How to tell girlfriend shes putting on weight

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

So Ive been going out with my girlfriend about 6 months now, but knew her since before then. When we started going out she was very self conscious about how she looks. She never let anyone see her without her make up and was very aware of her weight both due to a terrible ex-boyfriend who made her feel like ****.

Since we got together I made sure that she became more confident and happy with her body, shes now willing to go out in public without make up and is so comfortable with her body. Which makes me so happy.

I wanted to make sure she wasn't afraid of being fat. She even gained a little weight. However, she has started to gain more weight and its coming to the point that she actually has a bit too much.

How do I bring this up with her without making her feel horrible? I dont want her to go back to the way she was (or that skinny) but I dont want her to go too far.

Shes still beautiful and isnt 'fat' but I think she could loose a few pounds, if bring it up means that she is going to be as self conscious about it as before then I would rather not.

How should I (or should I) bring this up with her?

retro:electro

Wow. You, the guy who made her feel so comfortable in her own skin and broke down all her walls, made her feel so at ease with herself and comfortable, is now going to revert to the ways of her ex and make her feel sh*t about her body?
Maybe she's happy with how she looks, that's what's important. Is she happy yes? More at ease? Healthy? Confident? Then that's all that matters.

strandroad

She was obviously only that thin because he bullied her into it and her natural weight is higher.
I don't think there's anything you can do. It's up to her to manage her weight and if it's not to your liking you'll have to decide if it's a deal breaker or not...

longhalloween

Take up a sport together. 5 and 10k's are all the rage. Turn it into a bit of a competition.

DylanII

First of all fair play to you for making her feel so great about herself, its not an easy thing to do.

Its obvious that your putting her feelings ahead of anything about how she might look. I would suggest that you dont say anything, unless your concerned about her health or that its going to become a big problem.

It seems obvious to me (maybe misreading?) that youll love her either way so why risk hurting her?

Mr. Incognito

Plus one on the gym together.

You could prob look a bit better so lead by example

Big Bag of Chips

DylanII wrote: »

First of all fair play to you for making her feel so great about herself, its not an easy thing to do.

You see, this is the bit that is confusing me a little. You are only going out together 6 months. If someone has body image issues it usually takes a long time to get over that. After years of feeling a certain way, or being told by someone that you are a certain way etc, it doesn't just go away. And it certainly doesn't (well not usually, anyway) do such a dramatic turn around in 6 months that the person could suddenly be considered to have gone from being too skinny, to needing to lose a few pounds!

Is it a case of you are so used to seeing the smaller version of her that now the bigger, possibly healthier version just looks bigger than you are used to, and it looks "heavy" compared to what she was? What height is she? What weight is she? What dress size is she?

I just find it difficult to believe that someone who was so skinny 6 months ago, with serious body issues carried over from a bad previous relationship could now be at a stage where she needs to be told that losing a few pounds might be healthier for her.

I agree with the others. Maybe as part of the new her, the new confidence etc you could both take up jogging or cycling or something together.

Da Shins Kelly

It's hard to tell what you're definition of "going too far" is, but you say she isn't fat and that she was very skinny before. It sounds like she might be at a healthy weight now and has rediscovered her confidence so she isn't ashamed of her weight or her body anymore, which can only be a good thing. Her self-confidence should really be of the utmost importance here. Do you really want to be the person who rebuilds her confidence only to break it again?

Shygirlme

If she's not fat then what's the problem. Go for walks with her then but to be fair I don't understand why it's that important if you love her anyway. It's a tiny bit superficial to me. They say some people gain weight in a relationship but if it's one or two pounds fine but if her health is in danger then yes you should subtly bring up that you are starting the gym and it would be fun to go together. But honestly if she's not overweight leave it alone.

Reebrock

anna080 wrote: »

Wow. You, the guy who made her feel so comfortable in her own skin and broke down all her walls, made her feel so at ease with herself and comfortable, is now going to revert to the ways of her ex and make her feel sh*t about her body?
Maybe she's happy with how she looks, that's what's important. Is she happy yes? More at ease? Healthy? Confident? Then that's all that matters.

