children is it all worth it

.jacksparrow.

Is the reason for people having kids to give purpose to their life and make them feel like they achieved something?

Is it for self satisfaction?

.jacksparrow.

.jacksparrow. wrote: »

Is the reason for people having kids to give purpose to their life and make them feel like they achieved something?

Is it for self satisfaction?

I think that implies that before kids, parents felt their lives were purposeless. I'm sure most people have kids to add to their lives, not to define them. Maybe they don't need kids to feel they've achieved in life, maybe they just want a family to add to their happiness.

catallus

People who don't have them are always going on about how hard it must be to have kids! Pah, I say! Loads of people do it it must be easy.

lazeedaisy

It's not always just black and white,

Just like life

TheBeardedLady

Dey luk deadly.

Cienciano

.jacksparrow. wrote: »

Is the reason for people having kids to give purpose to their life and make them feel like they achieved something?

Is it for self satisfaction?

Pretty much everything you do in life is for self satisfaction. And if you do have kids, you have achieved something.

zanador

Having a child is simultaneously both the best and worst experience of my life

groucho marx

Theres a lot of bitter people in the world and an awful lot that will give you their advice
Only pay heed to those you respect,block out the rest. You dont want other peoples judgements and negativity in your life,that works in our house anyway,we had to zone out a good few opinions and commentary from people with and without kids that aparently invented parenting

beks101

I'm sure it's up there among the most intoxicating experiences a human can have, to bring your own little person into the world.

I would just freak out at the endless possibilities for things to go wrong. What if your child has a severe impairment, major mental disabilities, no quality of life. What if they grow up to become a delinquent, a rapist, paedophile or mass murderer. How do you continue to love, cherish and protect them then? How do you live with the guilt and the fear and the shame?

I guess having grown up with a severely mentally ill sibling has opened my eyes to how these things can impact your life as a parent. My own parents will never have their own freedom or the natural order of their child leaving the family home and embarking on a happy, independent and successful life. She's their daughter so they love her to the moon and back, but there's very little enjoyment or happiness to be had from her tbh.

It's scary to think that I could give birth to a child with the same infliction, or worse.

jester77

OP, it's the most fascinating thing you will ever experience. Watching them experience new things is amazing, trying & failing and then conquering something so small and the joy on their little face when they do.

Being a parent is only as stressful as you make it. Take it in your stride and it's all fairly straightforward. Yeah, a proper nights sleep doesn't exist any more but you quickly adjust.

The highlight of my day is walking in the door from work and seeing the little guys face light up. That alone makes it worth it.

nc6000

I like the Lee Mack joke about how he always wanted three kids but now that they have two he wishes they only had one. ☺

NZ_2014

DazMarz wrote: »

The most satisfying sound in the world: the pitter-patter of tiny feet...

Or the blissful silence on a Sunday morning as you have a proper lie-in, safe in the knowledge that you have no fúcking kids!

Pitter patter of tiny feet? That's what my dogs for. Dogs make you smile too.

Arcto

I was waiting for the bus last week and there was a pregnant woman there. Bus pulled in and the driver said there was no room for the featus. Woman just pulled it out and left it there and said, "sher it's grand, the government will pay for another one".

anncoates

.jacksparrow. wrote: »

Is the reason for people having kids to give purpose to their life and make them feel like they achieved something?

Is it for self satisfaction?

Organisms reproduce expressly for purposes of self satisfaction even non sentient ones?

Have you informed the scientific community of this breakthrough?

.jacksparrow.

anncoates wrote: »

Organisms reproduce expressly for purposes of self satisfaction even non sentient ones.

Have you informed the scientific community of this breakthrough?

Is, I asked is.

I never stated anything, so you can wind your neck back in.

riclad

Some people don,t have kids, on purpose,
we do,nt have a great record of sex education in schools.
A lot of single mothers get pregnant by accident.

A lot of women in a serious relationship,
want to have children.
I,ts more an emotional thing than a logical process.
I know a woman who was 38 ,married ,got pregnant with 2 twins,
i don,t think she intended to get pregnant at that age,
she had one kid when she was 26.

Look at japan, the birth rate is very low.
IT depends on society ,
how people form relationships ,
the no of women working.
Housing costs and a lot of other factors.

I notice most married people now ,have ,1 or 2 kids ,at the most.

highly1111

I've 3 kids and all of them were sleeping through from 8 weeks old - from 11pm - 6am - minimum.

Don't believe the horror stories. Some people make out their martyrs.

