always get everything she wants

Has she ever had a little job earning her own money.?


You need to talk to her soon as she needs to start planning accommodation etc wherever she goes

Adamantium

Deleted User wrote: »

Could I suggest you compromise. Explain your financial status to her. She's old enough to face facts. Let her have one year in Galway - IF she's accepted for a course. She will struggle to find a part time job, but suggest she tries, either in Galway or nearer home. After the academic year ends, review things. Then decide where to go for the rest of her academic life. Treat her like an adult and hopefully she'll respond like one. Every student should have at least one year of student life!

Wait so she has to uproot after 1 year again after making friends and a life in Galway, why?

Enough of the stop start crap! I wasted too many of my younger years on that crap, our college fees are extraordinarily low, heavenly in fact, a guy I know in the US has 100,000 worth of debt after college

BTW: Galway (NUIG) is fantastic, but you do need to focus while there. Though I started there at peak Celtic Tiger time, so things were more wild. #COUGH overturned cars, 1000's of students standing on and under bridge on Monday morning RAG# Terrible times, COUGH they were pretty fun. :P

The Peanut

This is probably not the correct forum for your question.

The parenting or education arenas might be better destinations.

Berserker

JonKelleher wrote: »

Realistically, she shouldn't go to any IT. Unless you go to a university, and a top one at that, most top level graduate programmes and jobs will be out of her reach. I would recommend repeating and trying to get higher points.

I wouldn't necessarily agree with that. Personally, I studied at two NUI's and some of the people I graduated with never found work in our sector, IT. I have come across loads of people from ITs during my career working in the sector.

Kevhog1988

both me and my older sister were in college for 2 years at the same time. Were from Kildare too. I lived at home in 1st year and traveled by bus. Had saved all summer of 6th year working 2 jobs and so didn't ask parents for a penny. In second year i lived in dublin and again paid my own way. Travelling home to work on a building site any days off, holidays etc i got. in final year i travelled again, had a car on the road so was commuting to maynooth and getting the train.

There were guys in my course who had never had a job and parents paid for everything. They had no real value of money but some of them did get better degrees than me as i was working, missing the odd day to pay for college etc. Luckily the contacts id built up during college landed me a job as soon as i finished college.

Id make her at least contribute something… maybe pay her fees and accommodation and she can look after heating, food, booze etc herself. Only thing is part time work is not as plentiful now as it was.

JonKelleher

Berserker wrote: »

I wouldn't necessarily agree with that. Personally, I studied at two NUI's and some of the people I graduated with never found work in our sector, IT. I have come across loads of people from ITs during my career working in the sector.

Apologies, you may well be entirely correct. I am speaking of the sectors I have experience in - investment banking, aviation finance, law.

Faolchu

Specialun wrote: »

is she hot?

exactly she could get part time job keeping old farmers company

JonKelleher

Faolchu wrote: »

exactly she could get part time job keeping old farmers company

Wow.

Bepolite

I find in AH people say what they think, what they really think, no matter how dumb and without regard for making themselves look more intelligent. OP you've had some great advice here... I do hope normal service in AH resumes shortly.

Give her a budget, anything beyond that she pays herself. I personally go to GCD some of my class mates are minted, and I mean rolling in it. Even Daddies little princess who has a brand new BMW and a horse pays her own way in regard to drinking money - well that's when she's not getting free drinks off the myriad of lads trying to get a shag.

And... we're back.

Faolchu

JonKelleher wrote: »

Wow.

well i could have said selling her arse at a curb side

Tarzana

jake66 wrote: »

Our daughter got her leaving results yesterday. She did well but is going to be short of points for her first choice course.

She doesn't know that yet, she might not be short. Points vary from year to year and you won't know until next week.

On the rest of your post, I think you need to clearly outline to her the extra cost of going to Galway. If she sees it written down in plain english she might change her mind. It's not like you're depriving her of college or anything.

