Checking your partner's phone

chellyry

What are people's views on checking their partner's phones?

Personally I see nothing wrong with it so long as it isn't every day and in a 'checking up on you' kind of way. If you have nothing to hide then why make a big deal out of your partner looking at your phone?

I ask because I have never had a problem with it, but my partner has recently become very protective over his and won't let me even touch it, even though I allow him to check mine. I'm not looking for advice here, just opinions on the question above. I've also noticed a lot of comments on posts where people are appalled at partners who do this.

So, which side are you on? Don't see any problem with it, or think it's a complete invasion of privacy?

whomitconcerns

complete invasion of privacy..

smash

chellyry wrote: »

If you have nothing to hide then why make a big deal out of your partner looking at your phone?

That's such a bullshít thing to say. Just stop being a nosy git.

Witcher

chellyry wrote: »

What are people's views on checking their partner's phones?

Personally I see nothing wrong with it so long as it isn't every day and in a 'checking up on you' kind of way. If you have nothing to hide then why make a big deal out of your partner looking at your phone?

I ask because I have never had a problem with it, but my partner has recently become very protective over his and won't let me even touch it, even though I allow him to check mine. I'm not looking for advice here, just opinions on the question above. I've also noticed a lot of comments on posts where people are appalled at partners who do this.

So, which side are you on? Don't see any problem with it, or think it's a complete invasion of privacy?

What kind of way would you be checking their phone then?

GLaDOS

Would never look at my girlfriends messages/emails etc without asking permission. Basic manners.

wazky

Is he has half a brain he has a second phone for the other women.

mariaalice

chellyry wrote: »

What are people's views on checking their partner's phones?

Personally I see nothing wrong with it so long as it isn't every day and in a 'checking up on you' kind of way. If you have nothing to hide then why make a big deal out of your partner looking at your phone?

I ask because I have never had a problem with it, but my partner has recently become very protective over his and won't let me even touch it, even though I allow him to check mine. I'm not looking for advice here, just opinions on the question above. I've also noticed a lot of comments on posts where people are appalled at partners who do this.

So, which side are you on? Don't see any problem with it, or think it's a complete invasion of privacy?

Complete invasion of privacy, nosey, rude and odd in my opinion.

House of Blaze

ATTENTION:

The popcorn machine will be out of order for the duration of this thread due to high demand.

That is all.

krudler

Why do you need to check his phone? I'd let someone use my phone not a bother if they needed to send a text or use an app or whatever but "checking" my phone? for what?

discus

Ah yes, the black-ops phone / batphone!

I Heart Internet

wazky wrote: »

Is he has half a brain he has a second phone for the other women.

He has, he's texting me the whole time on it. His partner doesn't have a clue.

irish_major

He's been looking up engagement rings, and without getting your hopes up he's going to propose to you within the next week.

Maximus Alexander

Wouldn't be with her in the first place if I didn't trust her.

And, incidentally, she deserves better than to be with me if I'm spying on her, since she can't trust me.

chellyry wrote: »

If you have nothing to hide then why make a big deal out of your partner looking at your phone?

The focus of this article is government, but nevertheless provides an adequate rebuttal to this line of thinking in general.

takamichinoku

Unless they were expecting a call and were in the shower or something like that, I wouldn't, and even then I'd just look at the screen to see the name on it so I could tell them.

SmilingLurker

I trust my wife. I normally get handed her phone when she is driving or wants me to fix something. I have never bothered to look to be honest, I have better things to be doing

sblythe

Absolutely no chance I would let my girlfriend just search through my phone and vice versa. What would you be looking for anyway? If it has gotten to a stage in your relationship where you are conscious of cheating (presumably thats why you want a look), then you need to sit down and really consider whether or not you should be in the relationship.

Penny Tration

Your partner may have nothing to hide, but that doesn't give you the right to invade his privacy, or the privacy of those who have texted him.

krudler

wazky wrote: »

Is he has half a brain he has a second phone for the other women.

I used to work for a mobile phone company, and the amount of disgruntled spouses who would ring up looking for dates and times of certain numbers rang was crazy. If you're gonna be a cheat dont be a dumbass and go buy a 20 quid prepay phone and another number.

timmy880

If you are regularly checking your partners phone or emails it would be my opinion that you think they have something to hide.....