Children are bloody amazing. You're in for the ride of your life. Embrace and enjoy.

mphalo1

it's all good , just dont let your mother or his call by to much at the start , or you could end up starting threads like mine in 3 years from now

rob316

I am the young father to a 5 year old autistic boy. We were 21 when he was born and its been tough, tougher than anything I could ever imagine.
I wouldn't give a single moment of it back or change it. It's the most natural thing in the world but you feel like the most important person in the world been a parent. That smile, that hug, the every little simple things they do make it all worth it.
Don't think you can actually explain to someone the joy you get from kids and expect them to understand it's just something you have to experience for yourself.

Nothing beats him sitting on your lap on a Sunday morning you half asleep watching cartoons.

Cienciano

highly1111 wrote: »

I've 3 kids and all of them were sleeping through from 8 weeks old - from 11pm - 6am - minimum.

Don't believe the horror stories. Some people make out their martyrs.

Children are bloody amazing. You're in for the ride of your life. Embrace and enjoy.

Hold on here, just because yours were easy doesn't mean every child is. Some kids don't sleep through the night for a few years, you were just lucky!

House of Blaze

Also you won't get many on here admitting they only had kids to paper over the cracks in their relationship though. That happens more than people let on i'd say.

'Once we get married everything will be fine..'

...

'Once the baby comes everything will be fine...'

...

'Once the first couple of years are through everything will be fine..'

...

'Once they're out of the house everything will be fine..'

...

<Blinks, looks at OH>

...

'You know I don't really like you all that much.'


And that boys and girls, is the story of The Giant Divorce Rates.

The end.

bnt

It's not for me, but it doesn't generally bother when other people have them. There are specific things that do annoy me about parenthood, which include just falling in to parenthood without proper planning (particularly financial), or failing to bring them up properly. The stakes are so much higher than they were half a century ago: kids who don't develop social skills, and benefit from a full university education, will be a dead weight on society. There are almost no jobs left for the unskilled and uneducated.

Most annoying are those who attempt to retroactively justify their kids as somehow offering a wider benefit to society, as if the world is or will be a better place for their existence. No. You are doing it for yourself, first and foremost. The process is an expensive gamble, not guaranteed to produce any useful results, and no-one asked you to do it.

Turtyturd

Yep, it's most definitely worth it. Have 2 under the age of 5 so haven't hit the 'bad' years yet but I love it.

I won't lie though, I miss my free time like crazy, and the organising you have to do just to do the simplest things can be a pain in the hole, but just having them around far outweighs it.

rob316

bnt wrote: »

It's not for me, but it doesn't generally bother when other people have them. There are specific things that do annoy me about parenthood, which include just falling in to parenthood without proper planning (particularly financial), or failing to bring them up properly. The stakes are so much higher than they were half a century ago: kids who don't develop social skills, and benefit from a full university education, will be a dead weight on society. There are almost no jobs left for the unskilled and uneducated.

Most annoying are those who attempt to retroactively justify their kids as somehow offering a wider benefit to society, as if the world is or will be a better place for their existence. No. You are doing it for yourself, first and foremost. The process is an expensive gamble, not guaranteed to produce any useful results, and no-one asked you to do it.

Calling kids an expensive gamble and saying kids without uni education are a dead weight on society. You make the whole process sound so cold. And god forbid someone thought there child was the greatest thing ever.

Support them, love them and guide them that is your job not to make them into doctors or lawyers. Sure you want the best that society perceives for them but in the end as long as there happy that's what really matters.

I don't expect you to understand though and you won't until you have children.

Sikpupi

Don't forget to set aside €10,000 per child per year for their 3rd level education. With 2 kids each at college on 4 yr courses that's €80k. Best not to have kids too close together ... It's a killer finding €20k when they at college at same time...... Ouch

ceadaoin.

bnt wrote: »

The stakes are so much higher than they were half a century ago: kids who don't develop social skills, and benefit from a full university education, will be a dead weight on society. There are almost no jobs left for the unskilled and uneducated.

That's a bit of an extreme opinion. There are plenty of jobs for people who don't have a university education. Obviously it's desirable, but it's not the be all and end all of life. Also, you don't need to go to college to become skilled in a job. Apprenticeships are available. Not going to college doesn't make you a complete moron or something.

Why would a kid not develop social skills? Is that related to college education too?

groucho marx

Wow some bitter people in this thread

Call Me Jimmy

100% because you can't face ultimately being alone BUT that makes complete sense because we're human after all and sometimes it's easy to forget that we are not in control of the things that go on inside us.

Realistically and personally I don't think I want to take on that kind of responsibility, but then again what I gain in free time I may lose in feeling of wellbeing, the sense of clear and straightforward identity. I think, in my life so far without that I'm grand but can feel a void - it's not painful or even negative, just something that's missing. I'm sure it makes things much simpler (not practically but mentally, almost indescribably).