MS.ing

also degrees are the new arts degrees


just take one of those ones from the bog roll holder

thegreatgonzo

jake66 wrote: »

Our daughter got her leaving results yesterday. She did well but is going to be short of points for her first choice course.
All of her courses are for NUI Galway and GMIT.
She wouldn,t have enough for NUI Galway.
My problem is that as we are in Kildare with plenty of colleges around us, should she be going to Galway?? This will cost about 12 grand per year for 4 years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with GMIT but she could go to Carlow IT or one of the Dublin IT,s which would save us about 2-3 grand a year.
We are lucky as we are both working and have some money "boxed off" and will find enough for her to get through.
I know she is going to Galway for the college life and the craic and I don,t want to begrudge her that.
I have said nothing to my wife about this or my daughter as I didn,t want to spoil her day, but should I suggest that she do a PLC or get some sort of employment for a year and reapply next year for somewhere closer to home..
I know I sound like a real tight arse here but we are working class people and this girl thinks we are loaded and she doesn,t have much regard for money.
Any suggestions please...

Why is this realization only dawning on you now? It was unfair of you to let her think all this time she could do whatever course she gets offered only for you to pull the plug at the last minute.
If she has no regard for money that's your fault sorry.
My suggestion is that you talk to her and be honest about your financial situation.

JonKelleher

MS.ing wrote: »

also degrees are the new arts degrees


just take one of those ones from the bog roll holder

Hear, hear.

Now it's all about the institute you earned it from. And, depending on your chosen industry, post-graduate study, again at an esteemed institute.

Bepolite

JonKelleher wrote: »

Hear, hear.

Now it's all about the institute you earned it from. And, depending on your chosen industry, post-graduate study, again at an esteemed institute.

Bollocks. There's less than ten courses in Ireland that would be on a par with the leading (Mainland) European universities, let alone the US and UK. At least 5 of those would be Irish Law, Politics and History.

You get ahead in this world by being exceptional in what you do no matter what institution you graduated from. Unless you're talking about being a worker drone for one of the many tech companies that are here because of the low corporation tax rate. Companies that will move on at the drop of the hat if tax system changes leaving people wondering why they don't even get interviews internationally.

Tarzana

JonKelleher wrote: »

Realistically, she shouldn't go to any IT. Unless you go to a university, and a top one at that, most top level graduate programmes and jobs will be out of her reach. I would recommend repeating and trying to get higher points.

I went to Trinity and I don't get this attitude. Take a while looking around Linkedin - lots of IT-educated people in Ireland have good jobs with great companies.

Bepolite

Tarzana wrote: »

I went to Trinity and I don't get this attitude. Take a while looking around Linkedin - lots of IT-educated people in Ireland have good jobs with great companies.

I've never come across this 'I went here look at me attitude' from Trinners students and I have a fair amount of interaction with them. It always seems to be other Irish Universities that have this paranoia that they're not quite good enough.

JonKelleher

Bepolite wrote: »

Bollocks. There's less than ten courses in Ireland that would be on a par with the leading (Mainland) European universities, let alone the US and UK. At least 5 of those would be Irish Law, Politics and History.

You get ahead in this world by being exceptional in what you do no matter what institution you graduated from. Unless you're talking about being a worker drone for one of the many tech companies that are here because of the low corporation tax rate. Companies that will move on at the drop of the hat if tax system changes leaving people wondering why they don't even get interviews internationally.

Please tell me of a single course being offered in Ireland, undergraduate or postgraduate, that is on par with a similar course being offered in Oxford, Cambridge, LSE, Science Po etc?

You think if you have a degree from an IT you will a job with a top law firm, investment bank, consulting firm?

takamichinoku

I don't get why you left it until this late to really think about it ...and it seems a bit disrespectful to your wife at least to not talk to her about it before now, she's presumably a lot more aware of your financial situation than your daughter is.
If you want to be the big man carrying the weight of everything, you've to actually deal with it rather than leaving it dwelling on your mind until it reaches a crisis point.

You've realistically got to talk to the two of them about it imo. It would've been easy enough of a conversation three months ago, cannot imagine it'll go down well at all this week.

JonKelleher

Tarzana wrote: »

I went to Trinity and I don't get this attitude. Take a while looking around Linkedin - lots of IT-educated people in Ireland have good jobs with great companies.

You take a look on Linkedin. Does anyone with an IT education have a job with a top law firm, investment bank, management consultancy? I'm not saying it's right, but it's a fact.