I'd be on the invasion of privacy side in this one!

BizzyC

Should add a poll Op.

Invasion of privacy.

A person is entitled to not have their conversation with friends scrutinised by a 3rd party. doesn't necessarily mean that they have a big secret to hide.

If you dont think it's a big deal, you'll have no problem in not doing it anyway.

Vinz Mesrine

He's cheating, 100%

Leogirl

Have had it done to me & its horrible, a complete invasion of privacy & shows a real lack of trust - and led to me not trusting them or feeling 100% at ease with them. Just ask me & I'd show it!

Wouldnt dream of doing it to someone - if it was done to me again, I'd be gone!!

salmocab

Checking up on him in a not checking up kind of way thats just brilliant and you allow him to check up on yours that is very decent of you, I foresee a long and fruitful relationship here.

chellyry

chellyry wrote: »

What are people's views on checking their partner's phones?

Personally I see nothing wrong with it so long as it isn't every day and in a 'checking up on you' kind of way. If you have nothing to hide then why make a big deal out of your partner looking at your phone?

I ask because I have never had a problem with it, but my partner has recently become very protective over his and won't let me even touch it, even though I allow him to check mine. I'm not looking for advice here, just opinions on the question above. I've also noticed a lot of comments on posts where people are appalled at partners who do this.

So, which side are you on? Don't see any problem with it, or think it's a complete invasion of privacy?

What do you mean you let him check yours?

Arbiter of Good Taste

krudler wrote: »

I used to work for a mobile phone company, and the amount of disgruntled spouses who would ring up looking for dates and times of certain numbers rang was crazy. If you're gonna be a cheat dont be a dumbass and go buy a 20 quid prepay phone and another number.

My brother in law was too stupid/cheap to pay for a second phone...............

chellyry

Wow, didn't expect that many replies that quickly! When I say checking up I mean looking, as in at pictures etc. And I mean in front of them, not as soon as they leave the room kind of thing.

I'm ok with it, and ok with him looking at messages, mails, snapchats etc too. If you're in an honest relationship then where's the problem. I see it as having no secrets. Just my opinion though.

salmocab

Deleted User wrote: »

What do you mean you let him check yours?

She's very kind like that.

kylith

It's not just his privacy you're invading, his friends have a right to text him without having to worry about you seeing that they have constant diarrhea, or whatever. I only touch my OH's phone if he's out of the room and he gets a phonecall from one of his parents.

Penny Tration

chellyry wrote: »

Wow, didn't expect that many replies that quickly! When I say checking up I mean looking, as in at pictures etc. And I mean in front of them, not as soon as they leave the room kind of thing.

I'm ok with it, and ok with him looking at messages, mails, snapchats etc too. If you're in an honest relationship then where's the problem. I see it as having no secrets. Just my opinion though.

But messages, emails and snapchats he's sent aren't for you. You're invading the privacy of the people sending them.

Holsten

I'd never check and she'd never ask.

Why would you ever need to 'check'?

hatrickpatrick

I wouldn't do it and I'd probably dump someone for doing it, but it's not an issue as I keep everything heavily protected / encrypted anyway.
It'a a matter of principle - being in a relationship does not mean ceasing to be an individual.

Xios

I do mind if my girlfriend looks at my phone, because I have no control over how she would interpret what i've said, or what people have said to me.

Also, if I wanted her to know what i've been saying in private conversations, I'd tell her.

OP, Why on earth are you with someone you obviously dont trust?

Bad, bad, bad

catallus

OP's partner is obviously cheating. Only explanation.

blackwhite

chellyry wrote: »

If you have nothing to hide then why make a big deal out of your partner looking at your phone?

And if you trust your partner why do you feel the need to be snooping in their phone?

ShadowHearth

In 10 years i never checked her phone or any other things in that category.
Since we split up and still living in same place ( not for long now) I have not checked her phone or Facebook even once, even if I know passwords and her tablet with all accounts sits at home all the time.
Privacy is privacy, no matter what happens. Checking on someone else's stuff, even partners, is just a dick move.