I don't agree with a stance like that.

If your partner started to love florescent neon clothing all of a sudden (happy yes? More at ease? Healthy? Confident? as you say, tick every box) would you have a problem with that? Of course you would.

retro:electro

Reebrock wrote: »

I don't agree with a stance like that.

If your partner started to love florescent neon clothing all of a sudden (happy yes? More at ease? Healthy? Confident? as you say, tick every box) would you have a problem with that? Of course you would.

Your comparison is ridiculous, but anyway to entertain your point no I would not. As long as he remains healthy, happy and treats me and everyone around him with respect then he can do whatever the hell he likes.

Lux23

Ditto.

I mean this girl isn't even fat, she's just eating properly again and getting to a normal weight.

gabsdot40

There is no good way to tell someone to lose weight so don't even try.

MagicMarker

HowToDeal.weight wrote: »

Shes still beautiful and isnt 'fat'...

Then what is there to tell?

"Hi sweetheart, you're not fat or anything but I'd prefer it if you lost a few pounds".

Honestly, you shouldn't say anything OP.

rcarroll

For all your talk about wanting her to eat healthily and get a better body image and self confidence, looks like behind it all, you like the skinny body she had and want it back...I've come across that in guys before and it surprises me how little they seem to be able to put two and two together, and the ridiculous hypocrisy of their stance....

Skinny body= calorie counting= sometimes, not always, over-attention to weight/body shape and the insecurity that goes with it.

Healthy body weight = eating normally = confidence and not watching calories too much.

I'm 5"2 and size 8 - I ate healthily and reached size 10 and my boyfriend like you starting mentioning it and how I'd been toned before. I returned to eating like I did at that size (700-1,000 calories a day, exercising minimum 5 days a week)and all of a sudden there's complaints of 'that's not a healthy diet, you need to eat more'....if this is your case then for gods sake you can't have it both ways...and I sincerely believe she didn't gain 2 stone or get to unhealthy body size in a short few months so have a look first to see if you're trying to impose unreasonable standards of body size on her without realizing what it takes to be that way

rcarroll

oh and btw after his comments I got seriously p"ssed off and hurt that all I was reduced to was a body that was supposed to be kept at a size that suits him....we're not together anymore

Bafucin

I was in the same position as yourself OP. I prefer naturally slimmer women. Four years ago I went out with a girl whose body went through some changes. I found myself having the same conversation you are considering. I learned a few things. It is like telling a bad boy to change. They won't. They can't.You can't control the behavior of others. Plenty of people have a partner or a parents who is morbidly obese. You can't actually control what they do. If you could people would be selling it. If it is important to you then find a partner who is natural predisposed towards a healthy lifestyle. Secondly in my case our sex life had changed as I was less attracted to her. But after our discussion it went from okay to awful. She was so self conscious about how I saw her it made it very difficult.


So to be clear.She knows she has gained weight. What you are telling her is that you are not comfortable with it. She may not be able to alter her behavior patterns at this time. But your feelings about her body will still affect your relationship. You need to think about how your conversation with her will affect your relationship because it will. If her weight is affecting your relationship with her then I think you need to consider whether you are right for each other.


The likely outcome of this is not her loosing weight. It is her resenting you. People don't live a certain way because others tell them to they do it because they want to for themselves.

She knows she has gained weight by the way. Obviously her clothes don't fit etc. So all you are saying is it bothers you.

OP you should find someone whose body is what you are attracted to. It is likely this is her natural weight and the only weight she can maintain healthfully.

Don't try to change her if it is a really big issue for you then find someone else.

JTER

The key point here is the fact you said she only needs to lose a couple of pounds... If u cant handle a couple of pounds as a fluctuation you have some serious questions to ask yourself. A couple of pounds is not the same thing as a couple of stone with the drastic health and visual implications. Pat on the back for helping her but it does not give you any ownership to now control her body.

Dixie Chick

Bafucin that is very true, straight to the point but true.

OP, tread very carefully this is a vulnerable girl.