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Is it self defeatist to say that some men are meant to be alone??‏

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    #392
    audi12
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 890 ✭✭✭audi12


    Daveysil15 wrote: »
    And you know what all women are thinking do you?

    I was wondering how long it would take for a comment like that to arrive on the scene ..some or a lot of women i should say


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    #393
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    audi12 wrote: »
    I was wondering how long it would take for a comment like that to arrive on the scene ..some or a lot of women i should say

    So you can speak for some or a lot of women?


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    #394
    audi12
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 890 ✭✭✭audi12


    Daveysil15 wrote: »
    So you can speak for some or a lot of women?

    I speak to a lot of women and men who know a lot of women so yes i can


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    #395
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    audi12 wrote: »
    I speak to a lot of women and men who know a lot of women so yes i can

    Well if they're so good at telling lies then how do you know they aren't lying to you?


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    #396
    audi12
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 890 ✭✭✭audi12


    Maybe they are but i have my own past experiences with women to back up my claims also


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    #397
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    audi12 wrote: »
    Maybe they are but i have my own past experiences with women to back up my claims also

    Ahh so you've anecdotal evidence. Case closed so.


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    #398
    audi12
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 890 ✭✭✭audi12


    Daveysil15 wrote: »
    Ahh so you've anecdotal evidence. Case closed so.

    I am not sure how much more evidence you need but i assume you are trying to get reaction from me I dont care enough about this to react. I know a lot of women are full of crap when they talk about wanting a nice guy common knowledge not as if it is some big secret


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    #399
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    I am not sure how much more evidence you need

    I think I've enough. I mean its your own personal experience so it can't exactly be considered fact.
    I know a lot of women are full of crap when they talk about wanting a nice guy common knowledge not as if it is some big secret

    That would really depend on your definition of a nice guy though. There's a big difference between nice guy and dormat/whinger.


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    #400
    audi12
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 890 ✭✭✭audi12


    Daveysil15 wrote: »
    I think I've enough. I mean its your own personal experience so it can't exactly be considered fact.



    That would really depend on your definition of a nice guy though. There's a big difference between nice guy and dormat/whinger.

    why dont you tell me what you think for a change you seem to disagree with me


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    #401
    Roquentin
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,130 ✭✭✭Roquentin


    Karsini wrote: »
    The thing is, stuff like this seems to fuel the "women love bastards" or "treat them mean, keep them keen" generalisation. I just can't treat someone that way, it makes me feel horrible.

    I'm more outgoing than I used to be but still feel rather dull and boring at times; it's like I never found myself and still live by what others tell me to do, to the point that I find it really hard to make decisions on my own. My fear is that it could be something like Aspergers or AvPD which might make it impossible for me to change things. I've suspected the former for a long time.

    I recently turned 30 and unfortunately feel like I've been left on the shelf and may remain that way. However I'm starting an 8 week CBT course on Wednesday and I'm really hoping this might do something for me.

    or schizotypal or borderline maybe.

    You can only be who you are and you cant be what you are not


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    #402
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    audi12 wrote: »
    why dont you tell me what you think for a change you seem to disagree with me

    As do most of the posters on this thread. I agree with what Piliger and LiveIsLife said...
    Piliger wrote: »
    Nice guys get the vast majority of the best women. That is the simple truth of it. The guys who lose out are the ones that buy into this losers interpretation of their own personal failures.
    LiveIsLife wrote: »
    You're confusing nice guys with guys who are doormats and don't have the confidence to go after what they want

    As I said, it really depends on your definition of a nice guy. You can be a nice guy and still have the confidence and charm to approach women and be successful.


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    #403
    Roquentin
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,130 ✭✭✭Roquentin


    i really think it is pathetic that posters are debating the personality of men who "get women." Surely there is more to life than this pseudo popularity contest


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    #404
    audi12
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 890 ✭✭✭audi12


    Roquentin wrote: »
    i really think it is pathetic that posters are debating the personality of men who "get women." Surely there is more to life than this pseudo popularity contest

    I think you have missed the point


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    #405
    diveout
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭diveout


    Roquentin wrote: »
    or schizotypal or borderline maybe.

    You can only be who you are and you cant be what you are not

    If you are going to practise treat them mean to keep them keen, then you deserve to end up with a borderline. Sweet justice. You want keen, you got it.


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    #406
    paddy1990
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 245 ✭✭paddy1990


    Its all about confidence and putting yourself out there lads. Keep working on it. Just approach and get over your fears and chat women up. Women love being chatted up by guys. There are no "leagues".


    732e2f79aeba7141edf4d919fa9def847948a0f7c96878d38c0ba3b18077fe2f.jpg


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    #407
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    ^^^^They love been chatted up by guys that look like Mr Hemsworth lol.


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    #408
    paddy1990
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 245 ✭✭paddy1990


    Daveysil15 wrote: »
    ^^^^They love been chatted up by guys that look like Mr Hemsworth lol.


    It doesn't matter if you look like Hemsworth or the elephant man. Women like guys chatting them up and you'll never know unless you try. There are no "leagues". Looks don't matter. I know a guy who looks like the elephant man and gets more women than anyone else I know. It's all about personality and confidence. I know loads of girls who don't even think Hemsworth is attractive.


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    #409
    ancapailldorcha
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 38,403 CMod ✭✭✭✭ancapailldorcha


    paddy1990 wrote: »
    It doesn't matter if you look like Hemsworth or the elephant man. Women like guys chatting them up and you'll never know unless you try. There are no "leagues". Looks don't matter. I know a guy who looks like the elephant man and gets more women than anyone else I know. It's all about personality and confidence. I know loads of girls who don't even think Hemsworth is attractive.

    What happened to your Looks, Money & Status philosophy?

