Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all! We have been experiencing an issue on site where threads have been missing the latest postings. The platform host Vanilla are working on this issue. A workaround that has been used by some is to navigate back from 1 to 10+ pages to re-sync the thread and this will then show the latest posts. Thanks, Mike.
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest
Man comes out to family about being Gay, does not go well
Comments
-
Not going through 17 pages..
Prayers for Bobby is a must see film...
Look it up. It shows what can happen to gay kids when the parents are brainwashed by the god squad.0 -
dubscottie wrote: »Not going through 17 pages..
Prayers for Bobby is a must see film...
Change your settings to show 40 posts per page, it's only 7 pages then :cool:0 -
So..like most parents do then, what do they deserve a medal?
Nope, never said they deserve a medal. They don't deserve to be shat upon by their own son and then be judged as parents by everyone with an internet connection, off the back of a five minute grainy video clip.boo hoo, our son is gay despite our ignorant ass beliefs, they're entitled to them but he's entitled to call them out on their bullshit too.[/b] If this was a case of parents telling their 20 year old to get out and fend for himself it'd be a non story, but its parents kicking their son out for "choosing" to be gay, then verbally and physically attacking him, or whatever kind of scuffle goes on that we dont really see.
He isn't really, but that didn't stop him all the same, and that's when things started to get heated. I like the way you play down his involvement in the incident though.He's no saint either but being a parent means loving your kids regardless of their sexuality, not kicking them out because they don't like the opposite sex.
I may be wrong, but I don't think these parents ever read Dr. Spock's parenting manual. They weren't kicking him out because they didn't love him. They weren't even kicking him out because he was gay. In fact, they weren't kicking him out at all. They were saying that if he wasn't prepared to behave according to their rules, he would have to leave. That's very different from kicking him out because he was gay.0 -
When we're talking about my son, I think my opinion carries just that little bit more weight than yours, given that I've raised him for the last nine years. I trust that's enough virtue to over-rule your opinion.
He might do a lot of things, but one thing he won't do is disrespect his parents. He simply doesn't have it in his manner nor in his nature. He's been brought up to respect people, and treat them as he would want to be treated. You have the unrealistic attitude if you think you know my son better than I do.
People don't rebel if you don't give them a reason to rebel, and if you've raised a child to the point where he's developed expensive taste and a poor work ethnic, you're gonna get trouble when the peer pressure ramps up a couple of notches. Already at 9 years of age he wanted an iphone 5. He was told he could pay for it out of his own savings. He bought himself a €20 phone instead.
I think I might see where you're coming from now alright, as in slagging like? Jesus we slag each other all the time, well, a lot of the time anyway, came in from work the other evening -
Son: "Hey Knobhead Senior"
Me: "Hey Knobhead Junior"...
That's par for the course, I thought you were talking along the lines of what we witnessed in the video!
It's only irrational though to you because maybe you don't see calling a woman a bitch the same way I do. A bitch is a female dog. My wife, the child's mother, is not a dog, and in the unlikely event that he were ever to refer to his mother as a dog, or a bitch, he'd be the one going outside the door. Sounds perfectly rational to me anyway, and to my son, because he is well aware of the fact.
You say you know your son best, and that's obviously true, my point is you won't ever be able to predict how he'll be in his teens when there's a multitude of factors pulling at him from every direction. Like I said, most parents would think their kids will fly through puberty with no problems, except that's not even remotely true in all cases.
You could be a very strict parent, or things could bother him outside of the house in his social life and he could take it out on you. It's all possible and all unpredictable.
Many things get said in fights with parents that ultimately aren't meant. It's extremely common.Just like people will say smoking is part of growing up, drinking is part of growing up, underage sex is all part of growing up, it's extremely common behaviour sure... except it's not really. Maybe I'm just out of touch because I'm old fashioned though... I doubt it.
This is the thing, clearly you are out of touch if you believe this.
And if my mom started hitting me, you can bet the first words out of my mouth in describing her are going to be an awful lot worse than 'bitch'. Clearly she is a major one.0 -
Mmmhmm! See, that's an opinion that might fly for Stephen Fry, but nobody outside the confines of the Internet gives a fiddlers fcuk about Stephen Fry's opinion about opinions. In the real world people have every right to say "You don't like my opinion? Get the fcuk out of my house! You don't agree with my beliefs? GTFO!", etc. You get the point anyway - living in his parents house he has two choices - shut his pie hole and put up with it until he has the means to move out, or, kick up a stink and to hell with the consequences. His apparent immaturity was borne out by his behaviour.
The parents attitude towards their sons sexuality, and their beliefs re homosexuality are understandable. In this case it is the son who abandoned all common sense in favour of showing up his parents on the Internet. I wonder who's even paying for the Internet connection? Because it sure as hell wasn't the bum with the enormous sense of entitlement.
I wasn't disputing their right to an opinion, I disputing their son's right to have less respect for his parents because of that opinion. Raising a child is all well and good but turning your back on that child because of his sexuality goes a fair bit in the opposite direction. From that video I think it's safe to say that they haven't even made an effort to understand their son's sexuality, he made a "choice" they don't agree with he has to go.
