That one person who stands out among others

LegacyUser

I'm just looking for a bit of advice and encouragement.

Nearly every morning on the way to work I see this girl who stands out to me also getting the train to work. She also get the same bus then and as it turns it we work in the same building because I see her in the canteen most days st some point. I see her some evenings as well as she gets of at the same station.

I think I've caught her eye a few times when I see her around but never nod out say hi. I probably look like a weird who stares at her, which I'd the last thing I'd want!

Anyhow I went to meet a buddy for tea this morning and low and behold she was one if the group of people sitting with him. And instead of saying hi to her, and the others, I just discussed what I had to with my mate. I was actually a but nervous because if her, I'm usually ok with strangers but not so much this time.

I'd like to get to know her better but how weird would it be to strike up a conversation at the train 7a.m.in the morning? In work I don't get the opportunity either as I just see her at a table with friends or waking around, until today that is, but still feel uneasy or nervous thinking about it.

njs030

I'd suggest the next time you see her go over and say something like 'hey, didn't I see you sitting with x, what a coincidence how do you know him/her?'
Be prepared that she's not interested as she doesn't seem to be making a effort either, though she could be shy.

Either way at least you know!! Good luck

Aseth

why don't you ask your buddy to get introduced?

moneymad

Are you afraid she wont like you? How can she like you? She doesn't even know you.... Just say hi.

dixiefly

I think at this stage you could say hi on the train and something like "don't you work in X?". That should get a conversation going, no guarantee after that.

LegacyUser

She was sat right accross the other side of the table, i couldnt have not seen her.

I was thinking of saying something along the lines of so youbwork with soandso.

Seen her this morning on the train, eas going to say hi to her but she walked right past me, didnt even make eye contact. She must think im some weirdo or maybe im over analysing the whole situation! She'll prob be on the bus, hopefully i wont feel to awkward.

Ill have to get my buddy to introduce me although i dont know how often he has lunch with her among the group.

LegacyUser

Just a thought maybe someone will have an opinion on they will share.

Is it normal not to acknowledge someone who you see on the train, bus and the odd time in work? I suppose i noticed a lot more people who have the same routine for getting to work as i do and dont say anything to them either

LLMMML

I don't think this is a great situation. You're a little obsessed and because you think about her all the time, you start to assume they must be thinking about you all the time too. So if she doesn't make eye contact, you ask yourself "why is she purposely not making eye contact" when the reality is that she hasn't really noticed you and is not thinking of you at all. I've never heard of one of these obsessive situations actually leading to something. I think you'd be best of forgetting her.

science101

ask you friend if there is a group next time he is there be a part of it if she has lunch with them, if you have a conversation with her at lunch about something in the group, at least when you see her on the daily commute you can say hi and start from there,

just keep your expectations low so not to get disappointed and see what happens, you only live once, no point in regretting something you didnt do,

pc7

Honestly on the commute I could walk by my own mother, she may not have connected you with the train/building/friend. It might freak her out a bit if you say you've seen her all over the place. Maybe see if she's sitting with friends again and then get introduced, at least after that you can say hi.

LegacyUser

I don't think I'm quite that bad that I'm becoming obsessive but I can see how it's seems like this and that's not where I want this to go ad it will do me no good.

I've no reason to say anything to her other than maybe that time I met my mate when she was also on her break. I'll wait till I'm introduced with her and have some sort of connection.

I don't think I'm very out going or sociable enough to just say hi to people I see regularly, I'm sure others are though.

Back to not over analysing these such things like before I noticed her.

LLMMML

Obsessive might be a bit strong a word but there are a few red flags about your thought and behaviour. Mainly that you got tongue tied from being in her presence (seems unlikely that you'll be able to have a casual chat if talking to her directly), and also that you interpreted her not making eye contact as a conscious action which you caused. Neither of these are good signs. I hope by "waiting" to be introduced to her you're not putting off other options for this. The introduction might never happen.