    We sat again for an hour and a half discussing maps and figures and always getting back to that most damnable creation of the perverted ingenuity of man - the County of Tyrone.

    H. H. Asquith



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    #410
    macplato
    Registered Users Posts: 209 ✭✭macplato


    ancapailldorcha wrote: »
    What happened to your Looks, Money & Status philosophy?

    Can't you smell a troll, no? :D


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    #411
    audi12
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 890 ✭✭✭audi12


    Women like guys that are ugly and not fit because they can control them it was proven in studies done


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    #412
    macplato
    Registered Users Posts: 209 ✭✭macplato


    audi12 wrote: »
    Women like guys that are ugly and not fit because they can control them it was proven in studies done

    And who are the women you are referring to? All of them, yeah?


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    #413
    audi12
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 890 ✭✭✭audi12


    macplato wrote: »
    And who are the women you are referring to? All of them, yeah?

    As you know i was not referring to every single woman in the planet so i really do not see the need for you to ask a question when you already know the answer


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    #414
    audi12
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 890 ✭✭✭audi12


    macplato wrote: »
    And who are the women you are referring to? All of them, yeah?

    I didnt do the study did i so i dont know the names of the women maybe look it up on the internet where i found it .. Women love to be in control anyway so its hardly a surprising find


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    #415
    macplato
    Registered Users Posts: 209 ✭✭macplato


    audi12 wrote: »
    As you know i was not referring to every single woman in the planet so i really do not see the need for you to ask a question when you already know the answer

    Well, you said "women" - that suggests that you are thinking "all women". Otherwise you'd specify, and said "women, who...", or you'd say "according to studies, such and such percentage of women...". You know, so people can actually engage in a sensical conversation with you, because by the way you are phrasing your thoughts, it seems that you're just trying to provoke a reaction, which you will later aggressively dismiss.


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    #416
    audi12
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 890 ✭✭✭audi12


    macplato wrote: »
    Well, you said "women" - that suggests that you are thinking "all women". Otherwise you'd specify, and said "women, who...", or you'd say "according to studies, such and such percentage of women...". You know, so people can actually engage in a sensical conversation with you, because by the way you are phrasing your thoughts, it seems that you're just trying to provoke a reaction, which you will later aggressively dismiss.

    Point taken i am not trying to provoke a reaction just giving a view


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    #417
    macplato
    Registered Users Posts: 209 ✭✭macplato


    audi12 wrote: »
    Point taken i am not trying to provoke a reaction just giving a view


    It's absolutely true - some women choose men who they consider somewhat beneath them, so they can effectively control them (and of course men do that as well). More often than not, this doesn't happen consciously - it's an entirely instinctive strategy designed to protect the person's insecure self. We all have and use those unconscious strategies, both men and women - the more positive experiences a person has had in life, the healthier, more functional strategy they tend to develop.

    Many men (and women of course), who have problems with intimacy, adopt an inner strategy that makes it impossible for them to make a meaningful connection with a person of the opposite sex. Psychologically, it's just more bearable to not have an opportunity to be intimate with someone, than to be in an intimate situation and feel this excruciating emotional pain of being touched by another human being - of being open, exposed and vulnerable. Some people can't cope with that, and so they avoid facing their own 'issues' by blaming the 'evil, controlling bitches' or 'selfish, self-centered male chauvinistic pigs' for the lack of intimacy in their lives.

    The truth is, if someone is consistently unable to make a meaningful connection with people of the opposite sex - the problem lies somewhere inside of that person, and so does the solution. This world is full of healthy, lovely men and women, but the only way to have those people in our lives, to even notice their existence, is to become healthy and lovely ourselves. There is no other way, because we gravitate towards each other at our common level of emotional damage. Messed up people attract messed up people. Healthy people attract healthy people. It's really that simple.


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    #418
    audi12
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 890 ✭✭✭audi12


    macplato wrote: »
    It's absolutely true - some women choose men who they consider somewhat beneath them, so they can effectively control them (and of course men do that as well). More often than not, this doesn't happen consciously - it's an entirely instinctive strategy designed to protect the person's insecure self. We all have and use those unconscious strategies, both men and women - the more positive experiences a person has had in life, the healthier, more functional strategy they tend to develop.

    Many men (and women of course), who have problems with intimacy, adopt an inner strategy that makes it impossible for them to make a meaningful connection with a person of the opposite sex. Psychologically, it's just more bearable to not have an opportunity to be intimate with someone, than to be in an intimate situation and feel this excruciating emotional pain of being touched by another human being - of being open, exposed and vulnerable. Some people can't cope with that, and so they avoid facing their own 'issues' by blaming the 'evil, controlling bitches' or 'selfish, self-centered male chauvinistic pigs' for the lack of intimacy in their lives.

    The truth is, if someone is consistently unable to make a meaningful connection with people of the opposite sex - the problem lies somewhere inside of that person, and so does the solution. This world is full of healthy, lovely men and women, but the only way to have those people in our lives, to even notice their existence, is to become healthy and lovely ourselves. There is no other way, because we gravitate towards each other at our common level of emotional damage. Messed up people attract messed up people. Healthy people attract healthy people. It's really that simple.

    Agree with a lot of that like attracts like you see that everywhere you go


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    #419
    Roquentin
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,130 ✭✭✭Roquentin


    the only way to have a friend is to be one---ralph waldo emerson


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    #420
    audi12
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 890 ✭✭✭audi12


    Roquentin wrote: »
    the only way to have a friend is to be one---ralph waldo emerson

    what is that supposed to mean


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    #421
    Roquentin
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,130 ✭✭✭Roquentin


    audi12 wrote: »
    what is that supposed to mean

    exactly what it says


This discussion has been closed.
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