Not saying parents suddenly feel complete, or it happens for every single parent, but I imagine it gets something close to it.

highly1111

Cienciano wrote: »

Hold on here, just because yours were easy doesn't mean every child is. Some kids don't sleep through the night for a few years, you were just lucky!

Ah here, I know that!! Suppose my point is people are more inclined to tell you the bad rather than the good.

jandm

House of Blaze wrote: »

And that boys and girls, is the story of The Giant Divorce Rates.

....more than once I've met a newly separated person with an 18 month old - the child that was to fix things

rob316 wrote: »

I don't expect you to understand though and you won't until you have children.

Ouch. Remarks like that explain how certain friends of mine became acquaintances once they had children.

Akrasia

I have 2 girls aged 1 and 3 and a boy aged 5

Here was my day yesterday.

Sunday is my day for a lie in so my wife got up with the kids at 7.30am

At 9.15 I heard the door pushed open and a little 1 year old girl came in to show me something she picked up off the floor. (it was a piece of Duplo)

Her sister followed her in and asked me how was my sleep and asked if I had any nice dreams so I picked them both up and spent a lovely 20 minutes talking to them about their morning whilst getting jumped on

I got up a little after half 9 and my wife and I spent an hour (lazily) chasing them around the house to get them all dressed (where's your other shoe Ailbhe!)

My wife took the two girls to see her mother for an hour around 11am and I stayed at home with my 5 year old boy so we played Rayman Legends on the xbox for a while. (It's an awesome game and perfect for cooperative play with a young person) and then we went over to meet granny and the two girls at my Mother in Laws (she lives across the road from us)

The kids all played in granny's garden for a while while I de-virused the mother in laws laptop (I do not want to know what websites she goes on....) and then we all got in the car to take the short trip to my mothers house, where 'Other granny' had invited us for a barbeque. The kids played and we deprived the little one from sleep so that she would have her nap during the hurling match.
Perfect timing, she went to sleep at 25 past 3 and the kids watched a movie while we watched the hurling final.
Awesome game! (as a neutral).

Ailbhe fell asleep during the movie so I went in to wake her up. It's a special skill to wake up a sleeping 3 year old girl so that she isn't a demon afterwards, but this time I managed it, and we spent 20 minutes where she was giving me lots of hugs and whispering 'Daddy, you're the best' into my ear.

After the match, we woke up Caoimhe from her sleep and went to the woods for a walk with the kids to pick blackberries. The kids found some wierd looking mushrooms which they pretended were flashlights that glow in the dark. I got impailed in blackberry bushes (there will be scars) but was rewarded with about 15 juicy blackberries. Caoimhe made a face and spat hers out, Cillian had one or two, and Ailbhe shoved about 12 of them into her mouth in one go and wanted more.

We finished our walk in the woods and they played in the playground for about 25 minutes before it was time to go home.

Pyjamas time - The oldest can dress himself but won't (eventually he does), Ailbhe can't dress herself but will (she gets it right about the 3rd time usually) and Caoimhe just waddles around while we grab her and throw clothes on her as we find them. Kids were all dressed and ready for bed by half 7. Caoimhe wanted a bottle with warm milk, Ailbhe wanted a cup with warm milk, but then changed her mind and wanted a bottle, and then said the bottle was too cold, then it was too hot, then she wanted the milk in a cup again.. Cillian drank his warm milk in a cup. I put Caoimhe to bed in her cot. Her routine is that everyone gets a kiss, Mammy, her brother and sister, the dogs, the fish, the budgie.. then she goes down to the room and falls asleep by herself.

The two older kids sleep together in the same room, after mammy's 'big kiss' they pick out a book to read and I tell them a story before I turn out the light and they go to sleep.

By 10 past 8 the kids were in bed. My wife's brother came over for a visit with his friend so we just chilled out and listened to some music and chatted for a while before I went to bed.

It's hard work having kids, you sacrifice a lot of personal freedom to just get up and do whatever you like on a whim, but kids do make an ordinary day very rewarding. Not every day goes smoothly, kids can be cranky, obnoxious, loud. They don't always do what they're told, they throw your phone in the toilet and your keys in the bin and they give you frequent heart attacks whenever you hear a bang and that ominous 2 second gap before the crying starts... but the feelings of pride and joy and satisfaction you get from watching them grow and develop and learn is something you can only ever hope to experience if you've also put up with the sleepless nights and battles along the way.

ZeroImpurities

Akrasia - I will contradict one thing there.

They NEVER do what they're told.

fleet_admiral

Yes, absolutely. I have a crazy, funny and caring almost 3 year old that could put a smile on a german

osarusan

Best thing about them is that when there is one of the frequent 'whining about kids and parents' on boards, I can read them and think to myself that my kids do these (apparently shameful and outrageously disgraceful) things from time to time and I couldn't give a **** how much it annoys you.

