Masturbation

Talib Fiasco

Masturbation is like procrastination you're only f*cking yourself

Cienciano

Chancer3001 wrote: »

I see myself as the Incredible Hulk.

Pre **** I'm the hulk.

Immediately after happy explosion I'm the mild mannered guy.


The incredible **** anti-hulk.


Catchy

Do you sing that song as you ****?

Chancer3001

Cienciano wrote: »

Do you sing that song as you ****?

It's not a song.

It's a potential new superhero

kowloon

takamichinoku wrote: »

...how critical is highly critical? Like, was he gonna beat you for watching Star Trek or something?

Critical, not abusive!

nails1

The only time I can masturbate is 2am when I can hope that my housemates are asleep so I can do it without being heard.

MS.ing

nails1 wrote: »

The only time I can masturbate is 2am when I can hope that my housemates are asleep so I can do it without being heard.

you need to think again. no point having housemates if they live in the same room as you, things are obviously different if you are attracted to and get to sex them though

smash

nails1 wrote: »

The only time I can masturbate is 2am when I can hope that my housemates are asleep so I can do it without being heard.

Is this so they don't notice you leaning over them?

Micky Dolenz

Thread smells worse than a **** sock.

hatrickpatrick

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

IMO not enough people understand the unbelievable joys of edging. Instead of just doing it to completion and f*cking off, do it almost to completion, force yourself to back off for a minute or two, then resume. Repeat this as many times as you can hack, the eventual payoff is much, much better than the usual.

i keep trying that i give in straight away , sounds great though

Penny Tration

Strong Life in Dublin wrote: »

If I'm bored I will jerk off about 20 times in one day. But I prefer to masturbate every second day as it feel much better and the cum waaaaay more.

Twenty times in one day?

How has your knob not fallen off?

dar100

green_screen wrote: »

Twenty times in one day?

How has your knob not fallen off?

Easy once it's spaced out throughout the day

Buona Fortuna

Kids today have it made. Back beyond you were lucky to get a torn, stained page out of Playboy, or Forum - reading that $hoite now.

We had to use our imagination. Now the world is your cum sock!

WilyCoyote

Sad story breaking in Kansas, Mo

An 18 yr old sophomore from Kansas has been readmitted to KU Med after a week long drugs binge during which he onanized himself up to 20 times a day, resulting in multiple burst ventricles in the hood of his penis. This resulted in amputation to save the young man's life.
Within 36 hrs of the operation a suitable replacement with matching group was found and a reattachment was scheduled for the following day.
Police cleared protesters from outside the main entrance. Some were Bible Belt diehards. Westboro Baptist Church were the most vocal - openly praying that his hand would reject it.

Starlight Theater - Goo Goo Dolls in Kansas City, MO August 29, 2014 6:15 PM - 7:00 PM
WBC will picket Goo Goo Dolls at Starlight Theater in KCMO to warn them and their fans that they better stop lying to each other and hating on each other. John Rzeznik and Robby Takac have spent nearly 2 decades filling the airwaves with self-serving, lust-seeking, man-pleasing nonsense, never having a thought of, or giving a care about, God or their duty to their neighbor. God have them a huge platform of influence over generations of people, world-wide, and they consumed it on their own lusts.

Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. (1 Jo. 2:15-17)

GGD's leader, John Rzeznik, is an adulterer! He lacks understanding and teaches millions to disobey the clear commands of God. That's why you all love him. Well...God hates adultery, John! I guess you never heard that during your "catholic upbringing". WBC tells you that plainly today - stop sleeping with that whore!!