As to their opinion being understandable. They bible says homosexuality is wrong and a choice. Never mind the bits about forgiveness, love thy neighbour, treat others as you wish to be treated yourself.I may be wrong, but I don't think these parents ever read Dr. Spock's parenting manual. They weren't kicking him out because they didn't love him. They weren't even kicking him out because he was gay. In fact, they weren't kicking him out at all. They were saying that if he wasn't prepared to behave according to their rules, he would have to leave. That's very different from kicking him out because he was gay.
Their rules being 'don't be gay'. I would call that kicking him out because he was gay. He made a choice they didn't agree with and he has to go. That's not parenting, that's dictatorship.0 -
I may be wrong, but I don't think these parents ever read Dr. Spock's parenting manual. They weren't kicking him out because they didn't love him. They weren't even kicking him out because he was gay. In fact, they weren't kicking him out at all. They were saying that if he wasn't prepared to behave according to their rules, he would have to leave. That's very different from kicking him out because he was gay.
What does that even mean, behave according to their rules? so not be gay then? watch the video again, the only reason he's given for being kicked out is because they dont want people thinking they condone their son being gay. So he can stay at home and pretend to be something he's not, or leave. Fantastic parenting there.0 -
FunLover18 wrote: »
As to their opinion being understandable. They bible says homosexuality is wrong and a choice. Never mind the bits about forgiveness, love thy neighbour, treat others as you wish to be treated yourself.
I'd love to see so called christians live under old testament rules for a month or so, since they love picking out that old dont be gay chestnut from all the other batsh1t crazy rules they don't abide by. Or the classic "you can be gay, just don't do gay things" bigot get out of jail card.0 -
Oh come on now, they even say themselves they knew he was gay, then when he comes out to them their first inclination is to kick him out? That's not rational behaviour.
It is of course. It was the way the American Military worked for years - "Don't ask, don't tell". Everyone got along just fine. It was done away with under Clinton (irony, he himself was impeached for his sexual behaviour). If they could kick the President of the United States out of office for who he was knocking boots with and call it rational, what hope does a hillbilly from nowheresville have?Nice message to send to people by the way don't be yourself until you don't live under a bigots roof anymore.
The parents didn't send any message. The idiot bigot did that because he wanted to make a name for himself by showing up his parents as idiots by disrespecting their religious beliefs. If that's not bigotry in itself, you tell me! It's not a nice message to send to people, but it's a good one -
"Don't behave like an ass, unless you want to get kicked out on your ass. Then you can do what you like under your own roof!"That's exactly the kind of reasoning that has suicide as high as it is amongst gay teenagers and young people.
It's not actually. Lack of validation and approval from their peer group, inability to cope under pressure, are two of the main reasons for the high suicide rates among young people, whether they're gay or not. There are also other factors involved, but those two are the main reasons.Not all beliefs should be respected, it's nonsensical to think otherwise.[/b] They're kicking him out because of what he is, not what he thinks.
As idealistic as it is naive. When you're living under someone's roof, you don't bite the hand that feeds you, and so if hillbilly science is your thing, and religion is your parents thing, then you don't stay there into your 20's, and you certainly don't go thinking you're smarter than they are when they're the people with the power to fcuk you over rightly!
Will you give a shìt about this guy next week? His parents will still, despite the stupidity of their son's actions.0 -
The parents didn't send any message. The idiot bigot did that because he wanted to make a name for himself by showing up his parents as idiots by disrespecting their religious beliefs. If that's not bigotry in itself, you tell me! It's not a nice message to send to people, but it's a good one -
"Don't behave like an ass, unless you want to get kicked out on your ass. Then you can do what you like under your own roof!"
I was talking about you, not his parents. Hey kids don't be gay around your ignorant parents in case they turf you out, hide who you are until you can live on your own is basically what you're saying. You're advocating two people turning on their own child because of their own ignorance.
As for calling him a bigot, thats just hilarious. So if someone said a woman should be stoned to death if she was raped, I'd be a bigot by calling them out on that level of sheer ignorance? Religious beliefs are just that, beliefs, you're entitled to them, and people are equally entitled to challenge them.0 -
Advertisement
-
He's an 'idiot bigot' now?
Christ almighty what kind of high horse, disillusioned shíte am I allowing myself to read at all.0 -
You say you know your son best, and that's obviously true, my point is you won't ever be able to predict how he'll be in his teens when there's a multitude of factors pulling at him from every direction. Like I said, most parents would think their kids will fly through puberty with no problems, except that's not even remotely true in all cases.
I never said I don't expect he won't have problems. I said he won't rebel against his parents, and he won't disrespect us. It's not in his nature first of all, and secondly he's been brought up to respect people. He has a sensible head on his shoulders for someone of his age and he has plans for himself, and he knows that we want to help him achieve his potential.You could be a very strict parent, or things could bother him outside of the house in his social life and he could take it out on you. It's all possible and all unpredictable.
He knows better than to take his moods out on other people when things aren't going his way, as he's been taught to cope from a very young age, unlike the guy in the OP who it seems was never shown any form of discipline that he could think he would be entitled to talk to his parents like that.This is the thing, clearly you are out of touch if you believe this.
