Bridesmaid snub?

fits

Ok I really tried to put myself in this position. Eg I have one very close friend, and if I asked her, and she didn't ask me back... yeah I guess I would be a tiny bit put out. But id get over it too. We both have lots of sisters.

Sala

pooch90 wrote: »

I've been thinking on it, and I shouldn't have said that she shouldn't have agreed to be my bridesmaid.
I'm delighted I asked and delighted she accepted. We had a great time during all the planning and the wedding itself. I think I was just enjoying the closeness that we used to have returning. Any way, I'm not the OP so I'm bowing out.

I totally get that. I fully respect that you are hurt and I'm not trying to criticise in any way, We all get hurt by different things, very often when the other person hasn't even copped it. but you should not feel your friendship is in any way changed. My super friend who is not a BM is going to come over to help me get ready in the morning, and in fact she has been so amazing to me even while planning her own wedding.

Bridesmaids are often political appointments!! There are possibly a huge amount if reasons you were not asked. That does not mean you are not as important as the others. That is a fact, because I am in that situation. Be there for your friend and don't read into anything - it probably doesn't even exist and all you are doing is making yourself feel bad. xx

amdublin

pooch90 wrote: »

I've been thinking on it, and I shouldn't have said that she shouldn't have agreed to be my bridesmaid.
I'm delighted I asked and delighted she accepted. We had a great time during all the planning and the wedding itself. I think I was just enjoying the closeness that we used to have returning. Any way, I'm not the OP so I'm bowing out.

I know you are bowing out, but I am glad you have wonderful memories of her as your bridesmaid.

seanmoylantd

I'd be hurt. I think that's awful .

L0ui5e

Maybe Im just a miserable git but if I was overlooked for b.m. duties Id be secretly delighted.
The cost of attending fittings, arranging and often subsidizing a hen party,extra buffing and pampering etc along with all the politics and silly etiquette that goes with it, would send me into foul humour.
I think OP is lucky she can take a back seat and choose her own outfit and have a relaxing day.

Spicy123

I've just had a pretty similar experience in that I have asked a good friend to be my maid of honour and another good friend I won't be asking. I think she will be hurt but she is a very unreliable person so that made up my mind. I will be meeting her soon and letting her know who I have asked and I will ask her if she's alright with that. I can't tell her I think she's unreliable so I'm not too sure where the conversation will go if she asks why. What would you like to hear from your bridesmaid to soften the blow?

Spicy123

Sorry, I mean to say what would you like to hear from your friend to soften the blow?

Yer Aul One

How unreliable is she? Are you worried she will turn up half an hour late wearing jeans?

How reliable does a BM have to be. Maybe I don't understand the role?

Spicy123

She's unreliable in my life in general, making plans and not turning up. I got engaged over a month ago and I haven't seen her because she keeps cancelling. Doesn't work etc so I doubt she'd be able to afford coming to the hens etc. The role of a Bridesmaid essentially is just being there!

Yer Aul One

She probably wont expect to be chosen for BM on account of her employment status

:pac::pac::pac:

Broken Strings

Spicy123 wrote: »

I've just had a pretty similar experience in that I have asked a good friend to be my maid of honour and another good friend I won't be asking. I think she will be hurt but she is a very unreliable person so that made up my mind. I will be meeting her soon and letting her know who I have asked and I will ask her if she's alright with that. I can't tell her I think she's unreliable so I'm not too sure where the conversation will go if she asks why. What would you like to hear from your bridesmaid to soften the blow?

I'd be careful of asking this question! Because if she isn't alright with that and she tells you she'd like you to change your mind and pick her then you are going to put yourself in a very difficult position which will make things worse!

I think these things are difficult for a few reasons. Say a girl is made a maid of honour for 3 different weddings in the past few years. When it comes to her own wedding she can't pick all three of those previous brides to be her maid of honour, so somewhere along the line 2 friends are going to be hurt because she couldn't pick them back.

Same thing goes with ordinary bridesmaids where the bride might have a few different circles of friends. A few good friends from college, a few good friends from work and maybe a few close family members. She might only be able to pick one of each. There's always people who'll be upset, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

ghogie91

I think your getting caught up about nothing..

You had your day, let her have hers

Magicmatilda

Ok So this happened to me or at least similar.

My oldest friend in the world got married, we had known each other pretty much from birth. Anyway she decided to only have 1 bridesmaid, not sure why, think it was money, anyway it was her decision. She invited me for a coffee and explained that her and the hubby had decided on one bridesmaid and that it was her other friend. Now I had been there for this girl through thick and thin and I had supported her through stuff that she had only told me. I was really hurt. But I said nothing. Like you everyone assumed I would be her bridesmaid, but when they asked I just said no X is doing brdesmaid. Some people were a bit perplexed and wondered if something had happened between us but I explained, no she just decided on one and it is X. I didn't really get into details.

I went dress shopping with her once and I found it hard to pretend all was well but that is what I did. She asked me to do a reading, which I did and she invited me to the house the morning of the wedding, even offering to have my hair and make up done (this confused me as I thought expense was the reason for only having one) anyway I said no as my partner would have to make his own way to the church which was not very accessible and it would be a lot of hassle but I thanked her. To be honest I felt I would have found it very hard to be in the house but be the one that was "not picked". Some people may call that petty but that is just how I felt.

I attended the wedding and I did my reading, I was very supportive in the run up to it and I asked loads of questions and listened to her plans. I never mentioned that i was hurt or annoyed because I figured she had her reasons. Anyway this is all a few years ago now and she has moved away. We are still in touch and still friends. If I am honest our relationship has changed a bit but I am definitely getting over it. Maybe I should have just said I was hurt as then I wouldn't have harboured any resentment but I genuinely didn't want to put a dampner on things for her and I knew it was my stuff really. I think over the course of our lives this will just fade away.

Just wanted to share my experience