Breast Feeding - Not all that it's cracked up to be

LegacyUser

When I was pregnant I said "if I can breast feed, great! If I can't, so be it". I'm now 8 weeks in, and it's not the "best thing ever".
From day 1 I've suffered. Cracked nipples, to mastitis, to abscess. Then Found out was tongue tied. Got it sorted but it didn't immediately sort the problem. He can latch perfectly during the day to one nipple. The other one is just to damaged.
At night, he is so aggressive that he has now damaged both sides.
I've seen the lactation consultant twice and started osteopathy with my little man. I've asked for support on facebook groups. Some have been amazing while one, yeah mention formula or giving up, you are the worse person in the world and they make you feel so guilty.
Has anyone else had a bad time breast feeding and given up? I'm just not happy I cry every night feeding my little man coz of the pain. You shouldn't be in pain!

Neyite

The most important thing that your baby needs is a happy mammy.

It's not giving up to feed formula- you tried all the usual routes at trouble shooting, consulted the experts and this is stress you and your baby dont need. Lots and lots of us switch to formula after finding breastfeeding too difficult. Some, with breastfeeding have a dream with one baby, and a nighmare with the next. You are far from alone.

Baby has had 8 weeks of breastmilk and got the colostrum. And millions of babies thrive on formula so switching is perfectly fine.

bp

You have to do what is best for both of you. Stress will only make it worse. If you decide to drop breast feeding then do it one feed at a time otherwise you get very very sore boobs.

Just relax and do what is best for both of you because a happy mammy does mean happy baby

sari

Really do whatever you feel is best for you and your baby. Who cares what anyone else thinks, although I can't believe that what others may or may not think could cause this much stress. So maybe you need to take a deeper look at the issue to try and find out why this is causing such a battle for you. If you feel you have tried your best and the next best thing for both of you is formula then there should be no stress about it. No body can make you feel guilty, guilt is an emotion you reflect on yourself usually due to deep down emotions and thoughts on a particular subject or issue

Jerrica

sari wrote: »

Really do whatever you feel is best for you and your baby. Who cares what anyone else thinks, although I can't believe that what others may or may not think could cause this much stress. So maybe you need to take a deeper look at the issue to try and find out why this is causing such a battle for you. If you feel you have tried your best and the next best thing for both of you is formula then there should be no stress about it. No body can make you feel guilty, guilt is an emotion you reflect on yourself usually due to deep down emotions and thoughts on a particular subject or issue

Jeez, a mum to a newborn going through this much of a hard time does *not* need to do any soul searching right now. Sleep deprivation, extremely painful boobs and mommy guilt are quite enough for her to handle, the self exploration can wait.

OP breastfeeding is bloody tough. Even when things go reasonably well its tough. Like Neyite said you've given your baby eight whole weeks of breastmilk, that's absolutely fantastic, and you can be very proud of your resilience and determination to do what you feel is best for your baby til now. And maybe what's best from here on in is a slight change of tactic, maybe what's best now is to have a more relaxed and pain free mum? Have you been expressing at all or would that be something you could look at? You could combine feed formula and breastmilk to ease yourself into it, or continue breastfeeding on the "good" side by day and formula feed at night.

You really have done a great job so far, allow yourself to do what's best for you *both* now and try and let go of the guilt. YOU know what's best for you and ignore everyone else.

pwurple

8 weeks in is better than I managed! Well done to you!

I have always been a bit jealous of those who get it to work, but take what you have done to date as a big success. Really and truely every breastfeed is an achievement when it is painful.

Guilt is a part of being a mother. It appears every day.

I'm currently feeling guilty about being back at work, while my 6 month old refuses her bottles at creche and crys as I go.

I'm guilty that I have two children and can't give either of them undivided attention most of the time. I was guilty beforehand that I hadn't gotten a sibling for the first one.

I'm guilty that my back is in bits from lifting them incorrectly.

I feel guilty when I don't give my little girl chocolate that I am not being 'fun' enough. I feel guilty when I do give her chocolate that I am wrecking her diet.

I'm guilty about staying in and having no contact with my friends. Then I'm guilty about going out with my friends and leaving the kids with a babysitter.

The guilt is here to stay alright.

monflat

I totally feel for you op.

When you read all the books while pregnant you have a totally different attitude than what it actually feels like.

Breastfeeding for me is a range of emotions

I'm.on my 3rd child now and it has been the most difficult thing I have done ever.
It's painful at times (despite its not meant to be)
Yesterday he was like a pure savage sucking so hard he left me sore like I had been scalded.
I have had mastitis blocked ducts cracked nipples and thrush. Too and I just think christ is it worth it.