Depends on what environment you've been exposed to I suppose. You seem to be under the impression that nobody was ever a teenager and nobody talks to young people. I mean, it's just your word against mine at that stage.And if my mom started hitting me, you can bet the first words out of my mouth in describing her are going to be an awful lot worse than 'bitch'. Clearly she is a major one.
Well you can call your mother what you like and more power to you, but again you're going to have to take my word for it that not everyone is ever going to agree with you calling your own mother a bitch, no matter what she does.0 -
-
I was talking about you, not his parents. Hey kids don't be gay around your ignorant parents in case they turf you out, hide who you are until you can live on your own is basically what you're saying. You're advocating two people turning on their own child because of their own ignorance.
You put some twist on what I said there. I didn't say that at all and I would never encourage a child to do that. We're not talking about a child here though, we're talking about a fully matured 20 year old adult male. Hell of a fcuking difference between that and what you're trying to imply I'm saying.As for calling him a bigot, thats just hilarious. So if someone said a woman should be stoned to death if she was raped, I'd be a bigot by calling them out on that level of sheer ignorance? Religious beliefs are just that, beliefs, you're entitled to them, and people are equally entitled to challenge them.
I dunno what you're talking about stoning for, nobody got stoned here. People are entitled of course to challenge beliefs, and people are entitled to tell a fully grown adult to GTFO of their house, for whatever reason they damn well please. People on the internet can call them all they like after that. I'm sure they're worried.0 -
I never said I don't expect he won't have problems. I said he won't rebel against his parents, and he won't disrespect us. It's not in his nature first of all, and secondly he's been brought up to respect people. He has a sensible head on his shoulders for someone of his age and he has plans for himself, and he knows that we want to help him achieve his potential.
Without dragging this off topic I'm sure plenty of parents of well mannered kids have thought the same until they hit their teenage years. Who you are at 9 years old is not an indication of who you'll be at 13 or 16 or 19. People change. Hell I'm not the same person I was at 20 never mind at 9 years old. I was always an easy going kid and still had my teenage flareups, that would be the norm once the hormones kick in and you have other influences like friends and peer groups in play.
Plenty of parents have done nothing but right by their kids and raising them and had that great kid turn into a moody bratty teenager, that's life. Seen it plenty with relatives and friends over the years, and the compete opposite of that where a fiery teenager became a perfectly well adjusted adult, turning your back on your kid because of something that they are is just sh1tty parenting no matter what way you try to rationalise it. This isn't two parents calmly discussing something going on in their son's life, it's two people going by biblical views and asking, well telling, their son to not be gay if he wants to live in their house.0 -
You put some twist on what I said there. I didn't say that at all and I would never encourage a child to do that. We're not talking about a child here though, we're talking about a fully matured 20 year old adult male. Hell of a fcuking difference between that and what you're trying to imply I'm saying.
I dunno what you're talking about stoning for, nobody got stoned here. People are entitled of course to challenge beliefs, and people are entitled to tell a fully grown adult to GTFO of their house, for whatever reason they damn well please. People on the internet can call them all they like after that. I'm sure they're worried.
Their own son, because he's gay, irregardless of his age or whether you think he's a fully grown man or a year past his teens or a child, they're still turfing him out because of what he is and their own ignorant views. Or do you think he can just choose not to be gay? how does he go about that exactly?
You said he was a bigot for ridiculing their relgious beliefs, so what makes theirs so special?a lot of religious beliefs are ridiculous and dangerous and should be treated as such. The stoning example I gave is an extreme one but very much a reality in some societies.0 -
Advertisement
-
I never said I don't expect he won't have problems. I said he won't rebel against his parents, and he won't disrespect us. It's not in his nature first of all, and secondly he's been brought up to respect people. He has a sensible head on his shoulders for someone of his age and he has plans for himself, and he knows that we want to help him achieve his potential.
While I admire your confidence in your son, he's 9 years old(that's what I'm gathering from the thread anyway), plenty of bad influences to come his way in secondary school and if you think he'll simply act like an angel through it all then I think you're in for a shock. I was a lovely child, very polite but I moved schools when I was 14 and didn't have any friends there for a while and ended up taking out a lot of my frustrations from school unfairly on my parents, don't think there's anything my parents could do to stop that from happening, I grew up and learned from my mistakes. Maybe I'm wrong but on some level I think this happens to every child.
I know this is very off topic :pac: just don't want you to have unrealistic standards for your boy!0 -
turning your back on your kid because of something that they are is just sh1tty parenting no matter what way you try to rationalise it. This isn't two parents calmly discussing something going on in their son's life, it's two people going by biblical views and asking, well telling, their son to not be gay if he wants to live in their house.
I'm not ignoring what you've said krudler, I just snipped it out as you're right, should get back on topic.
Anyway, of course we can think it's a shìtty thing to do and all the rest of it, but all I'm saying is, that to a parent who would do that - they're not going to care a whole lot for our opinions either if they hardly care about the opinions of their son and his science! To you their religious beliefs are a crock, but to these people, science is a crock, and there's no way you're going to get around that.
Your idea of what's rational, and their idea of what's rational, is only a matter of perspective.
