Sleeping problems with 9 month old

How Soon Is Now

Myself and me girlfriend have our heads wrecked with the way our son has been sleeping for a good while now.

Every night he will fall asleep around 8 half 8 and she will put him up in his cot he might wake up looking for his soother but he normally goes back.

The problem originally was that most nights he would wake up around 2 or 3 am and would be wide awake and no matter what u tried the only way of getting him back to sleep was either trying like a fool for hour or two or putting him in beside us. I know its a crap habit to have him in but it was the only thing that would work if we all wanted to get any kind of nights sleep and even then its annoying not having our own space in bed!.

Now the last two or three nights hes woken up at like 9 or 10 o clock and wont go back asleep he fights it off gives out etc until only option is to go up stairs with him.

For some reason hes never really slept in my arms unless he was wrecked he seems to settle better with women must be the boobs :pac: but i can hear him giving out up stairs now and my girlfriend is at her last nerve with it all the last few weeks.

Neither of us know what is causing this i mean hes fine otherwise hes not an awkward child and we dont spoil him or run around like fools after him.

Has anyone any experience with this? Any tips or advice at all before someone ends up killing someone here !!

ariana`

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

Every night he will fall asleep around 8 half 8 and she will put him up in his cot he might wake up looking for his soother but he normally goes back.

I'm wondering from the way this is phrased - where is he falling asleep? Is he brought up to cot already asleep? If so i would try to change this first, he needs to be falling asleep in his cot, eventually by himself, but initially ye could stay with him if he's upset, comforting him, rubbing his belly or back, soothing him untill he's asleep and then gradually withdraw this help over a number of nights (weeks even) until he's able to settle himself to sleep in his cot. There are any number of great books which will guide ye - The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly is just one. If he learns to settle himself at bedtime then he will be able to use the same skills when he wakes during the night, but if he's not settling himself at bedtime there's not much chance of him settling himself when he wakes through the night.

In one book i read it was described as being like an adult falling asleep in their lovely comfy warm bed and then waking up on the kitchen floor, of course you'd wake right up fully and wonder how you got there and it'd be difficult to settle back to sleep!

justsomebloke

what way are you putting him to sleep? We had major problems with our son for ages and in the end it was the way I was putting him to sleep that was the issue, we had to get a sleep doctor in as the problem had gotten so bad (not a cry it out doctor as we refused to do that)

Rather then putting him in the cot and leaving the room to allow him fall asleep by himself, I would stay in the room and sooth him to sleep. However he associated the soothing with being the only way to go to sleep so if he woke up during the night he would expect the same thing (obviously as he may have slept for a few hours at that point sometimes he wouldn't be tired and so would stay awake for a few hours).

Also naps during the day at home ( or creche etc) were vital as we use to let him sleep in the car but apparently that is a no no. And making sure he has a proper feed around an hour before bed with carbs and protein is vital.

If you can afford it and are both willingly to make changes to your routine and admit that what you may be doing is wrong. I would highly recommend getting a sleep doctor and I can send you on the details for mine if you PM me. We spent far to long dancing around the issue and losing sleep and letting it effect our lives and all I can say is spend the money as a good night's sleep is well worth the money to both you and more importantly the baby who needs the sleep for developmental reasons

How Soon Is Now

Thanks for the reply s I'm out at the minute but I'll talk to my girlfriend about it later.

In relation to where he goes to sleep we tried getting him to sleep in his cot he wouldn't settle so he just naturally started falling asleep in her arms or mine after his last feed then after half hour or so we put him up stairs.

I think we talked about trying to put him to sleep in his cot and get him used to it that way it's just my girlfriend feels she will be stuck up stairs all night with him then.

The sleep doctor thing id imagine would be an issue as I'm currently out of work. Gonna look into everything a bit more it's just annoying and confusing when one week he's fine another week he's doing something else and it's not us cause we don't change anything we try keep him to same routine every night if possible.

ariana`

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

I think we talked about trying to put him to sleep in his cot and get him used to it that way it's just my girlfriend feels she will be stuck up stairs all night with him then.

This might be the case for a few nights but it will be worth it in the long run, he needs to learn to fall asleep by himself before he will ever learn to self-settle in the middle of the night. Also, it doesn't need to be just your girlfriend, you could take turns? In the long-term baby needs to learn that he has to go to sleep for whichever parent is putting him to bed. Aside from breastfeeding you can do everything your girlfriend can, he may settle quicker for her now but that doesn't have to always be the case.

I would strongly recommend reading up a bit and coming to a plan together that you are both happy to stick with and that will work for your lifestyle. It may take a little effort now but it should be worth it.