ZeroImpurities

osarusan wrote: »

Best thing about them is that when there is one of the frequent 'whining about kids and parents' on boards, I can read them and think to myself that my kids do these (apparently shameful and outrageously disgraceful) things from time to time and I couldn't give a **** how much it annoys you.

Mine doesn't. My child is superior in every way. Heh.

eamonnq

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=92104937&postcount=2867

super_furry

It's the part when they'll turn into teenagers that would concern me. Teenagers are absolute pricks and I should know, I was one.

ZeroImpurities

super_furry wrote: »

It's the part when they'll turn into teenagers that would concern me. Teenagers are absolute pricks and I should know, I was one.

Agreed.
See the following on youtube:
My Chemical Romance - Teenagers

keano_afc

Oink wrote: »

I'm sure if you read the parenting forum you'll find pages of comments from happy parents. I'm half-dead from being up all night, but right now I have a cute litle monkey thing sleeping on my shoulder, making little monkey noises, and I wouldnt change a thing.

You might want to consider making a trip back to the hospital, sounds like there's been a mix up there.

Oink

keano_afc wrote: »

You might want to consider making a trip back to the hospital, sounds like there's been a mix up there.

Too late. I've already taught her to sling poop.

Also I hear that when they turn into teenagers you can't really tell the difference anyway (zing!)

osarusan

Turtyturd wrote: »

I won't lie though, I miss my free time like crazy, and the organising you have to do just to do the simplest things can be a pain in the hole

Absolutely yes. I'm not really envious at all when I see single friends taking off for holidays in the sun or whatever, because I wouldn't really do that anyway.

What gets me is when I see them in a cafe or something on the weekend. I'm dragging one kid around while trying to catch up to the other, hoping broccoli isn't sold out, and they're just sitting there, contentedly sipping a drink and reading a book, and inside i'm screaming 'You bastard!'

Turtyturd wrote: »

but just having them around far outweighs it.

Yes, oh yes.

I'm not a big fan of the "Unless you've ........................, you couldn't possibly understand", but I think this is one time it's valid.

Sweet Rose

Sikpupi wrote: »

Don't forget to set aside €10,000 per child per year for their 3rd level education. With 2 kids each at college on 4 yr courses that's €80k. Best not to have kids too close together ... It's a killer finding €20k when they at college at same time...... Ouch

Ara, kids can work too. I was out working when I was 13. Get them out working and teach them the value of money early.

When they get rich and successfully, you'll reap the rewards (hopefully). Good cash cows

drumswan

osarusan wrote: »

I'm not a big fan of the "Unless you've ........................, you couldn't possibly understand", but I think this is one time it's valid.

Works both ways. Ive plenty of friends who are parents and have never experienced being relatively wealthy and time-rich.

Akrasia

ZeroImpurities wrote: »

Akrasia - I will contradict one thing there.

They NEVER do what they're told.

I have a way of post hoc rationalisation so that afterwards, i convince myself that whatever they did anyway, was what they had been asked to do.

Aglomerado

I love kids, and they love me but I don't want my own. It's nice being able to hand them back after a few hours.

I just spotted this on the Oatmeal; it fits in nicely here:
:D:D

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/kids

ZeroImpurities

drumswan wrote: »

Works both ways. Ive plenty of friends who are parents and have never experienced being relatively wealthy and time-rich.

I'm a parent now, but I lived the high-life in me day!

I miss the champagne...

osarusan

drumswan wrote: »

Works both ways. Ive plenty of friends who are parents and have never experienced being relatively wealthy and time-rich.

I don't really understand what this has to do with what you quoted?

AndyBoBandy

Heatmachine1 wrote: »

Were at the expecting stage and all I hear are bloody negatives regarding children.
How hard a job it is,energy zapping and constant work.
Anyone got some positives;at this stage I am thinking one will be enough by the sounds if it.
Please share your positive or negative opinions or do you not plan on having children.

I'm at the same stage, and hearing all the negatives that come with it,

yet everyone I speak to still says they would not change it for the world..

ZeroImpurities

Akrasia wrote: »

I have a way of post hoc rationalisation so that afterwards, i convince myself that whatever they did anyway, was what they had been asked to do.

WHY do they refuse to JUST DO WHAT THEY'RE ASKED TO DO! They're going to do it in the end, (because I vill make zem), but for God's sake, just ONCE, do what you're ****ing told lol

ZeroImpurities

On that vein.......

My 'joy of my life' has absolutely NO respect for authority.

She can NOT understand, HOW I COULD POSSIBLY SELF-APPOINT MYSELF the boss of her!

She has asked me on numerous occassions, why I think I can tell her what to do.

I scratch my head, get mithered, question my sanity and then agree with her.

Then we negotiate.

She's an awful brat.