The idea that their son chooses to be gay is perfectly rational to them, and the shame of their son choosing to be gay is more than they can bear, so they're not going to bear it. They're telling him to move out. That's the reality, and no amount of calling them ignorant or throwing science in their face is going to change that.
All that man can do now is accept that shìt happens and he has to suck it up and get on with his life. He's obviously been a pampered princess from an early age and now he's grown into an adult drama queen. He's got what he wanted now though - all the five minutes of Internet fame he wanted. I still wonder what he's going to do with all that money. It'll be interesting to see does he practice what he preaches.0 -
All that man can do now is accept that shìt happens and he has to suck it up and get on with his life. He's obviously been a pampered princess from an early age and now he's grown into an adult drama queen. He's got what he wanted now though - all the five minutes of Internet fame he wanted. I still wonder what he's going to do with all that money. It'll be interesting to see does he practice what he preaches.
That I actually agree with. Yeah his parents are dumbasses but he's now the bones of 35 grand richer. i could live for a year on that not a bother. Hell I've lived on a lot less.
If he keeps some to pay some rent in his own place and get himself set up then hey, fine cos I doubt his parents are going to write him a cheque and send him on his merry way. But if he lives off the full whack and does nothing good with the money that's literally been thrown in his lap for something that countless other people have gone through and not got a dime out of it then that wouldnt sit right with me at all. Donate it to a support group for gay teens, or a suicide charity or something worthwhile.0 -
I think some people here don't quite understand the mentality of someone who grew up online. Many of that generation don't really have a 'public' vs 'private' sense in the same way that anyone older does.
Life goes online and that's kinda how they do things.
This guy's 20 so he was born in 1994. By the time he was 13 there were iPhones and YouTube's been around since he was 11 and Facebook since he was 10.
Many of that generation simply put EVERYTHING online. It's pretty shocking, even if you're just *slightly* older than that.
That's just how a significant % of the first fully online generation live - all of life's ups and downs get published.
Bull****, I have three teens and they know how detrimental it can be to post stuff online. They do put stuff up but it's not every documented minute of their lives and they know that sometimes it can come back to bite you.0 -
There is no house in the land that has not had rows over one thing or another, some minor some pretty major. Rarely are they filmed and put up on the net to be scrutinised. He knows what his parents beliefs are, what reaction they would have that is why he filmed it. Poor me look what I have to deal with. They nurtured him loved him and educated him and yes probably had expectations for him like most parents do of their children. To them what he told them was the worst thing possible. Their dreams shattered. To them it brings shame and so against their beliefs rightly or wrongly. No one comes across good in this video. Him for his disrespect and expectations that parents I'm gay deal with it attitude, and them for their lack of empathy for their son. It was a private matter now posted worldwide.
In my opinion the dignified way would have been telling his parents that he was moving out to fend for himself because he knows they would never be able to accept him as he is, in private and certainly not online. Then it would be up to them when they have time to digest and accept whether they would ever be able to admit what yes he is gay, yes nothing has changed we still love him he is still the same person.0 -
Advertisement
-
RedemptionZ wrote: »While I admire your confidence in your son, he's 9 years old(that's what I'm gathering from the thread anyway), plenty of bad influences to come his way in secondary school and if you think he'll simply act like an angel through it all then I think you're in for a shock. I was a lovely child, very polite but I moved schools when I was 14 and didn't have any friends there for a while and ended up taking out a lot of my frustrations from school unfairly on my parents, don't think there's anything my parents could do to stop that from happening, I grew up and learned from my mistakes. Maybe I'm wrong but on some level I think this happens to every child.
I know this is very off topic :pac: just don't want you to have unrealistic standards for your boy!
I had a converstion with my mum that brought a tear to my eye and then a sting in the tail. She said how proud she was of the man I'd grown up to be, especially because as a teenager, while she loved me, she didn't like me very much :pac:0 -
Plenty more poor lads getting kicked out of their gaffs all around the world. Many of them don't have the benefit of a crowdsourced 20k. A lot of money.
Many more have the humility to walk away from their family without shouting about in such a public way.
I agree his family are asses but....so what? Why should I go on to his page and donate?
You know I agree that it seems there's stuff going on the background we don't know. It's hard to tell though from this what it is and where the culpability lies.
I would be slow however to accept any judgment in that regard from persons who consider it morally acceptable to kick their son out of their home band assault him in the process.
As for your comments about having more humility, with the inference being he is lacking in it, I utterly disagree.
There are so many reasons why I think parents who do this to their children should be outed. In no way is doing so showing a lack of humility.
Firstly, for the child's own self worth and mental well being. No matter how strong a person is, being told you are immoral, being kicked out of your home and told your parents don't want to be associated with you have a pretty deep impact on you and your sense of self worth. It's inevitable that you may start to feel some culpability and integralise that - especially if you just shut up and accept it.
Outing your parents as bigots gives you some control over the situation and enables you remind yourself, and be reminded by the reaction of others, that you did no wrong.
Outing your parents behaviour also increase your chances of finding some means of support. Most young people kicked out of home have nothing and need to rely on others. There is a pretty large LGBT teen homelessness problem in the states for this very reason. If humility gets you onto the street with Jo education or prospects then **** humility.
