Is it self defeatist to say that some men are meant to be alone??‏

Daveysil15

Piliger wrote: »

If we could only get guys and girls to stop, and take a step back, and change their behaviour to something remotely recognisable as rational.

What is it they say is the definition of insanity ? Repeating the same actions over and over and over again, and expecting a different result !

Instead of complaining incessantly about night clubs and being unable to meet men/women, what they need to do is CHANGE their behaviour and start joining social groups, start visiting friends more often, and admitting to themselves and other people that Nightclubs and pubs are BORING !

Remember people, you may only have five friends .. but each of them has 5+ and so on. By being more FRIENDLY we can tap into a wide network of people where we can engage in more rational behaviour like going out for reasons other than to to go nightclubs. Group trips to places like Howth or Dunleary, house parties that are not raves, organise a Wicklow mountain walk, ad nauseum. Stop listening to the dickhead who calls every decent idea 'boring' and 'not cool'. Get people together and do enjoyable social stuff.

It is while doing all of this actually enjoyable social stuff that we bump into potential girlfriends and boyfriends.

That's easier said than done when your mates are only into the 'boring' stuff. It can be difficult for a non drinker when the majority of social activities revolve around alcohol. I do agree with the gist of your post though. I joined a photography club recently which has been great for meeting new people. The hill walking events on meetup.com are another good one. Trying to get my mates to tag along to these things is another thing though.

It's the reason why I usually travel alone. I'm not into the sun and booze holidays like a lot of people I know. I prefer the cities. A few people in work said to me that I only go to boring places. Prague and Rome are considered boring by some people. I suppose we all like different things.

Roquentin

Daveysil15 wrote: »

That's easier said than done when your mates are only into the 'boring' stuff. It can be difficult for a non drinker when the majority of social activities revolve around alcohol. I do agree with the gist of your post though. I joined a photography club recently which has been great for meeting new people. The hill walking events on meetup.com are another good one. Trying to get my mates to tag along to these things is another thing though.

It's the reason why I usually travel alone. I'm not into the sun and booze holidays like a lot of people I know. I prefer the cities. A few people in work said to me that I only go to boring places. Prague and Rome are considered boring by some people. I suppose we all like different things.

most people at work told me i was too boring and being honest i actually am

Roquentin

if he can do it, so can anyone

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057291195

Daveysil15

Roquentin wrote: »

if he can do it, so can anyone

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057291195

That guy has balls. It is America though. I wonder would he have the same success in Dublin.

Roquentin

Daveysil15 wrote: »

That guy has balls. It is America though. I wonder would he have the same success in Dublin.

people say it is an art. i think its a science. if you know psychology and how the mind can be manipulated you have a good chance.

the very best sales reps do the same thing as do politicians. they can influence the thought of the individual

Daveysil15

Roquentin wrote: »

people say it is an art. i think its a science. if you know psychology and how the mind can be manipulated you have a good chance.

the very best sales reps do the same thing as do politicians. they can influence the thought of the individual

Does that mean Enda Kenny should be giving advice on how to seduce women? :eek:

Roquentin

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Does that mean Enda Kenny should be giving advice on how to seduce women? :eek:

how that guy got so far is bewildering. he seems so slow.

the mechanics of how politicians, sales reps, con artists, even serial killers work are similar to the guy who is able to seduce the woman. the end is different of course but the means is the same.

the human psyche is flawed in many ways. we have a blind spot for confidence and success in particular and other things (good looks being one). So if an average man says something, we may ignore it. If a successful man says the same thing, we probably listen. WHY? because that successful man may be a billionaire or a nobel laureate and because of that esteem, we are more easily impressed by what he says and how he conducts himself, because of his success. it is a little weakness that is exploited daily by many rich people.

The papers do the same trick. The sports sections hire successful sports people in a certain field to write because we are more likely to read their views than some random person who just has a degree from trinity, who we know nothing about. BT recently hired Paul Scholes because of this, even though he has average communication skills.

Keith barry for instance is able to "guess" peoples thoughts not through magic, but psychology. he looks at body language (little gestures and cues) and also how the pupils dilate in response to questions. Tell him to guess that answer to someone with a blindfold on and he will struggle(because of facial expressions/pupils).

If you wish to seduce the opposite sex, becoming knowledgeable in psychology is a good place to start.

TheBeardedLady

Stonecutter735 wrote: »

Of course it's possible, but I would say it's fairly rare.

Meh! Luckily most women and men aren't stunningly gorgeous then.

Mike747

Women need to realize that their 'wonderful guy friends' quite often want more than just friendship. Chance are when you met he found you sexually attractive but nothing happened so he ended up in the friendzone.

I would say quite a lot of men would sleep with their female friends if the opportunity arose.

I know girls who have amassed significant boy collections. And I know girls who have some poor sucker whose madly in love with them, but she'll insist their 'just friends'. There are women who seem to take a sadistic pleasure in that type of situation. They'll flaunt their latest conquest in front of the poor guy.