Sodomites are wicked & sinners before the Lord exceedingly (Gen.13:13), are violent & doom nations (Gen. 19:1-25; Jgs. 19), are abominable to God (Lev. 18:22), are worthy of death for their vile sex practices (Lev. 20:13; Rom. 1:32), are called dogs as filthy, impudent & libidinous (Deut. 23:17,18; Mat. 7:6;Phil. 3:2), produce in society mass intoxication from their wine made from grapes of gall from the vine of Sodom & fields of Gomorrah, poisoning society's mores with the poison of dragons & the cruel venom of asps (Deut. 32:32,33), show their sin & shame on their countenance (Isa. 3:9), are shameless & unable to blush (Jer. 6:15), workers of iniquity (Psa. 5:5), liars & murderers (Jn. 8:44), filthy & lawless (2 Pet. 2:7,8), natural brute beasts (2 Pet. 2:12), are likened unto dogs eating their own vomit, sows wallowing in their own feces (2 Pet. 2:22), will proliferate at the end of the world bringing final judgment on mankind (Lk. 17:28-30), have been finally given up by God to uncleanness to dishonor their own bodies, to vile affections, & to a reprobate mind such that they cannot think straight about anything (Rom. 1:23-28); and, unable to blush, be ashamed, or repent (Jer. 6:15), they have no hope of Heaven (Rev. 22:15). "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." Heb. 10:31.

P_1

Nothing taboo about it really, just one of those things that's best kept in private.

I mean you'd hardly go on about the workings and timings of your bowel movements now would you? Similar principle applies in my eyes.

KungPao

If you could "suck it", would you? Would it be ghey?

sbsquarepants

I don't know if it would be gay, but it would resemble a dry string of spaghetti after a couple of weeks!:D

RainyDay

nails1 wrote: »

The only time I can masturbate is 2am when I can hope that my housemates are asleep so I can do it without being heard.

Have you considered going back to your own room instead? One of these days, they are going to wake up and catch you standing beside their beds.

Buona Fortuna

nails1 wrote: »

The only time I can masturbate is 2am when I can hope that my housemates are asleep so I can do it without being heard.

Are you on Big Brother?

Cee-Jay-Cee

better call saul wrote: »

Have one already, a hand shandy is less trouble plus I can fall asleep on my own terms

Imaginary girlfriends don't count.

krudler

Talib Fiasco wrote: »

Masturbation is like procrastination you're only f*cking yourself

When you've a rake of stuff to do so just have a **** then nap instead. Promasturbation if you will.

flutered

Sir Arthur Daley wrote: »

Learn to type with one hand.

what about changing hands without losing a beat.

Strong Life in Dublin

green_screen wrote: »

Twenty times in one day?

How has your knob not fallen off?

Nah but I use a bit of moisturiser if it gets a bit dry

Aphex

*Watching lesbian porn while masturbating "This is so fcuking HOT!!

*Finished *porn still playing while cleaning "Ugh stop spitting on her, that's vile" *turns off disgusting porn immediately.

titan18

Talib Fiasco wrote: »

Masturbation is like procrastination you're only f*cking yourself

That's procrasturbation. A favourite hobby (and word) of mine

The other fella

How much easier has the internet made it these days though? Gone are the days of using a black and white instruction leaflet from a tampon box...

hynesie08

The other fella wrote: »

How much easier has the internet made it these days though? Gone are the days of using a black and white instruction leaflet from a tampon box...

Jesus, that's bad. Although I do remember planning my life around the MTV schedule, top 10 = a new video from Britney/Christina. And prewatching the smutty shows on sky so you knew when to be ready during the 2am repeat.


Kids today, no ****ing idea how easy it is.

Strong Life in Dublin

The other fella wrote: »

How much easier has the internet made it these days though? Gone are the days of using a black and white instruction leaflet from a tampon box...

I remember **** to my French students bra when I was around 8 or 9. Well it wasn't actual **** as I don't think I had discovered that fully back then.

It was more rubbing her bra on my private parts lol

ShadowHearth

When I was in relationship, I would jack off at least once a day. Since I got single - once or twice a week maybe. Go figure...
I did became a lot busier now, so maybe I just don't have "bored" moments to have a wee tug.

mfergus

Strong Life in Dublin wrote: »

I remember **** to my French students bra when I was around 8 or 9. Well it wasn't actual **** as I don't think I had discovered that fully back then.

It was more rubbing her bra on my private parts lol

I'm sure there is some kind of register for people like this.

RayM

Aphex wrote: »

*Watching lesbian porn while masturbating "This is so fcuking HOT!!

*Finished *porn still playing while cleaning "Ugh stop spitting on her, that's vile" *turns off disgusting porn immediately.

It's a bit like seeing Christmas lights in town after Christmas Day is over.