It's hard to know what these guys situation is or what age he is, but having to start from nothing is tough. While I don't like to see anybody's cashing in on tragedy, I'd be happy to see anybody in that situation find a means to get on their feet and support themselves.
Parents who do that - especially as in here where they admit they are motivated by others perceptions of them - have no right to their undeserved good name and reputation. If they want to hold themselves out as good Christians, then I think people need to know what type of Christians they are.
Lastly, outing parents like this may actually be a means of bringing them around. When they see the reactions of others and the condemnation they receive, maybe it might force them to do some soul searching and questions their supposed values - something they may never do if left unchallenged (and these types of mindsets aren't generally the best at critical examinations of moral issues).
And even if it doesn't change the stance of that child's parents, it might change who other parents will act in that situation - either because they see how inherently wrong the reaction is or they just fear the backlash and damage to reputation.
Either way, if it keeps more kids of the street, it's worth it.0 -
Well from what I understand in the video, he'd been insulting his father on Facebook, called his mother a bitch, generally running his mouth off and trying to be smart with his parents when he was well aware that he was filming the incident. If he had been worried for his own safety, the sensible thing to do would have been to move out, not get smart about moving into the basement, then disrespecting his parents in a patronising manner.
Just how much shìt should a parent have to take when their ungrateful little prick of a son is going out of his way to make them look like fools after raising him for 20 years? He was politely asked to move out, and he stoked an already tense situation, knowing full well how to push the right buttons to get the reaction he wanted on video.
Why didn't he just move out already? I would hope the only good that comes of this mess is that he would donate all monies raised to charity, and in that way it might go to helping thousands of young teenagers who find themselves on the streets homeless for whatever reason. I can't see him doing that though. Can you?
Am I right in thinking you're a parent?
What type of parent could ever say that a child provoked their parents into assaulting them? Or kicking them out of their home without knowing they had somewhere to go?
Honestly - provocation doesn't come into it. None of those things would ever justify their response. A parent is meant to love their child (almost) unconditionally - to be there for them even if they disagree with what their doing.
Their actions never justify that.
And I know an awful lot of people who lived at home at the age of 20 an older. I don't know any parent who pushed them just because they turned 20 or whatever. It's pretty evident that he was kicked out because he was gay.
If he was straight they would presumably be happy for him to stay their, so his age isn't an issue.
And parents kicking you out of the house is more than just kicking you out of the building. They are kicking you out of their lives. There's no age where being forcilm ejected from your family becomes ok or acceptable.0 -
Well from what I understand in the video, he'd been insulting his father on Facebook, called his mother a bitch, generally running his mouth off and trying to be smart with his parents when he was well aware that he was filming the incident. If he had been worried for his own safety, the sensible thing to do would have been to move out, not get smart about moving into the basement, then disrespecting his parents in a patronising manner.
Just how much shìt should a parent have to take when their ungrateful little prick of a son is going out of his way to make them look like fools after raising him for 20 years? He was politely asked to move out, and he stoked an already tense situation, knowing full well how to push the right buttons to get the reaction he wanted on video.
Why didn't he just move out already? I would hope the only good that comes of this mess is that he would donate all monies raised to charity, and in that way it might go to helping thousands of young teenagers who find themselves on the streets homeless for whatever reason. I can't see him doing that though. Can you?
Are we watching the same video here? "Politely asked to move out" is quite the twist on what actually happened- Parents kicking their son out because they don't want to be seen as condoning his sexuality. You're really grasping at straws here to make it seem like anything else than what it is. You're clutching on to the fact that he video'd the situation as a means of discrediting the entire contents of that video. This comes despite the fact that this was an intervention set up by his parents after he told them and he video'd it because he knew what would come. If his intention was to stick it up on the internet for his own gain then yeah that's a seedy thing to do, but if the side-effect of that is that it draws attention to horrible parenting like this, and the crushing impact it can have on the mental health of young LGBT people then I couldn't give a rats ass what he uploaded it for.
You act like being disowned by your family and kicked out is something people should be able to easily accept and move on with. Unfortunately we live in reality where that's a scary and emotionally horrible situation for anyone, especially when you're being cut-off from your own parents for something inherent within you that you can't change.0 -
I'm lost by the logic where it becomes fine for parents to call you a 'queer' and choose not to associate with you because of your sexual orientation . But pointing out the parents are arseholes is too far?0
-
I would hate for my child to pretend they were someone they weren't just because they might offend me. At least I wouldn't be completely ignorant of facts they used to justify something I may not agree of.0
-
If that video was of anyone else but his parents, it would be considered a hate crime in progress. Being physically attacked whilst being called a queer is NOT on, whoever is doing it. The fact it's his own family doing it makes it that much worse, though.
Hope the guy can now go out on his own, lead a happy life and never have to hide who he is from anyone again. Hopefully in time, his parents will open their hearts and minds and accept their son unconditionally, but given their attitudes in that video, it seems unlikely. The amount of people who must have stayed closeted simply because they were scared of being turned out or disowned by their folks is really saddening. I applaud that guy's bravery - he must have had a good idea how fire and brimstone they'd probably be over it and was honest with them anyway. What a shame they were more concerned about how they'd look harbouring a homosexual rather than trying to understand, love and support him as parents (and good christians) are supposed to do.0 -
Am I right in thinking you're a parent?