You've put in 8 weeks of goodness unfortunately with pain on.your part thrown in too.

I on my first had terrible negative attitudes from family.
"oh give her a bottle "
She's crying cause she is hungry
Look she's moving her mouth she s hungry.

All this was soul destroying however I kept goin my mental health declined and I suffered PND
However if you are not enjoying it don't worry


The first 11 months of my first went by in a blur as I certainly was not fully enjoying it fully


If you feel you have given baby enough.
You have 8 weeks is a long time

Fair play to you. For doin this much with the pain you have been in..

mapaca

My heart goes out to you, it sounds like you have really gone through the mill in the past 8 weeks! You're right, it shouldn't be causing you this much pain.
Ok, practical advice first: Nipple shields worked for me on my second, might be worth a try. Multi mam compresses are great for healing up the skin. You could try expressing for a while - a breast pump is gentler than a hungry baby!
You have done really well to keep going through all of that and you have done everything you could. If you decide to keep going, or if you decide to go on to bottles, that's your choice and feck anyone who tries to make you feel bad about it!
The important thing is that you and your baby are both happy.

ariana`

I 2nd nipple shields & the multi-mam compress. I would never have lasted on my 1st without shields. Medela ones are best but hard to find, i tried every brand under the sun, the next best ones were Avent. The Medela ones come in different sizes to suit your nipple size and aren't "one size fits all". Boots should have them.

But please don't beat yourself up if you do decide to move to formula feeding. You've done fantastically well, and have endured so much already. The best thing right now for your baby is to sort yourself out so that feeds can be the lovely nurturing time that they should be (be it bottle or breast with a shield). It was always my favourite time of the day when you snuggle them in close and babs just stares up into your eyes (before they fall alseep!!).

Moonbeam

I have 4 are were breast fed for a few months but I found it torture.
I loved being able to go anywhere and just sit down and feed them but the stress and pain and time and tiredness was terrible.
2 of my babies were extra hungry and I never had enough milk for them,2 were and are perfect but permanently underweight and allergic to milk and 2nd has a lactose intolerance issue so was told to switch them to bottles.
I cried in the hospital when they topped #1 up with bottles.


The medela shields are awesome,you can get them in Boots or Amazon.

galah

nipple shields saved breastfeeding for me on my first, i was crying with pain and dreaded every feed. raw bleeding nipples etc. not nice. was much much better with the shields, although they bring a whole new level of faff when trying to feed in public. i also felt like a failure when we gave our son a top up bottle in hospital. stupid mammy guilt.

on number 2 breastfeeding is a dream (even though he still feeds every 3 to 4 hours day and night, at 8 months :mad:) and now i have the problem that i cant get him to take a bottle. cant win...

but as everyone else said, happy mammy = happy baby. do what feels right for you and your situation, and dont feel bullied by breastfeeding nazis (there, i said it :P)

LegacyUser

I tried the shields and he won't feed if I have them on. He just screams the place down.

Is it possible that a nipple can get bruised? I think thats the problem...I've decided to cut out night feeds as he is just to aggressive. During the day he is good, little bit sore, but that i can live with. well, its only sore towards the end.

Going to express for the next few days and get another round of osteopathy as well which did help.

Happy during the day, not at night.

LegacyUser

You have done amazingly well to done as much as you have! I know that I wouldn't have made it so far if I had to deal with all of that. Well done to you! X

LegacyUser

You have done amazingly well to done as much as you have! I know that I wouldn't have made it so far if I had to deal with all of that. Well done to you! X

cyning

Giving up wrote: »

I tried the shields and he won't feed if I have them on. He just screams the place down.

Is it possible that a nipple can get bruised? I think thats the problem...I've decided to cut out night feeds as he is just to aggressive. During the day he is good, little bit sore, but that i can live with. well, its only sore towards the end.

Going to express for the next few days and get another round of osteopathy as well which did help.

Happy during the day, not at night.

A nipple can definitely get bruised: especially the areola and it's very very painful. Pumping can cause the bruise or make it worse so make sure that you start off on the lowest level if the pump: I bruised mine twice once with a pump once from not watching babs' latch at night and she latched under my nipple.

Nuk do breast shaped ice packs I find them very handy and helpful.

Tongue tie release really helped here, but it takes time for your nipples to heal. Multi mam compresses really do help, and putting breastmilk on them too.

I'm going to echo what everyone else has said: happy mum, happy baby. If you want to keep breastfeeding, there is normally a solution. Similarly if you want to combo feed do: baby will be perfectly fine and healthy no matter what. Maybe do one night feed for tonight and tomorrow just so you don't cut all night feeds together and risk blocked ducts or mastitis: you could pump this feed if you liked? You've been through the mill and honestly I'm not sure I could have kept going through all that. You are doing amazing.