Strong Life in Dublin

mfergus wrote: »

I'm sure there is some kind of register for people like this.

Ahh I was just a kid

Fat Christy

krudler wrote: »

When you've a rake of stuff to do so just have a **** then nap instead. Promasturbation if you will.

I thought I was the only one. :pac:

Masturbation is great for helping ya sleep.

Molester Stallone II

Fat Christy wrote: »

I thought I was the only one. :pac:

Masturbation is great for helping ya sleep.

But not while you're driving the school bus Christy!

Fat Christy

Molester Stallone II wrote: »

But not while you're driving the school bus Christy!

Never ever **** and drive.

smash

Fat Christy wrote: »

Never ever **** and drive.

Cruise control is great...

Buona Fortuna

The other fella wrote: »

How much easier has the internet made it these days though? Gone are the days of using a black and white instruction leaflet from a tampon box...

Klucking Bell you too - I remember getting off on the tampon leaflet - The only show in town

Buona Fortuna

smash wrote: »

Cruise control is great...

You still have to steer - now when Google cars come in - Bingo

Santa Cruz

better call saul wrote: »

Seems to still be a taboo, I usually have to knock one out twice a day to relive stress. Don't understand why is a taboo as it's a common as going to the toilet

A woman told me once that she thought me masturbating was disgusting.
I asked her why did she sit beside me on the bus so.

TheFarrier

Strong Life in Dublin wrote: »

I remember **** to my French students bra when I was around 8 or 9. Well it wasn't actual **** as I don't think I had discovered that fully back then.

It was more rubbing her bra on my private parts lol

You were teaching people French at the age of 8??

No wonder you had to haul yourself around the place, nerds don't get any, everyone knows that

Santa Cruz

Strong Life in Dublin wrote: »

I remember **** to my French students bra when I was around 8 or 9. Well it wasn't actual **** as I don't think I had discovered that fully back then.

It was more rubbing her bra on my private parts lol

When a stuck up bitch in our office popped out one of the lads got her phone and rubbed it inside his jocks. When she returned he rang her number and we had a great laugh as she answered

Santa Cruz

nails1 wrote: »

The only time I can masturbate is 2am when I can hope that my housemates are asleep so I can do it without being heard.

But do they every think the milk tastes different in their coffee

GerB40

syklops wrote: »

Did you ever try the danger **** where you start and then shout for your ma, knowing you have to finish and dispose of any mess before she enters the room.

Not tried it myself, but I've heard of it.

Firstly you've clearly done it, why bring it up otherwise..
Secondly, the day I have **** and the mother in my head at the same time is the day I need a serious look at my life..

Aphex

Fat Christy wrote: »

I thought I was the only one. :pac:

Masturbation is great for helping ya sleep.

Women don't masturbate, why such lie

Lucifer MorningStar

I always feels **** after a ****

Fat Christy

Aphex wrote: »

Women don't masturbate, why such lie

I'm not a woman, I'm a hermaphrodite.

Get you're facts right and stop following me around like a bad smell.

Fat Christy

Lucifer MorningStar wrote: »

I always feels **** after a ****

Tired?

Do you not feel contented though? I usually have about 5 orgasms or until it just doesn't want to be touched anymore and then I nap.

cloud493

I get nothing from Masturbation, so I don't do it no more.

Fat Christy

cloud493 wrote: »

I get nothing from Masturbation, so I don't do it no more.

Did you not get a load of Jizz on your hand?

I hate when it goes into my bellybutton, I have an inny bellybutton.

Icecowboy

Lucifer MorningStar wrote: »

I always feels **** after a ****

That"s usually a sign you are addicted to masturbating and that, it's effecting your dopamine and prolactin levels negatively. You should try limit your walking to once or twice a week. I noticed benefits of doing so, such as being more alert, more content, generally more enthusiastic for life and more motivated.

Fat Christy

Icecowboy wrote: »

That"s usually a sign you are addicted to masturbating and that, it's effecting your dopamine and prolactin levels negatively. You should try limit your walking to once or twice a week. I noticed benefits of doing so, such as being more alert, more content, generally more enthusiastic for life and more motivated.

Lucifer, don't listen to this Bai. It's Jesus himself, I tells ya.