Men need to realise too that if it isn't going well with a girl they need to bail or they'll end up in the friendzone.

audi12

Mike747 wrote: »

Women need to realize that their 'wonderful guy friends' quite often want more than just friendship. Chance are when you met he found you sexually attractive but nothing happened so he ended up in the friendzone.

I would say quite a lot of men would sleep with their female friends if the opportunity arose.

I know girls who have amassed significant boy collections. And I know girls who have some poor sucker whose madly in love with them, but she'll insist their 'just friends'. There are women who seem to take a sadistic pleasure in that type of situation. They'll flaunt their latest conquest in front of the poor guy.

Men need to realise too that if it isn't going well with a girl they need to bail or they'll end up in the friendzone.

100 per cent agree men need to stop acting as if women are so nice etc etc there not and being the nice guy will get you nowhere only the friendzone as you say and no guy wants to be there

Mike747

audi12 wrote: »

100 per cent agree men need to stop acting as if women are so nice etc etc there not and being the nice guy will get you nowhere only the friendzone as you say and no guy wants to be there

Damn right, never put pussy on a pedestal. And these suckers in the friendzone do just that. I'd say you have two weeks to sleep with a girl after you meet her. After that you become part of her boy collection.

B0jangles

"Boy Collection"?

What. The. Fúck. is wrong with you people? Is the concept of inter-gender friendship really so alien to you?

audi12

Mike747 wrote: »

Damn right, never put pussy on a pedestal. And these suckers in the friendzone do just that. I'd say you have two weeks to sleep with a girl after you meet her. After that you become part of her boy collection.

Agreed ... Women know well what they are doing we are the suckers

Roquentin

Mike747 wrote: »

Damn right, never put pussy on a pedestal. And these suckers in the friendzone do just that. I'd say you have two weeks to sleep with a girl after you meet her. After that you become part of her boy collection.

you sound like mike from jersey shore

Kelly06

Mike747 wrote: »

Damn right, never put pussy on a pedestal. And these suckers in the friendzone do just that. I'd say you have two weeks to sleep with a girl after you meet her. After that you become part of her boy collection.

Would you not attach any value in a platonic friendship with a woman?. Not on the attack, just interested to know? I'm female and I would count a few men amongst my closest friends, most of them would be in relationships also and I have befriended their wives and girlfriends over the years also. I find friendships with men to be very different than friendships with women.

Pug160

Daveysil15 wrote: »

That's easier said than done when your mates are only into the 'boring' stuff. It can be difficult for a non drinker when the majority of social activities revolve around alcohol. I do agree with the gist of your post though. I joined a photography club recently which has been great for meeting new people. The hill walking events on meetup.com are another good one. Trying to get my mates to tag along to these things is another thing though.

It's the reason why I usually travel alone. I'm not into the sun and booze holidays like a lot of people I know. I prefer the cities. A few people in work said to me that I only go to boring places. Prague and Rome are considered boring by some people. I suppose we all like different things.

It takes a certain amount of guts to go travelling alone, so anybody who does it should be proud. That's why I was disappointed with the earlier post by Wibbs (who I know didn't mean it that way, admittedly), as it looked like it was kind of being dismissive of anybody who wasn't having regular sex while totally forgetting how much effort some of us are putting in to our lives overall, and how much some of us have changed as a result. When the other stuff comes it will be that much more satisfying because of the effort and self improvement that has preceded it. To go from a scaredy-cat (in my case and many others here I'm sure) to a guy who in some situations is rather ballsy, is way more profound than simply getting the ride while having no other goals.

Mike747

B0jangles wrote: »

"Boy Collection"?

What. The. Fúck. is wrong with you people? Is the concept of inter-gender friendship really so alien to you?

What do you mean what's wrong with me? I've seen these situations develop. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Daveysil15

Pug160 wrote: »

It takes a certain amount of guts to go travelling alone, so anybody who does it should be proud. That's why I was disappointed with the earlier post by Wibbs (who I know didn't mean it that way, admittedly), as it looked like it was kind of being dismissive of anybody who wasn't having regular sex while totally forgetting how much effort some of us are putting in to our lives overall, and how much some of us have changed as a result. When the other stuff comes it will be that much more satisfying because of the effort and self improvement that has preceded it. To go from a scaredy-cat (in my case and many others here I'm sure) to a guy who in some situations is rather ballsy, is way more profound than simply getting the ride while having no other goals.

It was daunting the first time I did it but I'm used to it now. I heading off again on my own in a couple of days. I suppose the same can be said for approaching women. If you do it often enough you'll get used to it. It's important to step outside the comfort zone every now and again. What's that old saying, "If you change nothing, nothing will change."

Mike747

Kelly06 wrote: »

Would you not attach any value in a platonic friendship with a woman?. Not on the attack, just interested to know? I'm female and I would count a few men amongst my closest friends, most of them would be in relationships also and I have befriended their wives and girlfriends over the years also. I find friendships with men to be very different than friendships with women.

