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Checking your partner's phone
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Platonic????? Mwahahahhaha!
I'll give you an example. There are a few women that I'd number among my closest friends, one in particular who I'd consider a best friend, one of my three closest friends. I've known her since I was in school, and there's never been any sort of attraction of any kind between us, our relationship is indistinguishable from the ones I have with my male friends.
My OH has no problem with this whatsoever. Sometimes we'll meet for lunch, or go to a movie together, just the two of us if nobody else is up for it. Not a problem in the slightest for my OH - naturally in my opinion. She's my mate like.
But one night my OH was going out with some old friends of hers, and I was staying in, so over came my mate and we played some Playstation, got a takeaway, had a few beers.
When someone asked my OH "What's Max up to tonight?" and heard that I was at home with *GASP* a girl they had a major problem with it and asked her why she allowed it!
Some people are really weird.0 -
Wow, didn't expect that many replies that quickly! When I say checking up I mean looking, as in at pictures etc. And I mean in front of them, not as soon as they leave the room kind of thing.
I'm ok with it, and ok with him looking at messages, mails, snapchats etc too. If you're in an honest relationship then where's the problem. I see it as having no secrets. Just my opinion though.
"I know its fine dont be weird about it, everyone does it! look ill post a thread on boards and ask the audience "
didnt work out so well for you OP did it0 -
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"I know its fine dont be weird about it, everyone does it! look ill post a thread on boards and ask the audience "
didnt work out so well for you OP did it
What's that supposed to mean?
Like I've already said a few times, I was curious about other people's views on it. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. I know my opinion on the matter, and now I have a fair idea of what other people think about it. So I don't think it backfired like you're implying.0 -
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Lookit, all this talk of privacy is all very well, but people are just going to have to learn to become part of the brave new world of total openness!
It is the diktat of the elites that every shred of meaningful communication (even your innermost, most intimate thoughts) be potentially scrutinised.
You'll learn to love it, in time. So just give in 0 -
Lookit, all this talk of privacy is all very well, but people are just going to have to learn to become part of the brave new world of total openness!
It is the diktat of the elites that every shred of meaningful communication (even your innermost, most intimate thoughts) be potentially scrutinised.
You'll learn to love it, in time. So just give in
No? :pac:
I don't want to know anyone else's innermost, most intimate thoughts. Some people are just far too fond of sharing, when really, it's probably better for themselves and everyone else if they didn't.0 -
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Yes, it's a complete invasion of privacynice to see the votes stacking up with the mental illness demographic.
one in four, 25% is spot on so
I wonder how the votes would stacks up to if you discount people that are single or in relationships less then 6 months
I'm not saying that people snooping is a good thing, or an acceptable carry on but if you actually have nothing to hide why is it such a big deal if its a once off if you genuinely have nothing to hide.
If its something that happens in anyway regularly at all (I mean years apart!) I'd consider that creepy but if there is actually a reason and it reassures the other person whats the harm if its only the once (after all if its a serious relationship there is a chance you will be spending the rest of your life with that person that in itself is a fairly big lack of privacy right there :cool: )
I imagine if people actually applied the type of rules that are set down by others on Boards most relationships would last about 2 weeks.
Her: Listen I'm a bit worried about X, can I check you phone?
Him: Never thats a complete violation of my privacy and its violating the privacy of all my friends (which I obviously never talk to you about :rolleyes: )
Her: But Why won;t you?
Him: Because I'm an independent person and I will never compromise my privacy
Her: So you have something to hide that you don't want me to find out about
Him: No but your being controlling and paranoid and this is a warning sign! I'm starting to have my doubts about us!
Her: Why are you so defensive about your privacy your trying to hide something! I'm starting to have my doubts about us!
Him: Fine then lets break up if you want to control me for the rest of our lives
Her: Fine then if your hiding something that you would rather break up with me than me seeing lets break up
(I'd like to reiterate I've never actually checked herselfs phone in all the years and she only did once after a big row years ago and felt guilty afterwards!)0 -
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RDM_83 again wrote: »I wonder how the votes would stacks up to if you discount people that are single or in relationships less then 6 months
I'm not saying that people snooping is a good thing, or an acceptable carry on but if you actually have nothing to hide why is it such a big deal if its a once off if you genuinely have nothing to hide.
If its something that happens in anyway regularly at all (I mean years apart!) I'd consider that creepy but if there is actually a reason and it reassures the other person whats the harm if its only the once (after all if its a serious relationship there is a chance you will be spending the rest of your life with that person that in itself is a fairly big lack of privacy right there :cool: )
I can only speak for myself here, but my privacy isn't a question of whether I have anything to hide or not. It's a question of "Why do you want to know?". I can tell you right now that there is nothing on my phone that is of any interest to you. If you trust me, then you should be able to take my word for it. If you don't trust me however, then you have every right to make a judgement call on that basis - do you respect my right to privacy and trust me and what I'm telling you, or do you ignore my right to privacy in favour of what you feel is your right to invade my privacy, disrespecting my personal boundaries, and breaking our trust.
If you act on what you feel is your right to invade my privacy, then the possible consequences of breaking my trust is that I would consider our relationship was no longer viable, and I would have to make a judgement call on that basis whether or not it is worth continuing with the relationship.0 -
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In and of itself, your partner "checking" your phone is extraordinarily off-putting behaviour. Wtf does "If you have nothing to hide" have to do with anything?
The action of checking your phone is the issue, it doesn't make a jot of a difference if there are absolutely zero texts/questionable phone numbers on the phone, partner should not be checking it.0 -
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I'm ok with it, and ok with him looking at messages, mails, snapchats etc too. If you're in an honest relationship then where's the problem. I see it as having no secrets. Just my opinion though.
But what if there's stuff on his phone someone else wants to keep secret, ie a conversation with a friend that contains details the friend wouldn't want others to know.
A person has a right to control what you're allowed to know.
If you trust that person then you should trust they're not keeping anything important from you.
If you feel you need to check the phone to trust the other person, you don't trust them at all.0 -
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I wouldn't have any problem at all with him using my phone... I'm not even sure what "checking" someone's phone would involve, though?
I have answered his phone when he was driving and the call was important, and have used it to read and reply to texts in the same situation. I wouldn't pick it up and read through his contact history or something, though...
I think you answered the first part with the second part.
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RDM_83 again wrote: »
Her: Listen I'm a bit worried about X, can I check you phone?
Him: Never thats a complete violation of my privacy and its violating the privacy of all my friends (which I obviously never talk to you about :rolleyes: )
There is a massive difference between "there's my phone and pin, will you check x for me my hands are full" or "so and so is ringing would you mind answering my phone for me and tell them I'll give them a shout in a few"
vs
"oh she's gone off to the shower. I'll have an aul snoop on her phone while she's not looking. Check contact history. Any messages from BOYS..."
Obviously 0 -
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