What type of parent could ever say that a child provoked their parents into assaulting them? Or kicking them out of their home without knowing they had somewhere to go?
Honestly - provocation doesn't come into it. None of those things would ever justify their response. A parent is meant to love their child (almost) unconditionally - to be there for them even if they disagree with what their doing.
Their actions never justify that.
floggg this is not a child we're talking about here. This is a 20 year old adult male.And I know an awful lot of people who lived at home at the age of 20 an older. I don't know any parent who pushed them just because they turned 20 or whatever. It's pretty evident that he was kicked out because he was gay.
If he was straight they would presumably be happy for him to stay their, so his age isn't an issue.
Well according to the video, he wasn't happy living at home himself when he was insulting them and running his mouth off on social media, then behaving like a spoilt teenager when he was told to move out. Why would he want to continue to live there anyway if he hated it so much? At 20 he should've been long gone.
I know plenty of people that live at home too btw at 20, 30, 40 and even 50 (the guy bought the house off his parents, and he and his sister and his mother all still live there), but the thing is, they have respect for their parents and don't treat them like dirt and talk about them like they're dirt, talk down to them or patronise them. They certainly don't film family arguments and stick them up on YouTube to be judged by the world.And parents kicking you out of the house is more than just kicking you out of the building. They are kicking you out of their lives. There's no age where being forcilm ejected from your family becomes ok or acceptable.
There is actually - once they're capable of living independently they should be encouraged to leave and make their own way in the world.
Do you honestly think the parents are going to change their minds about their decision now that he's uploaded their family argument to YouTube? If anything, his behaviour only justified their decision. That seems like a win/win for everyone all round - they don't want him in their home, and he doesn't want to be there. Problem solved, except for that whole crowd funding thing. Would everyone have donated like they did if this guy wasn't gay? Would everyone be defending his perceived right to behave like an ass towards his parents if he weren't gay?
It's not the fact he's gay I find easy reason to hate the little prick, it's the fact he gives me so many other reasons to hate him in just that five minute clip alone.0 -
This post has been deleted.0
-
Attention seeking little sh*t. Granted his parents are assholes but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and all that. I can imagine him planning this is his rent free room.0
-
Advertisement
-
I felt so sad for all concerned watching this, obviously the guy himself for being let down by the people who should love him most but also his parents who are too stupid to see all they will miss out on. My own mother disowned me for something stupid and she has missed out on so much and all because of her religion and ignorance. One of my children is gay and has been treated with nothing but love and acceptance by people around her. It does make you forget that the world still has its fair share of bigots and that scares and saddens me.0
-
"Anita wrote:If his intention was to stick it up on the internet for his own gain then yeah that's a seedy thing to do, but if the side-effect of that is that it draws attention to horrible parenting like this, and the crushing impact it can have on the mental health of young LGBT people then I couldn't give a rats ass what he uploaded it for.
The only side effect of this is that people will point and laugh for a week Jerry Springer style, and as for the crushing impact it can have on the mental health of young LGBT people, I couldn't give a rats ass for his mental health after witnessing the way he behaves towards his parents. I'm sure all the money raised will go to help other young people though, right?You act like being disowned by your family and kicked out is something people should be able to easily accept and move on with. Unfortunately we live in reality where that's a scary and emotionally horrible situation for anyone, especially when you're being cut-off from your own parents for something inherent within you that you can't change.
You act like it's the worst thing can happen to someone. Unfortunately we live in a reality where there's far more scary and emotionally horrible situations out there than just being told to leave home at 20 years of age. He should be able to accept their decision and move on if he hated them that much that he expressed such hatred on social media and then uploaded that crap to YouTube. What happens to the next person who uploads their difficult 'coming out' video to YouTube? Will they too get €35k in the space of a couple of hours? I doubt it.0 -
The only side effect of this is that people will point and laugh for a week Jerry Springer style, and as for the crushing impact it can have on the mental health of young LGBT people, I couldn't give a rats ass for his mental health after witnessing the way he behaves towards his parents. I'm sure all the money raised will go to help other young people though, right?
You act like it's the worst thing can happen to someone. Unfortunately we live in a reality where there's far more scary and emotionally horrible situations out there than just being told to leave home at 20 years of age. He should be able to accept their decision and move on if he hated them that much that he expressed such hatred on social media and then uploaded that crap to YouTube. What happens to the next person who uploads their difficult 'coming out' video to YouTube? Will they too get €35k in the space of a couple of hours? I doubt it.
Being asked to leave home will probably be the least of his worries, its the emotional disowning that is hard to accept, the exclusion from family events, the silence from your parents, the fact they eventually become strangers to you...not easy to deal with at all.0 -
Being asked to leave home will probably be the least of his worries, its the emotional disowning that is hard to accept, the exclusion from family events, the silence from your parents, the fact they eventually become strangers to you...not easy to deal with at all.
I think eviltwin honestly in this guys case, he'll be just fine. Well, that is, he's got more money in the last few hours than he was ever likely to see in his lifetime, he's got the fame and validation he wanted, he's got the result he wanted.