I don't have any close female friends. All my close friends are male. And to be honest I prefer it that way. Maybe it gets different when you're older, but when when a young guy in his twenties meets a girl (one that he finds attractive) he isn't thinking 'what a great opportunity to make a new friend' he's thinking 'how can I get into her pants'. I'm not trying to upset anyone by saying that, I just believe it to be how most, if not all, young men think.

Daveysil15

Mike747 wrote: »

I don't have any close female friends. All my close friends are male. And to be honest I prefer it that way. Maybe it gets different when you're older, but when when a young guy in his twenties meets a girl (one that he finds attractive) he isn't thinking 'what a great opportunity to make a new friend' he's thinking 'how can I get into her pants'. I'm not trying to upset anyone by saying that, I just believe it to be how most, if not all, young men think.

A lot of couples start off as friends so there's no harm in having a few female friends.

Mike747

Daveysil15 wrote: »

A lot of couples start off as friends so there's no harm in having a few female friends.

I don't know. I don't ever think these couples were ever 'just friends'. There was always an attraction. Which is why I think you got a about two weeks to move to the next stage. Otherwise the spark dies...for her, he on the other hand gets more and more into her and things start to get awkward and confused.

paddy1990

It depends on the girl as well to be fair. Ive got some girl mates that are quite heavy and wouldnt go there. I wouldnt turn down oral sex from them though, so i guess thats something. Im also pretty sure they find me attractive even though i dont necessarily find them attractive.

paddy1990

Daveysil15 wrote: »

It was daunting the first time I did it but I'm used to it now. I heading off again on my own in a couple of days. I suppose the same can be said for approaching women. If you do it often enough you'll get used to it. It's important to step outside the comfort zone every now and again. What's that old saying, "If you change nothing, nothing will change."

Approaching a girl shouldnt be daunting unless youre doing a pure cold approach, in which case, its kind of weird in my opinion. If youve got eye contact, exchanged a cheeky smile or two, then approaching should be fun. "hey, i saw you checking me out and thought you looked nice as well" with a smile and youre off.

Mike747

paddy1990 wrote: »

Approaching a girl shouldnt be daunting unless youre doing a pure cold approach, in which case, its kind of weird in my opinion. If youve got eye contact, exchanged a cheeky smile or two, then approaching should be fun. "hey, i saw you checking me out and thought you looked nice as well" with a smile and youre off.

Yes it should be fun. Most guys are simply too terrified of rejection to really try it though. Why are men even afraid of rejection? Some random girl shoots you down, it's not the end of the world. But many men believe it is.

Daveysil15

paddy1990 wrote: »

It depends on the girl as well to be fair. Ive got some girl mates that are quite heavy and wouldnt go there. I wouldnt turn down oral sex from them though, so i guess thats something. Im also pretty sure they find me attractive even though i dont necessarily find them attractive.

Classy.

Piliger

Mike747 wrote: »

Yes it should be fun. Most guys are simply too terrified of rejection to really try it though. Why are men even afraid of rejection? Some random girl shoots you down, it's not the end of the world. But many men believe it is.

Most men fear rejection. Most women are the same. Very few people of any gender find it easy to deal with.

Mike747

Piliger wrote: »

Most men fear rejection. Most women are the same. Very few people of any gender find it easy to deal with.

But why should they? It's really just being afraid of your ego being bruised. Of course if you've obsessed over a girl for a year and have finally worked up the courage to ask her out then rejection would be devastating but really, you shouldn't have allowed yourself to get into that position.

In a bar it should be fun to approach random girls.

audi12

B0jangles wrote: »

"Boy Collection"?

What. The. Fúck. is wrong with you people? Is the concept of inter-gender friendship really so alien to you?

one rule for men and another for women when women friendzone a guy its fine because she wants to be friends even though she knows exactly what she is doing playing games

B0jangles

audi12 wrote: »

one rule for men and another for women when women friendzone a guy its fine because she wants to be friends even though she knows exactly what she is doing playing games

I'm sorry but that is plain, unadulterated Bollocks.

Women get "friendzoned" all the time, except (in my experience) it is usually referred to as "he's just not into you". When it happened to me I pined for a while, then I got the hell over it and accepted that not everyone I'm really attracted to is going to feel the same way about me. That's life - either you accept that friendship is all that is on offer and choose to be an actual friend, or you move on.

Daveysil15

Mike747 wrote: »

But why should they? It's really just being afraid of your ego being bruised. Of course if you've obsessed over a girl for a year and have finally worked up the courage to ask her out then rejection would be devastating but really, you shouldn't have allowed yourself to get into that position.

In a bar it should be fun to approach random girls.

It can be fun of course. I think it largely depends on how you're rejected. Some girls can politely decline while others can be complete bitches about it. If you're let down easy it makes it easier to approach other girls.