LegacyUser

My goal was the breast feed for three months. I'm not to pushed at whipping out the boob in public, but in saying that, when at home its easier to just slap him on the boob instead of waiting the bottle.
I thought the tongue tie release would fix everything straight away. Before we got it done he couldn't latch properly to both. Now he just can't latch to one, well he half can, which what caused the damage.
The only other problem he has is, he can't make a proper seal around any bottle. So even if its anti-colic, he takes in an awful amount of air.

I feel so sad, coz its not his fault.

cyning

Giving Up wrote: »

My goal was the breast feed for three months. I'm not to pushed at whipping out the boob in public, but in saying that, when at home its easier to just slap him on the boob instead of waiting the bottle.
I thought the tongue tie release would fix everything straight away. Before we got it done he couldn't latch properly to both. Now he just can't latch to one, well he half can, which what caused the damage.
The only other problem he has is, he can't make a proper seal around any bottle. So even if its anti-colic, he takes in an awful amount of air.

I feel so sad, coz its not his fault.

It's not his fault but it's not yours either. Don't forget that. Is there a possibility the tongue tie has reattached?

You've done brilliantly. No 2 babies are alike. I fed my first no problems for 6 months, but had to give up on the second after 6 weeks. I felt guilty as hell until I saw my baby wolf down a bottle of formula and sleep for 3 hours afterwards! He was content, so was I. Be kind to yourself. You do what is best for your baby ANY yourself.

sari

So is it not painful to feed during the day? You said nights were a problem but days grand. Maybe it's an issue with the position at night time. Have you seen a lactation consultant or gone to bf support group since having tt sniped? Might help to get some advice on latching after it. My friends baby also had tt and like you she said that it was even worse after but they both just needed to extra help to get latch ok and her nipples healed.
If you want to continue to feed then id say go to bf group of lactation for some help. And if you want to stop do it slowly and don't feel bad about it. You've done great to give your baby bm for 8 weeks feel proud instead of guilty

indigo twist

Like you, when I was pregnant, I said I'd give breastfeeding a go, but I knew it didn't work out for lots of women, so I thought I would be OK with it if it didn't work out for me. (Although secretly I fully expected I'd be breastfeeding for at least 3-4 months.)

He didn't/couldn't latch when they put him on my chest just after he was born. Things did get better, and we didn't have any real physical problems, but I quickly realised that, for various reasons, breastfeeding just wasn't for me. I gave up after only a few weeks.

And at the time I felt far guiltier about my decision than I would have expected - despite everything I'd said when I was pregnant, about how I'd be OK with it if it didn't work out for us.

In hindsight, though, I certainly made the right decision.

Like you, I was never comfortable with breastfeeding in public. I'm a big supporter of the rights of women to be made feel comfortable to do so, and I kind of thought that I'd just get used to it when the time came, but, no. I hated it, the once or twice that I did it. If I'd kept it up, we'd never have left the house!

Also, I hated the utter dependence ... I didn't want to leave my baby alone for any length of time, but it scared me that I couldn't.

I couldn't get over the worry that he wasn't getting enough from me. I guess I have a mathematical mind, it would comfort me when he was drinking either expressed milk or formula from a bottle ... at least I knew he was getting so many ounces into him. After a breastfeed, I'd no idea. Also, I felt that I really wasn't eating healthily enough myself in the weeks after the birth - I worried that my diet didn't include enough of everything he needed, whereas with formula, it mightn't have some of the great benefits of breastmilk, but at least you know for sure that they're getting "enough".

So, I switched to formula. He was regularly sleeping through the night at a very young age, and hit all his milestones on time or earlier. He is a big happy healthy eight-month-old now. I truly don't feel he's at any loss for having missed out on breastfeeding, and it was definitely better for my own mental health (and that in turn could only have been a good thing for him.)

The big disadvantage of formula is the price - it is CRAZY expensive. People say that the other disadvantage is the sterilisation and preparation of bottles, but to be honest it's not that big a deal, and I'll happily take that in lieu of the leaky boobs and the discomfort I felt when breastfeeding in public and the worry of it all.

I have no regrets about switching. If I had another baby, I'd probably be aiming to breastfeeding for maybe a week at most. Of course, if things turned out differently and I end up happily breastfeeding for months - brilliant! But I'll have very different expectations next time around.

By the way, I'm not encouraging you to switch to formula, or to combined feeding. It's a very personal decision for any mother to make. However I know plenty of women who had planned on breastfeeding but switched to formula early on when they realised that breastfeeding wasn't working out for them. I don't know of anyone who feels that their baby suffered because of them making the change.