Yours is obviously a completely different set of circumstances, and so of course that's harder to deal with. I would say the only thing you have in common with this situation is you were kicked out of home.
Do you think this guy will be too worried about the silence from his parents or the fact that they'll eventually become strangers to him?0 -
Being asked to leave home will probably be the least of his worries, its the emotional disowning that is hard to accept, the exclusion from family events, the silence from your parents, the fact they eventually become strangers to you...not easy to deal with at all.
It's not only about being gay though is it?
As an example from the parents perspective say if he is an only child and at 20 years of age he comes out as gay. That means there will be no grand children and that family line effectively comes to an end. Enough to upset anyone i'd imagine because all your reasonable expectations as parents especially after raising your child all them years go out the window with it.
There are other less tangible factors to consider if your son or daughter comes out as gay that may mean nothing to them but everything to the parents.
It's a lot to have to accept and adapt to after one conversation and in a lot of cases it's coming late in life for the parents.
Best way to deal with it is to be tactful and mindful of what your parents are like and how they might react. The guy in this video seems anything but tactful.0 -
I think eviltwin honestly in this guys case, he'll be just fine. Well, that is, he's got more money in the last few hours than he was ever likely to see in his lifetime, he's got the fame and validation he wanted, he's got the result he wanted.
Yours is obviously a completely different set of circumstances, and so of course that's harder to deal with. I would say the only thing you have in common with this situation is you were kicked out of home.
Do you think this guy will be too worried about the silence from his parents or the fact that they'll eventually become strangers to him?
No one can answer that maybe not even him. It's great he doesn't have to worry about finding somewhere to stay and all that but that's only part of it. It's not easy to have your family ignore you on your birthday or Christmas and having to explain to people why you don't have a relationship with your parents is hard. At first it can be liberating to be free from all the stress but after a while it does get to you particularly when you see other people with their parents. He can't change who he is so the onus is on his folks to change their attitude, hopefully one day they will.0 -
You'd only get a reaction like that in my family if you said you wanted to join a religious order, or become a clamper.0
-
No one can answer that maybe not even him. It's great he doesn't have to worry about finding somewhere to stay and all that but that's only part of it. It's not easy to have your family ignore you on your birthday or Christmas and having to explain to people why you don't have a relationship with your parents is hard. At first it can be liberating to be free from all the stress but after a while it does get to you particularly when you see other people with their parents. He can't change who he is so the onus is on his folks to change their attitude, hopefully one day they will.
eviltwin you're thinking about this from your perspective. I've been there myself (got married with none of my family there). My wife's family to their credit have always treated me like I was always one of their own, yet for the best part of 20 years my own family wanted little or nothing to do with me, and I wore myself out for at least 15 of those 20 years trying to reconcile things with my family.
Then I see this asshole on YouTube disrespecting his parents and trying to make them look like fools for his own gain, and I'm supposed to feel sorry for him and excuse his behaviour because he's gay? I don't bloody think so!
You're right eviltwin that he can't change who he is, but he sure as hell needs to change his attitude if he is ever to make anything of himself and not be dependent on handouts. His parents don't feel any particular need to change their attitude, they're the way they are a lot longer than their son is the way he is, and they're unlikely to change any time soon. As far as they're concerned, they're doing the right thing for their son. Maybe when the world takes a dump on him, he'll realise what it was like taking a dump on his parents.
I see the latest is he's shut down his facebook page and told people hold on for a fan page and the gofundme is up to $51,000 -
http://www.gofundme.com/dnoqgg
Must be some fcuking living expenses!0 -
WilyCoyote wrote: »You've just lost the argument. So, away with you and suck whatever.
I never engaged him in an argument to lose, I'm merely suggesting what he can do to get some of his obsessive fascination about homosexuality out of his system. Undeniably, there's something there in him.0 -
Advertisement
-
I see the latest is he's shut down his facebook page and told people hold on for a fan page and the gofundme is up to $51,000 -
http://www.gofundme.com/dnoqgg
Must be some fcuking living expenses!
He didn't set up the fund and I expect the expenses (which initially only hoped to reach $2,000) are to help towards college and accommodation. Nobody's forced to donate, but clearly many people feel for the guy and stuck a few dollars in to help him out. I doubt this was set up as a get rich scheme, but I'm sure people will make their own minds up about that.
Best of luck to him I say.0 -
eviltwin you're thinking about this from your perspective. I've been there myself (got married with none of my family there). My wife's family to their credit have always treated me like I was always one of their own, yet for the best part of 20 years my own family wanted little or nothing to do with me, and I wore myself out for at least 15 of those 20 years trying to reconcile things with my family.
Then I see this asshole on YouTube disrespecting his parents and trying to make them look like fools for his own gain, and I'm supposed to feel sorry for him and excuse his behaviour because he's gay? I don't bloody think so!
You're right eviltwin that he can't change who he is, but he sure as hell needs to change his attitude if he is ever to make anything of himself and not be dependent on handouts. His parents don't feel any particular need to change their attitude, they're the way they are a lot longer than their son is the way he is, and they're unlikely to change any time soon. As far as they're concerned, they're doing the right thing for their son. Maybe when the world takes a dump on him, he'll realise what it was like taking a dump on his parents.