I hate checking my own phone for messages, Id be damned if I started checking his too :pac:

pfurey101

Yes, it's a complete invasion of privacy

Them mormons have a mad time. Him having to snoop on 8 mobiles.

Egginacup

chellyry wrote: »

What are people's views on checking their partner's phones?

Personally I see nothing wrong with it so long as it isn't every day and in a 'checking up on you' kind of way. If you have nothing to hide then why make a big deal out of your partner looking at your phone?

I ask because I have never had a problem with it, but my partner has recently become very protective over his and won't let me even touch it, even though I allow him to check mine. I'm not looking for advice here, just opinions on the question above. I've also noticed a lot of comments on posts where people are appalled at partners who do this.

So, which side are you on? Don't see any problem with it, or think it's a complete invasion of privacy?

I have everything to hide and nothing to hide. It's MY call, not anyone else's

But since you've got nothing to hide then give us your email, facebook, twitter, etc. passwords, just so we can have a look.

Fair?

somesoldiers

Mrs eyes light up if I leave the room and phone is not protected. nothing on it tbh but she would make a meal out of the slightest thing. I would have zero interest in checking hers

Sauve

If I thought my friends' partners had access to messages/mails I send them, then it'd severely limit our friendship.

Danjamin1

OP don't mind people saying he's definitely cheating, it just means he doesn't want you going through his private conversations. Completely reasonable.

Ishmael

Tbh, i wouldn't have much of a problem with someone checking my phone if they asked first to and had a reason to. I would be fairly peeved if they did check it without asking though.

It's similar to someone going into your bedroom and rooting through your stuff without asking.

KERSPLAT!

A relationship is based on trust. If the other half needs to check my phone there's no trust and not much of a relationship IMO

Yer Aul One

This happened to me before and my ex rang an unknown number that had rang me and explained she was my gf and asked why they had rang me.

God, I am glad to be out of that one

foggy_lad

OP why would anyone want to check their partners phone? If there is some suspicion they are cheating then I would be gone immediately and would not bother checking their phone. If I suspect they are cheating then unless I am some paranoid nutcase I will have a logical reason for my suspicions which will not need to be backed up by checking a phone.

chellyry

Egginacup wrote: »

I have everything to hide and nothing to hide. It's MY call, not anyone else's

But since you've got nothing to hide then give us your email, facebook, twitter, etc. passwords, just so we can have a look.

Fair?

I have nothing to hide FROM MY BF.



To clarify, I have never checked his messages in the past, only looked at his pictures etc.

He has looked at everything on mine but I don't mind that, anything private my friends have to say to me about their own lives they say it to my face not by text. That's all I'm saying. And I don't think he's cheating, I was just stating the reason the topic had been on my mind.

RDM_83 again

Yes, it's a complete invasion of privacy

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

A relationship is based on trust. If the other half needs to check my phone there's no trust and not much of a relationship IMO

Its weird I occasionally read the PI forum and the view seems to be that checking some ones phone is literally one of the worst things you can do, even in the case where people have found incriminating stuff.
I've never checked the gf's phone but if i thought something was up i'd definitely consider it rather than immediately starting a conversation that implied she was cheating, one may be an invasion of privacy but the latter has the potential to ruin a relationship too

Wibbs

Yes, it's a complete invasion of privacy

If a girlfriend looked through my phone? Game over, there's the door luv. If she couldn't see why I might take this stance I wouldn't want her in my life. It's down to manners and trust. Hell I had an ex girlfriend and the end was messy as they sometimes can be. I knew her passwords to her email and such(long story but I needed them to sort a techie issue when we were together). Anyway about a year later she rang me in a panic with a major problem needing sorting and during the back and forth she told me she hadn't changed her passwords. "Oh I knew you'd never use them". That's called trust and character.

If as Suave said I knew a mate was showing my communications to his or her partner I'd majorly restrict said communications.

Some people don't get it though. I've had a couple of people check my phone on dates, when I went to the bar or whatever. End date.

House of Blaze wrote: »

ATTENTION:

The popcorn machine will be out of order for the duration of this thread due to high demand.

That is all.

:pac:

catallus

Checking the physical hand-set is pretty amateurish, imo, why not just break in remotely?