Sociopath2

You think far too much and do far too little. You need to take some kind of action or else you will be that weirdo obsessing about women. Do something, say hello, get introduced. To be honest, from what you've said in this thread you're probably going to fcuk it up but the only way you get good at stuff like that is experience. If you do make a mess of it, there's plenty of other women out. Stop obsessing over this one.

Saralee4

Give the guy a break! He likes the girl and he's a bit shy about approaching her, thats all!

Op your not obbsessive, just relax and if you end up standing next to her on the train, just say "you work in .... I thought I recognized you". Something like that.

You might get chatting and you may find you like her or else you might not or she might like you or might not.

Have you had eye contact with her before, where you both looked at oneanother then looked away?

Saralee4

Give the guy a break! He likes the girl and he's a bit shy about approaching her, thats all!

Op your not obbsessive, just relax and if you end up standing next to her on the train, just say "you work in .... I thought I recognized you". Something like that.

You might get chatting and you may find you like her or else you might not or she might like you or might not.

Have you had eye contact with her before, where you both looked at oneanother then looked away?

Sociopath2

Saralee4 wrote: »

Give the guy a break! He likes the girl and he's a bit shy about approaching her, thats all!

Op your not obbsessive, just relax and if you end up standing next to her on the train, just say "you work in .... I thought I recognized you". Something like that.

You might get chatting and you may find you like her or else you might not or she might like you or might not.

Have you had eye contact with her before, where you both looked at oneanother then looked away?

Please don't encourage him to start staring at her on the train in the vain hope he gets some eye contact, which he can then obsess over and read too much into, because that's what will happen.

OP, you're way too passive. Nothing is going to come to you and she won't guess you like her from looks and hellos. Take a risk and talk to her properly.

LegacyUser

I dont recall if she looked away when making eye contact or not, i probably did maybe she has to i dont recall exactly.

Sure id love to just walk up to her and say hi but its not something i feel comfortable doing, this doesnt just go for her.

I dont know if i recognise you from work would cut it, surely she knows we work in the same place. I dont just recognise her from the train and in work theres loads of others i see on the train and then in work you arent going to tell me people who see others daily dont recognise those they see regularly?

Ill try not to miss any opportunities if they arise but im not going to be staring her out of it (and i havent done so) and hoping to get a hi or what ever ( i dont think I ever expected this to happen).

Saralee4

No I wasnt suggesting you start staring at her!

Usually if a girl liked you and noticed you then she would have made some sort of eye contact with you already to let you know that you can approach her.

LegacyUser

Saralee4 wrote: »

No I wasnt suggesting you start staring at her!

Usually if a girl liked you and noticed you then she would have made some sort of eye contact with you already to let you know that you can approach her.

I know what you mean, I just don't know the look :-)

I guess at some point we would have made eye contact I can't remember if I got that look though. I'll be seeing my mate over the weekend, I'll see can he help with the introduction side of if at some point over the next while.

dudara

You have a common connection in your friend. Ask him to introduce you at your cofeebreak (or the like).

Passing people on the street and trying to read something into it is futile. We are often too self-absorbed or unobservant during our commutes. People are ingrained to maintain their private space during commutes

miss no stars

Have you considered going over and introducing yourself? Near the end of the train journey go over and say "hi I'm xxxx, just thought I'd introduce myself seeing as I've noticed we do the same commute every day." she might say something like "oh hi, im yyyyyy", then, if you can, say something about ignoring her at lunch... Like "I saw you at lunch the other day and I'm sorry, I should have said hi then but I was a bit distracted over [x work task]".

Do it at the end of the train journey as it gives her an out to say "well it was nice putting a name to the face, see you around I guess", or to continue the conversation on the bus.

You do tend to see the same people every day even if they dont work with you so I wouldn't see it as weird that someone who sees me every day and works in the same place as me eventually comes over and introduces them self to me... Actively avoiding me on the other hand would seem odd...

LegacyUser

I think I would actually be terrified to just walk up to her, or anyone for that mater, and introduce myself. Im shy enough about it even after a few drinks to plick up tje courage on a normal night out.

Seems one of the lads i work with on the bus has also noticed her, heres hoping i get introduced to her (or pluck up the courage to do ot myself) before he introduces himself