Cunning Stunt

OP I breastfed for just 3 weeks because I also found it incredibly difficult. Switching to formula was the best thing we did. It was a weight instantly lifted and my baby continued to thrive regardless. He's a happy and healthy 9 month old now and bigger by far than other babies his age. Don't let yourself be guilted or scare-mongered into continuing with breastfeeding, especially if it is stressing you out - your baby needs a happy and healthy mammy too.

newtoboards

I pumped for a good while after stopping letting my hungry monster latch on and do some crazy damage. It was tough going breastfeeding and it took months for my nipples to heal properly. Exclusive pumping was also tough but easier than direct breastfeeding for me. I had the same issue with the night time feeds and my little boy just not being able to get enough. I also supplemented with formula which was upped when growth spurts hit and I backed away from breast milk. A happy Mammy is way more important than anything else so put your health first and do what is right for you and your baby.

Merkin

I'm going to come at this from the other side.

I decided not to breast feed or express and while I think it's a great decision for women who decide it's best for them and their baby then that's great, well done.

I'm a Mummy to an eight week old bouncing, Aptamil fed baby boy and motherhood for me is massively enriching, enjoyable and relatively easy because both baby and I are so relaxed and happy, I'm genuinely relishing every moment with my happy and twinkly eyed little boy. To me babyhood and this precious time with my newborn was eagerly anticipated and I knew that expressing milk or having (as expected!) a baby with a voracious appetite would mean non stop boob pulling and utter dependency and this would not make for a happy Mummy which in turn, would make for fraught times.

I'm not saying motherhood is a walk in the park, of course it's not, but feeding my baby formula, for us, was the best decision. There have been no tears or freak outs or stress, baby is developing as he should and while it's great that a woman can pat herself on the back afterwards and say she did the 'best' for her baby, I often think the bigger picture of the woman's mental health and really maximising the enjoyment one gets from their new baby should be factored in that also.

I'm not for a moment advising you OP but I will say that people need to look at the bigger picture sometimes and what's best for all concerned, that includes Mummy, Daddy and baby. If breast feeding works and makes everyone happy then that really is wonderful. Likewise, if formula does so also then to my mind that's equally as good.

cyning

Merkin wrote: »

I'm going to come at this from the other side.

I decided not to breast feed or express and while I think it's a great decision for women who decide it's best for them and their baby then that's great, well done.

I'm a Mummy to an eight week old bouncing, Aptamil fed baby boy and motherhood for me is massively enriching, enjoyable and relatively easy because both baby and I are so relaxed and happy, I'm genuinely relishing every moment with my happy and twinkly eyed little boy. To me babyhood and this precious time with my newborn was eagerly anticipated and I knew that expressing milk or having (as expected!) a baby with a voracious appetite would mean non stop boob pulling and utter dependency and this would not make for a happy Mummy which in turn, would make for fraught times.

I'm not saying motherhood is a walk in the park, of course it's not, but feeding my baby formula, for us, was the best decision. There have been no tears or freak outs or stress, baby is developing as he should and while it's great that a woman can pat herself on the back afterwards and say she did the 'best' for her baby, I often think the bigger picture of the woman's mental health and really maximising the enjoyment one gets from their new baby should be factored in that also.

I'm not for a moment advising you OP but I will say that people need to look at the bigger picture sometimes and what's best for all concerned, that includes Mummy, Daddy and baby. If breast feeding works and makes everyone happy then that really is wonderful. Likewise, if formula does so also then to my mind that's equally as good.

I'm sure you didn't mean to, but honestly I find parts of that pretty patronising. I don't breastfeed so I can give myself pats on the back for doing the "best" for my baby. Nor do I need to be told well done. Nobody I know does. Absolutely everybody that has come on has supported the op. Everybody has said happy mum, happy baby. Everybody has said switching is no problem that baby will be more than fine etc.

Again I'm sure you probably didn't intend that but quite frankly that's what came across.

newtoboards

Merkin wrote: »

I'm going to come at this from the other side.

I decided not to breast feed or express and while I think it's a great decision for women who decide it's best for them and their baby then that's great, well done.

I'm a Mummy to an eight week old bouncing, Aptamil fed baby boy and motherhood for me is massively enriching, enjoyable and relatively easy because both baby and I are so relaxed and happy, I'm genuinely relishing every moment with my happy and twinkly eyed little boy. To me babyhood and this precious time with my newborn was eagerly anticipated and I knew that expressing milk or having (as expected!) a baby with a voracious appetite would mean non stop boob pulling and utter dependency and this would not make for a happy Mummy which in turn, would make for fraught times.

