visitation rights

confused1991

Hi, recently I had a massive bust up with my parents in which I ended up attacked by my father who punched me in the mouth and gave me bruises all up my arms. Its not the first fight with my parents in which I was physically hurt. There is years of physical and mental abuse from them.
Now my mother wants to go for visitation rights to see my 2 children. I don't want them being involved in my children's lives. I have texts from my parents saying they weren't going any further about seeing them. They said that if the kids want to find them when they are old enough the door is always open.
What can I do to stop this and what should I do about the abuse as the Gardaí were called when I was attacked?
I'm in counselling over this and I'm so depressed. Any advice welcome.

Neyite

Grandparents dont have any automatic rights to see their grandchildren as far as I know of. But I suppose they could try to pursue it through the courts, though with their record, I'd imagine any judge would be very wary of giving them any time.

Why not talk to the Gardai, and maybe social services? Its about protecting your children from adults who have a history of being abusive, so I'm sure they'd be helpful.

Continue with the counselling, it will benefit you. And when the children are of an appropriate age, you can answer any questions they might have about their grandparents as honestly as you can and its unlikely that they will want to look them up.

Rubberchikken

Citizens advice or a solicitor would be able to tell you what rights, if any, grandparents have.

What you dad did to you sounds inexcusable but you're trying to rise above all of that so stick with the counselling.

Good luck

ManOfMystery

confused1991 wrote: »

Hi, recently I had a massive bust up with my parents in which I ended up attacked by my father who punched me in the mouth and gave me bruises all up my arms. Its not the first fight with my parents in which I was physically hurt. There is years of physical and mental abuse from them.
Now my mother wants to go for visitation rights to see my 2 children. I don't want them being involved in my children's lives. I have texts from my parents saying they weren't going any further about seeing them. They said that if the kids want to find them when they are old enough the door is always open.
What can I do to stop this and what should I do about the abuse as the Gardaí were called when I was attacked?
I'm in counselling over this and I'm so depressed. Any advice welcome.

Your parents are obviously incapable of controlling their anger, so you are doing the right thing in making sure your children don't see them. It's sad in one way - I feel strongly that children should, in normal circumstances at least, have a strong relationship with their grandparents - but in this case you would only be exposing them to risk. The first time they're argumentative or do something to stress out your parents would likely be the catalyst for a physical assault, judging by their previous behaviour.

I have no real advice to offer you other than to say you're making the right decision, and to stick by your guns. Your children's health and safety is the #1 priority, and takes precedent over everything else.

I guess I would add that you should report any and all instances of assault (physical, verbal or otherwise) from your parents so the Garda have it on file. And keep a record yourself of any incidents or threats which you can pass on to the relevant authorities if need be. You have to be seen here to be the level headed person.

confused1991

The thing is 3yrs ago when my daughter was 5wks old my mother attacked me when I was holding her. My sister took the child off me during the beating I was gettin and locked my baby in a room with a 13yr old who hadn't a clue about babies. The Gardaí was called because she had tried killing me by strangling me.
I stopped talking to my whole family for 2yrs last year felt maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt, stupidly thought things might have changed. I had only had my son.
I feel like I exposed my children to that horrible family and because I went back after everything that had happened the courts won't take me seriously and grant them visitation rights.
After all I do have the texts from her in which she has tried playing mind games using my kids against me and where she clearly states that she was going to leave things and not try see the kids.
I feel like I'm suffocating.
Thanks for all your opinions on this. It's unbelievable how much its helped.

diveout

There is absolutely no debate. Stay clear.

If you do go back to court and you fear that you have lost credibility, explain that you are a forgiving person, that it is very hard to let go of the bond with ones parents, you istakingly thought they may have learned something, but you have since learned better and the fog has cleared, and now you know better.

Big Bag of Chips

If she has said that she will leave it, then take her at her word. She might be trying emotional blackmail, trying to make you feel sorry for her so that you will bring the kids to her.

Don't.

If she wants to apply for access to your children, she first has to apply for permission to apply for access. She may or may not be granted that permission, and I don't know if you would be contacted at that stage for your input. Or if you would only be contacted when she has gotten as far as seeking access.

For now, try to get on with your life. Block her number if necessary so that you don't have to read texts from her. You don't need her right now. You are not depending on anything from her. So remove her access to you and try to forget about what she is doing in the background. There is nothing you can do about what she may or may not do in the future. So for now, don't allow them access to you. It will make life less stressful for you.

If she is going to use courts to try get access to them, well then that is something you can deal with when that time comes. There's nothing you can do, right now, about that.

jdsk2006

Omg I'm shocked op. I wouldn't leave a cat in their care. Well done you for limiting the kids exposure to those people......that's what a parents job is all about. Be proud of yourself.

Any judge that would rule against you with your story would be foolish and wreckless. I do know of grandparents who took a parent to court for extra visitation and the judge ruled against the extra visitation on the strenght of it being too disruptive to the child's life ie school, activities, playdates, family time ect ect.

Your attendance to counselor due to your parents can no doubt be put forward in any unlikely event of your parents actually looking for access.

That anxiety and panic is your bodies reaction to these people........telling you it can't cope with them and stay away

Mr. Incognito

You might contact a solicitor and think about a barring order