I see the latest is he's shut down his facebook page and told people hold on for a fan page and the gofundme is up to $51,000 -
http://www.gofundme.com/dnoqgg
Must be some fcuking living expenses!
Have we seriously watched the same thing? He said nothing shocking or groundbreaking to them until they flipped, called him all sorts of horrible things, his mother then started attacking him and *then* he called her a bitch. The father got in on it too.
How the hell you still think *he* is the one in the wrong here?
This is just crazy.
Also, you keep telling other posters they're basing this off of their own situations, yet that's all you've been doing too. One rule for you and another for them, is it?0 -
-
A problem we have here too, religion beat into people who don't know any better, to the point they become fanatics. Thank God it's on the decline here.
Pardon the pun...0 -
Have we seriously watched the same thing? He said nothing shocking or groundbreaking to them until they flipped, called him all sorts of horrible things, his mother then started attacking him and *then* he called her a bitch. The father got in on it too.
How the hell you still think *he* is the one in the wrong here?
This is just crazy.
Also, you keep telling other posters they're basing this off of their own situations, yet that's all you've been doing too. One rule for you and another for them, is it?
Apparantly videotaping a family intervention and standing up for yourself is a far more heinous act of treachery than kicking your son out on the street just for being gay. Parents fundamentally deserve our unerring respect even when they are prejudiced and disrespectful and call their kids queer and stuff.
But hey, he didn't take their prejudice on the chin like a good boy so he's the prick.0 -
B.A._Baracus wrote: »Indeed.
I think people are being suckered in with this one. He was the one recording for his own agenda so he was obviously going to hold back to come off in a better light.
Exactly,this is what sticks out to me,i can't believe so many people are falling for this,this situation is totally manipulated and then the camera his turned on or else the other bits beforehand are edited out.
The father seems to believe he has done everything for him, and been a good father and isn't making any mention of gay,mostly just about the stuff said about him on facebook is whats seems to be bothering him.0 -
Advertisement
-
dark crystal wrote: »He didn't set up the fund and I expect the expenses (which initially only hoped to reach $2,000) are to help towards college and accommodation. Nobody's forced to donate, but clearly many people feel for the guy and stuck a few dollars in to help him out. I doubt this was set up as a get rich scheme, but I'm sure people will make their own minds up about that.
Best of luck to him I say.
I know he didn't set it up, but it should've been shut down once it reached it's target. I also don't see the need for a fan page as if he's now some sort of an internet celebrity.
People are entitled of course to donate money to who and whatever they like, but I can think of far more worthy individuals and organizations that will make far better use of $50k than this guy tbh.0 -
I know he didn't set it up, but it should've been shut down once it reached it's target. I also don't see the need for a fan page as if he's now some sort of an internet celebrity.
People are entitled of course to donate money to who and whatever they like, but I can think of far more worthy individuals and organizations that will make far better use of $50k than this guy tbh.
Some guy got over $55,000 for wanting money to make potato salad. He only needed something like $12.
https://www.kickstarter.com/blog/potato-salad-by-the-numbers
Do you think this is a more worthy cause than potato salad?0 -
Exactly,this is what sticks out to me,i can't believe so many people are falling for this,this situation is totally manipulated and then the camera his turned on or else the other bits beforehand are edited out.
Would you say he gave his family a script to read too? No way anyone could actually be that bigoted in real life right?The father seems to believe he has done everything for him, and been a good father and isn't making any mention of gay,mostly just about the stuff said about him on facebook is whats seems to be bothering him.
You must have missed the part where the father screamed the word 'queer' at him.
Not sure why people are so cynical about this video. Do people not believe this happens every day to people who come out to their families? Do people think it's always sunshine and rainbows and happily ever after? Difference is, this guy taped such a reaction and exposed his parents for what they really were. These are 'christian' people who would cut off their son, rather than accept his sexual orientation.0 -
Have we seriously watched the same thing? He said nothing shocking or groundbreaking to them until they flipped, called him all sorts of horrible things, his mother then started attacking him and *then* he called her a bitch. The father got in on it too.
How the hell you still think *he* is the one in the wrong here?
This is just crazy.
Ehh? He didn't bring up either all the things he wrote on facebook about his father either before his father brought it up, so there's obviously history there of this guy making little of his parents, and even then at the start of the video the woman tells him that she loves him. He goes off on one then about science and moving into the basement and it was the straw that broke the camels back.
He was recording the whole thing and then 'somehow' it found it's way onto YouTube. He's gay though so his despicable behaviour is ignored, played down and excused. Being gay doesn't give a person a license to behave like a complete prick.Also, you keep telling other posters they're basing this off of their own situations, yet that's all you've been doing too. One rule for you and another for them, is it?
I never said for a minute anyone couldn't base their opinions off their own experience or that they couldn't view this incident from their own personal perspective. I imagine that's why this guy is getting so many donations is because of that. It's not one rule for me at all, I just happen to see his behaviour differently, regardless of the fact that he's gay. Other people excuse his behaviour only because he's gay.0 -
Have to hand it to him, he played that well. He manipulated his parents and the people (idiots) who have given him money. Plan worked prefect.0
-
Advertisement
Advertisement