I'm not saying motherhood is a walk in the park, of course it's not, but feeding my baby formula, for us, was the best decision. There have been no tears or freak outs or stress, baby is developing as he should and while it's great that a woman can pat herself on the back afterwards and say she did the 'best' for her baby, I often think the bigger picture of the woman's mental health and really maximising the enjoyment one gets from their new baby should be factored in that also.

I'm not for a moment advising you OP but I will say that people need to look at the bigger picture sometimes and what's best for all concerned, that includes Mummy, Daddy and baby. If breast feeding works and makes everyone happy then that really is wonderful. Likewise, if formula does so also then to my mind that's equally as good.

Although I agree with the sentiment of the message in that happy parents will help have happy baby I think that it may be lost in the way it has been delivered by you. I do not pat myself on the back for breastfeeding and I doubt any others do too; this was not done for me but my son and I knew what I was getting into because I researched in advance. I wish that a true reflection of how exhausting and sometimes painful Breastfeeding is would be given to first time mums.

lynski

Sorry but just no. 'Best' like it is a question? Or not true? Breastfeeding is not 'best' it is the normal way to feed an infant human. Formula is an alternative, inferior way. This is not about guilt or patting on the back, it is simply the truth.
OP your breastfeeding journey may or may not be over, only you know. There are two things I have said to friends and family who have experienced tough times bf: breastfeeding problems have breastfeeding solutions and never quit in a bad day.
Nipple shields are an excellent idea in the short term, laid back nursing helps many moms, and does not mean laying down, use some of your own milk on your nipples after nursing to heal and have your child reassessed for tongue tie, there might be a secondary one or sometimes they can reattach.
I would be happy to help with research or questions on pm.

indigo twist

Lynski I completely disagree with the above.

Was breastfeeding the most normal and "best" way to feed YOUR baby? You obviously believe so, and good for you.

For MY baby, my attempt at breastfeeding landed him in NICU with low blood sugar. The only way I could get breastmilk into him was pumping, which was a really horrible experience psychologically for me - I felt like a cow hooked up to a machine. I hated every sleepless exhausting memory of it - I don't have a single positive memory of the time I spent breastfeeding, mostly I remember him bawling and me bawling.

Since I switched to formula, he's been a much happier more satisfied baby. He's slept through the night since a very young age. Everywhere I go, I get comments on what an exceptionally happy healthy baby he is.

I refuse to believe he'd be as happy and healthy if he'd spent nine months with a mother as exhausted and unhappy as I was those first few weeks. I hated breastfeeding. I support the right of any woman to do it any time or anywhere - but it's NOT what's best for every baby, and its certainly NOT what's best for every mother.

If breastfeeding works for you, and you enjoy it - brilliant. It didn't work for us, and I wasn't going to go making a martyr of myself for the sake of it, when there's a perfectly adequate alternative available.

lynski

I am not expressing a personal opinion but a fact. Our infants are designed to be breastfeeding and it should be the normal, the expected way.
Your experience is exceptional and this does not apply to you therefore.

gerbilgranny

All I can say is that 24 years ago, I had a baby and due to mastitis, had to stop breastfeeding after a couple of weeks (or should I say I chose to stop...).

13 months later I had another baby, and I'm afraid I didn't consider breastfeeding that baby at all.

The second baby had a closer bond with me than the first. Surprising, maybe.

lynski

lynski wrote: »

I am not expressing a personal opinion but a fact. Our infants are designed to be breastfeeding and it should be the normal, the expected way.
Your experience is exceptional and this does not apply to you therefore.

As I've said in an earlier post, I had very different experiences with both my babies. The first one took to it and it was never a problem for either of us. The second one was a totally different story. It just wasn't working for either of us, so I changed to formula and had no regrets, just a happy, healthy baby. The ONLY person who can decide whether to breastfeed or not is the mother. Putting unneccessary stress on them for doing what is right for THEIR baby is not fair. None of us has the right to tell another how to live their lives.

indigo twist

My experience isn't exceptional.

Even if breastfeeding worked fine for the first few days on my next child, I'd very likely still decide to switch to formula after the first week.

Some of the best mothers I know decided to use formula from the very first feed. It is a perfectly adequate alternative to breastfeeding, and no one should be made feel that by using formula rather than breastmilk that their child is receiving "inferior" food. I think it was a very poor choice of language on your part. Whether a mother chooses to use formula, or whether she ends up using formula through no choice of her own, the baby's nutritional needs are being met perfectly well. We're very lucky that the alternative of using formula is available to us.