Girlfriend Losing her Dad - What to say/How to speak to her?

!Nicky!

My girlfriend is losing her dad, late stages of cancer and just found out last night that he may only have weeks left.

She is in the UK, I am currently in Australia & I plan to travel back soon.

Most of the time when we speak about it I really don't know what to say. I've never really had to deal with death in my family or anywhere. I'm usually stuck for words and just don't want to say the wrong thing and make her more upset.

At least if I was there in person I could just physically comfort her but when it's over facetime or skype and i'm just looking blankly into the screen it's not enough.

I cant just sit there and say "It's ok" or "Dont worry" all the time.

Any advice would be much appreciated so I can be of as much help/comfort as possible while we're apart.

Thanks in advance.

Taltos

Sometimes just being there for her to vent to is enough.
Just let her know you are there for her and will be with her soon to hold her as much as she needs.

Ralphdejones

!Nicky! wrote: »

Most of the time when we speak about it I really don't know what to say. I've never really had to deal with death in my family or anywhere. I'm usually stuck for words and just don't want to say the wrong thing and make her more upset.

At least if I was there in person I could just physically comfort her but when it's over facetime or skype and i'm just looking blankly into the screen it's not enough.

First of all tell her what you told us, no one is supposed to be an expert at dealing with bereavement.

Dying is part of life and it comes to us all sooner or later.

The main thing is tell her that she can talk to you anytime, and that you'll help in any way you can.

!Nicky!

Yes, thats what i've said to her. It could be another few weeks before I get back there and am aiming to be there for the "worst" of it if you could say that.

Her father has been battling with illness for quite a while and I dont think she feels she has spent enough time with him and this timeline that he has left has come on quite suddenly. Everyone knew that he was deteriorating but now there is a figure on it, it has become "real" in her eyes and i think this scares her.

She was wondering whether to stop work and spend as much time with him, which, from reading here i think would be the best idea and to know after it's all said and done that he was happy and knew she was there for him.

Any advice people could give for the last few weeks of this also that I could pass onto her would be a great help too.

Thanks for the swift replies.

Yogosan

Unfortunately, when it comes to cancer, it's not the death which is the hard part, it's the pain that the victim is going through.

When my dad died from cancer I felt nothing, in fact most of the family felt better that it was finally over. His cancer was particularly bad. It was pretty much 6 months of torture with all the benefits of modern medicine keeping him alive for the whole thing. If he was a dog he would have been put out of his misery long ago.

Anway, despite that depressing opening, the point I'm making is that when the time does come, your girlfriend might actually feel better, because in my experience, the toughest part was watching the pain and agony he was in for months, the death in comparison felt like a positive thing...unfortunately. (I am strongly in favour of the choice for euthanasia in these circumstances, the things I saw my dad go through during his final weeks was barbaric. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and hope the law is changed for the reasons outlined above)

evo2000

!Nicky! wrote: »

Yes, thats what i've said to her. It could be another few weeks before I get back there and am aiming to be there for the "worst" of it if you could say that.

Her father has been battling with illness for quite a while and I dont think she feels she has spent enough time with him and this timeline that he has left has come on quite suddenly. Everyone knew that he was deteriorating but now there is a figure on it, it has become "real" in her eyes and i think this scares her.

She was wondering whether to stop work and spend as much time with him, which, from reading here i think would be the best idea and to know after it's all said and done that he was happy and knew she was there for him.

Any advice people could give for the last few weeks of this also that I could pass onto her would be a great help too.

Thanks for the swift replies.

Id say try and retain some bit of normality, try to shoulder more of the load aswell like house work and what not when you get back, just try make life as easy as possible, there isnt a whole pile you can say really i doubt she expects you too either its just a tough situation for all involved and cancer is a curse of a thing i agree with the above post.

If she drives alot try offer to drive for her as her head might be somewhere else, as being said before..all you can really do is be there.

Ralphdejones

!Nicky! wrote: »

She was wondering whether to stop work and spend as much time with him

There's no question that would be the best thing for both her, and her Dad

evo2000

Ralphdejones wrote: »

There's no question that would be the best thing for both her, and her Dad

100% Agree fook work family is no.1 you can get another job anytime you cant get another dad.