I have 2 kids, both good sleepers. I always had a chair beside the cot, the bed-time routine was a small feed sitting in the chair, a short story, some cuddles and i put them in the cot. Then if they cried i'd rub their belly or back depending on how they were lying, and just whisper Ssssssh. If they weren't crying but unsettled i would just sit in the chair til they were more relaxed, i would attempt to stop rubbing their back or slowly move away from the chair before they fell asleep and if they got unsettled again i'd move back into sight or continue rubbing their backs until they settled again... Eventually with both of them i was able to do feed, story, put them into the cot and walk out of the room.

I'm not an advocate of techniques that involve crying but i do believe in sleep training, just a gentle approach. The book i mentioned previously has some nice tips, your local library might have it or other books that you could borrow (The Baby Whisperer books are good too).

How Soon Is Now

ariana` wrote: »

This might be the case for a few nights but it will be worth it in the long run, he needs to learn to fall asleep by himself before he will ever learn to self-settle in the middle of the night. Also, it doesn't need to be just your girlfriend, you could take turns? In the long-term baby needs to learn that he has to go to sleep for whichever parent is putting him to bed. Aside from breastfeeding you can do everything your girlfriend can, he may settle quicker for her now but that doesn't have to always be the case.

I would strongly recommend reading up a bit and coming to a plan together that you are both happy to stick with and that will work for your lifestyle. It may take a little effort now but it should be worth it.

I have 2 kids, both good sleepers. I always had a chair beside the cot, the bed-time routine was a small feed sitting in the chair, a short story, some cuddles and i put them in the cot. Then if they cried i'd rub their belly or back depending on how they were lying, and just whisper Ssssssh. If they weren't crying but unsettled i would just sit in the chair til they were more relaxed, i would attempt to stop rubbing their back or slowly move away from the chair before they fell asleep and if they got unsettled again i'd move back into sight or continue rubbing their backs until they settled again... Eventually with both of them i was able to do feed, story, put them into the cot and walk out of the room.

I'm not an advocate of techniques that involve crying but i do believe in sleep training, just a gentle approach. The book i mentioned previously has some nice tips, your local library might have it or other books that you could borrow (The Baby Whisperer books are good too).

Thanks!

We tend to share as much as we can I mean he's around the both of us all the time it just happens sometimes that he settles better with her. He's the same with my ma and she doesn't see him near as much.

Just one those things!

We try it tonight and see how goes just need to stick with it just gets annoying when with him all day long and the couple hours u do get at night to yourself he won't sleep.

justsomebloke

Ye I'd have to agree, if he can't learn to fall asleep himself he won't self settle. Its meant to take 3 days for a new routine to settle in. So take it in steps to withdraw from the room.

So for the first 3 days stay beside him while he falls asleep, reasurring him as needed and for the next 3 days withdraw a bit further and the next 3 days a bit further again and so on and so on till you can put him down and leave the room immediately

ariana`

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

We try it tonight and see how goes just need to stick with it just gets annoying when with him all day long and the couple hours u do get at night to yourself he won't sleep.

I know what you mean about the precious couple of hours that you get to yourself in the evening time, but your baby isn't doing it to annoy you, he's looking to his parents to help him learn how to sleep. A little effort now, you may have to sacrifice some of your evening times, but it should pay off for everyone. At 9mths my 2 would have been hanging for naptime or bedtime, ready & waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. Of course you will still have some broken nights sleeps with teething and sickness, and some babies seem to need more/less babies than others, but generally babies love their sleep once they're established in a good routine and are able self-soothe.

Trix

my daughter was always a great sleeper but at 8 months she started waking during the night. so it made me re-examine her bedtime/napping routine.
she always had a nap in the morning but afternoon naps might or might not happen. we would lie her on our bed and she would kick around for a while than fall asleep there. at night time again we would start her out on our bed and when she was practically asleep, really dozy, we would carry her into her own cot. when she started waking during the night we would pick her up and stick a bottle in her mouth. in 5 minutes we would be back in bed.

so what we did was we started being strict with the naps. one in the morning and one in the evening. we put her straight in her cot.initially she cried, and I know not everyone likes this approach, but I went in every 4 minutes and lay her back down. crying lasted 15/20 minutes. same at bedtime. when she woke at night we just lay her back down. by bedtime of 2 nd day she didn't cry and headed off to sleep. she's only woke a few times at night time since and that was 2.5 months ago. oh also we started putting her to bed earlier. it had been 8.30/9.0 but now its 7.00/7.30.
so even thought she's getting more sleep during the day she is sleeping better at night.
it was horrible listening to her cry but it was just the initial shock of a change for her and it has worked out so much better for everyone.